2. Without Me
The Drabble JournalWithout Me: (2Seop and Jaevin)
There is something off as soon as Jaeseop steps into his sight. But he doesn't quite notice it at first. It must have been the fluttering in his stomach- the undeniable beating of his heart in his ears- that clouds him from realizing it, but gradually, day by day, Kiseop finds his happiness depleted, and, only then, does he begin to realize why.
Kevin.
He hadn't quite thought about it before. After all, Kevin generally ignores Jaeseop's advances; at least, that's the way it should be, but now things are a bit different.
They hug. They cuddle. They take pictures together. They look at each other, they smile at each other, they laugh with each other, and they won't quit it and he just can't take it.
It's strange and Kiseop doesn't like it.
It's strange and his heart hurts.
It's strange and he feels something inside him dying.
It's the first time they've had a chance to properly talk since Jaeseop arrived, and for once, it's just the two of them at Han River, a sight Kiseop wishes he could have seen with Jaeseop under different conditions.
The air is silent, save for the beating of two hearts: a sound only Kiseop hears.
"So," He starts, stare grazing across the ripples of the neverending blue. The river seems calm at this time of day, providing a vast juxtaposition against the rampid emotions within the man's chest, "What was it like, all alone, over there?" Without me, he mentally adds.
He points across the waters as if a whole other continent lies just beyond- so close that it can be clutched within desperate palms- but reality is so far from the dream world and they both know that.
"Well, for starters," Jaeseop readjusts himself against the grass. A small smile graces his lips, "I wasn't alone the whole time."
Kiseop physically falters into a slight embarrassment; one that is only shown for a millisecond as they lapse into silence a moment later. Jaeseop tries to construct a proper response and Kiseop watches intently.
He watches the way Jaeseop's lips purse. The way Jaeseop looks out into the beyond. The way the breeze blows his fringe, just slightly, out of position.
He feels himself reaching out, until he just can't feel anymore- until he realizes that his hand has already been retracted and lies lifelessly on the floor, a broken heart still beating within the grasp of his fingertips.
Jaeseop is drinking from the fountain of life, and Kiseop is dying because of it.
Hours upon hours later, he awakes at the sound of a shout in the distance. It bleeds on and on, soaking into the pores of his mind so that he just can't drown it out. But it isn't he that it's calling for. And suddenly, whatever "it" is comes into view.
Beautifully tall, delicate features, soft eyes, a dazzling smile.
Kiseop knows he should be grateful for what he already has, but he's not. And all he sees is everything he wants to be. Everything Jaeseop wants. It continues to call Jaeseop's name until he, too, awakes at the sight of an angel.
But Kiseop isn't an angel. Kevin is. Kevin always was and he always will be, and it tears Kiseop up inside.
He feels a crack begin to form.
"Jaeseop, wake up." It gives his soft skin a few quick taps of the hand, beaming as his eyelids flutter open.
And Kiseop feels his heart tear at its seams.
Jaeseop smiles back, reaching out to take it's hand. He must think Kiseop is still asleep because for whatever reason, he jokingly pulls it back into an embrace, to which the angel laughs in the melodic tune of the heavens.
And Kiseop feels the insides of his heart pour out.
But it still keeps beating.
Without a heart, he knows he should be dead.
But it keeps on beating, on and on, until he no longer feels the pain.
Author's Note: ellyemilyn, I'll get to that 2Seop one-shot as soon as I can, but I was thinking of a plan for writing that one and then this flood of angst ideas hit me and I just had to store the ideas somewhere. Since this is my storing place, I figured I might as well store it here. So the fluff will be back shortly, but for now, it's 2Seop angst.
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