What is life? Why are we being born in this world? What is the purpose of our lives? To be happy? To suffer? To lie? To live to the expectations of other people? Or are we being born just in the sole purpose of existing? Why is this world like this? Who made it so cold and cruel? I hate it. I hate everything in this world. I hate the people on this planet…

-Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon… Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been five years since my last confession.

- It is a very long time, my child.

-It is indeed… It is just a small bit of my sins…

-What is, my child?

-My selfishness… Forgive me father for I have been selfish. Ever since I was young I have been fighting for my dream, using the talent that God gave me. I worked hard to become who I am now but somewhere along the way I lost myself. I had a certain image when we debuted and no matter of the passed time, people would still look at me as a child. I want them to look at me and see a man but… But they make a fool of me… Making me dress like a girl and say I am cute and pretty, laughing at me for looking like a girl, classmates making fun of me…Everyone are making fun of me and I do everything I can for them to see me as a man and not as a cute boy or a pretty girl… I have forgotten who I really am as I want people to see me the way I want them to and… I have lost myself… I know who I want to be and who my fans want me to be but right now at this moment I do not know who I really am… I feel lost…

-Sometimes fame and money are able to blur our vision of the right path. To be young and to think about one’s future is human. After all, we are humans. We live our lives seeking our true path. Sometimes it takes just one step to take us to a different path leading toward the darkness.

-I know, father… There is another sin that I want to confess…

-You seem hesitant.

-It is not something to be talking lightly of…I … I despise my fans…

-What could make a person despise the people that love him?

-Their love… Or some sort of bigoted feeling they have toward me. Their love is sometimes cute and gentle, presents such as beautiful paintings and touching letters, the little things they do are just amazing…but… Most of them… I am scared of them… They scream as if they are going to die if they don’t see us or touch us, they take photos of us, crowd around us at the airport to send us off but it is so stressful and path to the plane is so thin because of the girl that have crowded and stretched their hands. It is indeed scary. Fans would slip through the guards come and try to hold our hands and even one girl tried to kiss one of my band mates… My best friend fell because he was pushed by fans… And even some of his band mates were injured too, because of fans at the airport… They follow us everywhere and take pictures of us whenever and wherever we go. We have no privacy and mask ourselves when leaving, hoping that no one would recognize us… They try to break into our houses and take pictures of the rooms, the clothes we wear and the beds we sleep in… A fan of an idol group of the same label broke into their apartment while they were sleeping and took photos of herself and the member she liked while he was sleeping… They are causing numerous car accidents and this is scary… I do not know if I should love them or hate them… They have the right to love us but we don’t… We are forbidden to have girlfriends… I am forbidden to have a girlfriend… I am forbidden to love… Because of them… Because they can’t stand to see me with a girl… They can’t stand to see me truly happy…After every incident I feel like hating them more…

-This is not a matter to be taken lightly. Even though their behavior is wrong, you should not allow such dark feeling as hate to blind you and make you cold toward the world. You should know that they are doing this out love for you.

-Love? Is it love to stain my name? They took me everything! My life! My identity! Even my name! I had nothing left but my name and now they took it and stained it. I shall not be given another one. This is my one and only name, yet it is as filthy no one can imagine. They use my name and along with it my face to write their disgusting fan stories about me and a band member. Pairing me with a guy and writing their disgusting fantasies using my name and posting it for other people to read and fantasize…They took everything from me! I have no private life! No right to love a girl! No personality! No name! They snatched everything away from me and stepping it on, dirtying it even more… I hate them… I hate them for doing these things… I hate them for telling me how to tress and what hairstyles to wear! I hate them for expecting of me to act in a specific way and whine and cry when I act differently! I hate them for trying to take over my life and making me act like someone else! I hate myself for allowing them to toy with me! I hate myself for being so weak and obeying them! I hate MYSELF!

-Hate and despair are one of the most fearful enemies of a person’s soul. Forgiveness and love are the strongest weapons a person has to defeat the powers of evil. First you have to forgive yourself and then forgive the ones that have wronged toward you.

-I understand father.

- The Almighty and merciful Lord grant you absolution and remission of all your sins, true repentance, amendment of life, and the grace and consolation of the Holy Spirit. Amen. You are forgiven. Psalm 51:17: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Say this part of the Bible three times a day and let God be with you.

-Thank you, father.

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,
 O God, you will not despise.”