The way you space out during long interviews. You’re physically there, but I can definitely see your attention is long gone. It’s all in your slack jaw and your look sliding over to whatever catches your attention. Lucky for you your timing is excellent – although I definitely enjoy watching you crash into the hard ground called reality when you miss a question in an interview and everyone end up laughing at you.

Believe me, I laugh loudest of them all.

The way you flick your tongue over your lips right before you speak is slapping me in the face harder than you do when you’re frustrated with me. After you’ve answered the question directed at you, it flickers over those thin lips I don’t understand the female population craves for once more, before it disappears back inside that tiny mouth of yours.

The way you can’t stay still irritates me beyond relief. You’re suffering from restlessness and I hardly believe you’re aware of it. Always with either the script in your hand or your bracelets. Whenever we’re standing up you always push your weight from one leg to the other. Nobody ever notice because you’re doing it so carefully. Nobody but me. Is it your ability to simply not stand still or is it your knees bothering you?

I almost feel bad for you for a second, but then your face suddenly turns towards me and so does the camera, and I know this time I missed the question from the interviewer.

“I’m sorry, what?” I manage to rasp out, trying to divert my attention from your stupid, self-confident smirk when you realize you’re not the only one making mistakes this time.

you, Shin Hyesung.

I quickly manage to pull my surprisingly heavy head from the pool of your eyes (pool, not a whole ocean because your eyes are ing microscopic) and up to the safe shore.

I’m not a leader for nothing. Believe it or don’t, I’ve managed to smooth talk my way through more difficult interviews than this before. I can do this without you breaking me down.

The man behind the camera with his questions continues to talk, but now to another member and my attention is all yours again.

You’ve noticed me staring at you this time. Sorry – glaring. Can your hear me talk about you in your head? I certainly hope so.

The way you can make me so frustrated is slowly tearing me apart. I can go from feeling invincible to feel like nothing just by an arrogant huff and a rough back in my face from you. I think the other members know it as well. They notice how I never take their jokes seriously, but whenever you briefly mutter an insult I have to admit it ing bothers me.

I like having your attention.

Like now, when you’re staring back at me.

But then you look away when Dongwan make a joke, probably as bad as always (if not worse, considering the painful look on your face heavily painted with makeup), and your eyes never return to mine.

If my feelings for you were fire, I could’ve burnt the whole studio down by raw emotion. How you are able to do that is beyond me, but I’ve come to accept it. Somewhat.

I need your attention again.

The interviewer has probably realized my mental absence by now and I tell myself to thank him later for the consideration, since the camera is as far away from me as it can possible be. I take the opportunity to analyze our seating. There are two members between us and one of them is currently facing me, glaring at me with those small slits of his and mentally telling me to “wake up from your dream world of focus on the damn interview”.

I silently sigh, nodding in reply and Minwoo turns, knowing the camera is focusing on him. I briefly get a hold of what the conversation is about. They’re talking about previous relationships.

The interviewer starts joking about relationship with the same gender.

Junjin and Minwoo snorts, happy to contribute to that question and talking about how young people these days experiments more in the open, freely ignoring what a sensitive subject this really is to the media. So we’re playing that role today – the understanding, still youthful seniors in the idol world. The “we’ve been through this, we know what’s happening”-kind. I can definitely handle that.

The interviewer asks with a laugh if any of the members has experienced anything from the same gender and I decide to add fuel to the fire. Just because I can.

“We have,” I smirk, not missing how you whip your head around in fear of what I’ll say next. Good, I’ve got your attention again. “I know of at least two members.”

The room turns deadly silent and I can see your nostrils expan