The night was especially cold in Seoul.

Jiyong wandered around the river bank of the famous Han-river, one hand in the pocket of his Jacket while the other was holding the leash of his dog Gaho. His faithful animal had gotten big and old over the years, walking in the same slow tempo as his owner. It was not like back then, when both of them would jump around and start a running competition at exactly this place. Times had really changed.

The young man sighed as he watched the water crash aggressively and make swoosh sounds. Yes, many things had changed. He actually believed that changing was okay, that nothing could stay what it is anyway. It was like a natural circle after all. Flowers bloom and wither, insects shed their skin because they grow out of it and even the cold does not last forever when the summer season arrives.

Nevertheless, in moments like this, Jiyong wondered if it would be really such a bad thing if some things could just not change at all, if they could be beautiful forever. Or, if at least, one could go back to the time when everything was alright, when everything was how it should be, just to remember the feeling of being alright, of being untouched and pure.

Yes, Jiyong wanted it so badly. He wanted to go back to the night on which he had made the biggest mistake of his whole life.

He stopped walking when he spotted an old bench and sat down, pulling his now heavy dog onto his lap to its wrinkled skin. Closing his eyes, he did not remember anything but some flashing lights, the smell of alcohol and the cosy hotelroom he woke up in the next morning. A shiver went through Jiyong's body as he recalled that shocking moment when he had seen a face other than Youngbae's next to his and this time he was sure that it wasn't the cold which made him feel like this. He inhaled deeply, slowly opening his eyes again. The Han-river was still angry and so was he. He hated himself so much right now. He felt disgusted from his whole body and he wished that, for once, he could be an insect so that he could shed his dirty skin and let a new one grow.

"Kwon Jiyong, you are so loathsome.", he whispered to himself and continued Gaho's wrinkled skin.

Two weeks had passed now. Two damn weeks and he still had insomnia. No, he could not sleep at night because dreams of that horrible party haunted him (That's actually why he was sitting there with Gaho now). And if not those nightmares then his bad conscience and aching heart everytime Youngbae showered him with love would kill him. He had been weird all this time. He was not able to look into Youngbae's eyes, kept rejecting him with ridicilous excuses whenever his boyfriend wanted some. It was always 'work' and 'exhaustion' and 'not feeling well'. Jiyong died everytime he saw that sad face of his lover but he felt so used, so dirty. Youngbae deserved better than him. He had those qualities that everyone would look for. He was gentle, kind, funny and smart, had a well-built body and such an incredibly handsome face with beautiful lips and cute crescent eyes. Jiyong loved every single pore of Youngbae's skin. Yet, he hadn't had listened to him when he had told him not to go to that party.

"Jiyong, please! You are ill, you should stay in bed until I am back from work. I am sure your friend will understand that. Don't be so careless, baby."

"Oh, Bae, don't worry! I am fine, it's just a little cold that's all. I promise, I'll not drink too much."

The Han-river crashed more agressively. It almost sounded like a shout now. Jiyong suddenly felt like being scolded and that made him sob. Even with Gaho by his side, he had never felt this lonely before.

"Kwon Jiyong," ,he repeated again, this time more loudly, "You are so ugly."

"You are the last person I know who should say such nonsense."

Jiyong felt a warm hand on his shoulder and a soft voice reaching his ear. It was...

"Y..Youngbae."

The man chuckeled and made his way next to him. He sat down and Gaho a bit before glancing at Jiyong smiling.

"What are you doing here all alone? It is dangerous to go out at this late hour."

"Gaho was being uneasy, so I thought he might have to pee."

"I see.", Youngbae said smiling and patted the dog's head. "But still, next time, don't go on your own. What am I here for, after all?"

"Thanks." Jiyong smiled a bitter smile. His heart couldn't handle it, him being so sweet and caring.

"Aren't you cold Jiyong?"

"No, I am not."

"Yes you are. Your nose is red like a tomato." Youngbae chuckeled. "Like everytime..when you are cold.", he added a bit shyly and untied the scarf on his neck in order to wrap it around Jiyong's.

"That's much better, right?"

At this point, Jiyong lost it. It was too much to handle. He started breathing heavily, started sobbing while all the held back tears fell down on his cheeks and landed on the nice-smelling scarf.

"B..Baby? What's wrong?" Youngbae asked worriedly, hugging his boy and leaning him against his warm chest.

"Y..Youngbae I ..I am so sorry. I am so sorry, I really am." , Jiyong cried.

"You are sorry? But..what for? What happened, come on, tell me.." Bae the younger one's waist comfortingly, careful not to squeeze Gaho in the process.

"I...I.. Hyung's party..two weeks ago. I..was drunk and...I don't know how it happened."

"How..how what happened? You..You said you wouldn't drink too much, Jiyong!"

They pulled away, faces inches away, staring at each other's eyes.

"Jiyong, talk to me please. What happened? What do I not know about you?"

But Jiyong could not say it. He felt weak. He felt disgusted. He just wanted to lie on Youngbae's chest forever.

"Don't tell me..." Youngbae's eyes widened when a certain thought crossed his mind. He looked at his boyfriend, trying to find something different in him. It was then when a bell rang in him. All the rejections whenever he wanted to make love, the stiffness whenever they kissed, those days when Jiyong, the sleepyhead, would wake up in the middle of the night. Everything made sense now.

He pulled away from the younger boy and stood up.

"Youngbae! Don't.. Please don't break-up with me!", Jiyong yelled, panicing. What he begged for was ridicilous, but he was so scared right now. "It was a mistake. I swear I don't know how it happened..I..love you."

Youngbae stood there, facing the now calm Han-river, only hearing the sounds of the wind blowing and a silent sob before he himself felt his eyes getting watery. The couple stayed like this for a long time until the older one broke the silence.

"Let's go home, Jiyong. It's cold."