I hate it...
I hate it...
"Hi" A figure eagerly greeted another figure as the greeted figure didn't bothered to look up from its locker.
"Hey" The greeted figure answered with a tone of boredom into its voice as it was busy with its locker.
"How cold" The figure whined as it looked at the other figure that was in the locker. The greeted figure was finished with whatever business it has with its locker as it looked up. It's cold brown eyes met warm chocolate eyes. Its cold face became warm as it continued its gaze on those welcoming chocolate eyes. Its poker face changed to a more of a suprised one. Everything change, the tense atmosphere became more of a relaxing one, the poker face it usually wears became comfortable and its eyes that were cold and nerve breaking change to a more soft and accepting ones but something didn't change. Its voice, it was cold and every word that comes out stings you like a stab in your chest. The two figures only stared at each other but there eyes told many things, many stories
A figure can be seen on the bed as it laid down with its right arm covering its own eyes as the rain poured stronger, louder, and angrier like her tears. Yes, the figure is crying.Those tears didn't stopped flowing as it flowed more as it accompanied the rain. Starting from its eyes to its own cheeks as the figure didn't even bother to wipe it.
'Why would I wipe my tears when they are going to pour down again?' That was its reason. That always has been its reason. The figure just let those tears soak more of its arm,cheeks and other parts that those salty tears can reach.
'Why do I cover my eyes when I cry? It's not like someone can see it but I guess it became of my habit whenever I cry.' The room was quiet except with its escaping sobs and the sound of the thunderous roar of the sky and the angry shout of the rain as it hits the pavement or the figures rooftop. That was the only sounds. No one was inside the said house. Everything is gone, everything was simply...empty. That's what its life has always been. Empty,like its heart. No one was to blame but only for itself but it can't help it. The fear, it always consume the figure making it go to the wrong way. Instead of a happy life, it changed to an empty one and all of it was because of fear and because of...that.
'At least something is accompanying me even if it's the rain' It bitterly thought as a sad smile graze on its thin lips.
'But, the rain does scare me though but...' It let its thoughts to wander but this was a first because it never let's its thoughts to wander because it just bring those....memories. It was too much, it can't handle it and letting those memories flood its mind is what it just need to accompany her.
No one was there so why break the atmosphere? There was two girls in the locker room. One has chocolate eyes as it was smiling from ear to ear as she wished that the girl in front of her will not leave. She knows that there ways of thinking were different. She also knows that the other girl wished the opposite as her, it wants to leave but she has always wished for this, that the both of them to be like this, being with each other with no one or nothing to disturb them.The girl with the chocolate eyes only has one correct thought as the others were not. The other girl with cold brown eyes wants to stay with the other girl. It has also wished for this, to be alone with her with no disturbance at all. Those chocolate eyes were only right about one thing, there ways of thinking were different. As those chocolate eyes were straightforward while the other was blunt. Those chocolate eyes also can say whatever she wants to say but for the other, she just keeps it and speaks the opposite of what she was supposed to say.And also they think different of one more thing. Those chocolate eyes shows its love to the other girl as she speaks what she truly wants to speak but for her...she shows the opposite as she also speaks the opposite of what she truly wants to speak, to feel.
'No!' She thought. She can't bear to recall that horrid memory but her mind never did paid attention to her body.
"I love you"
Tears fell more as it made its way from her eyes to her cheeks and reached her neck and collarbone but she wasn't crying from what she was told in that memory but of what she replied to her. At first, she asked why she covers her eyes whenever she cried and answered that she doesn't know. Does she really do not know the answer or was she just afraid to admit the right answer? She felt scared if she was to admit it. The pain will always surge to her heart and tears will be produced and she was afraid of that even though she was crying right now but those tears came out naturally,like it was a natural cycle to happen. She felt stupid, maybe just maybe that if she answered truthfully then this tears of sorrow might have become tears of joy but it was only a maybe that will never happen. She place her right arm on her side this time as her eyes were red and puffy with fresh tears still flowing down. Rain was still pouring but her sniffles and sobs were much more louder than this pouring rain inside the lonely room. Everything was so loud that even her thoughts were ringing loud as it bounced off the walls of her room. She quickly sat up as she laid her back on the head board of her bed as she shut her eyes tight and covered her ears. Incoherent words were screaming loudly at her ears before everything turned clear.Those incoherent words became clear and with one simple word everything returned.
The girl mumbled but it was enough for those chocolate eyes to hear.
"I know" She scoffed at the girl's reply.
"Then why bother? You already know it why follow me everytime? Even others think its weird"
"Why?"
"It's actually simple. I-"
"No, what I meant was why do you need to consider what others are thinking when this matter only concerns you and me? Shouldn't you consider what you are feeling?" The girl kept mum as the other girl stared at her with a content smile on her face. Why does she always concern herself with others when all of her matters are only concerning her and the other girl and no one else?
"...and why do you always isolate yourself and kept ignoring the love they give to you?" That question burned itself to the back of her mind as she just continued to stare at her once again. Two questions were asked but only one answer went inside her mind.
'Because I'm a coward'
That word, that simple word triggered pain to her. It may be emotionally painful but it is also physical painful. With one simple word, everything returned and she has always wanted to erase that memory but everything were recalled when that one simple word screamed itself through her ears. If she wasn't a coward then maybe she couldn't have said those horrible words, those horrible three words to her.If she wasn't such a coward then maybe she would have viewed everything differently. She never answered those questions because it scared her. That thought, that wasn't her answer, it's what she is feeling at that time but right now, she can only feel regret. She wished to hear those questions again so she can finally answer them with what she really wanted to say but she just disregarded it because she knows that she will never ever hear those words again. Those four lettered word, she despised that word. Two same four lettered word, they were the same but different in meaning. It was entirely different like what she and her said to each other on that locker room. One can make someone happy while the other one can make someone regretful 'til the end of there life. The day she told her those beautiful three words, she has also wanted to utter those words but one came out of her was the opposite of what she said to her.
"I hate you" That was what her reply was when she said I love you and came up with a simple reply.
"I know"
"I'm sorry" She mumbled and mumbled as she rocked back and fourth as she still resumed her position.
"Can you tell me what you hate about me so I can change it?" She felt greatful that someone was willing to change for her. It was the end of there classes in there university as they were once again in the same locker room like yesterday.College life, how complicated. Instead of a contented smile, a smirk etched itself on her face as she crossed her arms in front of her chest instead of wrapping them around her.
"You can't"
"Why?"
"Because I hate every little thing in you"
"Like what?"
"I hate your voice,your talent,your height,your ways of being dorky,your aegyo, your laugh,beauty, and especially your love. Surely you can't change that right? Now get out, I'm busy"
"You personally hate me?"
"Yup. Oh! There is one more thing that I truly hate, your existence. You can just go and disappear"
"Okay. If that what makes you happy" And without a single word she disappeared from the locker room. Every word that she spoke stabbed her heart.
'Why am I such a coward? Why can't I accept your love? Why can I answer your questions yesterday and why did you just gave up easily? I know it's my fault but she felt different'
And from them on, she never appeared in wherever the girl I go or even in school.
"Please, give me a chance. I want to change what I said to her. I want to tell her what I truly feel. Please don't leave me" She screamed and begged to no one.
"Please" The girl opened her eyes when she felt a warm embrace holding her fragile body.
"Ssshhh, stop crying. I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry if I left. I will never ever leave you even if you will hate me" Her eyes opened when she heard a familiar voice entering her ears. She stopped crying but her tears didn't stopped as it flowed one after another wetting the person's neck. She was being hugged as her head was buried into the crook of someone's neck. Slowly, she put her hands on the person's stomach and pushed herself slightly to get a better look as the person or the girl's hands were still around on the crying girl's body.
"Aigoo, look at your eyes. Tears are still falling like a stream. Gwenchana?" The girl wiped those tears away with her thumb as the tears instantly stopped falling. She can't speak, she was too stun to do so.
"Oh sorry, I should go away and disappear. You said that you hate my existence and here I am hugging you. I'm sorry" The girl let go of her body when suddenly the crying girl instantly hug the retreating girl tighter, not wanting to let go fearing that she might disappear.There bodies were close to each other but the both of them never complained, in fact they enjoyed it.
"Do-Don't go" She spoke with her voice hoarse from all the crying she did. She doesn't care if this is a dream or just an illusion because she will make everything worthwhile until everything ends. If it's a dream, this is one realistic dream because everything about the girl is the same in her memories. Her warmth, her voice, her love, everything was the same and she love it.
"I-I thought-" The girl was obviously suprised by the other one's actions.
"I have never meant those words and I never meant to hurt you. I was afraid, very afraid to lean on you. From the day I saw you, I have fallen for you hard. I love you so much that it scared me. What if you leave me and hurt me? My love grew so much that I decided to hide it all because I was afraid that maybe you will hurt me, maybe that I love you so much because in the end I was going to be hurt. I don't want to feel pain, I was afraid of it. I have always wanted to forget the pain that I receive when I was a child" I hugged her close to my body as my tears were falling once again.
"My parents...They left me. I don't know why but they suddenly left me. I love them so much but they just suddenly left me without a word leaving everything to me. It hurts so much. That's why I was afraid to tell you how much I love you because I was afraid of the pain that I might experience but I truly love you" She cried hard as she buried her face into the crook of the girl's neck. The girl just smiled and patted the crying girl's back trying to soothe her.
"I will never hurt you because I love too much and you, out of all the people in here should know that. If I was going to hurt you then I would have spend so much effort for you and hurt you right away and I also love you. I really do even if you shove me away. Even if you treated me harshly. I was glad I didn't gave up because all my hard work paid off. I love you Yul" She exclaimed after cupping the crying girl's face.
"I love you too Sica" Yuri opened her eyes and saw that the rain has stopped pouring.
"Sica?" She called out weakly as she tried to look for the latter but found none.
"I guess it was just a dream" She smiled bitterly when she started to cry again.
"What drea-Oh no, Yul why are you crying? Sorry if I left you without a word. I just took a bathe. I didn't woke you up because you were asleep the entire time after we went home from college"Jessica hugged the crying Yuri as Yuri sobs were slowly turning to nothing as she snuggled closer to Jessica as she was savoring the comfortable embrace given to her.
"We went home from college?"Yuri looked at Jessica with her slight puffy eyes due to her crying earlier. Jessica looked Yuri confusingly.
"Yah! Is something wrong Yuri? One moment you hug me and tell me you love me in front of the whole university then one moment you ask me that we went home from college. I just don't get you Yul. One moment you told me that you hate my voice,my existence and most of all is my lo-"Jessica was cut off by a pair of soft lips upon her own as Yuri silence Jessica. Yuri then pulled away and whispered in a low voice.
"Please don't let me recall that again. That was what I was not suppose to say." Yuri reached into her pocket and took out a letter with a ribbon quickly place on it and gave it to Jessica. Jessica slowly untied the ribbon and read the letter.
I hate it, your voice. You always make me fall in love with you over and over again, everytime you
say my name.
I hate it,your talent. You always make feel special.
I hate it, your height. You look like an adorable child ready to be spoiled by me.
I hate it, your dorky ways. You say the truthful things towards me in such simpler ways.
I hate it, your natural aegyo. You exert so much cuteness without even trying.
I hate it, your laugh. You always make me laugh even when I'm not supposed to.
I hate it, your beauty. It makes me feel unfair to have you, that I am so lucky just for you to love me.
I hate it, your love. I don't even deserve it. But you know what I hate greater?
I hate it, your very existence. You make me feel so complete for the first time in my whole life with
just being with you. But there is one more thing that I hate the most.
I hate it, Myself. Because of me that's a coward, I was not able to reciprocate your feelings. Waisting all of your efforts. I know that I should be more braver.The moment I told you that I hate everything about you, was the moment my heart shattered to pieces because I have nothing now.
Not your voice, not your talent, not your height, your dorky ways, your natural aegyo, your laugh,
not even your beauty,not even your love nor your very existence. I wish I haven't said that. If I didn't said that then maybe I already have you and now I have
no one. But there is one thing I also hate the most aside from myself.
I hate it, yourself there in front of me. Looking at me with your warm chocolate eyes. I don't understand
but I don't care anyway. I don't care how you are in front of me when you left me in that locker room.But I don't care anymore as long as you're there.
I hate it, me falling in love with you again. When I saw myself hugging you, I felt that I want to ran to you and tackle you to the ground because I was so happy. With
me crying as you comforted me.
Please remember that
" My hate is our love"
Yuri read it aloud as tears were glistening on Jessica's eyes.
"Yuri this is-"
"Stupid?"
"Beautiful. How did you manage to write it when you were aslept the whole time?"
"Don't ask me" For the first time in her life after her parents left her, Yuri smiled but it wasn't fake or forced, she smiled because she was truly happy now that her wish has been granted.
'Thank you to whoever helped me turn back time. Without you, I won't be able to be with the one I love.' Yuri smiled more as she gazed at her love's face.
"Hey Sica"
"Yeah?" She read it again and again and she can never be tired to read it one more time.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" Jessica looked up and smiled tenderly.
"Of course" The two shared a passionate kiss until Jessica pulled away.
"Hel Yul"
"Yes baby?" Jessica blushed so much from the endearment Yuri used that she looked like a tomato.
"A cute tomato" Yuri exclaimed happily as she pinch Jessica's cheeks. One moment she is crying then another moment she is happy and joking around and moreover she was with the love of her life.
"What do you mean that 'my hate is your love'?"
"Well since that whenever I see you, I just always say the word hate instead of love. In the letter, change all the words hate to love except for the part about myself.I don't love that part of mine" Jessica looked at it and smiled as Yuri also smiled once again.
"I hate you Jessica"
"I know and I love you too Yuri"
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This is my second version of I hate it. I hope everyone will like it like the orignal version of it. YulSic <3 Misaio out~
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