as we laugh and live in our group of friends it's ok. At least then I can help it. At least then I can control this.

But then at some point it can't be helped that there are times where we are left together, because really there is nothing unusual about that.

That is in theory. 

Because what if the person you were left with had these thoughts and feelings that would probably repulse you if you knew. What if the person desired and hoped and waited and waited. 

Because that is what I do.

Each time we are left together I anticipate our brush of fingers, the silences being filled with our voices alone, my presence being the only one you see.

But I find that I am the only one anticipating it, your eyes regard me with little more interest as with when there are more people around. 

Your heartbeat probably doesn't beat faster like mine does with you.

And I wonder why I am the only one feeling this way, conciously monitering all the little noises I make when I'm with you, regulating my breathing and controlling my expressions.

Why. Is it that you are the one who made me fall in love with you

when friends is all that we can be?

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so i didn't write little bits and pieces everyday. but wow i really wish i had, especially when i have lots of plot ideas but no means to write them bc cRaP wRIteR ughhugh

ps. lol i realised i never put a pairing down. i guess i'll imagine them as different people and genders and switch it up hheeeeh