Just a short piece of pain and letting go.

TaeNy.

---

A slap. A painful slap. That sounded as painful as a thunder. Thunder. Drizzle of huge droplets surrounded us, the vicinity to where we are standing. We were wet, my face, her face filled with droplets, showering from rain, from pain especially her. When she is the receiver and I am the giver of such and such emotions that she— someone like her doesn’t deserve. No, there’s no wind that I could feel. No air. No oxygen in my lungs. I was breathless it was oblivious. She was oblivious within my innervations. No words of mine are enough for her understanding to come out. Or? The amount of understanding isn’t enough for an awful unbelievable intelligence she got from somewhere maybe from her friends or what. But realization hits me from the gut that understanding is no definition at all. Meaningless. Empty. For it was already empty. The water in her patience had run dry and so the hoarse voice that comes out from mixed acrimonies.

“Why?”

Her voice croaked. Crowded with unending emotions.

I closed my eyes for an answer. The downpours of rain had added trepidation and pain. The answer was somewhere in there... but I tried and find the proper words to sooth my desire for this to be soon, okay which is of course, it will never. And so I failed, as I’ve always had for I couldn’t perhaps answer all the previous queries and present queries that I am obliged to hear, I breathe with obliviousness and then opened my eyes.

I see her, again. How can I ever leave someone so beautiful?

“Do you still love me?”

She asks. Her eyebrows pulling together as if imploring the tears from running.

“I do.”

I say, trying to be more convincing as I should be.

She looks away, no— I don’t know where but simply to avoid my sympathizing look, her eyes filled with water. Bitterness. Ache. Her pale lips pressed lightly but trembling and then she pressed her lips now more demandingly until her eyes shut involuntarily in a slow tiring motion, her long eyelashes were captivating as the butterfly’s wings—

But enough.

You don’t deserve her.

“But why do you have to keep it?”

She asks, almost breathless. Almost quiet. Maybe the ricochet of rain had block my ears.

I didn’t answer. No answer or word is enough for my pretence to subside every pain I brought to her. But I didn’t mean to... I didn’t mean to hide it and—

I didn’t intend for it happen.

“Why?!”

She shouts. Her face sags. Her eyes become beads trying to fight back the rendered anger.

I steeled myself and stood still, my eyes drops on the ground.

“Why can’t you answer? Why can’t you—” I feel her hands slapping every angle of my face, my head, my ears, my shoulders my chest. But to no avail, I didn’t move or flinch my body. I let her be.

Slap me more. More.

“Kim Taeyeon! Answ— er –

“Ans—

“Answ—

“Answer m— me—

“Plea— se— ss

She sobs but more dramatic this time, she sobs but more painfully this time. I’ve never seen her that... helpless.

She was now on her knees on the ground, sobbing— her fingers tangled through her wet red hair.

“Fany,”

I lowered my knees and tried to touch her fingers, and unconsciously my body went closer to her, find my arms smoothing her skin with uncertainty. I can faintly hear tiny sobs. Slowly, I grab her by her arms with my cold hands shaking as I stood her up, the wet locks cascading in her face. She was still crying. Her fingers trembled tremendously like she was suffering from Parkinson disease. It was cold— her hands were surprisingly cold, like the hands of a certain dead person?

“What did I do to you? What have I done to you?”

“I’m sorry.”

I whisper.

“Why? I demand an answer. Why?”

“Why— why...”

The mumbles of sob continues, “Why keep it from me—”

I smooth my hand down her spine and pulled her waist as she went in captive of my arms. I smelled her hair as I once again lost to her scent my eyes involuntarily closing, arms wrapping around her body.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” I mumble over and over again.

“Answer me please.” She whispered, begging.

I whisper— my lips didn’t move as I release the words. Breathless. “Just close your eyes,”

Seconds flew like minutes— minutes flew like hours. But I am willing to flew with time just to stay like this forever. Forever. A frightening word, isn’t it? A scarcely nonverbal word. When we all know it doesn’t happen and it will not happen but humanity thinks it’s an inevitable philosophy such overrated word from overrated people. If truth were told, when your heart beat stops and so does forever ends.

And I can’t give it to her. I can’t give forever to her. No forever. No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. My sweet Stephanie. Oh my baby. Sweet things rested in my tongue, it wanted to come out but somehow, I couldn’t... I couldn’t let it slip off my lips, when pain strengthens the fright of regret of pitying me obviously. And I hated it to be in her position.

In one soulful inhale I let go of her body, of her yearned security, examining one last time, trying hard to scrutinize her pale face as the makeup had vanished through the rain. Her eyes closed peacefully, seemingly sleeping. Her lips pressed lightly, just so calm so peaceful so serenity hung on her expression. And I hated how I am able to make her feel like this— this what I’m seeing. Having me as her complete happiness. Like an electrifying connection. A must and a need breath of oxygen. When I know that, I couldn’t be those anymore.

One last look. Enough to bury this one last final memory of my life.

I stepped back, and in a slow motion I close my eyes, sad, I know my face is sad. Saddening abhorence of myself. 

I drew some air before I leave her. That I might find myself collapse of this ‘a-must’ choice that I had to do.

No. I can’t be with her forever...

When having a brain cancer dictated my life to end in four months.

So how?

Now.

When forever is meaningless.

---

A/N

It's short, I know. But hey! It's one shot! lol 

okay it's reaaaaaallyyyyyy short.

I'll make it longer the next time. K?

Comments will earn you upturn eyes of Tiffany ^^