Chapter 2

Kyuhyun couldn't believe he was hearing those words, that Yesung was brave enough to say something like, preferring to think that he was hearing things and was just a little groggy from the warmth and the would be sleep that he was just having, but Yesung's lips were moving and he was looking at him with sad eyes and a withdrawn face, distancing himself from him, hands playing with each other like he normally did when he was scared and worried and Kyuhyun wasn't sure he if he was having bad a dream or if it was reality, tempted to say it was dream, a bitter nightmare that was sent to mock him for thinking he could be happy at a time like that.

What else it could be, he asked himself as he looked at Yesung, as he allowed the grogginess to fade and to discern whether or not he was living in reality and not just some strange creation of his mind, eyes flashing dangerously, though Yesung was looking at anything other than him, but he was still speaking and Kyuhyun was determined to listen to him then.

"-move on. Just let each other go, so that you will be happy. It's for the best.  I think-"  Yesung continued, looking at the wall behind Kyuhyun's head, and not the younger man, wondering why this had to be this hard, supposing that there never would have been an easy way to say it, wanting so bad to wrap his arms around Kyuhyun and kiss away that clueless expression that he was wearing, looking like a kicked puppy, handing to hold his hand firmly at his side, refusing to be weak.

He had not do it.

He had to do it for Kyuhyun's sake. He refused to be a burden to Kyuhyun during that time, wanting to apologize for making things hard for him, but holding back. He needed to do this quickly and leave. When he was sitting in Boot Camp, he would be certain he made the right choice and not be forced to look back. Seeing Kyuhyun now was only making his heart waver and he couldn't do that. He had to be strong. He had already selfishly stolen a day from Kyuhyun already, using the time to be happy. Enough was enough. Time to let go, though Kyuhyun didn't seem to be getting him, especially when he interrupted him, clearly not understanding that he needed to say everything as quickly as possible and escape from him.

"What did you say? Say it again" Kyuhyun commanded, spoken gruffly, so much so that Yesung's eyes widened and he actually flinched, his words dying in his throat in a strangle murdered stutter, Kyuhyun wanting to be sure he was not dreaming, had just pinched himself rather firmly on the arm and after biting his lip to squelch the yelp of pain, confirming that it was in fact reality and he was not having some messed up delusion, then concluding that Yesung was actually asking them to break up. He wanted to die but more than anything he wanted to strangle Yesung.

"Let's break up. Its better if we go our separate ways and move on. That way you don't have to waste your time waiting for me and you can be happy instead. Lets break up." Yesung repeated slowly the words feeling like poison in his throat, always supposing that they would be very difficult to utter, but actually having to say it was downright painful, wanting to disappear, wondering why he didn't just enjoy his last day with Kyuhyun and leave him a note the following day. That he wouldn't have to see Kyuhyun and it would be easier to let go of the man he loved.

He seriously contemplated just doing that, but he knew that was the cowards way out. Kyuhyun had loved him too truly to be treated that way and he would be very much undeserving of Kyuhyun's love entirely if he behaved so reprehensible. He therefore had to man up and face Kyuhyun, no matter how hard it was. He didn't want Kyuhyun to hate him. He was too selfish for that. Even if he couldn't be with Kyuhyun he wanted the man to look back on their time with happy memories, and not just the bitterness of the that broke off their relationship after a year together with a measly poorly written note.

 It was hard but he was doing it the right way, even if that meant avoiding Kyuhyun's gaze completely, feeling small and insignificant and suddenly wishing that he had gotten off the bed before he had spoken, feeling much too close to Kyuhyun who was looking at him with a strange mix of emotions, Yesung trying to inch away from him, Kyuhyun in the way, the positions they were holding making it hard for him to retreat just as yet, not brave enough to touch Kyuhyun, feeling stunned immediately.

"You actually just said that? I wasn't hearing things?" Kyuhyun asked, but clearly more to himself than Yesung, eyes hard and confused, or just sort of deranged, shaking his head as if he still refused to believe that Yesung had just said that to him, Yesung feeling uncomfortable and just sort of afraid, aware that Kyuhyun would not hurt him, but the younger man was acting strange and he didn't know what to do.

Rationally he knew he should get up and leave for a mountain of logical practical reasons yet he was rooted to the stop, logic never allowed to have any really authority when he thought Kyuhyun was hurt. He figured it would be hard for the younger man, Kyuhyun never liking the mere suggestion of their break up, so would not like his idea in the least. He hoped that Kyuhyun would just accept his words and make it easier for him, but that was always going to be quite the ask and as it was now, he was not sure if Kyuhyun was alright and therefore remained in his spot, against better judgement, unwilling to leave him until he was sure that the younger man would be okay.

"Say it again" Kyuhyun turned to him properly, his eyes hard and scary, face pulled into a mean expression, but the words coming from his mouth in a manner that deemed them immediately necessary to respond, Yesung too shocked to look away, too much of a coward to face and not in a position to do anything else but respond to his command.

"Let's break up?" This time it was weak and very timid, a question more than a statement, his voice shaky and brittle. Every ounce of doubt and uncertainty that he had in coming to the decision to end his relationship with Kyuhyun coming out onto the surface, the nervousness and the guilt overpowering him, the urge to beg Kyuhyun to forget it all and just love him so strong that he was choking on it, trying to turn away from Kyuhyun and finally leave before he just cried then and there.

He had thought long and hard about this.

That week Kyuhyun was away in South America gave him a lot of time to think and he was sure that he was doing the right thing. It was what Kyuhyun needed and what he should be man enough to insist upon. He was nearly positive that Kyuhyun would be happy in the long run with this decision . It was the right thing to do. It really was.....then why the hell did it hurt so goddamn much?

"That's it. You're dead" Kyuhyun fumed before he lunged for him, Yesung blindsided by the younger but larger man bolting towards him, only having the wherewithal to release a strangled sound deep in his throat that if ever repeated he would deny ever having been made, so unmanly and just non human that even whilst being murdered he would never acknowledge ownership of it, left to marvel at the strange things that a human mind considers at the point of death or danger, Kyuhyun grabbing him swiftly, seeing the younger man come towards him with red burning eyes filled with anger, and an excessive temper, yet having no sense to react in time. He just  stayed there, not knowing what to do, and by the time he caught himself, Kyuhyun was already there, almost on top of him, squeezing his throat.

Kyuhyun was blistering mad.

So mad he could breathe fire and was sort of surprised that Yesung couldn't see the smoke escaping his nostrils like people did in those old cartoons, that Yesung was certainly old enough to have seen and remembered, since he was ancient and nonsensical and had crazy ideas and was seemingly stupid enough to suggest to Kyuhyun that they break up, all the whilst expecting to escape alive. Kyuhyun could only conclude that Yesung had lost his mind with age and was somewhat sorry for him, though that sympathy was not enough to trigger a response, his fingers firm against Yesung's throat, not willing to give up just as yet, keeping a hawk's eyes on proceedings.

Kyuhyun never considered himself to be a violent man, but some things just deserved a violent reaction. He had tried reason before, he had tried talking it out with Yesung, explaining to him that things did not have to be that way and he was not allowed to make unilateral decisions for them, even solicited a promise from him that was meant to safeguard against all of that stupidity, yet here he was hearing that crap uttered to him once more. It had only been a couple of months since he had spoken to Yesung about something like that, since he had promised Yesung that he would love him forever and that he was not allowed to think anything else. A couple of  months since he had promised to never release his hand, never let him leave his side, yet on the verge of one of the hardest days of Kyuhyun's life, and an even harder month to come, at a time when he needed all the comfort in the world, Yesung decided that it was a joke to play with Kyuhyun's feelings, to break his heart and make it hard for him.

Ordinarily he respected free will and if Yesung truly wanted him to release him, he would find a way to do it. He loved Yesung and wanted the man to love him more than anything, but he was not in the business of forcing people to love him. If Yesung truly wished to be set free he would do it in a heartbeat. He only wanted Yesung to be happy even if that was not with him. He could do that for the person he loved.

Instead of having to make the decision to set free the person he love and hoping that he found his happiness, Kyuhyun was left to wonder how much pressure he could put on Yesung's throat before he actually endangered his life. In his current mood, all he wanted to do was murder Yesung. He had promised him that he would strangle him if he ever did anything stupid like that again and here he was  keeping his promise to Yesung. If he thought Kyuhyun was kidding when he said he would strangle him if he broke his promise than he was in for quite the surprise. He just knew that Yesung was being an idiot again. Even if he was not listening to his explanations, he was sure that Yesung was breaking up with him for Kyuhyun's 'own good' .

The second that he said Kyuhyun would be happier elsewhere he just knew the sort of situation he was facing. Yesung ,that jackass, had once again convinced himself that he was doing something for Kyuhyun's benefit and he hated it in that very second. Yesung was such a fool, that he thought strangling him would be the best cure....of maybe just Kyuhyun's anger, doubting that anything could ever get through that thick skull that Yesung seemed to have, the selfish bastard! always making life hard for him in everything that they did, wondering why he loved him so much, hands tightening just a fraction, Yesung staring up at him with scared eyes, still filled with worry and shock, Kyuhyun not having any sympathy for him at all, Yesung sputtering and coughing, trying to speak.

"Kyu ah stop. I-I can't breathe" Yesung managed to say, small hands tugging at the larger hand at his throat and shoulder, holding in him in place as he was being murdered. It was such a strange feeling really, Kyuhyun's grip tight and eyes mean, but Kyuhyun was otherwise causing him no harm. The hand to his throat though was becoming painful fast and he really couldn't breathe very well. He knew that what he did would upset Kyuhyun but he truthfully did not expect to be murdered for his words, eyes wide and pleading, tugging at the large hands, trying to get some sort of relieve, Kyuhyun seemingly unflinching, and unmoved by his pleas.

"That's good. That means I am doing it right" Kyuhyun taunted a little, smiling at Yesung in a sadistic way, though his fingers loosened considerably, trying to be more gentle with it and not actually kill him. Whilst he wanted to murder him and make him suffer for all the pain he caused him, he didn't actually want to hurt him too much. He had no intention of actually making the older man cease breathing or have too much pain. He just wanted to teach him a lesson, to remind him that he promised to strangle him if he continued to do stupid things.

 This was basically a public service notice to the older man.

 No matter how Kyuhyun thought about it, Yesung deserved to be killed quite gruesomely for the heartache he caused him. They were spending their last day together for a month and who knows how things would work out after  and the idiot had the audacity to ruin the moment not just for Kyuhyun but himself. Sometimes he wanted to kill him, not for the pain he caused Kyuhyun, but for the pain he forced himself to endure due to his stupid thoughts and ridiculous selfishness. It was like he didn't think about how much he would hurt them both if he continued to behave like that. His endlessness need to be 'selfless' and make 'noble' sacrifices would be the death of Kyuhyun one day.

 If it didn't literally take his life, he would end up serving a sentence term for murdering Yesung, or be forced to chug so much anti-acid for the ulcer in his stomach that he wished he would be death. Yesung deserved to suffer for all that pain he caused and to be frank, he was lucky Kyuhyun didn't deck him and break his cute little nose. Him strangling him alone was an act of kindness, fingers releasing some more when Yesung panted, his hands clawing at Kyuhyun's wrist, Kyuhyun keeping a stern eye on him, other than to scare the hell out of Yesung, which he was enjoying really, the scared eyes making him happy, at least Yesung would keep that in mind the next time he decided to do something stupid. He kept a close watch to gauge the reaction, to ensure that he was soft enough that Yesung would  not be too hurt by his actions, exceedingly careful, eyes trained on his face and feeling his heartbeat against his hand, ensuring that he kept himself in check, positive he would die on the spot if he actually hurt Yesung severely.

"Let go...Can't breathe....it h-hurts" Yesung sputtered out once more, grabbing at Kyuhyun's hands, hoping that the younger man would have some mercy on him. It seemed as if he finally pushed Kyuhyun too far and was paying for it. His guilty mind told him that he deserved to suffer for causing Kyuhyun pain, for being so bold to want to have Kyuhyun and then being so cowardly that he released him when things get too hard.

He was a bad person, one that hurt Kyuhyun and for that reason alone he deserved the be murdered and would face his punishment like a man, but the natural human will to live sort of ruined that. Whilst he was not gasping for breath and could still inhale regularly and was not actually seeing a his life flash before his eyes,that had to be a good sign. It was still really uncomfortable for him though and his basic human wish to stay alive was encouraging him to protest against the death trap he found himself in, looking at Kyuhyun with pleading eyes, not reacting in anger just yet, just the right way to induce the younger man into thinking he wanted him alive, tugging at his hands.

"You will be the death of me" Kyuhyun sighed as he allowed himself to fall on top of Yesung, moving his hands away from Yesung's throat and sliding it up to his cheeks, watching as the older man stuttered and inhaled rapidly, waiting for Yesung to kick him, sneaky rubbing his forehead against his, waiting to be shoved at, smiling when it actually happened.

After the fourth gulp, Yesung had recovered  enough to glare at Kyuhyun, pushing him off him with as much strength as he could muster, which really was nothing to talk about, especially against Kyuhyun's rather built upper body, but the younger man was inclined to move anyway, not wanting his weight to hurt Yesung's chest, especially not after he had just strangled him. He needed to make sure that he was able to breathe easily for a while and he could do that better when he was not crushing him, sliding off of him and smiling when Yesung turned to him with a glare.

"Have you lost your freaking mind? You could have killed me!" Yesung reprimanded strongly, the anger that he was holding back mingling with the knowledge that he sort of deserved worst than that, making him especially irritable and annoyed, directing it at his would be murderer, turning to glare at Kyuhyun, smacking him on the arms and chest, when the younger man turned to his side as well, wearing this damn smirk that was driving Yesung up a wall, wanting to rip it away, the bastard smiling at him in that smug way that wanted him to be the one that strangled him, his hand reaching for Kyuhyun's hair, ready to tug on it until he was satisfied, only to gasp when he realized it was a trap.

"As sane as you were when you asked me to break up" Kyuhyun stated easily, by then Yesung struggling in his arms, the older man caught against his chest, with his hands wrapped so firmly around him that he couldn't even squirm properly, his hands no benefit for them as they were crushed against Kyuhyun's chest, one still in the strands of his hair, slipping away as he struggled, but still caught up in Kyuhyun's hold, wanting to kick himself for falling into Kyuhyun's trap.

The sneaky bastard expected him to hit him for his attempted murder and was just laying in wait. The second his hands  were in Kyuhyun's hair he realized he had a mistake, the younger man smirking at him in that way that said he was caught, only managing a gasp when Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close to his body, all done so swiftly that he never had a fighting chance, caught off guard and his hands were in the right place for Kyuhyun to subdue him with ease, nothing stopping him and before he knew it Yesung was trapped in Kyuhyun's arms, held securely and even he knew struggling was in vain, but his pride was too strong to just give up, even if it was so freaking tempting. He didn't think he would be in Kyuhyun's arms again after he got the strength to utter those words and his own body was betraying him, his heart longing to stay right where he was and pretend that it was a bad dream and he still could stay with Kyuhyun.

"Stop struggling, you stubborn bastard" Kyuhyun instructed but it was not tainted with anything mean anymore, just some sort of amusement, deciding that he would really murder Yesung if he had to deal with his crazy logic in anger, so was determined to be the calm rational one, the urge to strangle him once more very strong and that was a little frightening, therefore wanting to be more controlled in his approach, least he goes too far and actually hurt Yesung. He could never live with himself that that happened, so had to find a better approach.

 He knew that Yesung was not happy to leave him, so he could only conclude that the older man just needed some sense knocked into his head, and he could do that, in a manner that did not involve choking him or so he hoped anyway, patiently waiting for Yesung to stop struggling, wondering why the bastard had to have so much pride. His legs were already tangled with his and he was comfortable, Kyuhyun knew he was. He was just struggling to be a bastard, Kyuhyun positive that he wanted to get lost in his arms, just as much as Kyuhyun wanted to hold him, Kyuhyun letting him tire himself out, just holding on strongly, trying to rest his chin against his head so that he could hold him steadily, unmoving as he waited for Yesung to settle down, dropping a kiss to his hair as he got close enough, tightening his grip as Yesung began to settle, holding him close as he waited, sighing when Yesung stopped his movements, the older man just breathing against his chest, twisting his head as he let his nose fall into the scent of Kyuhyun, sighing in resignation.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you making this so hard for me? I just want you to be happy" Yesung spoke quietly, so low that Kyuhyun barely heard him, just above a whisper, voice sad and tired, resigned to his fate, not sure what he was doing wrong, pained by his own weakness. He knew he gave in too easily, but honestly he didn't expect any other outcome. Every part of his body was screaming for him to stop struggling and just hug the life out of Kyuhyun, to bury himself in his arms, and wish they could be together forever exactly like that, but he knew he couldn't.

He knew Kyuhyun loved him and he adored the child, but he was asking Kyuhyun for too much.

It was one thing to be undeserving but still there to take care of Kyuhyun, another thing to be so selfish as to ask Kyuhyun to wait on him, ask him to shift everything around to accommodate someone in the army that couldn't dedicate his time to him, couldn't be there to wipe his sweat or ensure that he ate, couldn't be the sort of lover anyone would want. He refused to stand in the way of Kyuhyun's happiness. Two years was a long time and even if he could see Kyuhyun more with public service, it was still a great reduction, a great fall from what they were. Kyuhyun deserved to be with someone that could always be at his side and care for him and he was currently not that person.

Asking Kyuhyun to suffer for two long years was selfish and unforgivable.

 If he truly loved Kyuhyun, then he could do anything to make him happy and release him. In that time Kyuhyun could find true love. He could find a nice girl with a pretty forehead and a pure heart and fall in love, be taken care of and loved in the way that he should be. He was willing to let go of Kyuhyun's hand so that Kyuhyun could find his destiny, so that Kyuhyun could be happy. Why did Kyuhyun have to make it so hard for him? Couldn't he see that he was trying to help him? That he was being a good person and killing his selfish desires so that he could find happiness.

 He was doing it all for Kyuhyun. Why didn't he understand that?

Why didn't he just let him leave so that he would feel less like the world was crashing down around him and the burden was too strong to bear? Why did Kyuhyun just have to make it so goddamn hard to leave him? He was so frustrated he could cry, but all he did was weakly bury his head in Kyuhyun's chest, aware that he was defeating the purpose, but just so tired and sad and broken that he subconsciously knew he needed Kyuhyun just then, as well as the practical knowledge that he would never be free until Kyuhyun was ready to let him go.....both literal and figurative.

"What am I going to do with you? What can I do with a fool like you?" Kyuhyun asked, more rhetorical than anything else or at least Yesung thought it was, since he was not inclined to answer him, not sure of what to make of Kyuhyun's tone, expecting anger or frustration, not a calming indulgent sort of cooing, the younger man making him surprised and unsure what to expect, nearly flinching when the arms around him loosened, part from shock and part from terror, afraid that Kyuhyun was finally tired  of him and was letting him go, aware that he was a contradiction of himself, but feelings were weird things.

He needed to let go but that did not mean he was ready to let Kyuhyun go, ready to have Kyuhyun set him free. He didn't know what he wanted really, other than to love Kyuhyun and have Kyuhyun at least think of him happily. Right then he would also wish he knew what to do with Kyuhyun the younger man, shifting his hands away, Yesung afraid that he would be pushed away, all the while trying to convince himself that he should be trying to escape, simply looking at Kyuhyun with a deer in the headlights look when Kyuhyun pulled him away from his body a little, hands braced on his shoulders, looking down at him with amusement, before his lips were on his.

Kyuhyun honestly could smack him, but Yesung was the sort that seemed to enjoy pain.

 That was the only explanation he could come to for why the idiot always went out of his way to cause himself such heartache. He was not as close to as selfless as he liked to think he was, instead the bastard was infinitely selfish. Every time he tried to do something that he thought was best for Kyuhyun's wellbeing, he always made that decision based on his thoughts and feelings and couldn't ever really be seen to have taken Kyuhyun into consideration. Kyuhyun was positive that he had never once told the fool that he was unhappy, but the bastard was intent on assuming everything every single time, making Kyuhyun want to kill him. He would do it too, but he was nearly positive that suffering was the only thing that Yesung liked.

Yelling at him was exactly what he wanted or what some messed up part of his mind expected.

The man was a strange enigma that sort to confuse him even more each time he thought he understood him. He was tired fighting with Yesung, tired trying to get him to understand that he was idiot, but even so he would never stop. You took care of the people you loved and he was determined to take care of Yesung, to protect him from the world and protect him from himself if he had to. Then was one time where he would be required to protect him from himself.

Yesung truly loved him. He knew he did.

He also knew that Yesung had good intentions, that the plans came from a place of love, that he truly thought that he was doing what was best for Kyuhyun, doing something that benefitted him. No matter how idiotic and wrong Yesung clearly was, Kyuhyun appreciated the affection he had for him, understand that love made him nonsensical and wanted only to make it better for him no matter what that entailed, swallowing his soft lips in a tender kiss.

He loved the idiot and hoped one day he would come to understand that, understand that he would do anything to make him happy, understand that he did not always have to protect him, that Kyuhyun was always happiest at his side and wrapped in his arms. Yesung had a lot to learn, a lot that he didn't understand it would seem and Kyuhyun didn't really know how to get through to him anymore. He had tried everything and about then, he was just going to go with the flow.

He would hold him close and try to sneak into his mind, try to talk him off that hypothetical ledge and into his arms, having his way with kisses rather than fights. He wasn't sure that would work either, but he was not letting Yesung go, so one way or the other, the older man had to understand that he had to stop making decisions for Kyuhyun, that he always got things like that wrong.

Until that occurred, Kyuhyun was content to kiss him into submission, lips moving against Yesung's gently, the older man stubborn enough not to react, Kyuhyun unfazed by his lack of response , the idiot always too prideful to just give in, continuing his ministrations, taking his time with him, not forcing himself on him in the least, just tasting his lips gently, waiting for Yesung to give in to him, waiting for the love to be too strong for him to say no to him, on his lower lip as he amused himself, smiling when Yesung kissed him back, lips moving against his with hunger, Kyuhyun resisting the urge to laugh at him, just holding him close as he kissed him back just as strongly, Yesung's hands sliding over his waist and chest and pulling him close, the urge to giggle at the older man's surrender so strong, only held back when Yesung slipped his tongue into his mouth, Kyuhyun enjoying the feeling nearly as much as he enjoyed tasting the appendage, wrapping his own tongue against it, a slow painfully sweet slide of warmth and flavour that made his body feel heat everywhere, not being the intention of his action, but still a rather wonderful consequence.

Yesung eventually pulling away with a cherry blessed cheek and a shy look in his eyes, looking at Kyuhyun beneath long feminine eyelashes that scared Kyuhyun, wondering how they could be that pristine and natural, a consideration for another time, just chuckling as he pulled the older man into his chest, aware that Yesung really just wanted to hide, holding him close as the older man buried his head against him, his forehead pressed against Kyuhyun's chest, Kyuhyun just laughing at him openly now, getting smacked once more.

"Why do you even bother to fight me? You love me too much to ever break up with me. Why are you even trying to?" Kyuhyun asked, a little more seriously than his actions would indicate, currently pressing teasing kisses to the side of Yesung's head and hair, sticking his finger into his side, trying to provoke him, Yesung grumbling into his chest, no doubt complaining about Kyuhyun's treatment but he was soon overcome with giggles, his body much too sensitive to withstand that sort of teasing lifting his head to complain about him.

 Kyuhyun smirking at him, Yesung scoffing when he realized that he had fallen for it again, the younger man swooping down into his throat, kissing the sweet flesh diligently, resisting the urge to leave a mark, just some sweet tasting, enjoying himself completely, Yesung grumbling from about him, his hand into his hair, trying to catch his breath, made hard by the fact that Kyuhyun had continued to poke him, giggling and yelping at random times, smacking Kyuhyun's shoulders, yet doing nothing to make the younger man release him, always so damn susceptible to the snarky bastard, not pleased that he was defeated, whilst being utterly grateful that Kyuhyun had given him another reason to hold on to him, very much aware that his hands were drawing Kyuhyun closer whether he admitted it to himself or not, resting his cheek against the puppy hair, exhaling and wondering what he was supposed to do next.

This breaking up with Kyuhyun was turning out to be a lot harder than expected.

He knew he would break his own heart and feel guilty about Kyuhyun, but he more foresaw the aftermath, rather than the difficulties he would have getting away from Kyuhyun or even the task it was to get Kyuhyun to understand that they had to break up, Kyuhyun so far ignoring him. He was trying so hard too.......okay....so maybe it was his fault things were happening like that, unable to say no to Kyuhyun, his body much to sensitive to the younger man, everything in him wanting to return to Kyuhyun, only his mind protesting and it was just too weak to stand up to his heart and his  body, as well as the tempting things that Kyuhyun was doing to him. It was just too hard to accomplish, especially when he was originally susceptible to Kyuhyun and the younger was now determined to tempt him even more. What was he supposed to do?

"I want you to be happy Kyuhyun. I want you to live a full happy life, not be forced to wait on some guy in the army, keeping you back from doing things that you want to do. What we have already makes you  suffer so much, why do you even want to wait too? Don't you have any sense?" Yesung spoke seriously, having took a few deep breathes and gathered all his courage, not sure if he was doing the right things, but forcing himself to put it all out there.

Kyuhyun seemingly wanted to hear the truth and whilst  he was nervous and certainly terrified about saying it, he was man enough to do what had to be done, even if he was not brave enough to release Kyuhyun as  he said it, the younger man still buried into his throat, pressing open mouthed kisses, only stopping when Yesung began to speak, Yesung having no way of knowing what was happening in Kyuhyun's mind, having no way of gauging Kyuhyun's reaction, occupying himself with stupidly running his hand along Kyuhyun's clothed spine, hoping that the younger man understood what he was saying.

He knew it was hard and he was not doing a very good job of breaking up with him, but he knew it was the right thing to do. When his mind put it like that, it was hard to see the fault in his logic. He loved Kyuhyun. He wanted Kyuhyun to be happy. Kyuhyun cannot be happy with him.

Therefore, the only conclusion was to let Kyuhyun go and be happy with someone else.

 It made sense to him even if it hurt like hell to admit that Kyuhyun could not be happy with him, the person that he loved the most better with someone else. That was true love though; putting someone else's happiness before your own and he truly loved Kyuhyun. He could do that for him and he hoped Kyuhyun understood the necessity, tightening his hold on the younger man subconsciously, pressing a kiss to the younger man's hair, his heart and his mind forever at war, Kyuhyun the unfortunate victim. The younger man not sure if to listen to the words uttered or trust the hand that gripped on to him as if he was the most precious thing in the world, deciding to do his own thing as he finally lifted his head.

"What do you think I am Hyung?" Kyuhyun asked, voice low and to the point, shifting away from Yesung to a more independent position, hands not leaving Yesung's waist, and making no effort to get Yesung to release him either, just leaning back so that he could look Yesung in the eyes.

Kyuhyun was  ready to have a serious conversation with him when it came to their relationship, tired of having the same things happen over and over again, tired of the war that Yesung seemed to be fighting within himself and just tired of trying to get through to Yesung, deciding that he would make some things clear, starting with that question. He supposed that was the key to everything and once he had his answer he would know how to proceeded, looking at Yesung with determined eyes, the older man blanching under his gaze, cheeks red as he was flustered, Kyuhyun trying to soften his expression to put him more at ease, not wanting to scare him really, just looking for his answer.

"What do you mean? I don't understand..." Yesung spoke, very sincere, with his small almond shaped eyes looking towards Kyuhyun as if he did something wrong and was confessing a crime, his hand coming to the younger man's chest, aimlessly playing with the collar of his sweater, eyes looking down when he responded, clearly feeling embarrassed that he did not understand what Kyuhyun was saying to him.

 The entire situation was awkward and he didn't know what to do, feeling as if he was disappointing Kyuhyun and much too guilty and out of his element to even feel anger, sighing a little in a way he does when he felt hopeless, forgetting that Kyuhyun hated when he did that, the younger man this time, just crushing him against his chest with a laugh that sound more like a bark than anything thing, letting die away before he spoke.

"Do you see me as a child Hyung?....... Am I a child to you?" Kyuhyun asked the man against his chest, not pulling him to look at his eyes, but just keeping him close for him to listen, pausing for Yesung to answer him, wanting to get his answer.

 It seemed that was where all his problems were going from and the only way to solve the endless issues that he seemed to have was to get rid of that misconception that the older man seemed to have when it came to him. He was tired of being treated like a child, whether Yesung accepted that or not, the older man forever disregarding him in a way that could only lead to trouble. It was an issue that had been weighing on his mind for a long time and now seemed the right time as any to deal with it. Hopefully it was not as bad as his mind was making it out to seem.

"Kyu ah...I...." Yesung stuttered a response, feeling as if he was being accused of something and still not sure what Kyuhyun was getting at. The younger man was normally a lot more to the point, so he could only conclude that he was the one that was making a mistake and felt stupid once more. He tried to pull away, to create some room so that he could understand what was happening, Kyuhyun too close and his mind too flustered, rocking back a little, Kyuhyun letting him, though it seemed that was to fulfil his own agenda, the younger man speaking again.

"I know you like to baby me and I let you do it. You like to take care of me and I like when you do, but it seems like you think I am a child, like I am incapable of making my own decisions. It's like you only see me as some that kid that sticks to you instead of the person that you share your life with" Kyuhyun spoke honestly, wanting to hold back and wanting to get it all out there all at the same time, honest wining out in the end, tired of holding back the fear that ate at him on those sleepless nights, tired of wondering what he was to Yesung.

 It had been eating him alive since the older man moved out earlier in the year without clearing it with him, showing itself every time Yesung made a decision unilaterally, without so much as consulting him. He was not saying that Yesung had to ask him to do something or even listen to him, but he really wanted to be part of the older man's life, to be the person that he shared his thoughts and fears with. Yesung had been doing that more recently, to be fair to him, but he still held back so much that Kyuhyun hated it all. Hated feeling as if he was forcing himself into Yesung's life, forcing himself into his heart.

Yesung should want to include him, should want to let him be at his side. He knew that Yesung loved him though, knew that the man valued his opinion and wanted his respect, so he could only conclude that Yesung acted that way because he thought he had to protect him. Something like that had been abundantly clear in their early days together, obvious to him that Yesung saw him as something precious that he had to protect. He appreciated the sentiment but he had hoped that over time Yesung would understand that he was an adult, that he was a man that could support him too, that he could be the one that protected him, rather than some young kid that insisted on being at his side. His hope was seemingly wasted though as time passed and the older man just seemed to want to protect him even more.

He could live with the babying. He really could.

It was annoying as hell but he liked when the older man pampered him, when he acted as if Kyuhyun was the most precious thing to him. He craved Yesung's attention and would do anything to have those smiles directed at him. If accepting Yesung's sometimes overbearing care was the only way to do that then he was more than happy to be the one the older man smothered in his affection. He could be Yesung's baby, could be the one that he treated like a pet, but he refused to be written off just as his baby.

He was certainly more than that and it was time Yesung acknowledged him as a man.

 About time he acknowledged  him as the man that loved him and wanted to protect him and honestly if he couldn't do that then he could at least let Kyuhyun make his own decisions. He knew it would be hard for Yesung  to just stop babying him and truthfully he didn't want him to stop, but he really wanted him to stop making decisions for him. It was going to tear him apart and eventually tear their relationship apart and he would rather die than let that happen.

"Kyuhyun ah it's not like that. I swear it's not like that. Of course you are more to me than that. I know you are not a child, I really do. You have to believe me. You mean so much to me" Yesung pleaded, a reaction to what he was hearing more than anything, never realizing that Kyuhyun felt that way.

 He admitted that he babied Kyuhyun but the younger man was the maknae, he really was the baby. He wanted to take care of him, wanted him to be safe and healthy and protected from the world, but he never meant to make him think he saw him as a burden. He knew Kyuhyun was a man, very much aware of that actually, and aside from the physical attributes, he knew that Kyuhyun was a mature adult more than capable of taking care of himself and Yesung too, but somehow he just wanted to be the one that took care of Kyuhyun.

Maybe he was wrong for doing that so much, vaguely aware that he was a little overbearing sometimes, and often tried not to be clingy with Kyuhyun so that the younger man did not feel he was a burden to him, but that never meant that he view Kyuhyun as incapable or as if he the younger man was clinging to him. He saw Kyuhyun as something so precious, that it hurt that the younger man could think something so horrible. How could he think that he saw him like some whiny child that he couldn't get rid of when he loved him like his life depended on it. He thought Kyuhyun was the one that was burden by him and his crazy moods and ill temper and why did it get like that?

Yesung was nearly frantic in his explanations, eyes wide as he gripped Kyuhyun's sweater, feeling panicked as his words caught in  his throat, Kyuhyun wrapping him back in his arms tightly, never intending to make him feel bad, but still grateful that Yesung finally understood what he was trying to say, holding him tight in his arms, setting about calming the older man who actually looked closed to tears, Kyuhyun's mind setting him on fire, guilt burning him and his own heart cursing him to the pits of hell for potentially hurting Yesung, but it had to be said and it had to be brought out in the open to avoid more hurt in the long run.

 In the meantime, as a sign of atonement, he could soothe the older man, locking him in a tired embrace, head rubbing against his hair, in a comforting gesture, hands running along his back, smooth and easy, voice whispering words of comfort into his ear, promising that it would all be okay, kisses to his head and a conviction in Kyuhyun's heart to make it all better, Yesung absorbing what was being said, looking through his mind, trying to decide if he was really an awful person that mistreated Kyuhyun, the younger man promising him that was not the case, Kyuhyun repeating the same things over and over again in his ear, saying that he loved him and he knew that Yesung loved him too, that he had to understand that Kyuhyun was not mad at him or hurt, just that he wanted something to change for the better. He was trying his best to take it all in, his mind too dazed to tell him what to do, clinging to Kyuhyun like a lifeline as he did not know what else he was supposed to do in that moment, finding himself drawn to Kyuhyun, safe in his arms.

"I know you love me Hyung and I love you too, but you have to stop making decisions for me. I am more than capable of deciding certain things for myself and whilst I am always happy that you want to take care of me and protect me, you can't keep deciding my life for me" Kyuhyun explained when Yesung was more calm, wanting to explain himself properly before Yesung continued to misunderstand him.

With the way Yesung reacted, he was sure the older man was taking him the wrong way and he did not want that. He only wanted Yesung to understand that he was more than capable of taking care of himself and that he was certainly old enough to decide where his happiness lie. If he was happy with Yesung, then he should be allowed to stay with the person he loved. He was more than capable of identifying his own happiness and should be permitted to decide when something like that changed. He appreciated everything Yesung did for him, loved him more than should be humanly possible, would do anything and everything to make him happy, but Yesung had to stop doing things like, stop trying to unilaterally decide his life for him. He couldn't stop Yesung from making selfish decisions. That would come with time. They were only together for one year and Yesung was always a little too independent and headstrong. Kyuhyun understood that, just as he understood that he was the same thing most of the time.

Relationships did not start off perfect, and always took work.

He was young and somewhat naive, he was willing to admit that, a little stupid when it came to love. The fact that he debut as a teenager made genuine relationships hard for him. When he was too hormone filled to ignore it, he found relief where ever he could, a few romantic dalliances here and there, finding one night stands a little too crass for his taste, but in essence he knew he was fooling himself, thinking they were something more than a warm body and a quick release. He had a few real crushed along the way, the nervousness and the fear of being caught and embarrassing Super Junior ensured that he never really got too far and it was just as well, all fizzling out rather quickly. He thought he was in love once; it wasn't. He was a little disappointed then, hoping that it would last, but it didn't and he had to accepted that it was just another passing crush. That was probably why he held on to fate so strongly, hoping that the heavens about had ordained a great love for him and all he had to do was find it.

He lived liked that until he eventually found Yesung, in the romantic sense that is. It was the first time he felt genuine love, first time he had ever come to true love. He valued Yesung and their love more than anything in the world, maybe more than his voice. He would do anything in his power to protect it and he wanted Yesung to know that. He wanted him to know that he was endlessly committed to him.

He wanted him to know that he was aware that relationships took work, that you didn't just get up one morning and find yourself a perfect relationship. People grew together and with his and Yesung's stubbornness that was what they needed. They needed time to bend and mould around each other, to find themselves as part of the other. He knew that eventually they would adjust to each other and merge as they were meant to be, two parts of a whole, yet individuals in a perfect creation. He was willing to learn as time went by, willing to compromise and change with Yesung, to do whatever it took to make their relationship work, but sometimes change was needed.

Yesung had to let him make his own decisions, had to let him be the one to decide if he wanted to stay with Yesung or not. He supposed he would have been willing to accept that they break up if that was what Yesung wanted. It would hurt like hell, but if Yesung did not love him anymore or thought it was too hard he would let the older man go, let him have his happiness, but he refused to accept such a situation when Yesung was basing it on what he thought was best for Kyuhyun. He loved him to death, but Yesung did not have the right to make those sorts of decisions for him. He was the only one that would know what made him happy and that was something that he should be free to decide. Yesung did not have the right to make that sort of decision for him. He hoped that he understood him now.

"I never meant for it to be like that. I know that you are capable of making your own decisions, but I only want you to be happy Kyuhyun. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I won't say sorry for that" Yesung spoke this time, pulling his head away from Kyuhyun's chest, having  had time to collect himself and sort of understand what Kyuhyun was saying.

Truly he did not mean to make Kyuhyun feel like he was controlling his life or making decisions for him, but he could admit that he sometimes did that. It was a natural reaction in most situations and usually involved small things. He and Kyuhyun still had fairly separate lives and he never involved himself with certain things, allowing Kyuhyun to act as he wanted, never wanting the younger to find him burdensome, so he knew that Kyuhyun could not be talking about his involvement in their basic lives together, clearly meant to refer to his decision to break up with Kyuhyun. The younger man had to mean him deciding that Kyuhyun would be happier without him.

That was one of those decisions that he had made himself  and truthfully he did not regret it.

He understood what Kyuhyun was saying and he would try his hardest to give Kyuhyun the freedom to act as he pleased, which he did already to be honest, but when it came to Kyuhyun's wellbeing, he was sorry to offend or hurt, but he was not going to stop. He had a responsibility to take care of Kyuhyun, a duty to ensure that Kyuhyun was happy and healthy and he would do whatever that take to achieve, even if that meant his exclusion from Kyuhyun's life. He would try to understand Kyuhyun's sentiment and in a way he already did, but he just knew he wanted to make Kyuhyun happy, even if Kyuhyun did not realize the hardship he was undertaking, Yesung did, and he just couldn't sit by and watch the younger man be stubborn and suffer. He was sorry if Kyuhyun was mad at him but he had to consider Kyuhyun's long term wellbeing as paramount.

"You don't have to apologize for that Hyung. I just want you to let me decide what makes me happy and what doesn't. I am more than capable of leaving your sorry if I am unhappy, believe me . You make it so easy to with all those annoying habits you have, but I want to be the one to make that choice. You don't have the right to take that away from me. Let me be the one to decide what makes me happy and what doesn't Hyung" Kyuhyun took seriously once more, looking Yesung in the eye, trying to get him to understand his feelings in the matter.

He knew that Yesung just wanted the best for him but that madness had to come to an end. He had to let Kyuhyun be the one to decide what was best for him, to let him decide where his happiness lie and where it didn't. He should have the freedom to decide if he was happy with Yesung, if he was happy to wait on him, happy to stay in his arms, if he preferred a stolen kiss once a week to a quick shallow one night stand with a girl he couldn't remember whenever he was free.

He should be the one that got to make that choice, not Yesung.

He understood what Yesung as saying and the man was a gift from the heavens, something that he did not deserved clearly. It was sort of heady to know that someone loved you that much , but he also knew that he was the only one that could understand the joy he felt with just knowing that he loved Yesung, that he had someone that special in his heart, and that was not even thinking about the awe that he had in fact that Yesung loved him too. He knew where his happiness was and it was with Yesung and he was entitled to decide that. Yesung wanted what was best for him, he knew that, but some things only he would be able to understand and truthfully that was one of them. Yesung would just have to understand his feelings in the matter because it was the one time he was not going to back down.

"You don't understand Kyuhyun ah. It will be so hard for you. I won't be there for you when you need me. I can't help you, I can't take care of you. It will just be burdensome to wait for me. How can you want that? How can you want to suffer so much?" Yesung asked him, staring into his eyes, wanting to give Kyuhyun what he wanted but truthfully he couldn't see how Kyuhyun could come to such a decision. He could only conclude that the younger man was young naive and thought he had to be loyal to him.

He appreciated the sentiment , he really did, but he rather live in the knowledge that Kyuhyun was happy with someone that could love him properly and take care of him, than have Kyuhyun waste his life thinking that he owed him some debt of gratitude or loyalty. His prerogative was only Kyuhyun's happiness and truthfully he could see no way that Kyuhyun would be happy in the situation. He knew it was public service, but still, he had no idea where he was being placed, or what he would be doing. He didn't know if he would see Kyuhyun at all or how often. He couldn't be there to watch over him or help him, couldn't make sure he ate or sleep, couldn't wipe his sweat or plaster his cuts when he was careless and hurt himself. They were already locked away in a dark closet that they couldn't escape for a long time, why add even more suffering to it?

He would be away from him.

Kyuhyun could use that as an opportunity to forget about him, forget about their tainted love and move on, to find true happiness that never had to be hidden or treated with scorn, move on with his life, find some way to reach his full potential. He was already leaving Super Junior. Gamers would get their wish, Kyuhyun would finally be able to shine and in some sadistic way he knew he would be proud of him rather than jealous and bitter as he ought to be. His absence would give Kyuhyun a chance to shine and that made him happy, just for the fact that Kyuhyun would grow so much as a singer.

 All that was left was his private life.

 Dating would still be hard, but at least it wouldn't be some weird guy this time, Kyuhyun still very much attracted to women, judging by the last time he had walked in on him in a comprising position by accident, hands set about a particular task with rather wanton feminine  from his laptop, just turning around and pretending that didn't happen, neither inclined to mention it. Surprisingly it was not the first time that had happened and he had his fair share of things he was grateful that the others never mentioned, but all in all he could conclude that Kyuhyun still had a particular taste for the female form and truthfully that was a good thing. That meant that Kyuhyun could pursue a normal relationship.

Whilst he would still have to be careful, he would at least not have to be afraid of scorn and hatred, of disappointing his parents, or ruining his career beyond repaid. Kyuhyun was just not thinking about the benefits of being away from him. He was young and blinded by affection. He had to be the one that helped him get through this unscathed, even if that meant sacrificing himself. Kyuhyun just didn't understand what he was getting into, what he was potentially sacrificing.

"Hyung, when I go to the army are you going to date someone else? Are you just going to leave me for the first hot girl you see or will you wait on me?" Kyuhyun asked a little sadly, looking at Yesung with sad betrayed eyed, the older man sagging under the look, his righteous disposition falling as he tried to comfort Kyuhyun, his hands reaching up to his face, soothing the cheeks as he spoke.

"Of course I will wait for you. I can never leave you. Let's not even talking about that. The army is no place for someone like you. Honestly I don't think you would clear a medical. The examiner was explaining it to-" Yesung comforted originally but then naturally broke into a ramble when the idea of Kyuhyun going to the army came to him, horrified at the thought, positive that Kyuhyun was not ever supposed to get anywhere near a gun, especially not after the child had suffered so much over his short life.

Who in their right mind would let Kyuhyun service in the army?

 He was nearly killed for God's sake. His body was still damaged and weak and those army officials would be monsters if they took his BabyKyu from him to go to such a place. Kyuhyun was so pasty and unhealthy and even more clumsy that he was. Next thing he got hurt? He couldn't bear the thought, trying to reassure Kyuhyun that he didn't have to worry about him ever leaving him or about the army, remembering the criteria the official had explained to him when he had failed his medical, doubting that Kyuhyun would pass one, as scary as that was, he rather deal with an unhealthy Kyuhyun than worry about him in the army, so focused on his ramblings that he did not even realize what he had just said or the fact that Kyuhyun was smirking at him, only stopping when Kyuhyun interrupted me.

"Why would you want to wait for me Hyuuung? I won't even be there...Hyuuunng" Kyuhyun spoke this time, filled with fake sadness, prolonging the honorific, in a way that would set a fire under the older man, Kyuhyun having to bite back the smile when Yesung was cooing at him once more, finding this all too easy really, waiting for the final knockout blow, the man's logic clearly messed up.

"Why does that matter. I love you, even if you aren't there. Don't even think about it okay. Of course I will wait for you, no matter where you are, I love you. Please don't think about things like that. I promise I won't leave you " Yesung promised sincerely, Kyuhyun looking at him with the most pitiful expression he had ever seen, the sort that ached his heart and made him a fool, the sort that promised his life to a brat, the sort that that forgot that he hated cheesy things, willing to promise his life if it meant Kyuhyun would stop looking at him like that , worried and sad, feeling as if he was useless, he held on to his cheeks firmly, pleading with him to be believe him, to trust in his words, to never worry about things like that.

 He loved Kyuhyun too much to ever let him feel like that, to ever let him think something so horrible. He would never leave Kyuhyun, not even if he was not there. Love didn't work like that. Love was unyielding and everlasting, unconditional. He thought Kyuhyun knew that? He didn't he know that? Had he done something wrong? He would worry about that later however, Kyuhyun still looking at him with dead eyes, sad and so painful to see, aching his heart, Yesung hugging him as tightly as he could, trying to show him his love, squeezing the life out of Kyuhyun, kissing him about the face, Kyuhyun holding on gently, the older man very worried about him, listening seriously as Kyuhyun spoke past his ear.

"Don't lie to me Hyung. You wouldn't wait on me. Why would you wait on me? Why would you wait on me when you will be unhappy" Kyuhyun spoke as sadly as he could manage, not a very good actor to begin with, but Yesung was a gullible idiot most of the time, especially when it came to Kyuhyun since he naturally trusted him so much, never stopping to think about what Kyuhyun said to him, just going along like an idiot even though Kyuhyun has pranked him a million times, Kyuhyun wondering what he would do with the idiot for real, thinking he should smack him for being an idiot and forcing him to play those mind games on him or thank him for the opportunity to  have some fun with him, positive now that Yesung was a true fool that he needed to protect from men like him.

"How can you say that? Why would I be unhappy waiting on you? I love you, Brat. As annoying as you are, I love you. I can't do any of this without you, I can't be happy if you are not there...well you know what I mean" Yesung continued to reassure, holding on to Kyuhyun tightly, feeing frustrated that nothing he was saying was getting through to Kyuhyun. How could the younger man think any of that was possible without being insane? He could never leave him, and he was sure that Kyuhyun knew that.

He just wished the brat stop thinking  his own enlistment which was very far away thankfully, grateful that they had such a large age difference for the first time in a really long time, wanting Kyuhyun to still enjoy his youth and his fame before he had to leave it behind. Kyuhyun should not think about things like that at all, Yesung trying to distract him, lips moving towards the younger man's skin, pressing against his jaw line and the side of his throat, Kyuhyun having to bite back a hiss, wanting to devour the idiot in his arms, but the trap had to be sprung, otherwise it would all be wasteful.

"How is that you are allowed to love me and wait for me and I am not allowed to love you or wait for you?" Kyuhyun asked, this time not bothering to kill the cheekiness, the words dripping with suggestion, waiting patiently  for the effect of his words to hit the man stupidly trying to 'comfort' him, positive that he would receive no kisses after that little show he put on just now, but if that was the only way Yesung would understand his feelings , then so be it.

He didn't think Yesung fully comprehended what he wanted just as yet, but if he worked at it, over time the older man would come to understand what he was asking, but until then he just had to guide him in the right direction. Yesung was strong willed but the fool really did love him too much, clearly much too easily manipulated by him but he supposed that was why he loved him so much, one of the endless reasons that he could never describe in its entirely, just holding on as he waited to get killed.

"What? You can do whatever you want Kyuhyun ah...You can love-----You bastard!! You tricked me!" Yesung fumed when he finally realized what that Kyuhyun had done, voice raising as his hands tried to push Kyuhyun away, hand tugging on his hair really hard, Kyuhyun expecting the violence to be honest, and supposed he deserved it, though he put on a show, whining endlessly about the pain he was in, asking Yesung to release him, the older man obviously not listening to him, instead trying to push him away, too close for that to work, but give the stubborn bastard some credit, he didn't give up at all, pushing against Kyuhyun's chest, tugging his hair, lifting his knees, continuing his grumbles, more mad that he was taken for a fool than anything else, Kyuhyun trying to weather the little tornado until he was kneed in the thigh, acting then.

"Hyuunnngggg you are hurting me" Kyuhyun whined shamelessly, making a pitiful face at the older man, who was intent on breaking his bones for his bad behaviour, Kyuhyun taking what could only be considered to be pre-emptive measures, certainly not above him to act cute to get away from punishment selling the injuries for all he was worth, and groaning as if Yesung was killing him and in a way Yesung was, his head hurting from all the hair pulling and he would hurt his thighs if Yesung continued to knee him in the area, whining as best as he could for the older man to stop, keeping his pitiful expression when the hair pulling stopped, Yesung looking at him with concerned eyes, before they flashed in knowledge.

"Don't try  that you sneaky bastard. You deserved all of this. Why don't you ever just listen to me? I only want what is best for you" Yesung questioned, but it was more of a complaint that anything else, sounding rather resigned to his ill fate and the fact that he was in love with a sneaky bastard that never listened to him.

The childish idiot just made a fool of him and it was basically impossible for him to backtrack now, unsure how he was supposed to explain to Kyuhyun that he was only trying to sneak his interest. Yesung would freely admit that he was a fool for the child, that he would do anything for Kyuhyun and the idea that Kyuhyun would do the same for him scared him a little. Kyuhyun should have better sense than that, he should be smart enough to put his future ahead of him. Kyuhyun however was obstinate in what he wanted and now it seemed as if he was determined to wait, Yesung didn't know what to do, smacking him across the arms in frustration.

"Stop that. I know you do Hyung. I know that you just want me to be happy, but why can't you accept that I will be happy with you, happy waiting for you?" Kyuhyun asked seriously, capturing the hand that was hitting him, lacing his fingers around the wrist and sliding it into the palms, Yesung not fighting with him, letting Kyuhyun take the hand that he was smacking him with, the younger man moving in close once more, the other hand still somehow around him, Kyuhyun not pulling him against his chest as he expected, instead just playing with the fingers of his hand, cheekily bring his fingers up to his lips, and pressing soft kisses to them, Kyuhyun tempted to say he  was showing off, but reality was that he was just that cheesy sometimes.

It was just an added benefit that Yesung liked that sort of thing whether he admitted it or not, looking at the joint hands and admiring the way they fit together, certain in the knowledge that things like that made him happy, that things like that would always make him happy. When would Yesung realize that Kyuhyun was an idiot that only loved him? He didn't know why, and he swears, sometimes he wished he didn't, especially with all the stress that he was forced to endure half the time, but even so, he just wanted to be with him. Yesung had to stop being an idiot and let him  stay at his side. Seriously, anyone else would be grateful to have his love, and he gets stuck with the idiot that keeps trying to get him to stop loving him.

"I can't because it does not make any sense. Do you understand how hard it will be at all? I won't be there most of the time. I can't take care of you or anything. Why do you want that so much Kyuhyun ah? You will have a hard time, don't you see that?" Yesung questioned lowly, voice solemn and serious,  letting Kyuhyun play with his fingers as he used the other hand to touch Kyuhyun's cheek lovingly, trying to get the Kyuhyun to know that he was not trying to hurt him or stop him from having something he wanted, just that he did not understand what he was asking for.

Kyuhyun didn't seem to get that it would be hell on earth for him. He was lost to the idea that he would have to not see him for long periods and even when they did meet it would be a hidden somewhere or just back in the dorms if they wanted to touch each other, and that didn't seem to be the life that Kyuhyun should live in his opinion, wanting the younger man to understand that he was asking to have a hard time. Why did he want that life, Yesung did not understand.

"Why wouldn't I want to be with you Hyung? I know that it will be hard. Nothing with us is ever easy, now is it? I don't see why  any of that matters. It's not as if you are disappearing. You will be around after basic training anyway. I will just see less of you that is all" Kyuhyun explained his point of view, wanting Yesung to understand that he was not naive in any way.

He had thought about it all long and hard after that letter came.

He thought about it even more on those long flights he had as he travelled across South America with Super Junior and without Yesung. He knew what that felt like and truly he did not like it one bit. He would much preferred to have the older man in his sights if not his arms. That experience however taught him a valuable lesson. He learnt that he can live without Yesung and he can be productive. He learnt that he can eat and sleep, even if it was a little different, but in essence he could do it fairly well. He learnt that he didn't need Yesung for any of those things, he simply wanted him.

That was the point of it all in Kyuhyun's mind.

 He was not dependent on Yesung, wasn't clasp to him with a string, other than that red string that he suspected had been tied between a long time ago, didn't have to have Yesung beside him to live or breathe, he just wanted him.

He really and truly wanted him.

He thought of him before he ate something delicious, wondered if he would have liked this drink or preferred the other, wondered if he would have taken a picture here or there or maybe he would liked this or seen that, or bought that or touched this. No matter where he was or what he was doing, Yesung was part of his life. He didn't need to be with Yesung to feel that way. Just the knowledge that the older man was somewhere loving him, that he was Kyuhyun's to love  was somehow enough for Kyuhyun. Of course it would be hard. Nothing in life was easy, or at least nothing worth having anyway.

Kyuhyun expected to suffer, but he also excepted to feel flutters in his stomach and excitement at the thought of us seeing Yesung again. Waking up to Yesung in his bed after the South American trip proved to him that he would kill to have that, to be able to come home one last time and just wrap his arms around him and smell the raspberries of his shampoo and the coffee cinnamon  of his skin. That feeling could never be replicated. He was never going to find someone he loved as much as Yesung and he would never feel that sort of joy with anyone else. He didn't care how hard it was to see each other, he wanted to be satisfied in the knowledge that he could still wrap his arms around that small waist and bury his head against his firm chest and know that is where he belonged. Yesung had just learn to accept that.

"Kyuhyun ah...it will still be hard..you will-" Yesung tried to explain again, taking Kyuhyun's point, but still not willing to let the younger man live a restricted live on his behalf. Why didn't the younger man see reason? Truthfully he was tired fighting on this point, not sure what he was going to say when Kyuhyun interrupted him.

"You can't change my mind Hyung. We both know I am too stubborn for that, so don't waste our time trying. You are mine Yesung hyung  and that is the way it is going to stay until I decide otherwise" Kyuhyun informed as he leaned in somewhat wolfishly, smirking at the older man after his last comment, wanting him to be aware that he was the one in charge, at least on that point, until Yesung decided on his next brilliant idea to take care of him only to be strangled again by Kyuhyun.

 Yesung glaring at him for the comment but was just sort of powerless when Kyuhyun pushed his weight forward and captured his lips, his chest falling on his, his hands in entirely the wrong position to resist him and with his habit of losing his senses whenever Kyuhyun kissed him, he didn't stand a chance in hell, Kyuhyun clawing at him once more, kissing him back, because really, what else should he do? Kyuhyun's lips were soft and wonderful and after their millionth kiss, he still tasted amazing and it was just too hard not to sink into it, sink into Kyuhyun and his blasted arms that made him feel stupid and malleable, Kyuhyun kissing him until he couldn't breathe, finally releasing him, only to mouth at his throat once more, Yesung's hand back into his hair and the other against Kyuhyun's shoulder, exhaling in resignation.

"I am not going to win this argument am I?" Yesung asked, but it was basically rhetorical as he already knew the answer. Kyuhyun was that stubborn truthfully and there was rarely anything in the world that could stop Kyuhyun when he set his mind to something and it was now abundantly clear that Kyuhyun was determined to wait for him.

He didn't know how to stop him and honestly, he was not entirely willing to force Kyuhyun away. He was stubborn as well, but to fight his heart and Kyuhyun as well was much too hard and as it was he was ready to give in. His heart and soul had been insistent on it all along and after time it was just too hard to say no, especially when such a significant part of him wanted to hold on to Kyuhyun for an eternity. With a sigh he resigned himself to his fate, fingers through  Kyuhyun's hair as the younger man gently tasted his throat.