The Promise to Endure

Chapter 1

Kyuhyun didn't know what he was supposed to be thinking in the moment, or what he was supposed to be feeling.

He couldn't decide if he was making the right decision or being a complete idiot and letting it go all to easily, if he should be sobbing his eyes out or keeping a strong expression and heart to make it easier for the man resting against him, body pressed against his chest, Kyuhyun's hands having snuck around his waist earlier in the evening, Yesung not bothering to shove him off. Kyuhyun supposed he knew now, the air of melancholy surrounding them no matter what they did and whether they chose to verbally admit or not, they both needed the closeness of each other's body to have a fighting chance of even bearing the night without just curling up and sobbing their eyes out. To hold on to each other and just cry until their tears ran dry and the ache in their chest so painful that not even tears would provide some relief.

Kyuhyun didn't know how Yesung could be so strong about it all, the older man not even looking likely to sniffle and Kyuhyun, a man that valued his pride more than anything, someone that refused to cry if he could help it, had to physically resist the urge to just let the salty beads free and bury his head in Yesung's fruit scented hair and just hold on for an eternity. He couldn't understand how the man could be so goddamn normal about everything when he would be away from him. Kyuhyun was seriously in awe of the man's skill, his own instincts only a trap for him.

All he wanted to do was banish his rationality and just run away with Yesung somewhere far away where he could just hold him in his arms and not let him go. Maybe they could go to Canada? Yesung always said he wanted to go there and Kyuhyun wasn't opposed to the idea either and from what he read, no one would look at them weirdly if he insisted on holding on to Yesung  every second of the day other than the fact that it was unhealthy that is. They wouldn't care too much that he and Yesung were both male if what he read was to be believed.

He knew he was being ridiculous of course.

His ideas where entirely farfetched and his reaction grossly over the top, considering that Yesung was not being put to death like he was behaving like, simply being away for a month for his training and then precluded from activities thereafter whilst he worked a day job. Heechul did the exact same thing and he saw Heechul more than he liked anyway, so rationally knew that he had nothing to worry about in that way.

Their schedules were originally crazy like hell and sometimes they would go days without seeing each other. The only great difference was that he would not be able to go on tour with Yesung anymore, but those would just be for short periods of time, days really, and even then he would get to call Yesung and have his voice in his ear when he fell asleep if he so required.

 Active duty would have been a something entirely different and then he supposed his plan to steal Yesung and vanish away to some foreign location where no one cared who they were would have been more appropriate in those circumstances. He supposed that was also a bit dramatic, but two years without Yesung was not something that he should have been expected to tolerate very well. He was barely holding it together and it was just one month of basic training.

 Aside from the terror that he expected to endure without seeing Yesung for an entire month, he was even more worried about the older man. He was worried that he would be hurt, or tired or lonely or bullied or treated harshly, terrified that he would be sad without him, that his body would ache and he could not be there to ease the pain, horrified at the very idea of Yesung holding a gun in those tiny hands, not even sure if he could realistically hold a rifle with those small fingers. What if he was his usual clumsy self and dropped it or accidentally discharged it?

 There were so many fears swirling around  in his mind, that even a month of just basic training seemed like much too much for him to endure, rather having the gorgeous man be pulled aside early in his tenure and be shown to a nice table and taught nice easy technical things that did not require him to hurt his body and anyone else with his recklessness, especially his carelessness when it came to personal safety.

There were so many what ifs that haunted Kyuhyun's mind. What if he fell and hurt his knee? What if he strained his back? What if the other trainees excluded him from their games or didn't want to talk to him? Aside from the natural resentment that some of them had for celebrity recruits and then there was the fact that Yesung was such a freaking weirdo. The others may not understand his jokes or know what he was talking about.....what if he told them about his turtles?

How could Kyuhyun in good conscience realistically send Yesung off to the army? Even if it was just for a month, the public service more than likely spent in an office, where the fears that he would be ostracized would continue to exist but at least then, Kyuhyun could meet him after work and kiss his troubles away, stealing him away for a little while and ensure he knew that Kyuhyun was there for him and loved him. Kyuhyun was upset that he wouldn't be with him all the time of course, but he had worked it all out his mind, pleased that he could at least have that opportunity. Even if it was not every night, he would at least get to see him once a week. With no album promotions planned and M having no plans for the rest of the year, he was sure his schedule would allow him to spend time with Yesung then and if all else failed he could still bank on a phone call or a message daily.

He was selfish but he was not stupid. He knew what the alternative entailed and as such he was more than willing to take what was offered to him. Even if Yesung was stationed outside of Seoul, there would still be the opportunity to see him on his rest days. It wasn't all bad in that way. That still however, left a month of endless worry for him to endure, especially when Yesung would be all on his own during that time. No late night calls or visits, only the few letters that he would be allowed to received. What if he got lonely? Or it was too hard or somewhere hurt him? He was a stubborn bastard and would never admit to an ache if he could avoid it. There would be no one there to make him take painkillers or see a doctor or rest and with those thoughts, Kyuhyun was once more seriously contemplating running away with him, somewhere he was sure that Yesung would be with him and not be made to suffer, where they would not be apart.

He knew he couldn't implement any of those plans though, so he did the only thing in his power, tightening  his grip around Yesung's waist and dipping his head into the scented hair, holding on as if his life depended on it, Yesung turning his gaze away from his laptop to acknowledge Kyuhyun's movement, lifting a perfect eyebrow in question, Kyuhyun just shaking his head as he kissed his temple, Yesung accepting his non verbal answer, turning back to watching his movie, the one he had cashed in one of his vouchers for, so it was some annoying foreign language film that Kyuhyun had been set on ignoring anyway, the spare time given him opportunity to think about his situation, to look at the man in his arms and understand his own heart.

Truthfully he wasn't pleased with their positions in the least.

It was the fourth of May, the enlistment only a day away, so freaking close that Kyuhyun wanted to claw his eyes out or to take Yesung with him and disappear. He couldn't do that though, so instead he was relegated to the next best thing and that was spending time with Yesung.

After their tour, they had the week free for the most part and he was intent on spending it with Yesung. It seemed that intention was shared by everyone else and soon found that it was hard for him to spend as much time as he hoped with Yesung, the others all scheduling his time for him to do every possible thing with them, Kyuhyun grumpy about it as a general rule but never doing anything to interfere with the course of things. He was endlessly selfish but at the same time he knew that Yesung meant a lot to everyone and that they would miss him just as much as Kyuhyun did. He hated to share Yesung but he figured that was something that he could do for everyone, something that he was working exceptionally hard to permit.

 It was not in his nature to let the person he loved be away from his side and the need to be selfish was so strong but for once he decided to think about the feelings of the others and Yesung rather than his own wants. He knew they all loved Yesung and wanted to show their appreciation for him before he left, so he had no choice but to practice a measure of tolerance, simply turning a blind eye as Eunhyuk and Donghae tackled him to the couch or Ryeowook hung from his arm or Siwon clinging to his body....well he was much less tolerant with Siwon's roaming hand, interrupting continuously whenever he spotted them, being banished to his room by Yesung when he kept tugging him away from Siwon, the muscled man simply laughing at Kyuhyun's antics, by then just accustomed to his selfishness  and not bothering to fight with him over it, since Yesung always ensured that Kyuhyun was kept in his place, only really permitted to glare at Siwon.

There was no reason for Siwon to fight with him, since either way he still got to be with Yesung and sometimes he enjoyed Kyuhyun's suffering, like when the maknae would be forced to go sulk in his room when Yesung admonished him for being a selfish brat, not listening to his complaints at all. Siwon didn't like to think about how Yesung made the maknae feel better whenever he left to join him in his room, but it never took long for Kyuhyun to be in a better mood, Siwon figuring it was more along the line of kisses or something similar and that is something he pointedly refused to think about for endless reasons.

As it was though, Kyuhyun had to learn in the last week to be extra tolerant, wanting to eat up Yesung's every second, but willing himself to attend his schedules and not be stuck to Yesung's side, forcing himself to sit in his room and play his games when the others wanted to play with the older man, not loving the idea very much, but could never deny the genuine necessity of it all, seeing why they would all want their moment with the older man. Once Yesung came back and spent a few hours wrapped in his arms  he was mildly satisfied. Kyuhyun had tried insisting that he stay more with him, but Yesung would only say that his mother wanted him near her as much as possible as well and he still wanted to make regular appearances at the cafe so he could meet and greet his fans. Kyuhyun didn't like it but he couldn't argue with the logic. Of course he wasn't pleased but Yesung had a valid point so he could only stay quiet and accept it for what it was. Not much was going his way honestly.

Just like the day he had just spent.

 It was conceivably the last day he would get to spend with Yesung like that and even then he had an activity. Yesung already told him how he would  tentatively spend the following day, the day before his enlistment, plans to be with his family and maybe he would visit cafe and see their fans and wish everyone well,  and maybe have dinner with the members and visit with his friends and tie up some loose ends here and about . The day of actual enlistment, he expected to  only say quick goodbyes and give his last few greetings, since he did not want them to come see him off at all, wanting for it to all be done quietly and there was no way their appearance at the centre would go by without coverage.  Kyuhyun accepted his tentative plans for what they were, the things born out of necessity and whilst he wanted to just hold Yesung in his arms for all those days he knew that was not possible.

 He also really wanted to see him off, but Yesung was always such a stubborn bastard that no matter what they said he insisted that they go about their business as regular, Siwon being told to go to his US schedules, something that did not please the older man very much, but it was not as if he could do anything to change it. He was all set to insist that he spend the last few days with him, but Yesung was adamant that it was a good opportunity to promote Super Junior and he would be damned if Siwon wasted it to just hug him before he left. A month was a short while he said, promising to see him as soon as he came back from training, or rather as soon as they were both available, Siwon displeased but much too familiar with Yesung to even think about challenging Yesung's decision, shaking his head and staring at him, only for Yesung to hug him tightly.

Kyuhyun observed the exchange, annoying that Yesung was wrapped in Siwon's arms but for once in a long time he let them be, feeling sympathy for Siwon. He knew it would be hard for the older man and despite his sometimes colourful thoughts when it came to Siwon touching Yesung, he never doubted the fact that Siwon adored their hyung. It would be hard for him to just let him leave like that, so Kyuhyun was determined to be understanding on that point, allowing the embrace for as long as he could. He shocked himself when he didn't try to drag Yesung away when Siwon pulled him to his chest and buried his head in Yesung's hair, proud that he had so much self control, though that was shot to hell when Siwon started to run his hand along Yesung's spine, making the older man giggle.

At the point Kyuhyun only felt rage and sometime akin to disgust  at the sight, swiftly swooping in to pull Yesung away, glaring at Siwon, who only laughed at Kyuhyun's endless possessiveness, Yesung smacking him on the back for his childishness, Siwon amused when Yesung elbowed Kyuhyun and returned to his arms, Kyuhyun grumbling like a child until Yesung took some pity on him and returned to his side, a hand placed over his shoulder as he invited Siwon to sit with him and Kyuhyun for a while, dragging Kyuhyun over to the couch with him, though he choice to sit with Siwon, Kyuhyun relegated to the side lines.

 It was at the point in time Kyuhyun's respect for Siwon actually grew tenfold.

The man, without fail had diligently listened to everyone of Yesung's excessively boring stories about his pets or his sports fascination and every other random thing in the world, only made bearable by the husky melodious sound of his voice and the cute expressions he would have. Personally, Kyuhyun would have shut him up a long time ago, never really having the patience for all his rambling, as cute as it was, only even bothering since he loved the sound of his voice and it was often done when he was resting against Kyuhyun's body, and he could enjoy the scent of him. Siwon did not have such a persuasive agenda, yet sat through all of it and seemed genuinely interested and Kyuhyun was positive that Siwon was not that good of an actor to fake it.

 He could only marvel at the sight and push down the jealousy in his heart.

It was so strong that he couldn't avoid it. As much as he loved Yesung and was interested in his life, he could never bring himself to ever genuinely listen to all his ramblings. Most of the time he just listened to the important parts and ignored the rest, busy thinking about how skin would feel beneath his fingers or if he could steal another kiss. He found Yesung interesting of course, jut that he was not the sort to just listen to everything said when he could not related. He liked sports but he honestly didn't understand  heads or tails when it came to basketball  or European soccer leagues and whilst the stories about kkoming and melo were cute, they were not the sort of thing that could ever hold his attention no matter how much he tried.

In that way he envied Siwon's ability to be genuinely interested in everything that Yesung had to say, supposing that was why Siwon could have his own claim to the older man's affections. He was annoyed then, but it was more at himself than Siwon, aware that he couldn't blame the older man for something that was Kyuhyun's fault. It was hard to see, but part of him was grateful that Yesung had Siwon, that he had someone that he could speak to about everything and feel satisfied in the knowledge that he cared about it all, that they would hang off every word. Yesung rarely told Kyuhyun such stories, which Kyuhyun figured was a result of the older man picking up on the fact that he didn't really listen in any really depth, just enjoying his voice and his expressions, but not necessarily paying attention to the content that was being spoken.

 In that way he would be forever envious of Siwon, envious that he had the patience or the manners or just simply the will to truly embrace Yesung's stories, mad at Siwon and mad at himself, but finding that he was more than willing to accept Siwon's purpose to the older man. No matter how hard he tried he was not everything that Yesung needed and sometimes the older man would need someone else to give him some comfort, just as he had his friends to talk about wine and games with, Yesung needed Siwon to be the person that listened to him. He supposed that was why he never tried to force Yesung to end his interactions with Siwon. Of course he behaved like a childish idiot most of the time but he had never actually requested that Yesung cease his interactions with the taller man.

Yesung needed Siwon sometimes and Kyuhyun wanted Yesung to be happy.

If that happiness meant spending time with Siwon, then Kyuhyun would learn to endure, just as he was doing then. He would tolerate everything and anything if it meant that Yesung would be happy, but he would really prefer if that happiness did not include Siwon touching him. Siwon could listen to him without touching him in Kyuhyun's opinion.  Something that he made known once more when Siwon wrapped his arm around Yesung's shoulder, Kyuhyun batting his hand away, hissing for him to keep his hands to himself, Siwon looking at him with big alien eyes before he burst into laughter, Yesung shaking his head at Kyuhyun, but in such an affectionate mood lately that all he did was rest his head against Kyuhyun's shoulder and smack him across his chest, Kyuhyun not even feeling chastised or embarrassed, seeing nothing wrong in informing Siwon where the limits were. He was resolved to take care of Yesung and make him happy and as such would try his best to ensure that Yesung could spend time comfortably with his friends, but he really couldn't deal with the touching. Yesung and his close relationship with all his dongsaengs, both male and female would be something that would drive Kyuhyun insane no matter what happened.

Sometimes he was glad that Yesung spent time with the members, since that was conceivably much better than spending time with all his admiring female dongsaengs. Despite their relationship, Yesung had yet to show any real appreciation for males in that light and Kyuhyun understood completely, since he was still rather attracted to the female form and rarely ever found another man to be attractive, since they did not meet his usual fantasies and if they didn't look like Yesung it was hard for him to give them any really thought. As it was then, Kyuhyun was always a lot more secure when Yesung spent time with his male dongsaengs, since it was highly unlikely it would ever be something more than friendship or something tempting enough for him to leave Kyuhyun's side. It was not impossible of course, he was proof of that, just not very likely. With Yesung's female dongsaengs though he always felt the need to worry for obvious reasons.

The idea that Yesung could see what he was missing was bitter in his throat and the fact that he knew without a doubt that Yesung's family and certain friends would much prefer that option could give him no joy. He was naturally more wary of all those pretty girls that held his hands and hold him how handsome he was, cooing 'Oppa' at him cutely. Yesung was mush in their hands and Kyuhyun was engulfed in fire. Since he refused to admit to any form of jealousy at all he could do nothing but sit next to Yesung and listen as he received phone call after phone call from all his female dongsaengs wishing him well and promising to miss him endlessly, making the idiot blush and stutter out stupid 'thank yous', Kyuhyun having to restrain himself from informing the dolls that he would only be gone for a month and they didn't have the right to miss him since they rarely spent time with him anyway.

Self control was hard then.

 Thankfully the cutesy ones he could deal with, Luna was always a sweetheart and he liked her a lot, so the present that she sent to the dorms was appreciated, but he rather disliked the fact that she signed it 'with Love, hugs and kisses'. It was endlessly irrational to get mad over things like that, but really...it was just hard. All of SNSD sent their greetings as to be expected as well, nice little letters and few signed CD's and memorabilia for him to have an easier time in training, Yoona , spending  quite a few signed CDs and attaching her phone number and permission for him to call her anytime just to show off to the others in the training camp that he was one of her favourite Oppas, Kyuhyun finding it amusing  at first, thinking that she had good sense in that regard, grateful that she would allow him to use her name if it got too hard for him, though he supposed that they both knew that he wouldn't. He would rather endure it and stay quiet than boast about her and later disturb her, Kyuhyun appreciating the sentiment as he was sure Yesung did.

He wished she didn't have to be so nice though, Yesung blushing as he read her note, calling her instantly to thank her, which resulted in him blushing even more from whatever she was saying. Kyuhyun tried not to embarrass himself or Yesung, but he couldn't resist the reprimand that he uttered, harshly telling Yesung to stop blushing, taking the phone to tell Yoona to go do something else, the younger girl laughing outrageously over the phone, telling him that he is just jealous, Kyuhyun shocked into silence, afraid that he was being too obvious, which he was of course, only breathing when she clarified that he was just jealous that they all loved Yesung and not him. Kyuhyun swore he nearly choked on that laugh he forced out, Yesung stamping on his toes for his ill conduct, Kyuhyun handing over the phone so that he could calm himself down, only biting his lips when Yesung scolded him for being childish. He was thereafter resolved to behaving.

Yuri however seemed to want to drive him insane.

The girl was sitting next to Yesung on the couch, handing him little presents that she brought for him when Kyuhyun returned to the dorms in the afternoon, Eunhyuk and Donghae talking to Sooyoung and Seohyun who accompanied her, the girls wanting to say their greetings to him in person whilst they could, most having  a friendly relationship with Yesung since their trainee days, being one of those Oppadeul that they loved. Kyuhyun was happy to see them but he really could have done without Yuri's hand on his thigh, even if it seemed rather innocent. He had no idea how they knew he was at the dorms, but figured that Donghae had informed then when he would be there,  Yesung having taken to spending time with whoever he could at the dorms when he had no immediate schedules or activities, Kyuhyun hoping to get home that day and just drag him to his room and kiss him until he couldn't do anything else or didn't want to do anything else, but instead he came home to that. He was displeased clearly, though he tried to give his greetings and speak to their guests, who he was always happy to see, just not as happy in that moment.

They greeted him warmly, expect Yuri who seemed focused on Yesung, the older man talking to her rapidly, only nodding at Kyuhyun, which obviously did not make him happy. He was sure he couldn't survive all the mild flirting that Yuri was doing, Yesung reciprocating in kind, Kyuhyun wanting to strangle him. Kyuhyun  couldn't really complain though, since that would be grossly hypocritical. He did the exact same thing with his female dongsaengs as well, even then flirting mildly with Sooyoung for his amusement, except whereas the fact Yuri was batting eyelashes at Yesung was annoying the hell out of him, the fact that he was complimenting Sooyoung on her ever increasing beauty did not seem to faze Yesung had all, the older man still chatting with Yuri, blushing when she complimented him, Yesung holding her hand for a split second, making Kyuhyun feel sick.

No matter how innocent it all was, his natural insecurities when it came to beautiful young girls around Yesung made him feel annoyed, not really enjoying their visit as much as he should, though he understood that they all just wanted to wish Yesung well and he could appreciate that fact. Yuri fusing over him was a little harder for him to tolerate, but he knew they were friends and he was supposed to behave, ensuring that he continued to chat with the others and only glance at Yuri and Yesung from time to time, refusing to make a scene.

He was grateful however when they left. He was  sorry to say goodbye to his friends who visited during their well earned vacation, even if it was for only a short time, but the fact that Yesung would be away from Yuri was a plus in his book. He liked her, he really did. He was beautiful and sweet and funny and genuinely a nice person, but he supposed that was why he liked when she was not there better. She was very similar to Yesung and valued all the things the older man did. She was gorgeous and playful and everything that Yesung could ever want in a girl, unimaginable iness yet she had a sweet caring heart and a good nature. She was weird and quirky and wonderful and Kyuhyun only focus on the fact that she always seemed to understand Yesung very well. She played with him and genuinely liked him as a person and he was fond of her as well.

It was a strange feeling, the stage when he actually felt threatened by her presence.

He was never the sort that felt threatened in a relationship, so it as shocking for him, not sure what he was supposed to do with the new feeling. He knew that most of it was irrationality, but even so it still occurred. He couldn't help but feel wary of her, scoffing when she got up to hug Yesung when before he left, promising him that it would all be okay and other niceties, Kyuhyun keeping an eye on them as to be expected, nearly gasping when Yuri winked at him, her hands on Yesung's back teasingly, Kyuhyun wondering if he imagined it, only for her to do it against, teasing and deliberate, Kyuhyun left to wondering if she knew something, even more suspicious when she called over to Kyuhyun and asked him not to miss Yesung too much, the others in the room watching her with suspicion not just Kyuhyun, though the other SNSD girls thought she was teasing Kyuhyun, Yesung looking at her with wide eyes, smirking at Kyuhyun before she wished Yesung well one last time, before she and the others left. Strangely enough it was Donghae that asked what they were all thinking, asking Yesung if he told her about him and Kyuhyun, Yesung shrugging saying that he did not but admitting that her comment was strange. Not the words themselves but the way she said it, seemed to indicate that she knew something more than she let on, Yesung looking a little worried, the others appeasing him by indicating that they could be  mistaken so it was better to let it go. Kyuhyun though, was sure she knew something, wondering if he would have to talk to her, at least pleased that she was supportive and inclined to keep their secret.

The days were spent like that, littered by a few schedules, sad moments just sitting about or saying goodbyes to friends and acquaintances and with the members, everyone trying to deal with it or just not think about it too much, reminding them too much about Leeteuk, reminding them of the times without Heechul.

It was for that reason that he was so unsure if they were doing the right thing.

 It was basically his last day with Yesung in such a way, or at least for a month and after that it would be dependent on his schedule as well as Yesung's free days. He was hopeful that his and Yesung's schedules lined up so that he could have the opportunity to just be with him whatever that meant. As of now though, he only had one day to be at his side before he left for a full month, no contact, nothing. He wanted it to be special for Yesung and himself, a wonderful memory to eclipse the heartache that some of their antis had caused over the public service enlistment. It was not Yesung's fault that he was injured, but they insisted on being hateful. They were accustomed to the mean comments, but it still hurt Yesung a lot, even if he refused to talk about it with them. Kyuhyun knew it hurt his heart, but Yesung was determined not to talk about it and he had no choice but to let him be. That acquiescence came at a price though. Now he was determined to find a way to make it all go away, to rid Yesung's mind of all those useless hateful words. He was pressured in that way, but really just wanted to make Yesung happy.

 His plans were ruined when he realized that they both had a couple of activities planned but he was insistent on making the best of the day, considering that they still had all of the afternoon together and maybe some time in the night. He had seen about making some plans, maybe a restaurant and a date outside? They haven't done anything close to that in a while and after they went to the baseball game for that magazine, he couldn't help wonder what it would be like to do that for real without cameras following them around, when he could truly hold his hands and steal kisses. He could only laugh when he heard that the fans were calling it a baseball date, finding it rather apt. Even though they were working, just being with him like that was a good feeling really, wondering what it would be like if they could do that for real. Now it was too difficult but maybe after he returned they would have the opportunity. He could only hope the fates were on his side with that one.

He still wanted to make the day special, to spend it in a way that Yesung would never forget, wondering if they could take a drive to the place they went on their first date or maybe that Japanese restaurant they went on their second [third] date or go see a movie together? Just do something that Yesung would love and appreciate it. He was forced to shelf all his ideas however when Yesung came to see him earlier in the early afternoon, the older man looking tired and stressed, as to be expected, smiling at him a little sadly before wrapping his arms around his waist, resting his head against his chest and closing his eyes. Kyuhyun didn't understand what was happening at all. Yesung had been more affectionate lately, but everything about the embrace seemed strange to him, as if it was tainted with resignation and hopelessness, so tired that he was willing to hug Kyuhyun like that in the middle of the living room, where everyone could see him, normally being much more careful about things like that. Eunhyuk had walked out and seemed ready to tease but a sharp look from Kyuhyun killed that intention, Eunhyuk instantly worried, mouth an inquiry about Yesung's wellbeing to Kyuhyun, who only tightened his grip on Yesung's back and shrugged, Eunhyuk silently asking him to take care of Yesung. Kyuhyun would never understand why they all thought it was necessary to do that, considering that he would more than likely do so without their prompting and that was a fact known to them. He figured it was the only way that they all dealt with their own conscience and appeased on their own hearts and that was something he could understand.

Yesung held on for at least five minutes, eyes closed and nose buried in his chest and clothes, hands strong around his midriff, Kyuhyun embracing him tightly as well, hands wrapped around his body, running along his back, a soothing gesture to be sure, head dipping so that he could press his cheek against Yesung's hair, shifting to drop a few kisses against the area, Yesung sighing in contentment a couple of times, expression hidden by the angles but Kyuhyun could make a out a general aura of calmness, seemingly just breathing Kyuhyun in, who was doing the same, Eunhyuk having drifted to the kitchen returning quietly, looking at the both with concern but choosing not to interrupt, trying to get back to his room when he was spotted by Yesung. 

The older man just easing himself out of Kyuhyun's embrace, not the rush of embarrassment or shyness, simply removing himself so he could speak to Eunhyuk, calling out to the younger man in a quiet voice, Eunhyuk stopping dead in his tracks, feeling awkward, afraid that he had interrupted an important moment. He was ready to apologize for doing so but was  stopped when Yesung walked towards him, the words dying in his mouth, as Yesung smiled at him, throwing his hands around him when he got to him, Eunhyuk too surprised to react, Yesung hugging him for a second, before pulling back and pinching his cheek, leaning in to press a chaste friendly kiss to his cheek, like he used to do when they were younger and recently debut, when he was not so stressed or image conscious. Eunhyuk blushing for some unknown reason, making Yesung giggle and Kyuhyun fold his hands, a set expression as he watched them. Yesung only then assuring Eunhyuk that he was fine, and he didn't need to worry, Kyuhyun realizing that he had heard him and Eunhyuk before, not really surprised since he had such good hearing and would have felt Kyuhyun move, Eunhyuk nodding at him, though he still had to ask if he was alright, Yesung smiling at him, promising him that he was as well as he could hope to be. Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun both understood what he meant, a similar feeling shared in their hearts.

With that said, Yesung then proceeded to inform Eunhyuk that he was handsome when he blushed which only made him blush more, looking at Yesung with bashful eyes, Kyuhyun snorting at the idiot, Eunhyuk also laying on the cheesiness much too thick for Kyuhyun's tolerance, insisting that Yesung was handsome as well, the two being idiots and slapping each other playfully, grating on Kyuhyun's nerves, the younger man walking over and wrapping a hand around Yesung's wrist, pulling him gently away from Eunhyuk, turning away from Eunhyuk and tugging Yesung along with him to his room, the older man not sandbagging as he expected him to do, just cutely waving to Eunhyuk and saying he would see him later, Kyuhyun having to resist the urge to roll his eyes at him, Yesung following along dutifully thereafter, releasing Kyuhyun's hand when they entered his/their/ room.

Yesung took a seat on the edge of the bed, smiling at Kyuhyun warmly, eyes tainted with sadness. Kyuhyun didn't know what he was supposed to do, coming over to sit beside him, a hand reaching over to hold on to small fingers, the warmth always the same as Yesung slipped his fingers into the right places, a mould created by time, fitting against each other as if they were made to be there, the small fingers getting lost in Kyuhyun's large palm, rubbing his thumb against the softness of the back of Yesung's hand, the older man gazing down fondly at their joined  hands, his fingers wrapped around Kyuhyun's larger digits, easily playing with them, sooth patterns and teasing motions, Kyuhyun simply tightening his grip, noting that some things never change. Even then the feel of Yesung's hands in his gave him flutters in his stomach and made warmth pool in his chest.

He just let them sit silently for a few minutes, just enjoying the warmth and each other's presence, before he finally spoke, asking Yesung what he wanted to do, the intention behind the invitation more than clear and understood between them. Their last day together for a while. What did they want to do? Yesung seemingly considering it, Kyuhyun's mind wondering, making plans in his head for various romantic getaways, places he could take him or delicious food he could buy him, streets they could walk, so many possibilities that he was more than willing to tax his tolerance and bank account to accomplish, normally disliking the idea of disguising himself but he wanted to do whatever Yesung wanted, wished to make him happy no matter what, so he was at his mercy.

When the silence persisted longer than Kyuhyun had bargained for, he was ready to voice out his ideas, though was stilled when Yesung turned to him, eyes a mix of emotion that would take a lifetime to read, though he was going to try, only drawn away from his task when Yesung spoke, the older man's voice low and steady, quietly making his intention known, indicating that he just wanted to stay where they were. Kyuhyun was surprised and a little confused.  He asked why that was so, when they could spend the day out and about or maybe they could try another date or anything else that he wanted to do, Kyuhyun even promising to pay if that would help him understand that Kyuhyun wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, doing anything that he wanted. Yesung simply listened to him with a pleased smile, reaching a hand out to Kyuhyun's cheek to get him to stop sprouting suggestions, Kyuhyun turning to look at him with a raised eyebrow, Yesung simply leaning towards him and pressing his lips to his cheek, saying that he wanted to stay there with him, then reaching a tiny finger out to touch his philtrum with a giggle, Kyuhyun pulling his hand away with glare that was more indulgent than reprimanding.

Kyuhyun could only sigh as he asked him if he was sure, Yesung nodding his head before he turned around and crawled onto the bed, knees pressed onto the mattress before he was lying flat on his back, looking at Kyuhyun, a hand out stretched for the younger man to take hold of. Kyuhyun shook his head in resignation before taking the invitation, lying next to Yesung on the too small bed, pushing his neck pillows away so that he could lie comfortably and next to Yesung, the older man holding the turtle patterned one in his hand against his chest, staring up at the ceiling, Kyuhyun sliding in close to him, shoulder's touching, head sharing a singular pillow, Kyuhyun twisting his head to see what he was looking at, finding absolutely nothing. The younger man could only scoff and ask Yesung once more if he was sure that was what he wanted to do, Yesung only chuckling and reaching a hand for Kyuhyun once more, shifting his body until he was pressed against Kyuhyun's side, head resting on his shoulder, hands still wrapped around the pillow, Kyuhyun just watching him in curiosity, Yesung sighing before he turned to look at Kyuhyun, saying a simple phrase.

'Tell me about your day Kyuhyun ah. What did you do today?'

As strange as it all was, Kyuhyun only nodded, not bothering to figure out what was going on Yesung's head, since that was more often or not an exercise in futility. Even if he understood him best that didn't meant that he actually really understood the chaos that was Yesung's mind. He could only look at him with a fond expression as he told him about his day, Yesung listening to him diligently, asking him questions and making comments, teasing him where necessary or just chuckling at time, Kyuhyun dying to ask him what he was thinking, but more inclined to just continue to observe him, Kyuhyun not sure what he was supposed to say after a while, coming to a stop, Yesung nodding at him before he just launched into his activities for the day, Kyuhyun paying attention, not just to his voice but his words, trying to figure out if he was missing something, his alertness dropping in that regard each time Yesung asked  a question or waited for him to agree to what he was saying, twisting in comfort, until he was turned into Kyuhyun, his head more on his shoulder than his arm, the pillow caught between them, Yesung reaching for his hand to hold onto, before he released it and  then smiled at him, and then continuing, Kyuhyun not really sure what was happening but Yesung was in his arms, and that was all he cared about.

Eventually Yesung lapsed into silence and Kyuhyun didn't know what to say either, both just lying with each other quietly, not the oppressive silence that it should have been, just a comfortable silence in which they could enjoy the little things about each other, the ease of his exhale or the rhythm in the way Kyuhyun's chest lifted with his breath, Yesung reaching for his hand once more, playing with the long fingers like he just to do all the time, the habit making itself visible from time to time, less than before but that was mainly due to the fact that they didn't have the opportunity to sleep together as much and when he was there, Kyuhyun preferred to have those hands his hair or caress his back whilst he nibbled on his throat.

He never did get over that obsession of holding Yesung's hand though, doing so whenever the opportunity afforded itself. It was a nice feeling that reminded Kyuhyun of all the times he had done so before, when those small fingers had offered him comfort or had led his way or eased his pain. He remembered them touching his wrist lightly to lead him to Yesung's room in those early weeks, or the way they patted him on his back when he finally got the bridge right for the One I Love, or them pressed against his shoulder when he DJed with him at Miracle for You and Yesung introduced him fondly despite their personal awkwardness....hands on his at the hospital soon after he had woken up, the hand on his back when he was too tired and felt like Super Junior was falling apart, on his face accompanied by an even warmer smile when he   about getting sick and letting him take his lines and so many others, the most important of which was maybe the day he confessed, sliding his hand cross and having Yesung hold on to his hand, the first night he slept beside him with the knowledge that they loved each other and wanted a future together. He could still remember the tingles he felt then.

They weren't very much different from the ones he was feeling now to be honest.

Yesung eventually pulled himself though, Kyuhyun just observing him, once more not sure what was going on in that crazy mind of his, the older man looking around the room before be pulled himself to his feet and walked over to Kyuhyun's desk, picking up the younger man's Ipad and a comic that Yesung had left there during the course of the last month, bringing it with him to read but Kyuhyun had found something better to do with Yesung's time, suffocating the older man in hugs and kisses, until Yesung had no choice but to reciprocate. Kyuhyun was sure his complaints were just his need to be annoying, positive that those happy moans and satisfied sighs had some persuasive authority.

Kyuhyun though, just looked at him curiously, pulling himself up to sit upright and press his back against the wall, wondering if it was the worth effort to ask and be condemned with having to deal with Yesung's logic, deciding against it when the man returned to the bed once, taking a seat next to him, handing him his Ipad, not responding to Kyuhyun's lifted eyebrow, instead pointing for Kyuhyun's turtle print pillow, indicating for the younger man to hand it to him, Kyuhyun doing so wordlessly, Yesung taking it and placing it between his back and the wall, sighing in comfort now that the wall was no longer as hard pulling his comic onto his lap, flipping over the page he had bookmark and simply reading, Kyuhyun glaring at him, the older man turning him with a smile when he felt Kyuhyun's dark heavy eyes on him, pre-empting Kyuhyun's complaints and questions, only saying that he wanted to finish the comic and Kyuhyun could play his games in the meantime. Kyuhyun only asked if he was serious and not losing his mind, the older man just shrugging and returning to reading, though adjusted until he was closer to Kyuhyun, shoulder's touching once more, Kyuhyun confused but once more not sure what he was supposed to do in the situation.

 It was the first time in a long time that he did not want to play games, positive that he would hate himself if he wasted the limited time he had with Yesung playing games. He loved his games but Yesung was something else altogether . He couldn't see why the older man would want him to play games at a time like that, rather thinking to himself that Yesung would have preferred if he dedicated his attention to him. Yesung was weird he decided, glancing at the man concentrating  on his book, only glancing at Kyuhyun with a smile, reaching his hand for his, Kyuhyun taking his hand, deciding that he would just play one of those games he could manage one handed, rather inclined to hold Yesung's hands, the both of them sitting with their own activities, Kyuhyun lost in his game and Yesung focused on his comic, both squeezing their joint hands from time to time to indicate that he was alright or just to feel the squeeze in response, a habit so ingrained that neither was very conscious of it even if it seemed to occur as if on clockwork, Kyuhyun winning at his games, not yelling as he usually did, trying to keep some semblance of silence so that the older man could read in peace, marginally successful, Yesung only chuckling at his grumbles, sometimes brushing his head against his shoulder to from time to time in a calming gesture.

They stay like that unlike Yesung finishes his book and decided he wants to observe Kyuhyun's skill, leaning his head against Kyuhyun's shoulder, the younger man by then much too much into his game to pay attention to Yesung but the older man does not seem to mind very much, eyes either on the Ipad or on Kyuhyun's face, observing the barrage of expressions that would take Kyuhyun's face as he concentrated on what he was doing, Yesung smiling at him before his expression fell, sadness tainting him, unnoticed by Kyuhyun who was close to his victory, grinning when he triumphed, more reason to celebrate when Yesung brushed his nose against the side of his throat, the action making the younger man shiver with tingles, dropping the Ipad to the side of him as he turned into Yesung, smirking at the older man before he let his weight fall on him, lips reaching for Yesung, the older man giggling at the action, batting Kyuhyun way, using his small hands to create distance, Kyuhyun reaching for his throat, preferring to taste his skin then, Yesung squirming around in a way that would only encourage Kyuhyun even more.

  He always wondered when Yesung would realize that his movements only sent more blood southwards and made it even more difficult for Kyuhyun to resist, the same problem he was experiencing now, pushing his weight onto Yesung, the older man nearly flat on his back, Kyuhyun pushing forward despite the hands on his chest keeping him back, trying to keep his weight off Yesung but it was hard to do so, and truthfully he thought Yesung could handle it for a few minutes, especially since it helped him subdue him. Eventually he was able to dip his head into Yesung's throat, the older man wearing a shirt, but the collar was open, Kyuhyun's lips against the skin instantly, Yesung giggling at the coolness against his sensitive skin, ceasing his struggles, allowing Kyuhyun to fall against him completely, removing his hands from Kyuhyun's chest to place them on his back instead, Kyuhyun shifting so that he had most of his weight to the side, hands attached to Yesung's body, lips on his skin, nose buried in a sweet bitter aroma, Yesung's fingers drawing patterns against his back through his sweater.

Kyuhyun was a little surprised that he was not struggling still but it was not as if he was really ever going to complain about being allowed to kiss Yesung, enjoying the aroma of his skin and the just general sweetness of it all, Yesung always so tempting, despising that he was wearing high collared shirts recently, desperate for summer to come when Yesung would return to wearing low cut t-shirts and open collared plunging summer wear, when he could feast his eyes on perfectly tanned coffee/cinnamon scented collarbones and even better, when he could taste it all. He really disliked the fact that he was wearing so many closed throat outfits, that kept his delicious skin hidden away and out of his reach, somewhat happy now that the shirt's loose buttons gave him a nice view and a fairly easy access to Yesung's throat, currently worshipping the area, lips pressed against every bit of it he could get into contact with, sweet open mouthed kisses, that made his chest flutter and his heart thump happily, Yesung lowly when he touched a particularly sensitive spot, Kyuhyun unable to see him but he saw the goosebumps and a smile took shape.

It was ruined however when Yesung leaned down and whispered in his ear.

He hoped it would be words of encouragement or praises for his skill, which would be well deserved, always having been good at things like that, even better since he had taken the time to study Yesung's body, learning all the things that he liked and where the extra sensitive spots were, the benefit of time and an unrushed relationship, learning about each other slowly in a way that stayed with them. The words however were not what he expected, Yesung's low and husky unbearably husky voice, instead of pleading with him to continue, simply said he was hungry. Kyuhyun though he misheard him, the lips against the shell of his ear, warm breathes making Kyuhyun shiver, nearly flinching when Yesung's lips brushed against the shell, the action seeming like an impromptu seduction, especially when Yesung's hand slid into his hair, fingers attached to his silky strands, feeling like one of his fantasies, deciding that it must have been an error on his part.

He was set straight however when Yesung repeated it once more, insisting that he wanted something to eat, Kyuhyun laughing into Yesung's skin, unable to believe his strange luck, positive Yesung would drive him insane, pulling himself off him and rolling to the side, trying to calm himself, willing the blood to cease its southward movements and not cause him embarrassment, grateful that he found his own relief earlier in the week, so was not so deprived that he couldn't control the blood and was easily pushed to the point. He had enough control that he was able to will it to a stop, his heart still rapid in his chest, both from the arousal and the frustration, Yesung next to him, face red and hand on his chest pressing light taps to his heart, though he was capable of turning to Kyuhyun, reaching a hand out to him, pulling at Kyuhyun's cheeks as he grumbled beneath his breath, heaving to push the anger away.

Once he was more settled, he asked Yesung what he wanted to eat, thinking that they would go out and have something.  He had a few favours he could call out and insure that they had a private time together. He was sure he would be able to get something organized even on short notice or if Yesung wanted they could just go to a regular restaurant. He didn't like the idea of no touching and disguises but he was willing if it would make it a good memory. He wondered if Yesung wanted Kimchi Jjigae. There was a good restaurant nearby that served it and every time he went there he remembered that Yesung loved kimchi jjigae and the restaurant made it very well. He was sure he could at least buy Yesung a meal, even if they didn't go on a real date. To further this point he asked if Yesung wanted to go out with him for a late lunch.

Yesung however shook his head, instead pulling himself from the bed once more, coming to stand at the side of the bed, stretching a hand out for Kyuhyun, who pulled himself into seated position, taking Yesung's hand, the older man then saying that they could just make something. Kyuhyun didn't wait a second before he was protesting, asking Yesung if he was insane, aware that neither of them were very good cooks and that was a disaster waiting to happen. Kyuhyun insisting that he was happy to buy Yesung whatever he wanted and they could go to any restaurant he wanted and have really delicious seafood or whatever else caught his fancy. Kyuhyun was determined to treat him to something nice, whether Yesung consented or not. He was ceased from his plotting when Yesung turned to him, eyes calm and hopeful, and simply told him that was what he wanted to do, Kyuhyun having no choice but to accept it, nodding his head as he bit his lips to stop his grumbling, Yesung happily pulling him to the kitchen.

Kyuhyun was positive that anything they made was  going to be a disaster, ready to plead with him to reconsider once more, but somehow he didn't have the heart to make him displeased, Yesung happily entering the kitchen, promising Kyuhyun that he didn't have to worry since Ryeowook had already left them rice anyway. Kyuhyun made a dissatisfied sound, annoyed that Yesung had let him think they were going to have to make something from scratch. When he mentioned that to Yesung, the older man only laughed, saying that he was not that crazy to think that either of them could anything really substantial from scratch. Kyuhyun was at least grateful that Yesung understood that fact, though Yesung then informed that he was rather upset about that fact and wanted them to both learn how to cook. He kindly informed that he at least knew the basics and could at least make a few dishes, whilst Kyuhyun couldn't even make ramen. Kyuhyun just shrugged, seeing no point in arguing. He was an awful cook and Yesung was at least capable enough to not starve.

Ryeowook had kindly left rice and some side dishes for them, leaving stew on the stove for them to reheat. Kyuhyun didn't bother to think he would be useful, just lazily sitting at the table as Yesung ignited the stove and set about taking out their meal, smacking Kyuhyun in the back of his head when the younger was playing with his phone and not listening to him, Yesung pointing out the utensils they would need and told Kyuhyun to at least get them their drinks, Kyuhyun rubbing his 'injured' area as he did as he was told, soon the table set and Yesung had already dished out their meal. It wasn't very extravagant or the sort of meal Kyuhyun originally thought he would have with Yesung, but he didn't think it mattered when Yesung sat next to him, pulling the side dishes and placing it in front of him, Kyuhyun feeling a strange sort of warmth.

Kyuhyun avoided all the vegetable based side dishes, instead only eating the meat, Yesung chuckling, before he picked up a piece of bean sprout and holding it out for Kyuhyun to eat, the younger man ignoring him, or he was until Yesung nudged him with his shoulder, Kyuhyun reluctantly opening his mouth, accepting the bean sprout and the sautéed spinach that followed, hating the taste of it, making a face, but accepted the eggplant as well. It was not as if he could say no when Yesung was feeding him, now could he?

Thankfully the older man had enough sense to realize that he would rather starve than eat anymore vegetables, feeding him pieces of meat next, before he left him to eat on his own, Kyuhyun pleased to do so, once that allowed the older man the opportunity to eat as well, sipping at the stew and eating his rice, feeding Kyuhyun and himself time to time, the younger man having no issues with being treated like a child at all, in fact rather liking the idea. He was sort of annoyed that they had to eat so healthily, rather liking the idea of a extravagant seafood or pasta, but it was a nice experience and the food was good, reminding him of all the times the older man would feed him vegetables because he thought he was too unhealthy.

 Before long the they were both satisfied, Yesung picking up their side dishes and putting it away, Kyuhyun helping him clear the table,  trying to be useful, Yesung smiling in appreciation, though he sent him to the table when it came to washing the dishes, making it clear that he would do it a lot faster without Kyuhyun's help, the younger man always much too playful then, playing with the bubbles and splashing water on Yesung than actually helping, Kyuhyun protesting his innocence but was ignored as to be expected, Kyuhyun actually wanting to tell him to leave it for the others to do. He didn't have to wash the dishes really. The dorm ajhumma  would be there later probably or if not he could just make Eunhyuk do it. Yesung was stubborn though, so would probably do it anyway.

 Kyuhyun resigned himself to waiting on him instead, deciding to see if they had anything else that he wanted to eat, finding a nice fresh package of strawberries, smiling to himself as he grabbed a bowl and put a few into it, pushing Yesung out the way so that he could wash them, Yesung rolling his eyes and pushing him back, but by then the strawberries were washed and Kyuhyun could happily eat them, biting into one, finding it sweet, feeding the rest to Yesung who declined at first, but when Kyuhyun pushed it into his mouth he didn't really have the opportunity to decline, chewing the sweetness, Kyuhyun deciding to stay close, leaning against the sink, ignoring the droplets of water that touched his shirt, just wanting to be near the older man, who thankfully was nearly finished, Kyuhyun continuing to eat his strawberries, making Yesung eat pieces from time to time, the older man wiping his hand on Kyuhyun's sweater when he finally finished, Kyuhyun smacking his hand away, not amused with Yesung's little revenge.

Now that they were basically finished eating, except for Kyuhyun and his strawberries, Kyuhyun wasn't sure what they would do next, the older man shrugging as he made his way over to the couch in the living room, Kyuhyun joining him there, Yesung picking up the remote and flickering the television on, Kyuhyun inching closer to him, not sure what to do with his hand. Normally if they were in their room he would wrap his hand around him but when they were outside he was very awkward with it all, not being one for public displays of affection, expect when he had a point to prove and that often ended with him being smacked a few times and having his ear pulled and laughed at by Donghae and Eunhyuk.

 He was therefore rather awkward with his hands,  not sure where to put them, Yesung taking the choice from he leaned back against the hand that he was struggling with, Yesung's head on his out stretched hand, though the older man didn't lean into him, just letting Kyuhyun's hand along the back of the couch be his headrest, going through the DVR, selecting the episodes of Radio Star that they had left on automatic record for Kyuhyun to watch back when he was free. Kyuhyun groaning when he realized that Yesung intended to watch the episodes with him, Kyuhyun wanting to watch anything else, reaching for the remote, which Yesung kept firmly in his grasp, shrugging off Kyuhyun's complaints, saying that he had not watched in a while and wouldn't be able to watch them for a while, so he wanted to know how Kyuhyun was getting along. When he pointed out that fact, Kyuhyun really could say nothing in protest. How was he supposed to tell the person that loved him not to check up on his activities when he would not be able to do so later?

Kyuhyun could only look away in embarrassment when Yesung said he looked handsome in the opening shots, the older man speaking seriously, patting his chest and chuckling, Kyuhyun not responding really, just picking back up his bowl of strawberries and offering Yesung one, the older man obliging, selecting the reddest one from the bunch before biting into it, settling to watch the radio star episode with Kyuhyun, the younger still feeling awkward, not just with the fact that he was watching himself but also with the fact that he was watching it with Yesung, nervous and excited all at the same time. Yesung's offhanded compliment from earlier had made him blush a little, not wanting to embarrass himself but inclined to want the older man to appreciate his hard work and his skill.

Yesung had always been supportive and listened to his complaints or stress about filming and so on, but they rarely discussed the show in detail, just the standard inquiry into his comfort and the success of the show, never really watching it with Yesung alone, both too busy to do things like that and when they did have some time to spare, they were inclined to spend it doing other things, so the opportunity never really presented itself to them in a any real certainty. He was sure that Yesung had watched the show though, at least in the earlier iterations, now on it over a year. He wasn't sure that Yesung had been keeping up to date with it, not that he would be upset if he wasn't, very much aware that their work schedules made things like that hard, only hoping that Yesung still thought he did a good job with it.

Kyuhyun was therefore more interested in watching Yesung interact to the show, making himself comfortable on the couch, sliding closer to Yesung so that their thighs were pressed together and Yesung was eventually leaning against his side, head on his arm, which was resting against the head rest, Kyuhyun comfortable as he held the bowl of strawberries on his lap, Yesung eating them for him, rather engrossed into the show, seemingly interested in what the guest were saying, shaking his head when Kyuhyun made his first scathing remark of the night, Kyuhyun rather interested in his response, wanting to ask him whether he was displease, question throw out when Yesung only commented that Kyuhyun's head looked big in that camera angle, Kyuhyun resisting the huge to point out that Yesung was the one famous for his enlarged head and not him, just letting the older man get away with the comment, made easier when Yesung said he still looked good on broadcast.

Kyuhyun didn't really have any reason to worry he realized  as the show progressed Yesung laughed at his jokes genuinely, said he was 'mean' at times with a fond expression or said he was 'jealous' at intervals when the guest reacted positively to Kyuhyun's manner of questioning. Yesung seemed to really enjoy the show, leaning closer into Kyuhyun as the show progressed, making comments or observations from time to time, Kyuhyun humouring him or throwing in his own amusing  take on the situations he was faced with then, Yesung chuckling lowly as he watched the show, eating Kyuhyun's strawberries.

They watched one episode since Kyuhyun insisted he did not want to watch anymore of himself, just flipping through the dramas and variety shows that Eunhyuk had left to record, Yesung protesting, saying that he wanted to see more of Kyuhyun and his bad jokes and ugly sweaters. It was safe to say that Kyuhyun did not like that idea, though he was satisfied with the warm feelings inside caused by Yesung's obvious appreciation for his work on the show, the teasing just the older man's way of saying he was doing a good job, Kyuhyun positive that he needed to change shows if he wanted to save his heart, much too invested in Yesung's reactions to be comfortable, Yesung however snatching the remote from him, starting a next episode instantly, Kyuhyun glaring at him, but the older man didn't seem to care, just leaning against Kyuhyun's hand and enjoying the show, having finished the strawberries by then, just taking in the show whilst Kyuhyun observed him, marvelling in the sound of hisn laughter and just the good feelings that followed him whenever he was with Yesung.

Ryeowook had stepped in during that time and sat with them for a while, chatting through some of Kyuhyun's best material, Yesung listening to him and watching the television at the same time, Ryeowook clearly having no appreciation for Kyuhyun's attempts to have an uninterrupted day with Yesung, tempted to tell Ryeowook to go away, holding his tongues since it seemed that Ryeowook just wanted to check on Yesung and greet him, entering into expressive conversation by Yesung's encouragement, Kyuhyun just focusing on his scenes on the show, wanting to point out that he was supposed to be compelling and Yesung really should not speak to Ryeowook then, just scoffing a little hoping that Yesung would get the message.

 Yesung didn't however, not that Kyuhyun really expected him to.

Ryeowook did and that was to be expected, the eternal maknae excusing himself politely when Kyuhyun looked at him harshly, shaking his head at Kyuhyun's childishness but still allowing the maknae to have time with Yesung, regardless of what he thought about his pettiness. Yesung was unawares as to what occurred, taking Ryeowook's explanation at face value, simply telling the man that he would see him later and waving at him. Kyuhyun felt a little bad but he was not sorry for what he did. He had a limited amount of time with Yesung and since the man was refusing for him to whisk him away, he had to do whatever it took to protect that time.

With that in mind he gently linked their fingers, placing his empty bowl on the coffee table, switching the television off, Yesung not protesting at the action despite the fact that the episode was only midway, just letting Kyuhyun lead him back to his room, the younger man thinking it was better to be cautious. At least in his room he could hide Yesung away and kill the possibility of him being distracted by the others. He wanted to have him all to himself, especially since he was beginning to think something was wrong.

The look in Yesung's eye was off in some strange way.

It was always fleeting but he had seen it a couple times already and it was clawing at him. Not just curiosity but some strange unexplained worry that seemed to be rooted in his stomach. Even then he had caught that look, that sorrow hidden behind Yesung's fringe, his eyes dull no matter how brightly he tried to smile. Yesung was hiding something from him. That was clear to him. The question was, what was he thinking about? Kyuhyun wanted to ask but was not sure he wanted to hear the answer, a gut feeling telling him that it would be unpleasant, and was therefore content to just sit on the bed with Yesung once more, the older man back on the bed staring at the ceiling, Kyuhyun just lying beside him, feeling strange but if Yesung wanted to do that he was happy to do it with him.

Yesung was silent, seemingly sorting out his thoughts, eyes closed, Kyuhyun just observing him, blushing when Yesung turned to him and smirked, the older man teasing him about staring, Kyuhyun coughing as he looked away, his brain too filled with mushiness to think of a scathing reply, Yesung seizing the opportunity to twist on his side into Kyuhyun's body, poking Kyuhyun's cheek as he amused himself with the younger man, Kyuhyun grabbing at his hand as he giggled, Kyuhyun turning into him to steal a kiss, Yesung letting him succeed, Kyuhyun pressing his lips against his, not forceful or greedy, not the sort of kiss that reflected the longing and bare lust that he felt, instead a lazy comfortable caress, smiling against Yesung's lips, scowling when Yesung's phone rang, the older man pulling away to reach for the device, smiling at Kyuhyun as he answered, Kyuhyun wanting to scream when Yesung said Siwon's name, the older man pulling himself upright and apparently telling Siwon that he was at the dorms, pushing Kyuhyun's legs to the side so that he could leave, Kyuhyun making a displeased sound when Yesung said he would see him in a little while, pulling himself into a standing position as he disconnected the call.

Kyuhyun was then informed that Siwon wanted to see Yesung before he left for New York and would be stopping by the dorm before he left for the airport in a while and as such Yesung was going to wait for him in the living room. Kyuhyun was not happy, but he could understand why Siwon would want to do so, considering that he would not see Yesung for over a month and would want to give his greetings and well wishes. Since he was trying his best to understanding, he stopped himself from making any snide remarks or complaints, just pulling himself up as well, accompanying Yesung back to the living room, sitting on the couch, pillow in his gasp, sitting close to Yesung, whispering into the older man's ear, wondering if he could tempt him into a kiss, sad that his previous activities had been ceased, Yesung just flicking him on his forehead and pushing him back, Kyuhyun lunging forward, Yesung shifting out of the way, patting his back instead, Kyuhyun just playing with him, ready to truly grab him when Siwon walked in, abandoned by Yesung then, falling face first into the cushions when Yesung moved, his position before was naturally precarious and when Yesung moved his balance was destroyed, upset that he had fallen into the couch but more upset that neither Siwon or Yesung had noticed.

Yesung was firmly wrapped in Siwon's arms, looking exceptionally small in the taller man's embrace, Siwon being the usual tactile addict, hands wrapped around Yesung tightly, nearly possessively, Kyuhyun biting his lips to stay quiet, even harder to do when Siwon pulled back and placed a hand on Yesung's cheek, a tender affectionate action, looking the older man dead in his eyes, Kyuhyun pulling himself into a standing position, fist clenched at his side, eyes flashing red in heat, the idea that Siwon think he could kiss Yesung so upsetting that he was all for hitting first and asking questions later, taking a step forward, stilled when Siwon only told Yesung to take care of himself and that he would miss him, letting his hand fall away as he drew him back into his embrace, leaning in for that kiss, but it was directed to Yesung's head and hair rather than anywhere else, the taller man's eyes closed as he held him, Kyuhyun in a rage, but somehow that bit of rationality was pushing through, understanding Siwon's feelings then, very reflective of his own. Siwon was at his last opportunity to say goodbye, to give his good wishes. Kyuhyun still had time that Siwon didn't, Kyuhyun turning his head away, not pleased by the sight but not willing to interrupt, instead returning to the couch and just observing.

Yesung held on tightly, thanking Siwon for worrying about him, but promising that he would be fine, since even a guy like Heechul could survive basic training. That basically meant he would have a good time, and insisting he was eager to show off his manliness. Siwon laughed then, Kyuhyun biting back a bittersweet smile as well, aware that was something Yesung would say, unable to stop the genuine laugh when he flexed his puny arms [ in comparison anyway] and asked Siwon if he thought it would get as big as his. Siwon only hugged him again, telling him that it might and if he wanted he could go to the gym with him when he returned from training.

Yesung used that suggestion to point out to Siwon that he didn't need to worry about him, that he would be back in only a month, insisting that Siwon would be too busy to even miss him. Siwon nearly cried at that one, Kyuhyun observing the older man's expression turn sour, Siwon ensuring to make it clear to Yesung that his thoughts were completely wrong, that he would miss him always, pulling Yesung into another tight hug that Kyuhyun cringed a little at, but once more understood, especially when Siwon looked a little teary, though none escaped his eyes.

Yesung thereafter spoke to Siwon casually for the remaining amount of time he had, actually rather short since he had flight to catch and some things he had to take care of before he left, Siwon promising to see him as soon as he was released and treating him to dinner, anything that he wanted, Kyuhyun scoffing at that one, wondering how Siwon could think he would be the one to do that when Kyuhyun obviously had the right to see him before everyone else, or after his family since he remembered that they had some sort of schedule around that time, Siwon just shaking his head when he heard him scoff, Yesung chuckling at the two of them. Before long Siwon was saying his last goodbyes, pulling Yesung into his arms for another bone crushing hug, Kyuhyun forcing himself to stay still and not force Siwon to release him as he wanted to do, Yesung looking rather sad as he wished Siwon a safe flight and a good showing in New York, waving at the older man cutely as Siwon left, both looking rather sad.

Kyuhyun hated the fact that he was so sad over Siwon and despised the sadness overall and was therefore bereft of any hesitancy when he got up and wrapped his hands around Yesung's waist, a cheesy ridiculous gesture, but he wanted him to know that he could count him to support him even at a time like that. The fact that the sadness was caused by Siwon's absence as something that would grate on his nerves, but Yesung was his to take care of  and if he was sad, it was Kyuhyun's duty to ease his suffering, hands holding on to Yesung around his waist, the older man's back pressed to his chest as he nuzzled at his neck and shoulder, holding Yesung in a comforting back hug, the older man simply leaning back against Kyuhyun's chest, accepting the comfort for a minute or so before he unclasped Kyuhyun's hand from around him, and turned to smile at him, a weak sad smile but a smile nonetheless. He didn't release Kyuhyun's hand, instead led him back to his room once more, grabbing Kyuhyun's laptop from his desk this time, Kyuhyun's Ipad still on the bed, but Kyuhyun supposed he wanted to do something specific with the laptop, happy to follow along.

His suspicions were confirmed when Yesung told him to come watch a movie with him, cashing in one of his vouchers. Kyuhyun didn't see why they couldn't go out to a real cinema and just be like a normal couple, but he figured Yesung would just turn down his offer once more, joining him in the bed, barely missing his Ipad with his knee, pushing it out the way as he reached the wall, Yesung putting a pillow for his lean against, Kyuhyun making himself as comfortable as possible, Yesung behaving weirdly, a hand at his cheek in a delicate touch, the same sad look in his eyes, before it filtered away, Yesung going through Kyuhyun's collection and grumbling that he had a lot more movies to chose from and he should have brought his own laptop, having to find something streamed instead. Kyuhyun ignoring his complaints, just letting him find one he liked, not really caring about what they watched, more concerned with discerning Yesung's look, nodding when Yesung asked if he wanted to watch some movie or the other, only alert when Yesung pressed his back against his chest and leaned into him his shoulder, the laptop shared between them, the movie blurring sound, as Yesung easily played with Kyuhyun's fingers.

That was the position Kyuhyun currently found himself in, wondering if he had made the right decision to stay home with Yesung. Was all of that enough? As far as he would tell they didn't do anything especially memorable and as it was his laptop was not the most comfortable way to watch a movie, even if he appreciated the feel of Yesung in his arms, aware that it would be the last time he would get to do that for a while at least, wondering if that was the last memory he wanted to make, wondering how he was supposed to get by without Yesung for such a long time, wondering how things were going to change, how he would be able to adjust to not seeing Yesung as much as he would like, though forever grateful that it was a public service placement, even if it meant that Yesung was not healthy. He could see him and hear his voice, and that had to be something special.

He was worried though.

Yesung was being strange, well....stranger than normal, not even smacking him when he nuzzled his nose into his throat while he was watching the movie, just sighing a little and grimacing once, before he settled, eyes on the movie playing, accepting the hands around his waist as well, the feeling of sadness that they were avoiding throughout the day crackling around them, Yesung not really paying attention to the movie anymore either, just resting his head against Kyuhyun's shoulder, melancholy in his actions, eyes closed as he took a couple of breathes, his fingers rhythmically along Kyuhyun's, the only sound in Kyuhyun's ear, the lifting melody of Yesung's breathing and his own heart thumping in his chest, the sadness that he was trying to hold back biting at him swiftly, now just holding on to Yesung like his life depended on it, his lips pressing an innocent kiss to the soft area, his heart aching as he thought about the possibility of not being able to do something like again for a fairly long time, the changes happening around them so frightening, wanting to cry, to be strong, to hold on and to release him all at the same time, confusion burning through him, but doused by the incomparable love in his heart.

Yesung it seemed was tired of pretending that he was watching the movie, reaching outwards to just shut the laptop, Kyuhyun honestly not even noticing when he shut it or when he pushed it out of the way, Kyuhyun's nose buried in his hair and his eyes shut as he just took in the sweet aroma of Yesung, as he enjoyed the curves of his body and the warmth of his skin, as he just allowed himself to appreciate the fact that he had Yesung in his arms, the man that he adored, the one that he had to say goodbye to for a short while, his heart aching with both sorrow and happiness. He was saddened by the future he had before him, yet impossibly thrilled with the reality in his arms.

He was only slightly startled when Yesung turned towards him, making him shift a little, eyes dark and determined, twisting in his arms, Kyuhyun looking at him with wide curious eyes, whatever question he was about to ask dying on his lips when Yesung kissed him, firm and full on the lips, the older man's hands coming up to cup his cheeks and jawline, holding his face in place as he kissed him firmly, shy in a way, but strong for Kyuhyun to respond as soon as the shock wore off, hands tightening against Yesung once more, the angle weird but the feelings intense, Yesung's lips moving sensually along with his, shifting against each other in a teasing motion, Kyuhyun smiling when Yesung on his lower lip, Kyuhyun into the kiss, Yesung's teeth grasping his lips, Kyuhyun opening his mouth for him to explore, Yesung doing exactly that, easily gliding his tongue into his mouth, playfully tasting here and there, Kyuhyun never one to be outdone, wrapping his tongue against Yesung's exploring appendage, the older man gasping, the sound stifled between the mouths.

Kyuhyun pulling him closer or at least trying to, enjoying the kiss until he needed to breathe, willing to hold on though, he rather stifle than release Yesung. The older man didn't seem to like that idea, pulling away from the kiss, pressing his lips into repeated pecks before Kyuhyun could protest, gulping air as soon as he could, Kyuhyun doing the same thing, shifting on instinct as Yesung wrapped his hands around his shoulder and dragged him down to the bed with him, his weight falling onto the man in an awkward angle, but Yesung did not seem to mind, just kissing him once more, delicate this time, no urgency, languid brushes and teasing nips and tugs, Kyuhyun trying to find some purchase against his body, his large hands settling against his waist, legs tangled together, Kyuhyun trying to hold his weight and not hurt Yesung, grateful when Yesung twisted, shifting so that he could be on his side and Kyuhyun following suit, their lips not breaking  once, the kiss still languid and filled with simple delight in being with each other, Kyuhyun pulling Yesung against his body, Yesung's hand playing with the puppy hair at the back of his head, Kyuhyun's hand tugging at his shirt to get it loose so that he could touch his skin, finally succeeding, hand sprawled across as much skin as he could manage logically, warm to his touch and silky smooth, never ever getting tired of caressing Yesung's skin, his mind consumed with the singular thought of love, wanting to spend his entire life the way they were, wrapped in each other's arms, kissing leisurely.

Yesung eventually tore his mouth from his, Kyuhyun whining before he knew what happened, his cheeks heating red in embarrassment, matching Yesung's red dusted cheeks, the older man pressing kisses to his cheeks and jawline, dipping his head to kiss the column of his throat, methodically and controlled, Kyuhyun trying to pull him back to his lips, wanting desperately to kiss him, Yesung taking his time however, pressing kisses where ever he could reach before he brushed his nose against Kyuhyun's, the younger man shivering in sensitivity, his grip on Yesung's body tight, pressed together nearly entirely, Kyuhyun having by then trapped one of Yesung's legs between his, never ending closeness, Yesung ceasing his kissing to dip his head into Kyuhyun's chest, burying his head just between Kyuhyun's chin, his nose in Kyuhyun's jugular notch, Kyuhyun making a deranged sound of appreciation, trying to catch his breath and not die from the sensitivity, blood in his lower body already, but not really a concern as he buried his head in Yesung's hair, just breathing him in, Yesung seemingly doing the same thing, until he pulled back a little, looking Kyuhyun dead in the eyes.

"I love you" clear, certain and unflinching, looking at Kyuhyun with firm eyes tainted with sadness, but so much sincerity that Kyuhyun thought his heart would explode from just hearing the words uttered, his heart thumping in his chest scarily, positive that Yesung could hear it in his ears a well given their close proximity, Kyuhyun just sort of speechless, mouth opening to give a response but not really sure what to say, Yesung smiling at him sadly, Kyuhyun once more confused entirely, just holding Yesung close when he returned to his chest, brushing his lips against Kyuhyun's throat.

"Finally willing to admit it huh? I love you too" Kyuhyun finally decided to tease, smiling at the man in arms, pushing the confusing thoughts far away from his mind, just enjoying the feel of him in his arms and relishing in the confession.

Yesung loved him. He knew that with certainty, but the older man hated to verbalize his affections for him or rather had a hard time stating it. Kyuhyun never forced him too], understanding that it was awkward for him and feeling awkward with things like that himself, satisfied in the knowledge that even if it was never said he could be absolutely certain that Yesung loved every bone in his body. Even so there was always something special about hearing the older man say it. His husky voice and the sincerity in which he said it always, touching Kyuhyun's heart in strange ways always, sinking his nose into Yesung's dark hair, his hand coming up to brush his fingers through the silky strands, trying not to think about the fact that it will all be gone shortly.

"Stop ruining the moment you brat!..... Just remember that I said it and meant it. No matter what happens.....that will never change" Yesung spoke once more, voice serious and certain, nervous and sort of shy, but sincere and strong willed, eyes looking at Kyuhyun in that way that made him feel lost at sea, eyes swarming with so much emotion that Kyuhyun couldn't even begin to understand him, though from his words, he was very concerned. Why was Yesung talking that way? Kyuhyun was grateful for the reassurance that he had a place in Yesung's heart and mind and figured in the older man's thoughts, but there was something ominous about the way he was speaking, making Kyuhyun feel strangely worried, Yesung still smiling at him.

"What do you mean by that?" Kyuhyun asked, this time unwilling to let the matter just pass by, having that bad feeling for much of the day and that clawing feeling inside him that seemed to say something was wrong and that he should, staring at Yesung in the eyes, pleading with him to give him an answer, Yesung shaking his head at him, turning away from his gaze, instead nestling his head against Kyuhyun's chest, his hands coming down to wrap around Kyuhyun's midriff, holding on tightly.

"Nothing. Let's just stay here for a while like this Kyuhyun ah" Yesung spoke softly, head and face buried in Kyuhyun's chest, hands holding on tightly, fingers nearly digging into Kyuhyun's skin, nose pressed against his sweater, legs still dangled together, Kyuhyun positive that something was wrong with Yesung, but supposing that the older man was finally acknowledging the situation in which they found themselves in, the loss that was certain to occur, the separation and the sadness , the feeling of losing his happiness.

Staying away from the stage would be very hard for Yesung.

It was his dream, the one place that he was truly fulfilled. Kyuhyun knew what that felt like. He knew what it was like to watch the others perform and long to be there with them, wondering if your chance would come again. He never wanted Yesung to feel like that, never wanted him to have that sort of sadness and uncertainty, but some things were just not in his control no matter how much he wanted it to be. He had to give way on certain points and that was one of them. He was at least thankful that Yesung seemed to have exceedingly loyal fans that would stick with him and wait forever. All the things they had been doing for Yesung had touched him greatly and Kyuhyun was grateful to each and every one of them.

His appreciation for them increased even more when that strange scandal thing with the Nick Fury picture came up, none of them understanding what he had done really, but they were told by SM that it had garnered a negative response in some parts of the world. Yesung was upset that he was getting some hateful messages, and Kyuhyun hated everything about the situation. He was therefore really thankful for all the Clouds and ELFs that stood up for Yesung and made it better, having true faith that Yesung's fanclub would be at his side through it all. He was pleased to know that at least, reeling in that urge to claim that Yesung only needed him. Yesung needed him of course, but he also needed to know that he was loved and that his fans weren't going away and so far they were doing a great job of showing it off.  He wished he  could say something to reassure Yesung, but he couldn't and didn't know what to do.

"We can. As long as you want" Kyuhyun promised gently, as if he were speaking to a child, the idea not lost on him or Yesung, who grumbled that he was not a child, the muffled complaints coming from somewhere in Kyuhyun's chest, also with the statement that he still smelt like apples and Yesung purring that he liked apples, Kyuhyun wondering if the older man had gotten drunk of something, saying things that he didn't normally say, though Kyuhyun was happy that he had some life in him and was not just a sad shell, hugging him close to his body, wanting to be the person that Yesung found comfort in, sorry that he didn't know what to say or promise that could make it all better for Yesung, but at least he could hug him close and drive away the bad thoughts for a little while if nothing else, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

Kyuhyun was resolved to be the pillar on which Yesung stood, the person that he thought about when things got too  hard, the first person he called when he wanted encouragement and the first person that got to hug him when he returned from basic training, the one that soothed his mind and promised him that he was still well loved, that his fans hadn't forgotten him and neither did he, though Yesung should never doubt that. Kyuhyun wanted to be everything for him, aware that he had a selfish aspiration, but truthfully he only wanted to take care of Yesung, to love him and be loved by the older man.

So, what if he was selfish?

He had a right to be selfish, to love someone so completely that he would do anything for them and want to be the one that they cherished. He had a right to wrap his arms around Yesung when things were hard for him, to be the one in which he sort comfort, the one that washed away his fears. He would be the same then. Even if his words failed him, he could be the warmth that protected the older man, the strength of his convictions. With that wish at the heart of all his aspirations, he pulled Yesung even closer, hands running gentle along his back and playing with the strands of hair that he found there, inhaling the sweetness of coffee and cinnamon, closing eyes as he embraced the man he loved, silently praying for his happiness and his continuous wellbeing, getting lost in it all.

They stayed like that for a fairly long time, Kyuhyun nearly falling asleep at one time, the closeness originally sending a rush of blood southwards, but the emotions involved was far different from the heat of lust, more like the warmth of companionship, the blood leaving the appendage gradually as Kyuhyun thought of the love he had for the man locked securely in his arms, the feeling of happiness and sadness, of a bitter future and a glorious past, so much swimming around, yet finding peace in Yesung's arms as he always did, the emotion strong but so was the comfort, his eyes tired and drowsy, feeling happy and contented, wanting to actually sleep like that for a while, not even paying attention when Yesung pulled out of his arms a little, figuring that the older man had something to do, smiling when he felt a chaste kiss pressed to his lips, eyes fluttering open to look at Yesung with a silly smile on his lips, Yesung looking at him with those damn sad eyes again, sliding out of his arms easily, though he still leaned forward for another kiss, this one feeling like a kiss of death, filled with emotion and longing and something that tasted bitter, something that tasted like goodbye.

The words that came next were something that Kyuhyun should have expected really, excepted and anticipated so it would have saved him the very unattractive expression and the embarrassing snort that  he released, eyes going wide and sort of alien and the crick in his neck from the sheer insanity of which he was hearing. Yesung had actually uttered those words to him....wow..

"Let's break up."