I love you – were these words not enough?

To have her in his arms rather than to be in the arms of a particular someone, for Taemin, this was nothing strange anymore. In fact, he had grown so used to this warm and cozy embrace with a lady seven years his senior over the past few months. People say that feelings develop over time, and somewhere along the way, Taemin found himself liking his sunbae a little too much, definitely more than their company would allow. Perhaps it all started when they started spending time together practicing for the couple dance in Only One, perhaps things became ambiguous between them because BoA had named him as her favourite dance partner and specifically requested for him to perform together with her as long as it was possible, maybe things got even more serious when he was especially selected to be the lead in her music video for Disturbance, but all these didn’t matter as much as the moment when BoA herself had invited him, and just him alone, over to her house.

That was when everything changed.

Taemin found himself growing up faster than he ever did as he became closer to BoA, drifting away from the members that used to be the only ones he could depend on, leaving the arms of one particular hyung who had helped him understand what love was, a love that meant everything yet nothing at the same time. It was a love that existed but was forbidden, and with neither of them taking any action to cross the line and acknowledge the love that they shared, Taemin was free to leave and explore his options.

The maknae of SHINee couldn’t say he didn’t see this coming. He knew BoA treated him differently, and he liked it. He liked that he had the attention of his sunbae who was beautiful both inside out. Their age difference was not a big deal; neither were the rules of their management. This was BoA Kwon – what BoA wants, BoA gets. It was as simple as that. All the management could do was turn a blind eye to their budding relationship. Taemin, himself, couldn’t do much either. It was hard not to like BoA, it was even harder to say no to her. Besides, he had no reason to say no when he felt happy spending time with her, when he now had someone other than his hyungs to turn to; and this was something he always desired – a special relationship with a lady. Although they never did give a name to their relationship, Taemin couldn’t deny that there was something going on between BoA and him, something that was about to get serious.

“I love you, Taemin.”

Taemin heard BoA’s whisper loud and clear, even felt it against his lips after she had shifted in his arms to give him a light kiss where it mattered the most. The effect that her words had on him was much greater than the kiss though, because Taemin had to swallow a lump that had formed in his throat before he could give an answer to her.   

“I know, noona, I love you too.”

Not questioning the sincerity in the younger’s voice, BoA looked at Taemin for a moment before she sighed and moved away from the boy she loved, choosing to sit properly beside him instead.

“I don’t doubt that you do, Taeminnie… but do you love me because you’re in love with me? Or do you love me because I love you?”

As his body stilled, Taemin was stumped by her questions, and BoA could see that. It was then BoA knew she had to put a stop to this. As much as it hurt her, she knew she had to let him go. They never did try to get to know each other or even want to get to know each other. It was her that had been leading Taemin in their relationship all along, and she knew, if she had not taken the initiative, Taemin would have never done anything to change the status quo. Maybe that was why she never did want to give a name to their relationship, because she knew all along that it would come to an end. This way, with no strings attached, it was easier to end what she had with Taemin.

“The thing is, sweetie, you never did fall in love with me… how could you, when you had never fallen out of love?” BoA smiled bitterly as she reached out to touch Taemin’s face, her thumb his cheek affectionately, “I know… I know you love him, Taemin, love him the way you don’t love me, love him… the way lovers should.”

BoA’s words had struck Taemin’s heart. And in that moment in time, everything came rushing back to him all at once – what he shared with the 'him' BoA was referring to, the him that could only go by the name of Minho, before BoA came along. The memories had been happy; Taemin loved how they could understand each other with just one look, and share not only knowing smiles but also their deepest darkest secrets with each other. He also found himself getting addicted to their subtle touches along with the lingering feel of skin against skin that came with the closeness they shared. Minho had been the person he could hug and steal warmth from, the one he depended his whole heart on, the one who did all the little things that showed so much care and concern that went beyond that showered by friends or, for that matter, band mates. They were even inseparable at one moment in time. But that was before.

When Taemin had ended up with BoA, everything had changed. Things weren’t the same anymore. True, they were still close, everything seemed perfectly fine on the surface, but Taemin knew they had drifted apart, the line that separated them becoming so clear it was almost visible to the human eye. And the fault was all his. There was no one else to blame but him. Suddenly, Taemin couldn’t block out the images of forced smiles and sad eyes anymore. Minho knew about his relationship with BoA and yet, he never did say anything about it. But Taemin knew he had hurt the one person he truly loved the most; and as if Taemin himself wasn’t hurting enough, just knowing that Minho had let him go just like that without saying a word and held it all in as he enjoyed himself with BoA, that just pained him so much that even BoA could feel his pain.

“Go.” BoA said with an encouraging smile to Taemin as she pinched his cheek fondly and reassuringly, “It’s never too late.”

“Noona…” Taemin caught hold of BoA’s hand and gently held it in his while looking apologetically into her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, silly.” BoA smiled, pushing Taemin off the sofa and urging him to leave, “We were never a mistake… we just weren’t meant to be. Now, go, hurry! You need to make up with him.”

“Thanks noona.” Smiling gratefully at BoA, Taemin nodded and gave her a quick hug.

With that, the dancer was out of the apartment in no time, for he had a broken heart to mend.