CHAPTER FOUR

Groans and several voices expressing annoyance broke out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang. Despite of my growing loneliness I just had to laugh. Everyone fell silent at once.  “What happened to yells of yes! And about time?!” I teased.

They all managed to look sheepish. “Professor, will you please continue your story tomorrow?”

I took one look at their eager faces and I just had to tease them again. The temptation was too great. “The last time I checked I’m teaching you painting and not story telling.”

Disappointment and a little guilt replaced their excitement. They can tell the importance of this particular story and they don’t want to make me sad or uncomfortable. Talking about Dara makes me sad but at the same time it makes me happy too. She was after all, the love of my life. I smiled to relieve their unease. “All right but after this story you have to give me your best painting about the four letter word. Understand?”

“Yes!” The class chorused before leaving with brighter expressions.

Maybe I should change expertise. I thought amused at the eager faces of my class. “I never had your attention before and now you all look happy to see me. You’re making me doubt my skills as a professional artist.” I joked making the whole class laugh. “Are you ready to hear my story?” I asked, silencing everyone at once.

I was hurt.

I was hurt that she seemed unaffected by my confession. I was hurt that she chose to act like nothing happened. I was hurt because she clearly felt something for me too but she chose to ignore it.

Was I really that undeserving?

Was I really that hard to like?

I kept asking myself these questions over and over again because I can’t accept Dara’s reaction. She did not really reject me. She just said ‘don’t’. Which unfortunately can be translated into many things. Like don’t because I don’t like you that way. Or don’t because I’m with someone else. Or maybe, don’t because you will get hurt.

Or maybe she’s scared of getting hurt.

I remembered her confession that she never had a boyfriend and that instantly brightened my mood. If only I can show her, prove to her, that I’m not out to hurt her then maybe she would give me a chance.

And maybe, she would even give us a chance.

The thought made me happy again. And so I tried hard to show her how much she meant to me but it was not as easy as I thought. After I confessed Dara started acting strange. She would still joke around but she was more reserved. I felt like she was putting distance between us. And I can’t accept that. She can rej