“So… I may or may not have said some weird stuff last night – ”

“You punched me in the stomach.”

“ – and I really hope you realize that was because I’m a terrible lightweight – ”

“You were cussing me out in front of a family with young kids.”

“ – and I really, really hope you realize I don’t remember any of this, and I’m sorry.”

JongIn’s smile was bright. “Accepted. It’s whatever.”

YiXing had woken up to a devastating hangover and numerous text messages from JongIn. He didn’t reply immediately, instead choosing to figure out where he stowed the aspirin. He also went straight back to bed to nap off the migraine, clucking at himself when he finally got up in the middle of the afternoon. At least it was a Sunday.

< Hyung lemme know when you wake up k? > the first message read.

< You awake yet? > the second message read, an hour later.

< Yah > the third message read, thirty minutes after that.

< Hyung > the fourth message read, ten minutes after that.

< I’m gonna go over there if you don’t wake up now > the fifth message read, another ten minutes after that.

< Shut up. > YiXing had finally replied. < I need to sleep off this hangover. >

< ㅋㅋ K > JongIn sent back.

“You know, a bit off-hand, but…” YiXing habitually swirled the coffee in his cup. “I don’t understand that expression. ‘It’s whatever.’ Kids say the darnedest things.”

“What kind of word is darnedest? You trying out satoori or something?”

“I could be, since you say I still have an accent.”

“Well, you do.”

“You’re so rude, JongIn,” YiXing accused him teasingly. “Don’t you know foreigners are firstly self-conscious about their accents?”

The goofy grin faded from JongIn’s face. “Are you serious?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It could be true.”

Before YiXing was able to bother making himself presentable to the outside world, JongIn was already knocking at his door. He was a little stunned by YiXing’s initial uncharacteristic, disheveled appearance but then realized he had just woken YiXing up for the second time. After the mentor managed to change shirts and douse his face with water, the duo was perched at the dining room table, mugs of coffee and tea before them.

“I mean it. I’m sorry for punching you in the stomach amongst other things.”

“No, I don’t care. I don’t have internal bleeding, and it’s partially my fault.” JongIn’s eyes fell to the table between them. “I should’ve been paying attention and stopped you sooner.”

YiXing was resting his chin on a palm, considering before he spoke. “It seems like yesterday unearthed a few flashbacks for both of us.”

JongIn didn’t reply for a bit, only nodding quietly with his gaze locked on the wooden surface. YiXing watched as his fingers nervously drummed against the side of the mug, the tea only halfway through.

“Then, I’ll start,” YiXing said, grinning at JongIn’s expression of surprise and relief. “Once upon a time, Zhang YiXing was born in China.”

JongIn’s face fell. “Wow, seriously?”

“Hush. I’m getting to the good part.”

JongIn rolled his eyes.

“Before I was rudely interrupted, I was born – ”

“You were interrupted right after you were born? Ow!”

JongIn flinched from the uncharacteristic kick YiXing had delivered below the table. YiXing, however, smiled radiantly. “I’ll skip ahead since you seem to have attention issues.

“I told you how it took me almost a year to finally come out, and I told you how I had a friend to help me out. That friend was Lu Han.”

JongIn had stopped shuffling like a child and was listening intently. YiXing crossed his legs under the table and took an unhurried drag from his mug of coffee before he continued.

“I can’t really remember when he appeared or why; I’d been living in Changsha since I was born, and he’s from Beijing. I was busy trying to deal with my changing life in my senior year of high school, and suddenly he was just there, stupid-looking and knowing of everything I was thinking about. Somehow he knew, and somehow I knew he knew, and somehow we became fruitcake friends.

“He really was a good friend, honestly. He isn’t the type to say, ‘ the police! Tell the world you’re a flaming homo!’ But he did help me take over all of the fears I had. Because of him, I pulled together enough courage to come out to my family.” YiXing let out a bitter chuckle. “It’s too bad, though, since they disowned me after I graduated from high school.”

“You can’t be serious,” JongIn said, eyebrows furrowing.

“It’s very true. I met Lu Han in early spring, right when school started. When I came out at the end of summer break, I was scrutinized by every member of my family as if it was some sort of joke. After a month of telling them the same thing over and over again, they started ignoring me. I was left out of anything family related. Finally, just a few days before my graduation, my dad said since I would be a functioning adult, they wouldn’t support me anymore.”

YiXing swigged from his coffee again, avoiding the heavy gaze JongIn was giving him. “I didn’t even bother walking across the stage; I knew none of my family would be at the ceremony. I just packed my things, scraped up whatever money I had managed to save for myself, and left. I didn’t leave without bad feelings, of course. I squatted at Lu Han’s place for a while, feeling sorry for myself, until he finally got me to send out my college applications.

“Freshmen in the college I attended had to live on campus in the dorms. Lu Han wouldn’t let me continue to squat, so I had to settle with the ridiculously scary roommate they had assigned me. Really, though, it wasn’t too bad an idea to stick a Creative Writing major with a Sociology major. I’m talking about YiFan-ge, in case you didn’t know.” JongIn grinned. “Talking with him at first was really nerve wracking, but at some point, we were talking normally like old friends. Come to think of it, I can’t even remember what the turning point was. Anyway, we became friends; Lu Han, through me, became friends with YiFan; through YiFan, we became friends with ZiTao then MinSeok then JongDae. We all were a big, happy family for the three years I went to that college.”

“The threes again,” JongIn murmured.

Smiling wryly, YiXing lifted his mug to his lips. “The threes make an appearance again.

“Near the end of the school year, MinSeok-ge told me he had submitted a few essays of mine to the Editor in Chief at his job, and the guy wanted to meet me for an interview. After one meeting, I had the job. However, the position was in Seoul. You can only imagine what it felt like for me, getting offered a job straight out of college but in a whole new country. Not to mention Lu Han and I had already been dating for three years, and I’d come to depend on him quite a bit since he’d been the one to support me the whole time.

“When I told him about the job, though, he didn’t look all too enthusiastic about it. Because of him, I couldn’t decide on whether I should have taken the position or not. I wanted to ask him to come to Korea with me, but I was afraid. It would’ve been selfish to drag him along with me. I finally decided to go, and when I told Lu Han, he just told me, ‘Congratulations.’”

YiXing could clearly visualize the memory when they sat facing each other on the sofa in Lu Han’s apartment, hands clasped together, Lu Han’s soft smile splayed out on his youthful face. He could still feel the twisting emotions that had raged in his gut from that time.

Come with me? YiXing had asked, almost too quietly.

Lu Han had just smiled and nodded, his hands closing tighter around YiXing’s.

“We slept together that night. But the next morning, he was gone. All of his stuff was still there, but he was gone. I waited for him. I stayed there to wait for when he would come back, but he never did. I didn’t know if it was something I did or said. I didn’t know if since it was my first time that the was that bad or whatever. I just waited. It wasn’t until about a week later that YiFan found me.”

An echo of thundering footsteps and a door being wrenched open whisked its way through YiXing’s mind. “I remember stupidly thinking that something had happened to Lu Han. I thought he got in an accident or some trouble, and that’s why he never showed up. But… apparently, he just left his apartment key in YiFan’s mailbox with a piece of paper that said ‘Sorry’ on it. He didn’t tell anyone anything.”

YiXing locked his eyes with JongIn once again. “Can you imagine what it felt like, to first be discarded by your own blood and then to be left behind by the one person you trusted with everything? I honestly, literally didn’t know what to do with myself. If it wasn’t for YiFan and all of the others, I’m sure I would’ve rotted away in Lu Han’s apartment all by myself.

“It took me a while to get my act together. I never went out, barely ate, almost never spoke to anyone besides YiFan, and that’s when my coffee addiction began. When I got to sleep, I always had nightmares, so I tried to keep myself awake by drinking coffee constantly. YiFan made me stop after I started becoming physically ill from it. I don’t remember how long it took, but eventually, I made the call to my now-current boss and made the move here to Seoul. I adapted, made friends with my BaekHyun and the rest of the staff, and visited home every so often. I haven’t heard from Lu Han since then. Well, that is, until we saw him again yesterday.”

JongIn was quiet, tea forgotten, staring at YiXing with an unreadable expression. YiXing tipped the last of his coffee back, quietly setting his mug back on the table.

“Zhang YiXing: An Autobiography,” he said, grinning. Then, playfully, he offered, “Your turn?”

The youth’s face fell, eyes trailing back to the table as his teeth worried at his bottom lip. YiXing smiled warmly and stood to cross to the kitchen. He busied himself with rinsing out his mug and trying to decide whether to get something else to drink or not.

“SeHun… went down on me.”

That made YiXing snap his head up, but JongIn hadn’t turned, so all YiXing saw was chocolate hair and a slouching posture. JongIn was still fiddling with the mug before him.

“It was… the two-year anniversary of the plane crash,” JongIn continued. “We’d been friends since the beginning of the school year, actually, and he was following me around that day since I’d been depressed the whole time. He followed me home, too. My aunt was out at the time. And then, it just… happened.”

YiXing wound his way back to his chair across from JongIn, tea replacing the coffee in his mug. JongIn lifted a hand to his mouth to nervously nibble at a fingernail, and YiXing vaguely wondered if he should bother to tell the kid to stop.

“Afterwards… we didn’t get to say anything because my aunt came home at that moment, and SeHun left right after. I didn’t see him in school again until the graduation ceremony, and even then, he didn’t say anything. Just the typical, ‘I’m off to college. Have fun.’ I had no idea how to bring it up to him, either.”

“Were you scared?” YiXing asked quietly.

JongIn’s eyes darted up. “I didn’t… I didn’t know what to think. I’d never done that kind of thing with anyone, much less a guy. So it was…”

“Did you like it?”

The kid instantly scowled. “Yah… I’m being serious.”

“I am, too.” JongIn didn’t answer right away, eyes narrowed in suspicion, so YiXing continued. “I’m only asking because stimulation is stimulation and physiology is physiology. Things will work as they’re supposed to when given the proper stimulation. So I’m just asking: did you like it?”

YiXing pretended to not be tickled at the sight of JongIn’s ears flushing bright red. JongIn contemplated for a long time, finally raising his gaze again. “What does it mean… if I had… maybe wanted to see SeHun again just… because…”

“It probably means you’re just a little twisted, like I am,” YiXing answered, grinning. “However, are you okay with that?”

JongIn was carefully watching YiXing’s face. “… I think, maybe I am now.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

“… That’s it?”

“Nothing’s changed about you, JongIn. You’re still the kid who drinks soda instead of coffee and slouches all of the time. The only thing that’s different is now you’re a part of the Fruitcake Club.”

His face finally broke into a smile, relieved laughter bubbling out. “Shut up.”

“I’m going to call BaekHyun and ChanYeol so we can throw a fab party,” YiXing continued teasing. “Awww, a brand new fruitcake has joined. I should ask JungHyuk if he has a position for you.”

“Yah, shut up!”

“So let me ask you this: when you found out KyungSoo met with his girlfriend again, were you jealous?”

“No! Geez, it was never like that with KyungSoo-hyung!”

Contrary to what YiXing had claimed, they went out on their own without any fanfare or celebration, just quietly spending the weekend as they usually did until JongIn waved goodbye as he trailed down the outer hallway to the elevator. YiXing was waiting for his chamomile tea to steep when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Oh, YiFan-gege, what’s up?” One more minute of steeping.

YiXing could hear YiFan munching on something on the other side of the phone, muffled TV noises in the background. “Nothing. Dinner. What’s up with you?”

“I’m just winding down. Unlike you, I have a normal work schedule to follow.”

“I’d rather have my schedule than yours.  Hey, when you guys were here last, what did you do with that kettle? The iron one with the bamboo on the side?”

“Hm?” YiXing paused amidst lifting the leaves out of the mug. “I’m pretty sure we put it back in the same cupboard it came from.”

YiFan grunted, probably in the process of standing up. “Huh. I can’t find it. It’s Tao’s, and he was throwing a hissy fit thinking I lost it since it’s expensive or whatever.”

“Oh, he’ll survive without it. I’m sure he’ll end up buying a new one.” YiXing tested the tea with the edge of his lips. “Did you check the cupboard next to the fridge?”

“Yeah. Wait. No. Hang on.” Various cookware clattered about. “No, not there, either…”

“YiFan-ge,” YiXing suddenly blurted.

“Yeah.”

“I saw Lu Han yesterday.”

The noise on the other side of the phone stopped abruptly. YiXing couldn’t even tell if the Angry Bird was breathing.

“It’s alright, though,” he quickly assured. “I’m alright.”

The silence on the other side stretched for a bit. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I was talking it out with JongIn, so I’m fine.”

As he waited for YiFan to breathe, YiXing couldn’t help but notice how his hands seemed to twitch, and his chest was turning in on itself. Now YiXing couldn’t breathe.

“Alright, then…” YiFan’s rock-tumbler voice broke through YiXing’s thoughts. “That’s good.”

“Yeah…” The twisting feeling wasn’t going away.

“So when are you coming back?”

“Eh? I was just there. You expect me to take another vacation so soon?”

“What? It was fun. MinSeok and all them are bored out of their minds.”

“I don’t know if I could stand any more of your bad grammar, though.”

“Shut up. You should come back soon. Bring your boyfriend with you, too.”

Twist. YiXing gripped the handle of his mug. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, yeah. I was just kidding. Dude, ask JongIn if he put that kettle somewhere else. ZiTao will have my hide if I don’t find it soon.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll let him know.”

The twisting continued through the following days, so nauseating that YiXing had to call in sick to work. BaekHyun was quick to offer help after batting away the suspicious JungHyuk, asking if he needed medicine or food. YiXing politely declined and hung up so he could wiggle further into a ball on his bed.

He wanted to ignore his phone as it buzzed and jingled every time someone messaged him. His entire being filled with dread at the sound, and half of the time, it was JongIn chirping some pointless blather. And YiXing very well couldn’t ignore him lest the chirping become more insistent.

< Wait wot ur sick? Since when? > YiXing didn’t know if he felt guilty about not telling JongIn until Friday that he’d been skipping work.

< I think it started Monday, maybe. Go back to class. >

< I’m on break between class. You ok now tho? >

< I’m better than I was a few days ago. Thanks. >

< Sure > YiXing was about to put his phone down when the messages bounced upward as JongIn sent another reply. < Tomorrow tho >

When JongIn didn’t add anything further, YiXing responded, < What? >

< I have all these tests coming up, so I gotta study. >

Was it wrong that YiXing felt relieved? < Oh, okay. >

It was settled. YiXing set his phone down on the desk and reassumed his hands over the keyboard. Of course nothing came to mind before his phone shuddered again.

JongIn again. < Soooooooooooooo…………???????? >

< …? > YiXing wanted to curse JongIn for his new trend of zero-substance, teenage-grammar texting.

< Tomorrow. How are we doing this? >

< I thought you said you had to study. >

< Well yrah but > YiXing had to stare for a bit as another message popped up below it. < I mean we could still meet up or somethin? >

< I have work to catch up on, too. Why don’t you come here and study? >

< Oh ya sounds good >

YiXing’s stomach folded in on itself. Why did he come up with this? He couldn’t concentrate one bit, disregarding the fact that he had absolutely no idea what to write for his next article.

“Ow.”

“Sorry.”

“You can’t move your monster legs somewhere else?”

“Not when your stump legs are in the way.”

Even though they both laughed and continued accidentally jabbing each other’s shins underneath the small dining-room table, YiXing couldn’t stand it. He even had to make an excuse about going outside of the city to do an interview to get out of having to meet with JongIn the next day. The kid pouted but agreed upon noticing he had studied absolutely nothing that day. As a result, YiXing’s stomach was in a better state than his conscience was.

He returned to work on Monday, apologizing to JungHyuk for missing an entire week of work. The King Fruitcake waved him off, more focused with texting on his phone than possibly a nuclear explosion that could happen on top of his head. As he unpacked his various writing tools onto his desk, YiXing fibbed to BaekHyun that he was feeling much better.

“I was starting to get worried,” BaekHyun chirped. “Missing work for a week, you know? Are you sure you’re okay? Did you see a doctor?”

“No, it wasn’t that serious. I really am fine.” Save for his conscience.

He didn’t have much time to sit and regale his hooky-induced contemplations to the hamster as there was plenty of work to be done, none of which YiXing had even started on, so he pushed his sleeves above his wrists and set his mind to his work.

The catalyst of clarity came unexpectedly when lunch came around.

“Oh, ChanYeollie! You surprised me!”

YiXing’s concentration broke as he looked up and saw the giant swaggering toward them. ChanYeol waved and bowed politely to YiXing as he sauntered up to the side of BaekHyun’s desk.

“I’m slacking off of work,” ChanYeol said casually.

The hamster frowned. “Hah? Since when did you slack from work? What are you talking about?”

But ChanYeol just barked out his obnoxious laugh. “I was just kidding. I wrapped things up early so I could come here.”

“AH!!!”

Hamster and giraffe jumped at the sudden yelp. BaekHyun turned, eyebrows raised. “You okay, YiXing-hyung?”

YiXing wasn’t aware of how loud he actually had been. “I just realized… That’s what I need…”

“… excuse me?”

The two jumped again as YiXing sprang to his feet, launching his chair away. He lunged at ChanYeol – the giant recoiling backwards in shock – and swiftly grasped one shoulder, eyes alight with burning determination. “ChanYeol-ah, I need to talk to you.”

“You– What do you– Wha…?” ChanYeol sputtered, stumbling clumsily to regain his balance.

“Wait, what?” BaekHyun piped up. “What’s going on, hyung?”

But YiXing was already violently shoving ChanYeol towards the door. “Don’t worry about it, Byuntae. Go play with JoonMyun or something. I need to talk to ChanYeol.”

ChanYeol finally sighed, relaxing back into his chair. “So do you understand everything now?”

On the other hand, YiXing was fidgeting, fiddling with his fingernails since the second coffee he’d bought was consumed long ago. “Yeah…”

ChanYeol tried to give him a reassuring smile. “Just think about it for a while, hyung. And don’t worry about it. I’m sure everything will turn out fine, since it’s you.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better, to be honest.”

“When it comes to this, it usually doesn’t at first. But I know you’ll be fine.” He whipped his hand out to glance at his watch. “Well, lunch is almost over. I’ll just have to text Baek. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks for talking with me.”

“Any time, hyung!”

YiXing’s entire being was shaking as he made his way back to the office. He considered the conversation he’d had with ChanYeol, and it just made him shake even more. His nerves were buzzing so much, he barely registered his phone going off in his pocket. Just as he was reaching for the door handle to his office, he pulled out the phone and swiped the screen to see the message.

< Yah… ㅠㅠ Now Baek isn’t talking to me… You could’ve at least told him, too… >

That didn’t make YiXing feel any better.

Through spilling his mind with ChanYeol, YiXing had realized he was falling for JongIn.

And YiXing really couldn’t handle it.

A/N: FINALLY AN UPDATE OMG PLEASE DON'T HURT ME

I'M SOOOOO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO DAMN LONG TO UPDATE!!!

But um-- Work got super busy (and is still busy), and I hit a delicious writer's block, and I got really, really, really, really into VIXX, and--

Guys, I'm so sorry ._. I got so distracted. But VIXX is really ing amazing. If you don't know VIXX, I recommend everything. Seriously.

Okay, back to the story. WOWOWOWOWOW PLOT TWISTS ALL THE OVER THE PLACE IN THIS CHAPTER HOLY DAMN. I didn't realize everything would suddenly landslide in this chapter alone, but it just turned out that way? Hopefully it doesn't sound like I'm rushing like madness. I can't promise when my next update will be. Actually, I won't promise when my next update will be ㅠㅠ so I don't let y'all down again...? But like I said before, I am definitely not dropping this story. I've invested much too much feelings into this. Soooooo.... Enjoy~?

Oh yeah. Implied y times. That doesn't warrant a rating, right?