“My room ! My bed !” Jun Hyung shoutted when he entered his room. He quickly ran to the bed and laid himself on it. He breathed out, showing how much he missed the comfy theritory. The comfortable feeling was circling his mind that he almost forgot that Joon was there. That guy was busy carying Jun Hyung’s bags in his hands. He put it on the floor without saying words.

“You better get some rest,” Joon shortly said. He meant to leave the room when Jun Hyung called his name. Joon turned his head and found Jun Hyung tapping his bed.

“Come here, you can sleep here,” Jun Hyung casually said.

Joon was hesitant at first, but inside he’s glad that Jun Hyung did that. He walked closer to the bed, sitting on the edge and letting Jun Hyung put his arms around his waist. Jun Hyung leant his chin on Joon’s shoulder after he kissed it lightly.

Joon who was already tired didn’t fight back when Jun Hyung suddenly landed a kiss on his lips. He whispered, “Thank you...for taking care of me all this time.”

“No need to say that. I abandoned you lots of time too,” Joon offended himself.

“Ya...no need to remember all the bad times. We’re together now.”

Joon stared at those gentle eyes and the contrary feeling he’s getting from his cold smirk. He couldn’t believe that he almost lost him. The posibbility was still there, but Joon didn’t want to think too much about it. He had to repay all the pain Jun Hyung felt alone when Joon left him. No matter how long or how short they time that left for them to be together, Joon wanted to be selfish and owned Jun Hyung alone now. No excuse to leave anymore.

“Hyung, would you help me washing my hair ?” Jun Hyung asked after the long silence between them.

“What ?! Why do I have to do that ?!” Joon was taken aback.

“Argh, come on,” Jun Hyung grabbed Joon’s arm and dragged him to the bathroom. “You’re acting like you never see me .”

Inside the bathroom, Jun Hyung stripped down his t-shirt and pants, sitting on the stool he took from his bedroom. He only wore his boxer, showing his pale yet muscular skin. He looked down, waiting for Joon who’s already holding the shower on his hand.

Joon carefully poured down the water on Jun Hyung’s head, making him shiver a little bit because of the cold water. Jun Hyung told him where the shampoo was. While Joon was looking for it, Jun Hyung asked, “Hyung...do you think how long I will live ?”

“I’ll make sure you’re gonna live longer than me,” Joon answered behind the plastic curtain.

“What kind of answer is that ?! You know it’s not possible,” Jun Hyung bursted out laughing.

“Why are you laughing ? Do you know how serious your condition is ?” Joon countered, grabbing the bottle on the first shelf. He poured the purple liquid on Jun Hyung’s hair then ruffled it gently.

“ARGH ! Hyung, this is lavender !!” Jun Hyung moaned as he smelled the scent.

“What ? Why do you have lavender shampoo in your own bathroom ?!” Joon was surprised as Jun Hyung grabbed the shower and flushed the bubble by himself. He looked so pissed that made Joon started laughing alone. “Hyung, you’re laughing at me ?”

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to...but you smell so nice...I just...” Joon held his stomach for laughing so hard. He leant against the wall to hold his body. Jun Hyung who got annoyed by Joon’s reaction pointing the shower to Joon’s face. They immediately had a shower fight.

Inside, Jun Hyung thought that he’s glad Joon finally could smile again. He knew it was hard to take care of him when he’s still in the hospital. Joon had to fulfill his daily schedule while taking care of Jun Hyung. He might be really exhausted yet he didn’t show it.

Jun Hyung stopped Joon who kept attacking him with the shower. He grabbed his wrists and pushed him to the wall. Their eyes met each other in another silence. Jun Hyung leant forward and pressed his lips on Joon’s. At least it’s the last entertainment he could give to the guy he loved.

Joon let Jun Hyung leading their way as their skins met each other. He could feel Jun Hyung’s fingers were running through his jaw to his neck and landed around his waist. He let them crawling  under his shirt, trying to undress him. Joon threw a light moan when Jun Hyung’s lips went down to his neck. Was it worthed to continue ? He left scratched on Jun Hyung’s back while his mind was battling wether was it okay to go further or not. Jun Hyung was already almost , it’s easy to take him down. Maybe if he pulled him a little bit closer...

“Jun Hyung-ah !”

And the interuption would come in a right time. Both of them immediately pushed away each other when Mrs. Yong’s voice was heard right outside Jun Hyung’s room.

Jun Hyung wore his bathrobe and walked to his bedroom door. He left a tiny slit between him and his mom, “Yes, Mom ? What is it ?”

“I thought you’re sleeping already...” Mrs. Yong wondered. She tried to peek inside but Jun Hyung’s body covered her. “Go downstairs with Joon. The dinner is ready.”

“Okay.”

Mrs. Yong sniffed. “Why do you smell like a lavender ?”

Inside the room, Joon couldn’t hold his laughter.

*

After having a nice dinner with Yong Family, Joon got sugested by Jun Hyung’s parents to stay for a night. They knew it’s impossible to drive back to Seoul alone. Plus they needed somebody to take care of Jun Hyung’s first night after leaving the hospital.

“Mom, I’m okay...” Jun Hyung excused.

“No you’re not. I’ve been watching you, Son. You’re holding the pain on your chest.”

Joon turned his head to Jun Hyung who was busted. It’s a bit late to lie now. “Your chest hurts ? Why you didn’t tell me earlier ?” Joon scolded.

“It’s nothing, really. I better go to sleep now,” Jun Hyung gave Joon a bitter smile. He’s actually already puffed in last 30 minutes, but Jun Hyung didn’t let his pain defeat him. He’s so close to take some rest on his own bed. He didn’t want to go back to that hospital. Jun Hyung asked Joon to immediately go back to his room.

When they’re finally there, Joon helped him lifting his feet to the bed, taking of his slippers. Jun Hyung inhaled deeply when Joon was away to close the window. He tried so hard to respire soundless. Jun Hyung knew he would be okay in minutes.

“Are you sure you’re okay ?” Joon asked once again. Jun Hyung answered by nodding his head weakly. He pulled the blanket to cover his body. He laid his head on the pillow, trying really hard to relax.

“Hyung, could you hug me until I fall asleep ?” Jun Hyung grabbed the tip of Joon’s shirt.

Joon would love to snuggle inside the blanket. He jumped to the bed and let Jun Hyung drowning his head on his chest. He could smell the lavender scent on his hair, it was quite nice when Joon was getting use to it. He Jun Hyung’s head gently, waiting for him to fall asleep. When Joon almost couldn’t hold his drowsiness, Jun Hyung suddenly called his name.

“What is it ?” Joon asked. “You should go to sleep.”

“I will. It just...suddenly I have this thought in my head. About you. About us.”

Joon moved backward to give Jun Hyung some air. They looked each other in the eyes, cuddling inside the blanket.

“I don’t know the exact date when I’m gonna die,” Jun Hyung said. He got stopped by Joon, but he ignored it and continued, “But I want you to know that no matter how hard our relationship is, I never regret the day when I realize I’m in love with you.”

“Yong Jun Hyung...”

“Remember the time when we’re still awkward with each other and I ignored you just because I was too nervous ? And the night where I confessed to you. We should go to Han River again...”

“Yong Jun Hyung...”

“As I remember, we haven’t gotten a chance to date at nice places. We’re too busy to relax and me with my illness...it’s too much, right ?...”

“Hey, listen to me...”

“We should make a lots of memories together. If we don’t, we’ll forgot how fun it is when we’re together, you know ? We should start making a list, a bucket-list !...”

“Ya, could you stop talking for a while ?...”

“Hyung...you will remember me, won’t you ?”

Joon stopped interrupting. He met Jun Hyung in the eyes whose face never looked that serious. He tightened his grip on Joon’s arms. He’s scared of death, he’s scared of loneliness and being forgotten.

Noticing Jun Hyung’s anxiety, Joon grabbed him closer. “Of course,” Joon replied, “I will never forget you.”

“Promise ?” Jun Hyung asked once again.

“Promise.”

“Then, when I die, it’s not the end of our story, right ?”

“The only ending is when we meet at the end of the world,” Joon stated, and Jun Hyung didn’t argue it. He’s slowly closing his eyes to sleep, finally could calm down himself. His body finally could take some rest.

Joon landed a light kiss on his forehead. He closed his eyes to sleep, stop wondering at Jun Hyung’s raving talk. He might found the answer few hours later.

*

The next morning, inside MBLAQ’s dorm, Yang Seung Ho was wondering why he couldn’t sleep last night. He was just busy moving around on his bunk bed in the room he shared with Mir. He couldn’t figure out why Jun Hyung & Joon suddenly ran through his mind. He knew Jun Hyung left the hospital yesterday after he convinced everyone that he’s okay. Seung Ho shouldn’t worry about anything.

But his nerves got answered when his phone rang that morning, after he finished preparing himself for that day’s schedule. The phone screen showed Joon’s name. He answered it immediately, but there’s nobody replied his greeting. Wondering if Joon mistakenly pressed the dial button, Seung Ho almost hung up when he noticed Joon’s weak voice.

“Hello ? Joon-ah, are you there ?”

“He’s gone, hyung...”

“...What ?”

“Jun Hyung...he’s gone...”

The long silence accompanied them for a while.

One or two day had passed, Seung Ho couldn’t remember it since he’s busy helping the funeral. The place was fulfilled with lots of people, wearing black formal clothes with faded make up because their faces was fulled with tears. The family, people Seung Ho didn’t know at all and colleagues, he guided them to meet Jun Hyung’s parents. He was too busy helping the family to run the event that Seung Ho didn’t realize Joon was away somewhere. He noticed it few hours later when the ceremony was over. He asked some friends where Joon was, and some of them said he’s around the Han River.

The building where they held Jun Hyung’s funeral was near the Han River. Seung Ho took a walk, following the sidewalk which easily guided him to the open space nearby. He crossed the road as the natural environment greeted him. He continued to walk and saw a figure wearing black head-to-toe was leaning on the fence. The wind was blowing, tickling Seung Ho’s neck.

He took more steps until he stood beside Joon who didn’t bother to turn his head.

“You left before the ceremony was still on,” Seung Ho opened their conversation. “That’s disrespectful.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Joon answered, his voice was steady. “I couldn’t stand the atmosphere, that’s all.”

“You could tell me if you don’t wanna be there. I’ll accompany you.”

“I just want to be alone.”

Seung Ho understood that Joon was as sad as everybody else, or maybe worse. He’s just too good to hide it. Seung Ho saw him teared up for seconds there, but the tears were stopped quickly. Maybe he’s out of stock for tears. Joon was the first person who found Jun Hyung’s gone. He might have cried so hard the other day.

“I visit this place because Jun Hyung mentioned it the night when he died,” Joon said. “We started our memories here. I promised him I will remember everything. But the truth is...”

“It’s already fading away ?”

Finally, Joon faced Seung Ho because of his straight question.

“I’m a bad lover, aren’t I ?” Joon’s bitter laugh only made the atmosphere more awkward.

“No, you’re not. Despite your bad memories and all the bad stuffs happened between you two, you cared so much about him more than everybody else. I think you should cherish that feeling. That’s the most important thing in relationship : care about each other until the world’s end,” Seung Ho shared his thought.

“Hyung, you know him earlier than me so I guess you know one thing or two about Jun Hyung that I should know, right ?” Joon innocently asked. “So, would you help me to know him better, to keep me remembering him ?”

If Seung Ho was allowed to share his honest thought, he would already shove Joon away and tell him that there’s no use to know more about Jun Hyung. He’s already dead. But imagining how Joon might hate him for saying such thing, Seung Ho immediately erased that thought and said, “Sure, you would love to hear it.”

As his mouth kept telling about his personal stories with Jun Hyung, inside Seung Ho was hoping that he could help Joon exceed his mourn time. Although it was useless to tell the story, Seung Ho wouldn’t mind as long as that kid didn’t get hurt. He could kill himself if he ever saw Joon sad again. He meant it.

. END .