It was a rare evening with most of the Super Junior members at home. They were all sitting together in the living room watching TV and talking with each other, commenting on what they were watching. Kyuhyun was sitting next to his girlfriend of a year, Ella, who had joined them that evening. Ella leaned her head against her boyfriend’s shoulder feeling tired. She had worked overtime, grading exams, and was happy it was Friday. She hadn’t actually been in the mood to come over and socialize with her boyfriend’s members but she rarely saw them and she rarely had time to be with Kyuhyun as it was so she had gone anyway. Now she was regretting it however. The show had some comedians doing blackface and the guys were laughing as if nothing was the matter.

Ella frowned and shifted uncomfortable in her seat, making Kyuhyun look at her and smile while putting his arm around her. Ella knew that they weren’t racist. Far from it, they loved they’re international fans a lot and were deeply thankful to them, and Kyuhyun was dating her and none of the members cared. They were just… ignorant. She couldn’t say it in another way. Ignorant of how things they did and said sometimes could be viewed as racist, homophobic or ist by foreigners. It wasn’t Super Junior only that did it but Ella particularly hated it when they did it mostly because she knew that they weren’t bad persons and they didn’t actually mean anything bad about what they did or said most of the time, they were just products of a closed society and she wasn’t. Ella wondered how she had actually managed to stay in Korea for three years without going mad with the way the society was. She supposed that it was largely due to her love for the country and Kyuhyun, though right now she couldn’t actually remember why she loved this country so much.

The scene changed and they were now talking with a kid who was a guest on the show. Ella had to control herself when she heard that he was bullied because his dad was a foreigner. His dad wasn’t Asian so you could see that the kid was half Korean. He was only 6 for God’s sake. The guys were mumbling about how they felt sorry for the kid and that it wasn’t right for him to be bullied for such a stupid reason. Bullying. Ella didn’t know how many times she had tried to make her colleagues help her do something about it. It was mostly the typical stuff that happened at the school she worked in, the sunbae and hobae system a problem in her eyes but not in her peers. She had done what she could and tried to help the most affected students but there was so much she could do alone. Two of her most affected students were half Korean as well and she often talked to them about how they should ignore what the students said and feel lucky that they could be part of two cultures.

Ella smiled when Hong Suk Chun appeared on the screen. She had always admired him for coming out publicly. She had asked Kyuhyun if he could help her meet him, just to say hi and some encouraging words, and he hadn’t been like he appeared on TV. She had of course suspected that he was putting up a bit of an act of a stereotypical homoual man but it still saddened her that he had to do it. She had seen it in Japan as well. It was as if they behaved like normal men it wouldn’t be believable or unnatural. God, forbid that gay people were normal. Ella rolled her eyes at the close mindedness of people.

The members were laughing again and one of them said that every time he was on the same show as Hong Suk Chun he was afraid he would be a subject of his flirting. Ella had enough. She stood up and excused herself saying it was late and she needed to go home. They looked at her in surprise since they thought she was going to stay the night and Kyuhyun looked at her with hurt in his eyes. She ignored the looks and went out of the room to the entrance and started putting her shoes on. Kyuhyun followed her out and looked at her without saying anything. Ella didn’t offer an explanation to why she was leaving early when it was a Friday and they had a chance to be together even when he was in the middle of promotions and she had work. She looked at Kyuhyun and smiled a bit giving him a peck on the cheek. She had long ago stopped trying to get him to kiss her when the members could see them. She just couldn’t be bothered and she often thought it was cute how he would get embarrassed by how s but now it just annoyed her.

“Grow up.” She snapped at s and it instantly became quiet in the room. She had never spoken to anyone in that way in front of them even less to them. Kyuhyun had of course had some arguments with her even if he tried to fix it quickly by apologizing just so that they wouldn’t fight but he had never seen her do it to someone else.

“What’s with the tone? Why are you speaking to your oppas like that?” Kangin said. “Aish, no respect for your elders.” He said half teasingly and the other members started teasing Kyuhyun for choosing someone with no respect just like him. Ella glared at them. She could feel herself almost bursting in anger and tried to calm herself but it was one comment that made her lose it. “I guess she still hasn’t learned the Korean way of things. Kyuhyun-ah, you need to teach her better.”

“Too bad for you guys I’m not Korean and never will be.” She yelled at them and they all looked at her shocked. “It doesn’t matter if I know the Korean way or not, I’m just a stupid foreigner that doesn’t know anything and isn’t as good as you Koreans. You guys don’t even know how much crap I and other foreigners take every day just because we’re foreigners. You stare at us when you see us like we’re some rare type of animal in a zoo and you think we aren’t able to understand the most simple thing about your society when it’s in fact you that are completely ignorant of the idiocy you say sometimes.” She had completely lost it. She wasn’t really angry at them and she was just taking it out on them but she couldn’t stop.

“Do you think I enjoy knowing that Kyuhyun’s parents’ doesn’t really take me seriously and think that Kyuhyun is just having fun with me while he waits to meet a proper Korean girl? Do you think it’s fun for me to worry about whether Kyuhyun is just playing with me or if he’ll dump me if his parents oppose every time I hear one of my foreign friends tell me that they’ve been dumped for those reasons? I’m so sick and tired of the whispers from my colleagues about how I’m wasting my time trying to help the bullied kids at school when it’s perfectly normal and it’s just some friendly sunbae and hobae relationships.” The pain and frustration she had felt during these past 3 years were pouring out of her.

“I’m sick of people speaking to me in slow Korean as if I’m too stupid to learn your language when most of the population can’t say a simple sentence in English. I hate how you guys say so much stupid ist that makes your international fans cry on the inside because they know that they would probably never be able to date any of you because you would probably get mad if they wanted to work after getting married and not stay home with the kids. I hate that you guys don’t even realize that some things you do hurts people and is considered racist. I hate all of it and I’m so tired of your homophobic comments. Homouals are no different than you are except that they like the same as themselves. You talk about them as if they can’t control themselves. Are you guys unable to flirt with all the women that you see? What makes you think that homouals act in any way differently than you do?” Ella was crying by the time she was finishing her rant. She had been bottling it up for so long and she had never felt so homesick in her life.

“I love you guys and I love Korea but I’m so ing tired of you guys right now. I’m tired of the hypocrisy, the racism, the xenophobia, the ism and the homophobia. I don’t want to see you right now.” She finished and took her bag and jacket before leaving the dorm the Super Junior members staring after her with their mouths open.

When she had gotten home she took a shower and watched a movie to keep her mind of things. Now that she was calm she knew she would have to apologize to them but she didn’t have the strength to do it right now. Her phone beeped signaling a message. She looked at her phone and smiled a bit when she saw that it was Kyuhyun.

From: Cariño

To: Jagiya

Are you ok? : (

From: Jagiya

To: Cariño

Yeah, I’m sorry I blew up like that I’ll apologize to the members when I get a chance.

Ella replied quickly and waited for his reply. After a few minutes he still hadn’t replied and Ella was growing impatient. She hated waiting. Suddenly she heard her door bell ring and she walked to the door wondering who it could be so late at night. She looked through the peep hole and smiled when she saw her boyfriend. She opened the door and let him in quickly.

“What are you doing here? Someone could see you.” She said worried while he took of his jacket and shoes.

“I needed to see if you were ok.” He said and hugged her tightly. Ella smiled and buried her face in his chest hugging him back.

“I’m fine. I’m really sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean to.” She mumbled. Kyuhyun her hair and looked her in the eyes.

“How long have you been feeling like this? This is not because of my hyungs making fun of us; you just laugh it away knowing they’re just teasing. You’ve been feeling like this for a while, haven’t you?” He asked worried. Kyuhyun knew you better than you thought. He must have suspected that you weren’t happy with your relationship with his parents, seeing how strained your small talk was with his mother and worse his father.

“It’s just been small things during my time here that I’ve ignored and most of the time it’s fine but sometimes it’s really hard especially when it piles up. This week was just bad. The two kids that are half Korean in my school got extra bullied, my friend told me she got dumped and another friend told me he didn’t get the job because he wasn’t Korean. Well, they didn’t tell him that but he said it was obvious that was the case.” Ella sighed. “I just don’t see why Koreans are so prejudice against us. I don’t understand racism at all and I don’t understand why you are so afraid of letting us in. We could learn so much from each other.” She whispered and a tear ran down her cheek.

Kyuhyun looked at his girlfriend and felt a sting of guilt knowing that he had unknowingly done some of the things that Ella had accused him and s and Koreans in general of doing. He dried her tear and just hugged her not knowing what to say. She had been a complete angel, understanding his busy schedule and all the secrecy and she even went to church with him sometimes just to spend time with him even though she said she was afraid she would burst into flames if she entered and had little patience for religious ignorant people as she called them. She was by no means perfect and Kyuhyun was actually a bit scared of her when she got mad but he loved her and he knew that she had it difficult being away from her country and living in Korea wasn’t easy for foreigners from what she had told him.

“I’m sorry jagiya.” He said and kissed her forehead. Ella shook her head and smiled at him pecking his lips.

“Where oppas really mad at me?” She asked looking up at the older. Kyuhyun smiled a bit.

“I think they were more shocked and later felt guilty. As you said, we didn’t realize that we did such things and well, we don’t want our international fans or you to think badly of us.” He said.

“I know you guys are good guys. Although I meant what I said I didn’t want to say it like that. I’ve wanted to tell you guys about it but I just didn’t know how and tonight it was just too much.” Ella sighed. “Can we just watch a movie or something? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Kyuhyun nodded and took her hand leading her to the couch. Ella put on a movie before sitting down next to him and cuddling up with him. She felt better but not ok, she would be though. She was lucky for having such a wonderful boyfriend and she wished they could stay like this forever. She leaned her head against his chest and sighed content. “Saranghae, cariño.” She whispered. “Te amo, jagiya.” Kyuhyun whispered back.