Taemin was sitting in front of his laptop and he has been for already 4 hours. He has locked himself inside with his computer in the freezing dance studio and didn’t even bother to turn on the lights so that only the faint light radiating from the screen could save the young boy from the darkness. None of the members seemed to be worried and why would they be? It’s not that rare that Taemin wants to have some time alone and even though Key protested at first the other members managed to convince him that their maknae was no longer a kid.

So you are probably wondering why Taemin would be sitting alone in a dance studio like a lost kitten with no home? He wants to be alone, he wants to get away from everything, he doesn’t want to get hurt. Why?

Because of him.

All because of him, all because he was his love, all because he had to be so nice to Taemin, all because he had to always be there. All because he named SNSD’s Yuri his ideal type and than Seohyun and then flirt with Eunsoo on “Oh! My school!”.

Taemin’s head was killing him – it was already 11pm and he still hasn’t eaten. Plus 4 hours of staring at his laptop didn’t help. He could go right now, eat, laugh with all the members but he wasn’t ready. Not yet.

Taemin wasn’t mad that he had fallen for a man. Love is love no matter what. He can’t stop his heart from beating faster or his cheeks from becoming hot. He can’t and he’s not trying to. Right now all Taemin wants to do is understand the older male. To be able to look inside his heart and see what place does Taemin have in that person’s life. He wants to ask him – he isn’t scared, but he can’t find the right words. He isn’t scared of rejection either. He was Taemin’s first love and to be able to feel that light emotion take over his body was enough. It made him happy.

But still he was half empty or as Taemin calmed himself down – half full. This love gave his life meaning. Sure he hasn’t slept for three days but he knew that no matter how much he hated being forced to take a picture with his classmates or how much it pained to read some of the comments, he would never commit suicide.

Love has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

True. This love was not making his life easier – it only made it harder. Harder to focus, harder to sleep, harder to communicate with him. But then again Taemin was happy.

****

Suddenly everything turned dark. Taemin signed – his computer ran out of battery. He stood up and took the laptop in his hands. He knew the dance studio too well so it wasn’t hard for him to find the door and unlock it before leaving his sacred place.

In 5 minutes he was already at their door. Taemin opened it and was surprised to be greeted by silence. He put down his computer on the counter and scanned the living room before his eyes landed on him. Taemin gulped unconsciously while he stood up from the coach.

“Where is everyone?” – Taemin was surprised at how collected he sounded but then again – that was nothing new.

“Out. Jonghyun is with Sekyung-shi, Onew is at the radio, Key is at the B2st dorm” – He looked at the computer briefly before turning back to look at Taemin – “Where have you been?”

“Practicing, thinking, stuff like that.” – He took an apple from the basket and started twirling it in his hands.

“In the dance studio?”                                                                                            

“Yes.” – Both their eyes were locked on the apple in his hands.

“But I checked it and it was dark inside.”

“I didn’t want to waste electricity” – a chuckle left his mouth and Taemin found himself smiling.

“That’s sweet.” – And then they both stopped talking. Their eyes were still locked on the apple. It was hyptonising to wantch the boody red object move and it seemed to calm both boys down. 2 minutes passed and Taemin decided to break the silence.

“Hyung…?”

“Mm?”

“Do you….. see me?” – He stopped twirling the apple and looked up, his eyes meeting Taemin’s determined ones. He scanned Taemin’s face.

“You are right in front of me. Of course I see you” – Taemin signed. He kept searching the younger’s face.

“That is not what I meant….” – Taemin was about to turn around and leave but he was stopped by his voice.

“Taemin…. You are …. Always in my heart….” – Taemin turned and looked into his eyes.

His eyes were full of feelings and emotions; they seemed to have a thousand answers to those questions Taemin has been asking himself for years. The second the magnae looked into his eyes, he knew that it was hard for him as well. He knew that he was scared too. He knew that he was happy just like himself.

And most importantly Taemin knew that he loved him.

They stared into each others eyes for what seemed like a decade. Hey exchanged sweet words using only their eyes. And then he kissed Taemin’s forehead and turned around muttering a “good night” before walking into his bedroom. Taemin went to his own room.

Taemin smiled as he slipped into his pajamas. Of course it wasn’t a confession and he didn’t tell him “I love you” but they weren’t ready yet. They needed time and maybe a lot of time. A week, a month, a year or maybe even more. But Taemin didn’t care. Just to know that he wasn’t half-empty any more made the maknae happy.

 They loved each other even though they couldn’t voice it.  But who cares as long as they both finally understood and could finally calm down.

And you think that Taemin finally managed to fall asleep? Hell no. In fact both of them had trouble sleeping that night. Why?

Because when you’re in love you can’t sleep, for reality is better than your dreams.

So! Ta-da! Please leave feedback but don't be too harsh. First time writing a oneshot and...... I feel respect for people who manage to express anything in one chapter. That's hard.... But then again it's not good to be perfect at something because then you have no space to evolve^^