Present

That had been the first time you ended up here. Here in this boring white room, with beeping machines and a worrying family surrounding you. A heart attack… ‘It could happen to anyone’ the doctor said. Unfortunately it turned out you had Coronary Artery Disease, which basically meant your blood vessels that supply oxygen and nutrients to the heart muscle, became all hardened, stiffened, and swollen. Logically this meant you were in for a long-term struggle which included medical therapies, intensive anti-cholesterol therapy and of course, taking a whole lot of pills.  It was a battle that would take many years, with the constant fear that if you let your guard down you may pay a high price. Logically, Jiyong hadn’t been happy when he found out you neglected to tell him the doctor had told you to be careful of such things because of the stress you had been experiencing during that time. Of course you hadn’t expected it to really come, but now the consequences were impossible to ignore. The damage was done and regular visits to the hospital became the norm.

Even now you felt slightly comfortable in this room you had seen so many times before. There had been relapses before, moments where the pain took over again and made you fear for the worst. But it was okay, you were willing to fight against it. You had never allowed the disease to take over your live and made sure you had plenty of memories with those close to you. Instantly memories of you and your family filled your mind. You and Jiyong on Jeju island, the whole family in Hong Kong, that time you and Jiyong went skinny-dipping in at the beach, the time you bought your first house, the birth of your girls or that time he returned back home with your name tattooed on his ankle. A low chuckle escaped your lips at the thought, making everyone refocus their attention on you as you met their stare. He squeezed your hand, making you feel the wrinkles of his own against yours. “What’s funny?” he asked you with a small smile. “You.” You brought out, so much more hiding behind your words than you could managed to say out loud.

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Flashback

“Jiyong I swear to god if you pull a stupid prank on me you are so going to regret this.” You complained, hearing how he only chuckled in response to it and continued to drag you to who-knows-where. “I told you I’m not pulling a prank. Why don’t you believe me? ” He was the one to whine all of a sudden. “You have me blindfolded and you won’t tell me where I’m going. You can’t blame me for being a bit suspicious.” You sighed, squealing a bit when you almost tripped over a rock. Okay so you were outside. And judged by the silence around you it wasn’t in a busy street but rather a nice, quiet park? You weren’t sure and since the car ride did take quite a while, you forgot all realization of time too.

Suddenly he halted, making you bump into him and ready to start complaints again. “Shht, be quiet and remove your blindfold.” He said. The fact you were allowed to do so and finally see, was enough to make you shut up and do as he asked. The sun was blindingly shining into your eyes, making you blink a few times before you could stare around in fascination.

You were standing on a hill somewhere far out of the city of Seoul. There were fields around of bright green grass and colorful flowers. But it was down this specific hill, that there was your own little nature’s wonder. Small vases had been filled with purple flowers and put in a sea of yellow ones. It was easy to see the distinct color of them, even from this distance. But it was personally for you, because the flowers carefully spelled the words “Marry me?” out for you. You could only gasp for air and nod in reaction to him. Only seconds later, Jiyong had put a gorgeous ring on your finger and was running around the field screaming ‘She said yeeeeees! Woohooo!’

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Present

 The pleasure of the memory filled you up and made you only grasp his hand tighter and tighter. Everyone was watching you, unsure of what to say or do in this moment. It was there, you could feel it coming from deep within. It was as if someone had pressed start to your countdown clock and it was now ticking away the last minutes. You took a deep breath, staring into the ebony colored darkness of his eyes. The look you saw there was flaming with love, passion and a whole lot more different emotions you had seen in his eyes in all the years before. Your own eyes glided over the people present, seeing the faces of those you had spent your life with… Those you had seen growing up, aging and developing their own lives. There was a sense of pride coming from you at the thought of how wonderfully your girls had grown out to be. It was beautiful. They were beautiful and you knew that forever they would be like this: a piece of you and a piece of their father. No matter if you left them or not, they would turn out great either way.

There was no need to say anything. The look on everyone’s faces already clearly indicated they were more than aware of what was coming. The monitor that showed the beating of your heart was irregular and going weaker with every second. It was only when Jiyong stood up to approach you, that its speed picked up again. “Thank you.” He whispered as he hovered lightly over you. His voice was hoarse and dripping with sorrow and pain. “For?” you brought out, meeting his eyes with yours. “For being there… For being here with me… For being part of my life.” he said, putting all his might into keeping himself from crying. A suffocating feeling of grief went over you. It was as if you had lost him instead of him losing you. It was a mutual pain, you knew that and you felt the will to go on rise inside of you again. But it was in vain, the timer clock had already begun to tick.

“I love you.” You whispered under your breath to the man you had spent your life with. “I love you too _______ and I always will. I’ll see you soon.” Jiyong replied, carefully leaning forward to kiss the lips that had gone pale with fatigue and age. With all the power you had left in your body, the muscles of your face made a smile appear on your face to look at all of them one last time before you closed your eyes. The darkness was surrounding you, consistently making you less and less aware of the light sobs that came from the people in front of you… It wasn’t long until it took you completely, leaving you lightheaded and as if you were flying away. You wish you could share it with the others, tell them it wasn’t painful, but a nice, welcoming warmth that took away all your pain. But to those around you, it was nothing more that the loud beeping of the monitor that displayed a never ending straight line.