2

“Hi Krystal! It’s nice to finally meet you! Kai told me sooo much about you and it’s quite surprising. He’s totally head over heels for—“ Jung Chanwoo, the sophomore’s year representative excitedly waved at me as soon as he exited the door while Kai was in the process of organizing the folder in his hands. I followed when he asked me to do him a favor five minutes prior by waiting for him outside the teacher’s lounge. He volunteered to pick up the Geometry test papers of his class after their professor, Mr. Jin, finished checking them earlier. It’s funny how he tries to be a teacher’s pet when he doesn’t even have the best grades with them, but I guess it’s one of the perks of being a popular kid?

“Yeah yeah, and now you’ve finally met her, can you just leave us alone?”

With a frown on Kai’s face, he stopped Chanwoo from, as I saw it, further embarrassing him. I couldn’t help but be flattered though. Remembering this, would he have really bragged about me like that?

“My bad, dude. Yeah, I’ll take my leave then! Bye Krystal!” He winked at the both of us and I couldn’t help but chuckle amused at his gesture.

“And that’s noona for you, you disrespectful jerk!” Kai rebuked hitting the sophomore’s arm with his rolled folder.

“It’s kind of hard to say that when it feels like I know her a lot given the way you—“

“Just shut up or I’ll push you down the stairs!”

I watched with amusement as they continue with their little banter and I could tell Kai was flustered for some reason.

The way Chanwoo tries to embarrass Kai is similar to how a pesky younger brother would expose photos of his older brother’s foolish childhood once-upon-a-times to his friends.

I can’t help but ponder at the way Chanwoo declared Kai must have talked about me. It made me feel confused yet adored because this was the first time I’ve heard someone shamelessly acknowledging me. My stomach twists because of how sweet it feels.

It was then my dazed trance suddenly brought me back to reality when Chan Woo waved his hand in front of my face and cheerfully bade me goodbye saying, “Let’s hang out soon, noona!”

I waved back and gave him a hopeful smile. I’d gain a new friend by then if we did hang out soon and I wouldn’t mind another addition. More friends, more memories, I guess?

He sighed exasperatedly with a roll of his eyes saying, “Great! Now, he’s finally out of our hair!”

I tried to suppress my giggle caused by giddiness and amusement as I pat his back. It’s just us, now.

He was probably beyond embarrassed and annoyed one moment ago but when he turned to me with tender eyes and a smile so sure, I swear it’s like he was two persons at once.

“Where do you suggest we go now, love?”

That was the first time he asked me out on a date after a week of becoming a couple. The first time he ever called me ‘love’.

He just knew how to make my heart swell, that boy. One more of that and I don’t think I can breathe right anymore.

Squealing, I roll around on my bed because of the memory it brings.

This memory also brings me back to why I'm here at home, pretending to be sick, reminiscing in my bed and wondering how in the world Chanyeol might have noticed me.

Back in the first week of school, I remember my head-over-heels crush on him. I used to admire him so much it hurt not being able to talk to him at least. With all the girls he was connected to, Sulli being one of them, I would never ever expect to be friends with him.

Although our year, namely ‘The Wolves’, doesn’t quite care about their statuses in the student hierarchy, you would still recognize the popular kids and Chanyeol is one of them.

But is it possible that I would gain him for a friend at this rate, too?

I don’t think so.

He could be one of Kai’s friends that were just curious of my sudden existence in his life.

I’ll just resolve that maybe as long as I avoid crossing paths with him, nothing will happen.

If we ever do cross paths, I’m going to pretend that I don’t see him at all.

I’m going to treat him as we have mutually treated each other before: like he’s just another student from my year. Just another boy.

My train of thought breaks and I gasp in surprise. I quickly jumped off from my bed when someone suddenly barges in my room, only to find that it was just my older sister, Jessica, with a manic grin on her face.

“Jess! You scared me, what’d you do that for?!” Awkwardly embarrassed, I couldn’t help but break out in a grin as I smack her arm for shocking me like that.

“Oh my gosh! ‘What’d you do that for’? It reminds me of a song! Lilly Allen’s ‘Smile’, that’s it!”

Jessica, who was still clad on her PE uniform, squealed in recognition. She excitedly skips to my iPod already plugged on speakers, skimming on my playlist for the said song.

I wonder what she’s so hyper about.

“What the…are you serious?!” I guffaw at the irony of what Jessica is doing but we just automatically start to sway along to the upbeat intro of the song like we’ve done so many times before.

“Just dance, Krys!” She also starts to laugh at what we’re doing.

We always do this—the random dance—every time we’re either really excited or downright depressed. The last time we danced like this was last year; our last night of summer vacation. It was also the night before our first day in school here in Seoul after our family moved from San Francisco. Jess and I went all out with Queen’s Bicycle Race because we were too sad and worried that no one might welcome us in our new school. The message of the song connected to us in a way that we don’t want to do anything but just dance our sadness away. We just keep on doing the ‘pedal’ dance step we made up every time the ‘Bicycle! Bicycle!’ part kicks in. I really missed doing this; it’s been a long while.

“You sing the first part!” Jessica exclaims while bobbing her head rhythmically.

I start with waving my arm up high as if encouraging the crowd to sing with me as we follow the mid-tempo beat.

“When you first left me, I was wanting more, you were doing that girl next door, what’d you do that for?!” I yell the last line dedicatedly out of my suppressed frustration, banging my head with my hair whipping back and forth.

“That’s right Krys! Sing it like you mean it!” Jessica howls with her game face on, doing some kind of hip hop rapping move.

“When you first left me, I didn’t know what to say. Never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day!”

And now I point my fingers to Jess so she could prepare for the next verse.

We exchange turns every verse, singing it melodically and ransacking the song together by the time the chorus comes with the ugliest whiney nasal voice we could muster.

We laughed breathlessly falling on our backs taking our place on both sides of the bed when the song ends, a little sweaty and a lot crazier.

“Are you happy now Krys? Did I make you smile at least?” Jessica’s wistful voice broke through her ragged breathing.

I hold my breath. I knew I wasn’t going to keep this longer, but Jess has her plate of worries and burdens full already. I’m not about to add more with my petty ‘problems’.

“Krys, you’re not telling me anything anymore! Do I have to hear it from someone else too?”

She complains and hits my stomach when she sits up with her back on the headboard.

“Ow! What are you talking about?!”

I rub my stomach and scowl at her. At this point, I know that Jess will never buy my excuses, but I’m not sure what part of ‘someone else’ she’s talking about.

“Amber told me when I was looking for you in school so we could go home together. I thought you just slept in this morning but now she’s telling me you’re sick. ‘Love sick’ to be exact and I don’t know anything about this! How long have you been keeping secrets from me?”

I really don’t know what Amber’s deal is with me for her to tattle on me like I did something wrong to her.

Jessica—it’s either she’s living up to the role of being the concerned big sister comforting me or just quite jealous because she’s not the first person I spill my secrets to anymore.

“Jess, don’t bother with me. You have enough problems. And I’m not one of them, okay?”

We gasp in unison when I said this.

We used to get each other instantly but, now, it’s harder with my friends shunning me away every time I talk about the same ‘problem’ again and again; I feel like there’s nobody who would listen to me anymore. So, I’m more afraid to tell my sister and get the same response, thus, I remain tight-lipped.

 “Soojung.” The only time she calls me by my Korean name is when I’ve made her angry or sad.

In this case, she’s more disappointed than sad. The hurt look she has on when I sit up to explain myself…

It makes me disgusted of myself for saying stupid things like that.

“Unni, I-I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant, it’s just that—“my voice shakes as I hold back the tears when she suddenly wraps me in a hug.

“See? You’re probably having a hard time without me knowing. What do you take me for Krys?” Jess chides with no such hostility in her voice and squeezes me tighter.

I can’t help but blink repeatedly, hoping I don’t tear up, but my eyes betray me. Now, I shake, breaking into painful sobs.

I’ve been bottled up for who knows how long and I just squeeze Jess tighter conveying the turbulence in my heart.

“Tell me all about it Krys.” She breaks the hug, looking at me with an encouraging smile, and wipes the tear off my eyes with her thumbs.

So, I do. I tell her everything: my ‘fight’ with Jongin, Amber, my friends, my insecurities, and even the unusual encounter with Chanyeol. She nods attentively to every word I say, patting the back of my hand comfortingly. I force a smile on my face; it comes out weak though. It’s enough to let her know I’m grateful for her concern. She knows I’m not done yet so I continue to tell her my realizations. Should I stay with Jongin a little longer? Is there a need to save this relationship? Why don’t I get the support I need from my friends? Why can’t I see what they see?

I pause and wait for her to say something.

What I got was a little inappropriate.

“You’re funny Krys,” Jessica snorted in response to all of my pouring out.

I frown at her lack of a wiser comeback.

“That’s all you have to say to me?” I furrow my brows at her and she only laughs at me, poking my forehead in the process.

“Well, I don’t know. It’s for you to know, no matter how many times people tell you you’re right or wrong. But let me tell you something. I think that you guys were in a hurry once you got together. I mean, not that it's wrong or anything, but, what’s in it for you?”

 I haven’t thought about it like that. Were we really in a hurry? Was I? What was I in a hurry for?

“I’ve never thought about it like that Jess. I just know that I really like him and I want to be with him. The feeling is mutual, we’ve talked about it, and well…this is where we are right now.”

All I see is gray, like a fog. One thing I’m sure of is that we’re going to get past through this sooner or later.

Me and Kai. My friends and I.

“I don’t know how to start with my friends again. More so with Kai, if he ever talks to me again.” I exhale and my stomach tightens with the confusing thought of Kai. He’s still an enigma. The more I become closer to him, try as I might, it’s still impossible to figure him out. Maybe, I should be a little more patient with him. I guess this is what Jess meant about being in a hurry.

“I feel so selfish. I’ll try my best to solve things with him and my friends. Be a better friend, I guess?”

“A person, Krys. Be a better person. Better, not bitter. Always remember that.” She smiles at me, hope radiating with it and adds, “You’re young Krys. You still have a lot to learn.”

I feel my spirits lifting up as I smile the way she does—gentle and warm.

“Thank you Unni,” I lean into her shoulder and wipe the last of my tears.

She snickers at this, and I don't like the sound of it. Something is at stake here.

“Hey, do me a favor instead.” Her warm smile deceivingly turned into a knowing smirk.

I groan, face scrunching up, knowing she won’t let me off the hook. If there’s one thing about the both of us every time we confide with each other, it’s the favors we ask from each other. It’s mostly her who does the asking which is annoying, like, just because you’re older? Huh.

“What is it this time?” I pout and glare at her.

“Krys, it’s just my chess match!” Oh no, not the chess match. I don’t want to see people just yet.

I whine slapping her face with my pillow.

“Oh, come on! Just come to my chess match tomorrow and cheer me on. Tiffany and Hyoyeon will sit with you. It’s in the auditorium at 8:30 AM. Win or lose, we’re all going to get frozen yoghurt after. My treat, got it?”

Well, that’s quite a bribery. Yoghurt can never compare to the anxiety building up in me when I do come across my friends and him.

“Okay, fine. You better be sure Tiffany and Hyoyeon unni will be there.” I give her a skeptic glare.

“Yes! I promise! Just please come. I need your support too, you know?” She her head to the side and gives me a meaningful look.

I whack her face with a pillow for being cheesy and she wails for getting hit one too many times.

Yeah, we’ll be there for each other. Every time.

This is our unspoken promise as sisters.