His nephew was thrilled, it felt like Christmas. His eyes twinkled with excitement as a wide grin appeared on his chubby face, his perfect baby teeth was shown. “I got star for finishing my veggies, uncle.” He said in glee as he hopped on a little puddle in front of him, tiny splash of water went to his blue boots and Hyukjae’s denim.

“That’s really great, Joonmyun.” Hyukjae said as he showed his best smile which only lifted the four years old boy’s pride. “Be careful, Joonmyun. It’s a bit slippery. We don’t want you to fall and cry again, do we?” He said, remembering the last time his little nephew cried in pain after he fell due to his clumsiness.

“I didn’t cry, uncle! Big boy doesn’t cry!” The little boy exclaimed, making his older brother laughed at his red ears and his puffed cheeks.

“Big boy doesn’t jump on a puddle either.” Hyukjae said and the little boy instantly walked closer to his uncle and let him take his tiny hand.

“Uncle, can we have some ice cream?” Joonmyun asked as he looked up to meet his uncle’s gaze and a light squeal escaped his tiny lips as he saw the older man nodded at him. “I want strawberry ice cream.” Joonmyun said in excitement as Hyukjae guided him to an ice cream stall by their front, purchasing two cones of strawberry ice cream for him and Joonmyun which made the little boy grin in joy.

Joonmyun’s lips and cheeks were smudged by his ice cream while drips of the melted ice cream wetted his little palm but the boy didn’t care as he kept on eating his favorite dessert while Hyukjae on the other hand could do nothing but clean his nephew’s face with some wet tissues.

“Don’t let the ice cream stain your shirt, okay?” Hyukjae said and Joonmyun nodded but it didn’t take a long time for him to have his lips and cheeks covered with ice cream again. Hyukjae chose to wait until Joonmyun finished his ice cream before he cleaned the little boy’s face.

Joonmyun didn’t finish his ice cream though. It fell from his palm when he saw a familiar figure walking by the intersection in front of them. “Uncle Kyu!” He exclaimed in glee as he ran to the tall figure, not minding both of his melting ice cream on the ground or Hyukjae’s call. His gaze was fixed at the tall figure in front of him and as he called once again, the tall man turned to face him with the same shocked face as Hyukjae’s one.

“Joo-“ Hyukjae froze when he saw Joonmyun launched his tiny body to the tall man’s arms and heard his high pitched squeal. Kyuhyun… And somehow he found it hard to breath.

***

“Mommy, we’re home!” Joonmyun was ecstatic as he stepped inside their house and ran straight to the kitchen to see his beloved mother while Hyukjae took his time to put Joonmyun’s shoes on the shoe rack before followed his nephew’s steps to the kitchen.

Joonmyun was grinning as his mother lifted him from the ground when Hyukjae joined them in the kitchen and greeted his older sister. “Mommy! Mommy! We met Uncle Kyuhyun today!” Joonmyun exclaimed in glee as he talked to his mother while Hyukjae felt his body tensed as he heard his nephew’s words, a deep sigh escaped his lips when he realized that his sister was staring at him in worry.

“Hyukjae…”

“I’m okay, noona.” Hyukjae said, faking his smile before he gulped on the cold water that he took from the fridge. “Joonmyun was so happy to see him.” He added and innocent Joonmyun nodded in return, blabbering about their unexpected meeting with his uncle Kyuhyun.

“I’ll be upstairs.” He whispered as he left the kitchen with a clenched fist. His sister was watching at his retreating back but he paid no heed when the older Lee called his name. Making his way to the second storey of their house, he locked himself on his room. That night he missed dinner.

“Nervous?” Hyukjae asked as smile formed on his face when he saw Kyuhyun’s tensed form on the driver seat while the taller man said nothing as he fixed his gaze on the road.

“Why should I be?” After a while, Kyuhyun asked back in defense but Hyukjae knew better. His hand went to Kyuhyun’s thigh and patted it lightly, only to feel a strong and warm hand found its way to Hyukjae’s own. Hyukjae said nothing as Kyuhyun intertwined their fingers.

“Don’t be.” Hyukjae said and he saw Kyuhyun’s body relaxed a bit. It was his idea to bring Kyuhyun’s home for Christmas dinner. They had been dating for half a year and living together for two months but Kyuhyun had never met Hyukjae’s family before. Hyukjae told him that his family knew about Kyuhyun but the nervous wreck never left him. “They are excited to meet you, Kyu.”

“How do you know? I’ve never talked to them before.” He said and Hyukjae could tell that Kyuhyun was taking this seriously. Hyukjae knew Kyuhyun didn’t want to leave a bad impression in his family’s eyes.

  “You talked to my sister once. You picked up her call when I left my phone at home.” Hyukjae said while Kyuhyun only chuckle in return.

“That was only once, Hyukjae.”

“And my sister said you have such a y voice.” Hyukjae added, making Kyuhyun laughed a bit. “You don’t need to impress my family, Kyu. I know they’ll love you.” He said. “As much as I do.” He continued and a smile appeared on Kyuhyun’s face.

Bringing their hands near his lips, Kyuhyun planted a soft kiss on the back of Hyukjae’s palm and muttered a small thank you to his lover. “And I love you too.” He said as he stole a glance on his lover, making the smaller man blushed a bit in return.

Hyukjae was right. Everyone was ecstatic to meet Kyuhyun, even his father who was at first against the idea of Hyukjae being in a relationship. But no one was more ecstatic than Joonmyun. The two and half years old boy was charmed by Kyuhyun. His eyes sparkled the moment he saw Kyuhyun’s tall figure and he squealed in delight when Kyuhyun lifted him from the ground. He was falling for Kyuhyun. Joonmyun never cried louder than when his mother tried to take him away from Kyuhyun’s arms.

“Hyukjae…” A soft knock could be heard from outside his room but Hyukjae chose to ignore it, knowing it was his sister who wanted to talk to him. “Open the door, please…” She said after a while but Hyukjae buried himself even deeper under the blanket and turned his back to face the door.

“Hyukjae, I won’t go anywhere unless you open the door.” She said in determination while Hyukjae sighed at her words. It was already half an hour but she didn’t stop knocking on Hyukjae’s door.

“What do you want?” Hyukjae asked with venom in his question once he opened the door but the older Lee didn’t mind him at all. Stepping inside his brother’s room, she shivered due to the coldness of the room and turn off the air conditioner. “Noona…” Hyukjae called when she settled herself on her brother’s bed and watched Hyukjae closed the door.

“You know missing dinner is not a good thing, Hyukjae.” She said. “Joonmyun was asking about you. I have to lie to him saying that you’re asleep.” She continued while Hyukjae said nothing as he sat on the couch that he put facing the bed. “Are you upset, Hyukjae?” She asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Believe me, you need to talk about this. It has been months since you last seen Kyuhyun and we both know you still love him.” She said.

“I don’t.” Hyukjae said shortly while his sister chuckled at his answered.

“Who are you trying to fool, Hyukjae?” She asked and Hyukjae clenched his teeth.

“Why do we even talk about this?!” He hissed as he combed his hair in frustration. “Can we just let this past, noona?”

“No.” She said. “Hyukjae, I know you’re hurting. That’s why I’m here.” She said and Hyukjae found it hard to breathe again. “Talk to me, Hyukjae…” Gripping on the shirt that covered his chest, a warm tear escaped Hyukjae’s eyes.

“You have no idea….” His voice cracked as he tried to talk and tears keep falling from his eyes. Yes, he was still hurting. It felt sickening. He wanted to die. “You have no idea how hurt it feels.” He whispered.

“Can’t you just think for once?!” Kyuhyun growled as he glared at him. His eyes were blared with anger but Hyukjae didn’t care. “I’m sick of this!” He spat while Hyukjae clenched his fist in return.

“Sick of this?! What actually, Kyuhyun?!” He shouted in anger but Kyuhyun didn’t flinch even a bit. “You’re sick with me worrying about you?! I’m your fiancé for God’s sake!”

“Then act like one!” Kyuhyun said coldly.

“What ‘act’ do you need, Kyuhyun?! Letting you go every nights flirting, ing random girls?! Is that what you want me to do?!” He asked in sarcasm.

“Oh, so now I am the trashy fiancé. Wow, that’s very nice of you to put up with me, Hyukjae.” He spat back while Hyukjae felt his heart was hurting at every beat. Tears started to fall from his eyes but Kyuhyun did nothing with it. He didn’t comfort him nor pull him into his hug. He did nothing but watch him cry.

“Y-you… I trusted you.” He whispered between his tears but he didn’t see changes in Kyuhyun’s feature. It was still stiff and tensed.

“Stop this bull, Hyukjae.” Kyuhyun said. “I’m tired of this.” He continued before he left their apartment. Kyuhyun didn’t come back the next morning, nor the next one. He never came home even when Hyukjae moved out from their apartment.

“You do realize that you two still need to talk.” His sister said as she patted his brother’s back to give him comfort while the young man said nothing as he buried his face on his palms, his elbow as his support.

“What’s there to talk, noona?” Hyukjae asked in whispered, trying to fight back those tears that kept falling. “It’s over and I need to get over him. We’re just history.”

“You love him, Hyukjae.” His sister said and Hyukjae wanted it so bad to deny it, but both knew it was the truth.

“That doesn’t change the fact that he leaves me after being unfaithful to me. I just don’t want to remember it again.” He said. He remembered those nights of endless mourn as he realized that Kyuhyun had left him. Kyuhyun had ended their two years relationship. The relationship that he thought would last long until their hair turns grey. Turned out that Hyukjae was wrong all the time.

“You need closure, Hyukjae…” She said. I desperately need one, Hyukjae thought.

***

Joonmyun was crying when Hyukjae tried to take him home. He lingered his tiny hands around Kyuhyun’s neck and buried his face on Kyuhyun’s chest as the tall male carried him effortlessly. “I don’t want to go home.” He whispered as if telling Kyuhyun not to let him go and Kyuhyun did so.

Hyukjae didn’t know what to do, he was still digesting what was happening to him. Kyuhyun, the man that used to be his fiancé, was showing up unexpectedly and now he was stuck with him. Kyuhyun barely said anything when Joonmyun ran to him. Hyukjae could tell that Kyuhyun didn’t see this coming.

Joonmyun talked and played with Kyuhyun for an hour. He was so happy to see his uncle Kyu and Kyuhyun seemed to be pleased to see him either. Even after months of their ugly separation, Hyukjae knew Kyuhyun loves Joonmyun dearly.

Joonmyun broke into tears when Hyukjae called him to go home and ran to Kyuhyun’s arms. He didn’t want to leave his uncle yet. He still wanted to play with him. It has been months since he last seen Kyuhyun and he missed him so bad.

“I still want to play with uncle Kyu…” Joonmyun pleaded and Hyukjae felt his heart melted as he saw Joonmyun’s tears fell.

“Joonmyun, don’t cry, baby.” Hyukjae tried to calm him but he was hesitant to take a step closer to Kyuhyun and the taller male could see that. Silently he put Joonmyun in Hyukjae’s arms and let Hyukjae enveloped the tiny boy in his hug and rocked his body.

“Joonmyun, listen to your uncle, okay?” Kyuhyun said softly and Hyukjae felt his heart exploded inside. “I’ll see you again, okay? I promise.” And Joonmyun stopped crying.

“Really?” He asked, his eyes were full with hope and a small smile appeared on his face when Kyuhyun nodded at him.

“I’ll come and see you on the weekend. How’s that sound?” Kyuhyun asked and Joonmyun couldn’t be any happier when he nodded back at him.

“T-that won’t be necessary.” Hyukjae said as he turned his attention to Kyuhyun. He wanted to deny the fact that he saw disappointment in Kyuhyun’s eyes. He just didn’t want to have anything related to Kyuhyun.

“I’ll come.” Kyuhyun said. “I miss Joonmyun.” He continued.

“You really don’t need to.” Hyukjae said.

“I insisted.” Kyuhyun said back while Hyukjae felt a knot on his throat. “Your sister still lives around here?”

“We live around here, Kyuhyun.” Hyukjae said.

“I see.” Kyuhyun hummed. “I’ll meet you there, if you don’t mind.” He continued and Hyukjae only nodded in return.

***

Joonmyun was jumping from the couch when he heard a sound of car’s engine in front of their house and rushed his way to the front door before he opened the said door. He grinned as he saw a familiar figure came out from the car in front of their yard and ran to the said male while Hyukjae could heard Suho’s high pitched squeal blended with Kyuhyun’s baritone voice.

“Hey…” Hyukjae froze when he saw Kyuhyun entered their house and greeted him shortly. His soft yet deep voice, he didn’t know he would miss it that much.

“Hi…” Hyukjae greeted back before he left the room. He just couldn’t face Kyuhyun right now. Hyukjae heard Joonmyun and Kyuhyun playing on the living room while he hid himself in the kitchen. Brewing a coffee for Kyuhyun, he put one table spoon of sugar and cream inside the cup. He still remembered Kyuhyun’s favorite coffee.

Kyuhyun was sitting on the floor with Joonmyun on his lap as they played with Joonmyun’s lego when Hyukjae joined them and placed Kyuhyun’s coffee on the coffee table.

“It’s hot.” Hyukjae said. “Blow it first before you sip it.” He continued as Kyuhyun turned to look at him.

“Thank you.” Kyuhyun said shortly as Hyukjae settled himself on the couch a bit far from Kyuhyun and Joonmyun and turned the TV on to watch a movie. The movie was about war and it didn’t look as fun as Kyuhyun and Joonmyun’s lego building. It didn’t take a lot of time for Hyukjae to drifted away to sleep.

“What is that?” He faintly heard Joonmyun’s voice but he was too sleepy to open his eyes.

“It’s uncle’s coffee, Joonmyun.” Kyuhyun answered.

”It’s black… It doesn’t look good.” Joonmyun commented innocently, making Kyuhyun laughed.

“This is uncle’s favorite drink. Uncle Hyuk makes the best coffee ever.” He heard.

By the time he opened his eyes, Kyuhyun and Joonmyun were no longer in sight but he stopped when he saw a thick jacket covered his body. It was Kyuhyun’s. It smelled like Kyuhyun’s, he still remembered.

Hyukjae heard faint noises from the dining room and stepped quickly to the said room, only to see Kyuhyun was eating with Joonmyun on the dining table. Both were having a bowl of black bean noodle and Hyukjae could tell that Kyuhyun ordered it for them.

“Uncle Hyuk!” Joonmyun exclaimed as he munched his noodles while Hyukjea could only chuckle as he saw his smudged face. Hyukjae kissed the boy’s crown as he cleaned his mouth and cheeks before he settled himself on the empty seat.

“We ordered some noodles for you too.” Kyuhyun said as he gestured at the untouched bowl across him. “Eat something, Hyukjae.” He continued and Hyukjae only hummed in return.

“You don’t have to order this. You know I can cook for lunch.” Hyukjae said as he munched on his noodles without looking at Kyuhyun who was sitting across him.

“You were sleeping and you looked tired, Hyukjae. I don’t have the heart to wake you up.” Kyuhyun said and Hyukjae felt like choking on his own food, implicitly. You don’t have a heart at all, Hyukjae thought.

“You like your noodles, Joonmyun?” Hyukjae said to the little boy and he got a nod as a reply.

“I want more.” The little boy said while Hyukjae on the other hand smiled in proud at his nephew. He took some noodles from his bowl and stuffed it in Joonmyun’s bowl for the small boy to eat while the little boy squealed as his next small portion of the noodles.

Hyukjae was cleaning Joonmyun’s smudged face when he saw a foreign chopsticks invaded his bowl, stuffing his bowl with a good portion of the noodles and as he looked at the owner, his eyes met Kyuhyun’s concern gaze.

“You should eat more, Hyukjae.” Kyuhyun said in worry. “You barely touch your food. Please eat.” He continued and Hyukjae felt his heart melt a bit.

“I’m full.”Hyukjae said in defense but Kyuhyun didn’t mind it.

“We both know you didn’t eat breakfast, Hyukjae.” He said. “Please eat…” He continued. Why do you even care? Hyukjae screamed inside his brain as he saw Kyuhyun’s intense gaze at him. Hyukjae wanted to think that Kyuhyun was just being good to him in front of Joonmyun.

After they finished their lunch, Joonmyun drifted into slumber in Kyuhyun’s hold as both of them rest on the couch to watch movie. He was in deep slumber already when Hyukjae joined them after he finished cleaning up the dining room.

“You probably should move him to his room.” Hyukjae said and Kyuhyun nodded as he carried the little boy upstairs. He didn’t have to ask, he remembered this house by heart, every room, every part of it while Hyukjae went back to the kitchen to make some tea for both of them and brought it to the living room where Kyuhyun was at.

Kyuhyun smiled a bit as he thanked him for the tea but Hyukjae said nothing at him as he settled on the other side of the couch. “How are you doing?” He heard Kyuhyun asked but he chose not to look at him.

“Fine.” He said, not minding to ask back whether Kyuhyun was doing fine or not.

“That’s great.” Kyuhyun commented and Hyukjae hummed in return.

“Thank you for coming.” Hyukjae said and made the taller male smile. “Joonmyun was ecstatic to see you.” He continued.

“That’s really nothing, Hyukjae.” Kyuhyun said. “You don’t have to mention it.” He continued. “I’m glad to be here.” And Hyukjae felt like he was going to cry.

“You really don’t have to do this, Kyuhyun.” Hyukjae said. “You’re giving Joonmyun’s false hope that you’re going to be here all the time like before.” You’re giving me a false hope, Kyuhyun… Please stop. Hyukjae thought as he bit his bottom lip. “You don’t know how sad he was when you didn’t show up for these past months.”

“I’m sorry.” Kyuhyun said and Hyukjae screamed inside his brain. For what?! Leaving me?! Being unfaithful to me?! What are you sorry for, Kyuhyun?!  Hyukjae thought.

“You did nothing wrong. You don’t have the obligation to come.” Hyukjae said coldly. “I shouldn’t have let you come. I’m sorry for bothering you.” He continued.

“How many more times do I have to tell you that I don’t mind this?” Kyuhyun asked. “I truly feel glad to see Joonmyun and you again. Why can’t you just believe it?”

“Said the man who left me months ago.” Hyukjae said sarcastically. “You answer yourself, Kyuhyun.” He continued, getting up from the couch but Kyuhyun stopped him.

“Why are you so hostile, Hyukjae?” Kyuhyun asked, and Hyukjae could see pain in Kyuhyun’s eyes but he chose not to mind him.

“You answer yourself.” Hyukjae was trying to let go of his wrist but Kyuhyun only gripped on it tighter as he pulled Hyukjae back to the couch and the smaller man stumbled to his figure. They were so close, Hyukjae could feel Kyuhyun’s breath on his neck as the taller male pulled him into a hug, mumbling countless apology to his ear. Hyukjae was left frozen in his hug.

Kyuhyun’s scent was so familiar to his sense of smell, so does his strong arms that secured his body. His deep and rich voice sounded so right on his ear… Hyukjae was lost.

“Why is this happening to us?” He mumbled as he felt tears falling from his eyes but he didn’t mind it at all as he pushed himself away from Kyuhyun.

“I’m sorry.” And he could see weary on Kyuhyun’s eyes as he pushed himself away from him.

“What was done is done, Kyuhyun.” He continued.

“Hyukjae, I’m sorry… I’m really sorry. Please, forgive me.” He said as he kept on holding Hyukjae close but the smaller male kept on pushing himself away from Kyuhyun.

“If apology is what you asked for, then you got one, Kyuhyun.” Hyukjae said. “But nothing would change what has happened.” He continued.

“Hyukjae…”

“I’m sorry, Kyuhyun. But I don’t want to see you anymore. I can’t help but hurting every time you’re close. Please understand, Kyuhyun.” He continued.

“No.” Kyuhyun said shortly in return.

“Please, Kyuhyun. I need this, I need closure from us.” He sobbed as he felt his heart bleed once more. “I’ll take care of Joonmyun. I’ll tell him that you’re leaving. You don’t have to come at all. You don’t have to.” He continued as tears kept falling from his eyes.

Hyukjae was lost when he felt Kyuhyun’s hands brushed into his cheek, wiping the tears on his face, and more fell to his cheek. “I’m begging you, Kyuhyun… Please leave.” He sobbed but Kyuhyun paid him no heed as he pulled him to a kiss.

Hyukjae felt like he was going to die when he felt Kyuhyun’s lips on his own. He still remembered this feeling when Kyuhyun’s thin lips met his chapped one. He could still feel the butterflies or the fireworks from Kyuhyun’s kiss. His heart was racing and his body was weak. It never changed… Not even a bit.

“How can I survive without this?” Kyuhyun whispered as he broke their kiss, holding Hyukjae closed to him as he rest his forehead on Hyukjae’s. “How can I survive without you?” He continued and a warm tear escaped Kyuhyun’s lidded eyes. “How can I be so stupid to let this fall apart?” He said and Hyukjae couldn’t help his tears anymore. “Tell me, Hyukjae…” His voice was broken as he weakly pulled Hyukjae into another kiss.

“Kyuhyun… Please stop.” Hyukjae said weakly. “God, Kyuhyun. We’re over… Please let me go.” He pleaded as he pulled himself away and this time Kyuhyun let him go.

***

Hyukjae was locking himself in his bedroom once more when he heard a soft knock on his door. He knew it was his sister and this time, he rushed his way to the door. His teary eyes met his sister’s worry ones and as he started to sob, the older of Lee pulled him into a comforting hug.

“I can’t…” Hyukjae cried in her hug. “I can’t see him again… It hurts so bad.” He cried as he kept repeating the same word over and over again. He was in pain, for one moment, his sister thought about killing Kyuhyun with her bare hands for hurting her little brother.

“Hyukjae… Tell me what’s happening.” She said and Hyukjae did between his tears. He told his sister that Kyuhyun kissed him, Kyuhyun apologized to him, Kyuhyun told him that he didn’t want to stop seeing him and Joonmyun. He was torn apart.

“Did you consider that he actually being honest with you?” His sister asked and Hyukjae said nothing as tears kept falling from his eyes.

“I don’t want to see him anymore. I can’t… I told him not to coming back but he didn’t want to listen.” Hyukjae said between his tears.

“Is that for real? You don’t want to see him anymore? You want him out of your life?” His sister asked but he got no answer from Hyukjae.

“Kyuhyun-ssi…” It was her nature as Hyukjae’s older sister to feel sick every time bad things happened to Hyukjae. That evening when she felt like she was going to vomit, she knew by heart there was something wrong happening to her brother. And she was right. She knew she was right when she saw Kyuhyun stood by the front door of her house, his tall body leaning on the wooden door and his head hung down.

“Sora-ssi.” Kyuhyun didn’t expect to see Sora that evening. He remembered earlier in the morning, Joonmyun said that his mother was going to some kind of important convention which left the three of them in the house.

“I heard from Joonmyun that you’re coming over.” She said politely, her eyes scanned Kyuhyun’s feature. His body was tensed and he could see his eyes were wetted by tears, some fell to his cheeks but he wiped it instantly. “Come inside…” She said.

“I can’t…” Kyuhyun said in lost. “Hyukjae wants me to leave.” He continued and warm tear fell from his eyes. Sora’s heart torn into pieces. “He wants me to disappear…”

“Kyuhyun-ssi…”

“I love him, Sora-ssi.” Kyuhyun said in determination that Sora never saw before. “How am I supposed to live if he didn’t want me anymore?”

“Why now, Kyuhyun-ssi?” She asked and Kyuhyun felt a stab on his chest. “Why now after you hurt him? Why now after you left him for months? Why now?”

“I’m a coward. I can’t face him knowing that I’m not worthy… and he’s moving on without me in his life.” Kyuhyun whispered in lost. “And he did. He made it clear to me that he wants me to leave him.”

“You hurt my brother, Kyuhyun-ssi. Even I wouldn’t let you see him anymore.”

“I know…” Kyuhyun said. “I deserve it. Every part of me deserves to be punished and this is the worst punishment I could get. To be out of his life. But Hyukjae doesn’t deserve this. He’s supposed to smile. He deserves nothing but happiness.”

“What are you going to do, Kyuhyun-ssi?” She asked.

“I’ll leave. Because that’s what Hyukjae wants me to. I’ll go to make him smile again.” He said and Sora knew deep inside Kyuhyun wanted to stay. He wanted to start over.

“How did you know that he’ll smile once you left?”

“I don’t.” Kyuhyun said. “But if that’s what Hyukjae wants, I’ll do it.”

“You want to give up?”

“I want Hyukjae to be happy, with or without me in his life.”

“Stay, Kyuhyun.” She said. Sora didn’t care that Kyuhyun hurt his brother before because what she saw was only Kyuhyun begging to be part of Hyukjae’s life again and she knew Hyukjae never stop loving Kyuhyun. “Stay and make him take you back.” She continued and for the first time in the past months, he saw a small smile appeared on Kyuhyun’s handsome face.

***