I opened my eyes and let out a small smile. Yes, a new day has come. Another day without Jiyong in my life. Every time I closed my eyes at night, there was this small part of me wishing to never wake up again. I just want to sleep for a long time and hopefully when I wake up, my heart has completely moved on from Jiyong.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In pocketbooks, when the heroine is left broken-hearted by a guy, all she has to do is change her hairstyle, buy new wardrobe and viola..she has completely moved on. The boy will then realized his mistakes and he'll come begging for the girl to take him back. The girl will take him back again and they'll live happily ever after.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly in real life, moving on doesn't happen in just a blink of an eye. Most of the time, it is always the girl who's having a hard time moving on. In every relationship, it is always the girl who invests too much so when the relationship ends it is always the girl who suffers more. Oftentimes the girl even blames herself for being the reason why the relationship ended. She blames herself for not being enough so the guy should not have look into the other girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I glanced at my window and I noticed that it is raining outside. I got up from my bed and moved closely to my window taking in the sight outside. Many people don’t always like it when it’s raining but I say otherwise. I have always love rainy days. When I was a little girl, my alien mind thought that whenever it is raining, angels in heaven have heard the flowers and plants that they are thirsty. So the angels all decided to cry so the plants and the flowers will be able to quench their thirst and not die. I always get happy when the rain stops and I noticed that the flowers and plants become more refresh and more lively. The reason why I also love rain is because a rainbow appears in the sky after the rain. After every rain, the sun also shines brighter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a few minutes the rain has stopped and just in time I heard a loud knock on my door followed by Bommie's adorable voice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Rise and shine Santokki! It's a new day.” Bom came barging inside my room showing me that super aegyo face of hers. She went to my iPod dock and connected her iPod in it. I saw Minzy and CL went inside my room still in their pajamas. Bommie grabbed my hands and we both stand on top of my bed.

 

 

 

 

 

“Ladies, today we celebrate for Dara's new life.” I looked at Bom incredulously as she started giving her speech.

 

 

 

 

 

“Let's celebrate for Dara's stress free life.” Minzy and Chaerin cheered and encouraged Bommie more.

 

 

 

“Today, we celebrate for the loss of his jerk boyfriend” loud claps and whistles can be heard in our room.

 

 

 

“Let's celebrate for a new beginning!" Bommie looked at me and hold my hands tighter.She was looking at me like how a mother encourages her child when her child falls down. My girls are looking at me and encouraging me to fight back. My girls are supporting me in my battle to let go of my painful past and moved on to a new beginning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Acceptance.” It's been days since our break up but a part of me are still hoping that we can still get back together. I still fantasize that he'll come crawling back to me begging me to take him back. But after days of waiting, I never heard anything from him. Reality finally sinks in in my system. I have finally accepted that we broke up – it's over. My eyes started to water again but I held my head up. When I have better control of my emotions, I looked at each of them and give them a warm smile.

 

 

 

 

“I'm moving on girls. I'm moving on! Chaerin and Minzy joined us in my bed and hug us closely. We stared at each other as our eyes started to get misty. When we let go of each other, Bom went to her Ipod at started clicking something. She quickly grabbed my hairbrush, lotions, and two bottles of perfume and distributed it to us. She gave me my hairbrush, Minzy and Chaerin got the perfume and Bommie had the lotion.

 

 

 

 

The familiar beat of the song suddenly boomed inside my room. I remember singing this song with my friends when I was still in the Philippines. This song is the National anthem for girls who are trying to move on.  I can't believe I am singing this song again. Can you guess what song is it? I place my hairbrush near my lips pretending it's a mike and began singing the lyrics with all my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First I was afraid I was petrified

 

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

 

But then I spent so many nights

 

thinking how you did me wrong

 

and I grow strong cause I learned how to get along

 

 

 

 

 

I am singing the song like my life depended on it. The girls joined me and we all started jumping and dancing around my bed singing our hearts out. I savor all the lyrics, memorizing every word like a new mantra.

 

I've got all my life to live

 

I've got ll my love to give

 

 I will survive

 

I will survive...

 

 

We collapsed on my bed after our mini performance. We were laughing and giggling like a retard but who cares. Finally, a genuine laughter after my heartbreak. I thought it will take a long time before I can laugh again but thanks to my girls I was able to laugh again. I looked at my girls feeling grateful for having them in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“kkrrrrkkkkk” A weird sound suddenly interrupted our euphoric state. We looked at each other trying to figure out who the culprit is, when the weird sound strikes again. Apparently it was Bommie's stomach that was making those weird noises. We looked at the clock and we were surprised that it's already eleven in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yaahhhh!!! Let's get out of here now and have breakfast. Aigo my stomach is already complaining.” We laugh once again when Bommie's stomach let out that weird sound confirming what Bommie said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We happily eat the breakfast that Chaerin prepared while talking on how we will spend our free time. I felt bad knowing that the girls has to put their schedule on hold just so they can be with me on my lowest time. I don't want to burden them anymore so I told them about my plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Girls, I will be spending my free time in Busan. It’s been a while since I've been there. Time for some family bonding for me.” I looked at them and they seem happy about my decision.

 

 

 

 

 

“I might go to Paris this week. I just want to experience Parisian life once again.” CL exclaimed while reaching for the plat of sausage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I will go home and enjoy the countryside.” Minzy said.

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, since I miss my baby Julian, I will be flying to US this week. Do you want anything in US? Bommie's excitement is very visible in her face.

 

 

 

After finishing our breakfast, the maknaes volunteered to do the dishes. They told me to get ready so I can leave early. I told them about my plan of traveling alone to Busan via KTX . They were so against it telling me that it's a little risky. They finally agreed when I told them that I will leave early so I will not be traveling alone at night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I went to my room to prepare some things and clean up some of my mess. After cleaning my room, I went to the bathroom to take a shower.  I'm about to put on my Chrome hearts shirt but I change my mind. This brand has always been associated with me and Jiyong. We were always seen sporting this brand. Today, I decided that I will try my best to stop thinking about him. And the best way to do it is to avoid things that will always remind me of him. So I returned the shirt in the cabinet and scanned for other items. My eyes landed at the salmon colored dress that Bommie gave last Christmas. The dress is very beautiful and looks so comfortable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I looked in the mirror and I was amazed at the girl looking at me. As I looked into her eyes I realized that the saying is indeed true - “The most beautiful eyes have cried the most tear.”Few days ago, her eyes were puffy and red from too much crying. Today, you can see sadness and longing in her eyes but determination and a flicker of hope are starting to surface. “The prettiest smiles hide the darkest secrets.” Her lips that were bruised from biting to prevent herself from crying have now a small smile painted on it. “The kindest hearts have felt the most pain. A picture of a beautiful child-woman is staring back at her. She looks so innocent and fragile everyone who sees her would definitely want to put her in their pocket and protect her forever. But if you will closely look at her you’ll see a strong woman who has fought her own battles and won it. You'll see Sandara Park.

 

 

 

I walk out of my room but before shutting the door, I give my room a final look over. My eyes landed on the box where I put all my used to be couple items with Jiyong. I took a deep breath and with full determination I let out what my heart yearns to say.

 

 

 

 

“Goodbye Jiyong! I'm moving on.” I shut the door finally walking away from my room. First step, I said goodbye to our years together. Second step, I said goodbye to all the pains and sufferings I've endured for him. Third step, I said goodbye to Jiyong's Sandara Park. Every steps I take, I am saying goodbye to all the memories we've shared, I'm saying goodbye to our good times and bad times. I finally reached the main door and I carefully opened it.

 

 

 

 

Warm light and smooth breeze welcomed me. Yes this is definitely a new day, a brighter day. I pictured myself completely over him and I felt pride and joy rushed through me. I look ahead with a big smile plastered on my face. I'm looking forward to the coming next days of my life. But today, let me take a deep breath and enjoy what life has to offer right now. I will take it slow and take it one at a time. Today is the start of a new chapter of my life.

 

 

 

 

I raised my let hand into a tight fist and with strong determination and  full of confidence I shouted “Fighting Sandara Park! Fighting!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With large sunglassses practically covering half my face and scarf carefully wrapped around my neck I stepped out of the cab and went inside the KTX station. I can feel eyes following my every move. People are looking at me curiously. Some even took a picture of me and I even heard someone murmured my name. But they seem undecided whether it is really me or not since it is not very common seeing Sandara Park wearing a dress. 

 

 

 

 

 

I went inside the train and looked for the designated seat assigned to me. I opened the overhead compartment and place my things inside. It's been awhile since I traveled via train and it somehow brings excitement. I check my phone and decided to open my other twitter account while waiting for the train to depart. I love lurking around in twitter using this account. I am following a lot of people and as I check my time lime, most of my followings are saying that they're missing 2ne1 so much. Some are ranting about 2ne1's delayed comeback and lack of announcement from YG Ent.

 

 

 

I searched for “krungy21” and saw all the tweets related to me. Apparently, my pictures inside KTX station have been circulating in twitter. My fans are so happy seeing a glimpse of me because it has been a long time since we appeared in public. They are celebrating because I am wearing a dress and even complimented how beautiful I am in that dress. They spazz at how flawless my legs are and legs like mine should always be flaunted. Some tweets are also saying how they are questioning their uality right now – they think they are going lesbo on me. This one really gave me a good laugh. My fans are really witty and funny. They never fail to make me feel loved and special to them.

 

 

 

I continue to open the other tweets and I read how some applers are expressing their sadness about the lack of interaction between Daragon. Most of the applers are now becoming “wapplers” because of the intagram likes that Jiyong is making. Some are even mocking the applers for being delusional. They keep on telling that Kiko is really G-Dragon's girlfriend and that Sandara Park is no match to GD's girl.

 

 

 

I feel like a hundred needles pricked my heart. I took a deep breath and decided to log out of twitter. I didn't notice that the train has started to move. Just the mere sight of his name and that girl in a tweet still brings pain to my heart. I took a deep breath and look at my phone once again. I scroll down on my contact list and searched for his name. It took me minutes just looking at his name in my phone screen. I tap his name and waited for something. There you go, my cellphone notifying me “This contact will be deleted. OK  OR CANCEL. Without any hesitation I click OK.  I log on to my email account and deleted all the messages from him, after that I deleted his email address.

 

 

 

 

“You're moving on Dara, you're moving on.” I told myself and mentally pats my back for a job well done. I am trying to move on and I've decided to cut any contacts from him. I want to unfollow him on my official twitter account but that will cause havoc in twitter so I decided to take hiatus on twitter while I'm still in Busan. I decided to inform Durami that I'm own my home before putting my phone inside my pocket.

 

 

 

 

 

Traveling to Busan via KTX is not a bad idea. It took three hours for the train to reach Busan but I certainly enjoyed all the wonderful sceneries along the way. Busan will always be a special place in my heart. This is where I was born and where our family and relatives live. In Busan, I don't have to wear those weird hairstyles and expensive clothes. I don't have to wear make-up and looked pretty all the time. In Busan I can be me, just me. The real Sandara Park.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ate....” I heard the familiar voice of my little sister. I look around and saw her running towards me. We hugged each other tightly. Not wanting to catch any attention, we let go of each other and decided to leave the place immediately. We went to our car and place my things in the backseat. Durami went to the driver's seat and I took my sit beside her.

 

 

 

 

“Hmmm...you’re blooming Baby Sis.” I can't help but feel proud as I look at my little sister. She grew up to be a beautiful young lady.

 

 

 

“Thanks Ate! It runs in the blood, you know?” she smiled at me sweetly. I laughed at what she said and nodded my head in agreement. Yes, being handsome and beautiful really runs in the family. We are not called superior genes for nothing.

 

 

 

“You looked so much better that the last time I saw you.” she told me while still looking in the road. Durami and I have a four years but our relationship with each other is very close. We treat each other like best friends. She knows everything about me.

 

 

 

“He broke up with me already. We're over.” I commend myself for not breaking right now. The beautiful sceneries going here must have done wonders to my wounded heart.

 

 

 

Her right hand let go of the steering wheel and grabbed my left hand. She squeezed it tightly and gives me a warm smile. This is me and Durami- the big sister and the little sister. No words were spoken but I understand her message. With just one touch I felt my soul resurrected. We traveled in silence for ten minutes. Durami concentrating on her driving while me looking at the view outside. I saw the familiar house from a distance. She parks the car inside the garage and I went out to get my things. Durami took the bag from me and we both went inside.

 

 

 

The smell of delicious food assaulted my senses as I stepped inside our house. I searched for my Mom and I saw her in our kitchen busily stirring the pot in the stove. I run to my Mom and hug her back.

 

 

 

“Omma, I miss you!” I tightened my hold on her waist and lean my head near her neck. I inhaled her unique scent and my troubled mind instantly calmed down.

 

 

 

“My baby is finally home.” My Mom turned around and kisses the top of my head. My eyes started to water as I heard my Mom's lovely voice. My Mom saw this and she turned off the stove. She covered our food then holds my hands while guiding me out of the kitchen. We went to our living room and I saw Durami sitting in one of the chair. My Mom sits in the sofa and I follow after her. I decided to lie down with my head resting on my mother's lap. She began to run her hands on my hair as I continue crying. When I finally calmed down, I decided to tell my Mom and Durami the sad ending of my relationship.

 

 

 

“Omma, Jiyong and I, we're over. He broke up with me over an SMS.” Tears keep flowing in my eyes. My Mom then rub my shoulders trying to help me calm down. I told them everything that happened in Japan. I just want to let this all out now hoping that this will be the last time that I will be talking about it. They never interrupted me to ask for question nor say bad things towards Jiyong. They just let me be. After I told them everything, I saw Durami went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. My Mom helps me sit up while I reach for the water that Durami is giving me. We sit in the sofa together and stayed silent for a minute.

 

 

 

 

 

“No relationship is perfect. And if it ended, maybe some things are not meant to be.” Omma looked at me and then to Durami.

 

 

 

“Long-term relationship doesn't always guarantee to last forever. Love is like a gamble. We lose some, we win some. The more we invest the more we lose but if we are lucky enough we get richer.” Durami and I listened closely to what Mom is telling. Her sweet voice has always comforted us before.

 

 

 

“Sometimes, it's so tempting to play the blame game after break up, but doing so will not help you get over him. Don't blame yourself, Jiyong or anyone for what went wrong in the relationship, It's not anybody's fault. I know you've tried hard, and at some point both of you have made a mistake.  It didn't work out and it probably wasn't meant to be. Dara you have to accept the fact and move on.” Omma looked at me lovingly and give my hand a squeezed.

 

 

 

“Take this as a learning experience. Everything in life- good or bad- is a learning experience and breaking up is part of it.”

 

 

 

“You're still young and very beautiful and I know that there are plenty of men waiting for a chance to love you. You've suffered a lot but please Dara, don't let this stop you from loving again in the future. I know it's still early to be talking about it but Dara don't generalize and don't compare men. Not every guy you dated and not every relationship will be like the one you had. Every guy and relationship is different. Somewhere out there, someone is waiting for you patiently. Just believe in love Dara.”

 

 

 

“I don't know if I can ever trust men again Omma.” I told my Mom honestly.

 

 

 

“You'll get there Dara, just give yourself a time to heal and everything will be alright.” Omma said.

 

 

 

“Yah, Pabo Unnie! Omma did you know that Unnie replied to a fan that she don't want to get married?” Durami was clutching her heart and she was acting like she was about to faint.

 

 

 

“Imagine Omma, how about my future beautiful nieces or handsome nephews. Oh my gosh Unnie, have mercy on humanity. Don't waste those superior genes.” Durami was trying to be comical.

 

 

 

“Yah, how dare you call your unnie Pabo.” I lightly flick her forehead and she pretended to fall on our couch. Me and Mom laugh at her antics. I took my phone out of my pocket and captured her crazy antics. I showed the picture to Mom and we laughed so hard at Durami.

 

 

 

“Durami you should really audition as YG actress, we will be accepting applicants this year. I will post this in my me2day later.” I clutched my stomach as I looked at the horror that is starting to appear in Durami's face.”

 

 

 

“Yah Unnie, don't you dare do that.” she started whining how she wants to have a peaceful life and showbiz is not her cup of tea..blah...blah...blah...”

 

 

 

Okay kids, enough of those. Now, who wants to taste Omma's delicious chicken stew? Me and Durami's eyes widened when we heard of chicken stew. We looked at each other and we simultaneously raised our hands together.

 

 

 

“Me! Me!” We raised our hands excitedly acting like little kids. We stand up together and about to go in the kitchen when we heard our door opened and saw Sanghyun standing there.

 

 

 

“I'm home!” We rushed towards Sanghyun and embraced him tightly. Happiness is overflowing in my heart. Finally, we are complete.

 

 

 

We sit comfortably in our chair while savoring Omma's delicious chicken stew. We are talking animatedly sharing the wonderful memories of our childhood.

 

 

 

“Remember when we went swimming and Sanghyun was wearing a pink bathing suit.”

 

 

 

“Bwahahahahahaha” loud cheers are echoing inside our house. It has always been like this, happiness is just everywhere every time we're together.

 

 

 

“Kids, why don't we have a picnic in the beach tomorrow?” Omma ask us. We excitedly nodded our heads and plan our activities tomorrow.  After eating, we told Omma to go watch drama while Sanghyun and I will be in charge of washing the dishes. Durami followed after Omma telling us how she doesn’t want to miss the episode.

 

 

 

I was putting soap on the sponge when I decided to tell Sanghyun about the break up.

 

 

 

“Baby, Jiyong already ended our relationship. We broke up already.” I told him casually as I started washing the dishes. I was waiting for my baby brother's reaction but he remained silent. I looked at him and I saw his jaw clenched, anger was very visible in his eyes. He was clutching the glass tightly. I wash my hands immediately and wipe it on my apron. I look at Sanghyun and took the glass away from him before he breaks it into pieces.

 

 

 

“I'm sorry Noona! I'm sorry! Tears started to fall from his eyes. I pat his back and put him in a warm embrace.

 

 

 

“I shouldn't have allowed him to court you before. I shouldn't have entrusted you to him” It warms my heart every time I saw this side of Sanghyun. He has grown up to be a fine young man. People always say that we are like twins. Our strong resemblance never left unnoticed by people. He will always the protective little brother towards his big noona and little noona. My Dogpoop- my baby brother.

 

 

 

“It’s not your fault baby. It’s nobody's fault. Maybe it’s not meant to last.” I fight back the tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes. Enough of crying Dara, just enough. I told myself as I look at Sanghyun's worried face. I wiped the tears in his face and kissed his forehead.

 

 

 

“Noona is going to be okay Baby, I got you, Durami and Omma. As long as I have you guys, everything will be okay neh!” He hugged me tightly and murmured encouraging words.

 

 

 

“Yes noona, everything's going to be okay.” We continued with our dishwashing. We joined Omma and Durami in the living room. Sanghyun put the ice cream in the center table while I handed the belgian cones to everyone.  We enjoyed eating our ice cream while watching TV. I looked at my family and an indescribable feeling loomed within my heart. I thank God for giving me this family. I may lose everything I have right now or people I know may turn their back on me, but as long as I have my family I can face everything. For as long as I have my family everything will be okay.

 

 

 

The following day, we went to the beach to have a picnic. We played and run around the sand like when we were kids. We splashed water towards each other and race in the  deeper part of the sea. We tried to make the best of this day for tomorrow; Sanghyun will be back in Seoul. This is definitely one of the best days of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

I was sleeping in my room when Durami suddenly came in squealing like a crazy fangirl.

 

 

 

“Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh!!!” she was fanning herself as she stop for a moment to catch her breath. She jumps on my bed and shakes my shoulders profusely.

 

 

 

“Unnie, waaahhhhhh!!!!! You won't believe what I'm going to tell you.” Durami was looking at me excitedly. I was waiting for her to tell me what is it but she just keeps on blabbering. I flick her forehead to catch her attention and that did the trick.

 

 

 

“We are going to watch JYJ’s concert in Tokyo Dome, waaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!” I looked at her trying to comprehend what she just said?

 

 

 

“JYJ...Tokyo Dome.... watch..... whaaaaaaatttttttt?????” my mind was starting to have a panic attack.

 

 

 

Are you kidding me? Watch JYJ in Tokyo dome. When reality finally hit me, I look at Durami and sadly declined.

 

 

 

“Durami, you know I can't watch their concert. Fans might see me.” I tried to reason out.

 

 

 

“Unnie are you seriously telling me to go there alone? Disbelief is written all over her face. She then turned her back on me.

 

 

 

“Baby, please try to understand. Jae sunbae and I are being linked together. This might create a scandal if some fans spotted me there.” To be honest I really want to watch them. If you still didn't know, I'll tell you now. I am a DBSK hardcore fan; in short I'm a Cassie. Durami and I really cried hard when the group separated. Even if I am an idol now, I still fangirl over them.

 

 

 

“You don't love me anymore.” Durami looked at me and give me that wounded puppy look.

 

 

 

“Baby...” I tried to make her understand but she just pouted and me. Her eyes are beginning to water.

 

 

 

“Alright, I'm going with you okay!” Her face slowly lightened up and she began squealing.

 

 

 

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! You’re the best Unnie ever, Saranghae Unnie!!! She was jumping up and down my bed. After five minutes of acting like a certified lunatic, she lies on my bed next to me. We talk about the recent news about DBSK member. We are talking like a certified fangirls.

 

 

 

“Unnie, have you seen the latest selca that Jaejoong Oppa posted on twitter? Durami look at with hearts on her eyes.

 

 

 

“Neh..” I decided to forget my stature and just act as Sandara Park – the DBSK fangirl

 

 

 

“Kyaaaaahhhhhhhhh….” We squealed simultaneously.

 

 

 

“Hmmm my Jaejoong Oppa is very y in that selca. Have you those yummy abs?” my fangirl mode is 100% activated. I call the DBSK members Oppa even if I am older than them when I fangirl.

 

 

 

“Waaahhhh, so y Unnie! But Unnie, have you seen Yoochun Oppa’s new commercial? He looks so cute there.” Durami was patting her face trying to prevent herself from blushing.

 

 

 

“Have you seen Yoochuns’s new poster for Tony Moly, he’s looking so flawless. Waaaahhhhh!!!!! Durami added. That night we talk non-stop about our biases. We practice our fan chants together getting excited for the upcoming concert. It was already midnight when Durami decided to sleep.

 

 

 

As I lie awake in my bed, different emotions played in my mind. I’m going to Japan again. I hope I will not see the people who have brought me too much pain. I hope our paths never cross.

 

 

 

 

 

Japan, see you in two days! These are the last words that I uttered before sleep finally took over me.

 

 

Author's Note: There you have it folks..Chapter 8. I would like to express my gratitude to all my subscribers and readers. It's my first time to write here in AFF and I get teary eyed every time you tell me how great of a story it is. I apologize for all the typo and grammatical errors. Please continue supporting this story. Kindly leave your comments after reading for it truly inspires me. I will try my best to come up with more exciting chapters for our Dara.

linlin_10 ^_^