Borrowed time
Moments in LifeA/N: major angst. Read at your own risk.
"Three days."
Ji Hyo felt numb as the oncologist mentioned the number. A tear escaped the corner of her eye before she could stop it from falling.
"A week maximum," the doctor added regretfully. "I'm so sorry, Miss."
He sounded sincere but his words meant nothing for her - not anymore. Her ears were buzzing and she could no longer hear what he had to say next; they were not important now. There was nothing the doctor could do now to help. The guillotine had been dropped and it was only a matter of time before the sharp blade reached her neck to sever it from her body. She was suddenly sick.
The emphaty in the doctor voice resounded emptily in Ji Hyo's head as he helped her the moment she stumbled to the floor, pathetically trying to support her weight with her lanky limbs. She emptied the content of her stomach onto the pristine marble floor of his office; tears falling freely from her eyes as she then lay down next to the disgusting vomit and curled into a ball, wailing inaudibly.
It took the woman a while before she could calm down. She was limp, offering no help as two female nurses ease her up to a stretcher to take her back to her room.
"Do you need anything?" one of the nurses asked, pity was evident in her voice. Ji Hyo shook her head. "Do you want to eat something for your nausea?" Again, Ji Hyo shook her head. The nurse would keep asking and Ji Hyo would keep shaking her head until it came to the point that the nurse had stopped asking her questions but she was unable to stop shaking her head.
She cried again when the throbbing pain in her head became unbearable, ignoring the fact that crying only made the pain worsen. Ji Hyo didn't move when the other nurse, the one that was older, injected her with something that made her really sleepy.
***
When she woke up a while later, Jong Kook was in her room. He looked exhausted, so worn out he was that he looked ten years older. Ji Hyo felt another wave of sadness hitting her as she realised that soon she would no longer be able to see the man in front of her.
"Jong Kook," she whispered almost inaudibly. Jong Kook's head whipped upward in an instant, his eyes full of worry, and Ji Hyo couldn't help but feeling guilty.
"Seung Im? What is it?" He was next to her in a flash, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead and watched her, fearing that she felt any pains. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?"
The tenderness with which he spoke to her brought a pang of regrets in her heart. She wanted to lift her hand to wipe away the worry that lined on his forehead but her body was against her.
"Sweetheart, please tell me what's wrong," he pleaded.
Swallowing the lump of tears in , Ji Hyo struggled to speak, "Jong Kook, I want to go home."
Jong Kook gripped on the bed sheets until his knuckles turned white. His heart felt so much pain that he thought it would explode soon. Hot tears burnt his eyes and throat. "You still need some treatments, sweetheart," he whispered in a broken voice, "we can't go home yet."
"No," she spoke resolutely. "I'm so tired. I don't want to fight anymore." She watched as realisation dawned in his eyes, turning the dark irises even darker as hopelessness permeated into them. "Oppa, it's over."
"No! Don't speak like that, Ji Hyo-yah. I don't like you talking like that," he raised his voice, venting out his frustration. "It's not over. No!"
Ji Hyo smiled weakly. They both knew that he was fooling no one - the battle was lost. And they had lost badly. She didn't bother arguing though, time was far too precious now to be spent arguing over this.
"I love you," she whispered as she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. "Jong Kook Oppa, I wish I had said it more often before."
***
He took her to his mother's home despite her parents' protestation. She was still their daughter, they had said, they deserved to see her in her last days. He had looked them straight in the eyes then, saying nothing at first as they bombarded him with insulting words. When they had finished talking, he uttered something that silence them. She may be their daughter, but she was his life. They let him take her afterward.
They spent her first day out of the hospital picnicking in the backyard. Jong Kook laid out a picnic mat and a basketful of light food that she was still allowed to eat. He sat with her on his lap, her back resting on his front, and they talked about their childhood.
Ji Hyo didn't speak much but she urged Jong Kook to keep talking, wanting to hear his voice as much as she could in hope that she would still remember the calming sound of his tone and his laughter when she had to go.
It was hard for Jong Kook to keep on smiling and talking about trivial things when all he wanted was to cry and curse the universe for giving him such a cruel fate. But he didn't stop talking; the little laugh from Ji Hyo's mouth was the thing that kept going. It hurt to talk but it hurt worse not to talk because in silence they had to face the fact that this may not last. At least by doing this they could pretend that life was sunshine and butterflies.
***
On the second day they got visitors and Jong Kook was itching to throw everyone out. We don't have much time, he screamed inside his head, go away! Our time is limited!
Ji Hyo could read what was in Jong Kook's mind from where she was. As she tried to keep up with Gwang Soo's and Jae Suk's endless babbling, her eyes kept drifting to the corner of the room where Jong Kook was standing menacingly with his hands folded in front of his chest in defensive manner. Don't sulk, darling, she communicated with her eyes. She saw his shoulders slump as tension left them and she smiled, thinking that she really didn't deserve this man.
"We're going to miss her," Gwang Soo mumbled in passing as Jong Kook walked them to the door. Right then Jong Kook's already thinning patient evaporated and he grabbed the younger man by the collar, taking him in surprise before anyone could stop him.
"Shut up!" he roared, "Shut up! Don't you dare talk about her like she was going to die! You shut your ing mouth!"
Jae Suk and Gary reacted quickly enough, both wrapped their arms around Jong Kook and pulled him as hard as they could - knowing that he could easily overpower them. But Jong Kook's fight left him as quickly as it came. He loosened his grip on the tall man and slumped unceremoniously on the cemented floor. Jong Kook buried his head in his knees and cried as Jae Suk knelt next to him to offer comfort.
"What do I do? What do I do?" he cried pitifully, not caring that his Hyungs and dongsaengs were watching. "I don't want to lose her. How can I live without her by my side?"
That night Jong Kook did not sleep a wink. He lay next to Ji Hyo holding her close to him, not wanting to miss a thing from the woman he loved. The raise and fall of her chest served as a reminder of how much time they had left and he wished he could stop the time forever.
"If only I knew we had only so little time, Ji Hyo-yah, I'd say 'I love you' more often," he whispered, "I'd spend more time with you instead of traveling so much. I'd buy you more chocolate, make you laugh more often, take more pictures and record your voice more. If only I knew..." He trailed off; his body quivered in a silent sob that wrecked his soul. "I wish we could cheat time."
The first thing he did the next morning was remove all the clocks in the house. His mother didn't question him. She knew. And she understood. Cancer was no longer the enemy now. Time was.
***
Ji Hyo felt better on the fourth day and she begged Jong Kook to take her to the beach. He didn't want to, at first, fearing that something would go wrong. The gleam in Ji Hyo's eyes when he finally relented was worth it.
It was a perfect day to spend at the beach, Jong Kook thought as he found a good spot for them to sit; the sun was shining brightly and the breeze was soft against their skin. He saw how Ji Hyo's pale cheeks reddened under the sun and there was a flicker of hope that maybe - maybe the universe was kind enough to give them more time, maybe Ji Hyo was going to be better.
He didn't know who started it but they ended up talking about the future - their future. They talked about their ideal wedding and settled on having a small wedding at the beach, they talked about their future house, about the children they would be having - a son with Jong Kook smile and a daughter with Ji Hyo's eyes. They talked about wanting more than two children because it got real quiet with only two little angels at home.
They talked for what it seemed like forever when Ji Hyo mumbled that she was very sleepy. She refused to go home, though, insisting that she only needed to nap for a minute or two. Jong Kook took her into his arms and told her to sleep.
"Jong Kook Oppa," Ji Hyo said softly, struggling to keep her eyes open.
"Yes, Seung Im-ah?"
"I'm very lucky to be loved by you," she began. "I have been so happy since I met you, Jong Kook-ah. I wish... I wish I did more to show you that."
Jong Kook's throat constricted with tears. "You show me enough, Seung Im-ah. Now shhh, go to sleep. I'll hold you."
Ji Hyo smiled sleepily, lifting her hand and caress Jong Kook's cheek with her thumb. He kissed her palm and she pressed her skin against his face. "I love you, Kim Jong Kook. I love you so much it hurts." Her words became softer as her eyes fluttered close, a lone tear rolled on her cheek. "Jong Kook Hyungnim, thank you very much."
It didn't even take him a second to realise that she had gone limp in his arms, that the raise and fall of her chest was no longer there, that she was no longer breathing. No, he knew that she was leaving him from the moment her breath left her. But Jong Kook didn't move. He didn't make a sound as he pulled the lifeless body closer into him and rocked it as if rocking a sleeping child.
The sun had begun to fade into the horizon when Jong Kook finally cried for the love he had just lost. He cursed the cruel fate that was written for them. And as he placed a last kiss on Ji Hyo's lips, he thanked god for the borrowed time he had granted them, knowing that she was in a better place now.
"Wait for me, sweetheart," he whispered. "Until next time."
A/N: Yeah so I'm frustrated with my chaptered story and I ended up with this. Was listening to Tears of An Angel ( I forget the singer) when the idea struck like a bolt of lightning. It is now 2.35 am and I have to work early tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Thanks for joining me on the ride. *hugs*
Eh, yeah.. I'm now torn between continuing my chapter fic or writing the next oneshot that is already half written XD
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