“If music be the food of love, play on,

Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,

The appetite may sicken, and so die.”

William Shakespeare

No. No, no, no, no, no, Jinyoung panicked clutching his head between his hands, I just saw him, met him, in the flesh. And now he’s gone? Or was he never real in the first place?

            Jinyoung shot up from his desk sending his chair flying backwards before bolting away from the school. Ignoring the teacher’s protests he kept walking. Just walking. There was no point in running. You run when you want to escape something, but you cant escape something that was never real.

            By the time he was able to pull himself out of his thoughts he was halfway across the city. He found himself standing in one of the larger parks of the area; there was a small lake in front of him, families playing and vendors selling their wares.

            He bent down over the ground, rocking back and forth while he clutched his hair. What’s real, he fought back the angry sting of tears, he was here. I know it. A few meters away a little girl laughed and chased after her ball, somewhere behind him a vendor was shouting out his products and a flock of birds was feasting happily thanks to a group of old men.

            Th-this is real, Jinyoung shut his eyes tight, it’s not a dream, right? He could feel the ground under the sole of his shoes and hear the water rippling at the edge of the lake. That was real.

            He fell back onto the ground and opened his eyes, submerging himself in his surroundings. It was tangible; he ran his hand along the grass, the damp blades leaving small trails of water on his arm. The bark on the trees, the endless sky, the rustle of leaves and the sweet smell of crisp air; even the imagination has limits.  

            If there was anyway to positively ground yourself in reality when on the verge of a mental breakdown Jinyoung would have paid anything for it at this point. Dreams were endless, an entire lifetime packed into a few sleeping hours. But if you can grasp those dreams, those memories, it’ll break your heart because it was never true.

            Jinyoung closed his eyes for a minute, maybe longer, who knows. The sun was high in the sky by the time he opened his eyes again, but his outdoor nap was refreshing. Maybe that was the key, he thought to himself, just don’t sleep long enough for REM sleep to kick in.

            Jinyoung opened his eyes to stare up at the sky but found himself eye-to-eye with a pair of bright green eyes. “Mister,” the girl blinked, “are you alright? You’ve been sighing for quite a while.”

            “Juuuust peachy, kid,” Jinyoung eyed the girl, “let me ask you something. How would you feel if you thought you finally found a toy you thought you lost, but it ended up being a different toy or you were just imagining it altogether?”

            She furrowed her brow, not sure if this was some odd test or something, “well, I would be sad. Have you lost something?”

            “You could say that.”

            “Well I hope you find it,” she turned towards her parents who were calling her back.

            She turned around and ran happily back to her family. The innocence of childhood is surely something to be admired. He’d just begun to close his eyes again and bask in the glow of sunshine when the little girl stomped back up to him and a fistful of fresh picked irises at him.

            “I know you’ll find it, so just be happy until you do,” the tiny girl twiddled her fingers at him before walking away again. Jinyoung smiled woefully at the bundle of flowers hoping one day he would have the same confidence as she did. But that confidence dwindles with age as hopes and desires are crushed.

            Jinyoung walked slowly through the looping paths of the park holding the flowers delicately in his hand. The moment the girl picked them their life began to slowly end, every second, closer to dying. He twirled the stem of one of the irises and brought it up to his face and inhaled the fresh scent. It was peaceful. And for a moment he was able to forget his troubles.