Summary: In a love that lasts a lifetime, there's always the pain of wondering who will depart first.

They lay together wrapped in each other’s arms with the bed sheets tangled about their legs, their bare bodies pressed together. Hankyung’s eyes were tired but before he could drift away into sleep Heechul brought him back to reality with a whisper.

‘Hey.’

He didn’t bother opening his eyes ‘What?’

‘I think it wouldn’t be too bad if I died like this, right now.’

Hankyung laughed softly. ‘What’s this all of a sudden, saying such cheesy things?’ but when he looked at Heechul he was already asleep. He brushed his sweat-dampened hair away from his pale forehead and felt a smile rest on his lips, one of sadness. Quietly, he spoke to the darkness.

‘I don’t agree. Because if you died before me, what would I do?’

-

Hankyung awoke from his comfortable sleep at the feel of Heechul’s trembling hands and when he opened his eyes he saw him smiling at him in the dark. He felt his skinny body against his own, like ice. ‘You’re cold.’ He said with a tired voice. Heechul nodded softly. His eyes were wet, glimmering.  He brushed a wiry strand of grey hair, nearly black in the darkness, away from his forehead and rested his hand on his cold, clammy cheek. A weight settled in his chest, he couldn’t explain why. Heechul’s knuckles were balled tightly in Hankyung’s shirt, his knuckles standing out of the thin skin pale and bold.

With a frail voice he asked, ‘Do you remember another time we lay like this?’

‘Lots of times.’

‘There were lots of times. Once, I said I wouldn’t mind dying like this, in your arms.’

‘I remember. Why are you bringing this up now?’

‘I said that then because I was just so happy. I was scared it would all end sooner or later. You’d grow tired of me. But it ended up lasting this long.’

‘I don’t understand-‘

‘-you do.’ Heechul interjected softly. He trembled. ‘It’s so cold.’ Hankyung held him tighter, then, pulling the blankets up around them. ‘You’ve always been warm. So warm.’

Hankyung’s chest moved with soft silent sobs, and a frail, weak laugh left Heechul’s pale, thin lips. ‘Don’t cry; you’re a man. Besides, I’m happy.’

‘You’re selfish.’

‘It was nice while it lasted, wasn’t it?’

Hankyung nodded, pressed his nose into Heechul’s hair as he cried, his face wet with tears. Moments passed, long, cold moments in which Heechul said nothing. He kissed Heechul’s forehead gently, held his lifeless body tighter, and he cursed him for being so selfish.

Because Heechul had died first. Once he’d thought they’d live forever but here he was, old and alone, and he didn’t know what to do.