Genre:angst/hurt

pairings: YongSeo (main) 

Since then I always knew, you will never be mine..

Everynight i couldnt sleep , i thought its just because i am over thinking that's why im being insomaniac 

but as nights goes by , it strucked my mind why am i having endless nightmares, this might sound crazy for others but my dreams isnt about scary creatures who scares me in my sleep thus i kept on dreaming about this special girl of mine crying and before i could comfort or hug her , she will disappear

not even a single sound , not even a silhouette .. i couldnt find her.. she's gone

everytime i woke up from those nightmares, all i do was to cry , i always shove my curtains away to see the moon and stars above that sky, i kept on staring at them as if saying , 'let my nightmares stays in my dreams not into reality'

after my moonlight-tears dried i will sat on my couch and scribble some sentences or phrases on a sheet of paper , making it a note or more like a letter, a letter to that girl

that is the reason why i prefer staying up than sleeping at night, obviously if i sleep i'll still end up waking and worst waking up with drenched clothes and bed .

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i know you all are wondering, that She i am talking about is the person i thought will be mine forever

we met during our 9th grade , i never knew love that time, In that summer afternoon i was swing in the park i met a girl, she is very friendly, jolly and enthusiastic. that is her charm i am new to that school , i dont have friends to talk to, but she, being her talks to me and introduced herself as if we knew each other for how long. she let me be comfortable and to adjust to this new world im into.

she became my bestfriend , she's always with me, cracking jokes, making pranks, laughing histerically and doing crazy stuffs together. 

I even remember, everytime her ultimate crush would ignore her she will came running into my arms and cry for abouth 5 hours then as a gentleman i will do things to make her laugh , and fortunaley i never fail to dry those tears.

Febuary that time, in that swing in the park i that cold winter night after our prom, the first snowfall happens , i finally had the guts to tell her , she didnt went away or ignores me nor she accepts my feelings , she said that she couldnt accept it yet because she honestly confessed to me that she has been doubting her feelings for me since like she felt it. i understand, i know its hard for her to sacrifice our friendship if ever we will break up. 

eventhough we confessed to each other, our conduct or dealing with each other never changes, maybe a little but you cant even tell that we confessed to each other, there is no awkwardness at all.

not until when month of Spring in that warm morning, i was very enthusiastic to go to school, well im always enthusiastic , blame it to her, but then as i step forward to our school i saw her, she is with her ultimate crush, maybe i was just jealous so i feel blood ran up to my brain but i stayed calm i walked with fast passed and wave at her in a nano second then ran off to my class 

i thought its just for a while , but i noticed every once in a while she will be out of nowhere and then will suddenly comes out of nowhere . as if she is a mushroom

i had that uneasiness , i was curious that night in the first day of summer , in that same park i wondered , is she finally falling in love with someone else? because lately they barely have time to do things together

a single drop of hot tear fell, i wiped it , then i sighed heavily then i saw her, she was about to kiss that guy but because of the unwanted rain suddenly pours both of them ran off

i was dumbstrucked, i now cried it all , all the feeling ive been keeping with me till i dont even know.

thanks to the rain, it covers my tears no one will even notice i am crying 

i stayed there in that favorite spot of mine, where i find my first love, and now my most hated place , where i experienced my first heartbreak

after an hour of breaking down iu collapsed , but then an angelic figure handed me a helping hand , as i was out of my conciousness i took it and she pulled me up, she hugged me and then all i could remember my sight went off.

when i woke up , she honestly confessed that she and that guy has a thing now, she didnt tell me because she knew it will hurt me, as i am a martyr , i said it is okay , that i am fine

3 months passed , i just act as if i never feel pain inside , she is still the same, she still have time for me, but it cannot cover the fact that everything changes, everyday, every single day, my heart crushes into pieces, then finally i realized i had enough . i asked her to go in that same place.

i waited for her for almost an hour or two leaves kept on falling from above , then  another hour passed she didnt came, then my phone suddenly rang , the caller said i need to go to the airport now or else i cannot go to my destination because i will be late and my ticket will be forfeited 

i have no choice and so i left that big box full of my scribbles , stolen photographs, memories we had

i leaved a note on top

"Im sorry i cannot give the love you need, that is why you came back to that man's arm , im sorry also that i am not a good bestfriend that you want . i never hated you for not loving me back, the fact that you also felt something to me is enough and the memories we shared together is enough for me, dont you ever cry now, never when now i am gone, when i cannot see you , dont pity me or be guilty, im going away , for myself, maybe to find another reason to smile, i thank you for introducing LOVE to me, i never knew it till i met you, always remember I love you, forever and always.. Do well and i hope you'll be happy"

Love: Jung Yonghwa

As i ran hurriedly away i looked back and saw her crying as leaves fell into her head

"Yah pabo JooHyun I told you not to cry, its now my turn"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA , its my first time to do some angst thingy , hurt thingy story. i feel so evil hahaha im so bad Yeah i know.

PLEASE dont HATE our JooHyun I know some of you also neglects someone or you have been neglected ( i am also huhu)  lets just assume Yonghwa's story is for the people who is neglected, its part of our life sometimes the person we first fell for will just teach us how to love and to move on :D i also felt the same experience as yonghwa, the plot is diff. but the feeling is the same. so dont hate the people who neglects you thus, thank them for making you strong HAHAHA

and since i hate realistic stories i am thinking to do a part to of this definitely will have a happy ending lols :) you know me guys i hate sad endings 

Please do leave a comment below :))

oh and btw i PICKED THIS SONG BECAUSE I REALLY CRIED WHEN I LISTENED TO IT, Gosh EXO IS SO JJANG 

Im an exo stan lols 

have a great day aheaddddd ;)