DARA

_________________________________ 

This is my second time flying to Japan ever since Jiyong broke up with me. The first time was when Durami and I watched JYJ's concert. You may be wondering why I still go to Japan when there is a big possibility that I might bump into Jiyong or  Kiko?  There, I was able to mention her name. Right after our break up, just the mere mention of her name leaves a bitter taste on my mouth. I also have to close my private instagram account just so I will not see her face in my news feed.  No, I am not following her and I am definitely not stalking her. The people I'm following, mostly YG family are following her so whenever they liked or leave comments on her pictures, I have no choice but to see it as well.

Well, those were my bitter days. Those were the times when Sandara Park is all broken and battered to pieces. Those were the times when I questioned myself for lacking at some aspects and even blamed myself for the tragic ending of my relationship with Jiyong.

As I looked outside the plane's window, I saw the rising sun from the horizon. I have always love sunrise for it signifies a lot of things. It means a new beginning and new hope. It also means new life and new challenges. It means the darkness has ended and a brighter day has come. A beautiful smile plastered on my face as I keep on looking outside the window.

After months of breaking up with Jiyong and living a single life, I have come to realize the mistakes I've made in our relationship. Yes, it is not only Jiyong who is to be blame for our failed relationship. I've realized that while Jiyong really did changed and abused me emotionally and at one point even hurt me physically, I didn't discount the fact that I allowed him to do those things to me. Blinded by my love for him, I played blind and deaf to all his misbehaviors.

I remembered how my mind would always tell me to stand up to Jiyong whenever he would look down on me. But my heart would always prevail. I was made to believe that I deserve to be treated that way. I convinced myself that Jiyong is the best thing that ever happened to me, so whether he's treating me bad or treating me good, I should already be thankful for it. Because at the end of the day, he will always come back to me. At the end of the day, we will always have each other. But sadly, ours have come to an end.

To put it shortly, I forgot to value myself. I forgot the words self-worth and self- respect. I loved Jiyong wholeheartedly that at some point, I forgot that I also have to love myself. But that is all in the past now. I have completely forgiven myself. I have learned to love myself again. The only reminders of the cuts that my heart incurred during those painful days are the scars in my heart. Yes, my heart is scarred but that doesn't mean that it is incapable of loving anymore.

Looking back at my failed relationship, I also realized that what we had is not all about the bad times. We also had so many wonderful times together. When everything was still okay, ours is what others call as model relationship. People are envious of us because we are so perfect together. So when things gone bad, I still refuse to let go because there's just so many wonderful memories to live by. I refuse to accept the ugly truth because there are just so many things to hold on to.

But even if we want to hold on to the past forever, reality will always catch up on us and make us realize that it is time to let go and move on. It is time to leave the past behind, live and enjoy the present, and anticipate the future.

They were right after all. Loving someone and breaking up with them will really hurt you so bad but it will never kill you. And every time we get hurt we will always come out stronger and wiser. And every heartbreaks we have, we are a step closer to finding our true love.

“Am I ready to face Jiyong?” I think I am more than ready

“Have I forgiven Jiyong?” Yes I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten.

“How will I treat him if I see him right now?” To be honest, I really don't know. Maybe it depends on how he will treat me.

“Will I accept him again if he asks me to take him back?” Dara are you out of your mind? Okay, I think I need to be honest with myself now. Maybe if he apologized to me right away and asked me to take him back again during the first week or even a month after our break up, I may have. After all ours is not that easy to just let go. But now? I don't even want to entertain such scenarios. But I don't want to close my doors so let me just cross the bridge when I get there.

“Who is Jaejoong to you? Well, Jae is a close friend.

“Just a close friend? Yaaah, why are you asking question like that. Of course he's special to me. He's my friend, one of my very few guy friends.

“What if Jae tells you that he loves you?..........   O__O

“Speechless, aren't we? ...........

Well Jae has been acting weird these past few days. He has always been a sweet guy ever since but lately, he is acting extra sweet. He has always been very attentive to me, sending me messages and calling me on my phone. But lately he has been bombarding me with messages and even calling me more often. He has always been generous to me before. But lately, he has been showering me with gifts and his generosity also extends to my family members and people I'm close with. He has always treated me like I am special but lately he has been treating me like I am the most special girl in the world.

“Dara you didn't answer my first question?

Okay, to be honest I really don't know. I remember that time when we were in the lighthouse and I thought I heard him say “I love you” to me, I'm not sure if I am just imagining it but I really heard him say it. When I asked him again, he just said that he loves the fireworks so maybe I just misheard everything.

I was finally brought back to reality when I heard the crew announce that we will be landing in Japan shortly. After few minutes we were able to land safely. I look out on the window and let out a smile.

“Hello Japan, did you miss me. I'm back. Sandara Park is back!”

_______________________________________  

JAE

Today is a very busy day but I am not complaining. I just finished writing new songs for my upcoming album and hopefully I can compose more songs. But I am confident that I will be able to write more beautiful songs, mostly love songs. Who will not be inspired if you have Sandara Park as your muse and inspiration. My beautiful Sandara Park, my princess, my angel and my goddess.

I have always been a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. So these previous days, I made sure to express my love to her through my constant actions.  Almost everyone around us knows my intentions to her already but my goddess seems oblivious to my obvious intentions. When I say everyone, they include her family members, group members, YG family, and of course my side. 

In my previous relationships, I am often the one being showered with love and affection. I don't really exert that much effort wooing a girl since most of the time I am the one being pursued. But ever since I met Dara, everything has change. Before, girls will just succumb and agree to anything I say even if I am wrong. But with Dara, she will call out my attention whenever I am wrong. She will not hesitate to speak out her mind and will definitely fight for what she believes if called for. Unlike other girls who only looks pretty but doesn't use their brain, Dara is a girl with beauty and brains.

Unlike other girls who will be easily sweep away with sweet words and gestures; Dara is someone who will carefully dissect you first before letting her guards down. Shower others girls with material things and they will worship you and follow your every command. But Dara, she is never the materialistic kind of girl. She always prefers simple things in life. She works hard and I know that she is earning a lot but she has always opted to lead a simple life. She rarely accepts gifts especially if it is quite expensive, she prefers those gifts that were personalized.

I check my phone and read her reply to me. She said she'll be going to Japan for some solo projects and maybe visit an amusement park after her commitment and have some fun. She told me to take care and do well in my work. She also said that she will miss me a lot.

 There goes Ms. Independent Sandara Park. I can't help but let out a giddy smile after reading her message. She will miss me. Yes she will miss me a lot. Uuhhh how can you not fall harder for a sweet and thoughtful girl like her. I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from becoming giddier.

I opened my phone's gallery and check our pictures together. Every picture I see, my longing for her just increases. How is it possible that I am missing her now when it was only last night that we were together? How can I endure three days of not seeing her? I touch her face that is displayed on my phone's screen.

“How long do you think you'll last without seeing Dara?” I don't think I'll last long.

“If you will rate your love for Dara, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest, what would it be? 9, because I still have so much more to give.

“Do you think Dara is the one?” Yes, she's my only one.

“Where are you going?” I am going to where my inspiration is. I'm going to where my heart is.

I informed my manager that I need to go to Japan for me to be able to write new songs. I told him that I need to be inspired. Manager Hyung raised his brows at me when I told him my reason but he allowed me to go. He knew that Dara will be in Japan for a couple of days. I know Manager hyung knows

my feelings toward Dara and he has always been very supportive to me. Before I left the studio, he handed me something and when I looked at it I can't help but give him a hug.

Are you wondering what Manager Hyung gave me? Well, it is my flight ticket and hotel accommodation details. He also gave the number of Dara's personal assistant so I can check Dara's schedule and maybe plan something for her.

And so after two hours, here I am in the airport waiting for my flight. In just few hours I will be breathing the same air as Dara. I will be in the same place as Dara.

“Be patient Jae, you'll see her again in just a couple of hours. Wait for me princess, wait for your prince.”

________________________________

KIKO

It’s been weeks ever since GD and I have a heart to heart talk. He has personally apologized to me for dragging me in the mess. He apologized for all the hates and bashings I received from his fans for being linked to him. And finally, he also apologized for using me to make Dara her ex-girlfriend jealous before.

While he is busy talking, my mind is busy formulating another scheme to make him stay with me. I cannot allow him to stay away from me especially now that he is single. I have a high probability of becoming her next girlfriend and if I play my cards right, I may end up being the future Mrs. Jiyong Kwon; AUDREY KIKO DANIEL KWON hmmmmm not bad right?

“I have to cut our ties now Kiko.” My mind panic when I heard him say that.

Cutting ties means I will no longer be with him in some functions. It also means less chance of being rumored with him. Less connection with him means less opportunity to be popular. No! No no no no no!!! I will not let my hard work go down the drain. Better think fast Kiko or you will be just one of the million nameless fishes swimming in the vast ocean.

“I understand GD.” Best actress at its finest indeed. My voice didn’t show the inner turmoil I am in right now. I have to show GD that his decision doesn’t affects me. I must not show any sign of repulsion to his decision. I still must be on his good graces. After all a connection whether it is already considered as cut connection will always be a connection. I may not be able to personally mingle with him but I can still mingle with the crowds he usually mingles with, so there is still a connection between us.

I straightly gulped my brandy as I looked at the entrance door of the club. Once I’ve heard about this exclusive party, I immediately went here in hopes that GD will also attend. He will never miss it for sure and an insider told me that they’ve sent invites to him. And knowing what a social butterfly GD is he will surely be here any minute now.

I have lost count how many glasses I have drunk. My eyes are starting to get a little blurry now. Few guys have been taking advantage of my drunken state but I just let them. I actually enjoy the attention they’re giving me. It’s already 3:00 AM but I haven’t seen even the shadow of G Dragon. !! Did I just wait for nothing?

“When are you going to stop doing this?” No, I will never stop. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever…..never.

“Aren’t you ashamed with what you’re doing?” Why should I? There is nothing to be ashamed of. I have made this far and I know that I will even achieve more if I will continue with what I’m doing.

“Can you still sleep peacefully at night with all the people that you have aggravated? Of course, a good brand of brandy always makes me sleep soundly. And what’s with all the people I aggravated? Life is all about using people. Now, it’s not my fault if there are dumb people who easily fall on my trap. We all have brains right? Why don’t they put it in use?

“Do you believe in Karma?” Nope! Karma is only for weak people. I am Kiko Mizuhara. I am fearless, I am invincible and no one can stop me  fulfilling my dreams.

I was supposed to stand up from my seat and leave the place when I saw a very familiar face. I suddenly felt goose bumps when our eyes met.  Chills started to creep in my system until it reached my heart. I felt like my heart has stop beating. I saw him smirked and saw the evil glint of his eyes looking at me. It’s been years since I’ve uttered God’s name but at this moment I unconsciously murmured his name.

“Oh, I forgot to ask you my last question. Do you have a nightmare?” Yes, I have. My nightmare is looking at me right now while approaching me slowly. I want to run but my body seems to have frozen on the spot. My nightmare is now standing in front of me, giving me that oh so devilish grin. I felt my face run out of color when I heard his question.

“Oh, Kiko-chan, my Ulzzang….did you missed your Master?” I wished this is just a dream, so when I wake up he is all gone. But I have pinched myself so many times and I know that I am wide awake. So this is not a dream. This is reality. A reality I cannot escape.

____________________________________

JIYONG

I looked at the music sheet in front of me. This is just one of the songs that I have come up with after my break up with Dara. Yes, even if we are no longer together, Dara is still my muse and inspiration. All the songs I’ve written about her has always been breaking record hits and selling like hot pancakes. I am sure this will be another hit record again. But contrary to my previous songs, all the songs I’ve written so far are all about heartbreak, pain and betrayal. Here, take a look with what I have written so far.

THAT XX

Walking on the street, I bumped into your man (Yeah I saw him)
I didn’t want to believe it, but my hunch turned out right (I told you)
He’s not wearing that ring you gave him, there’s another girl by his side
But I’ve said enough (I don’t wanna hurt you)

Now you’re getting angry with me (Why?)
You say “He’s definitely not that kind of person” (Sure you’re right)
Seeing your eyes, I reply that I probably got it wrong
See, I lied for you (I’m sorry)

I hate that you don’t understand me
I hate all this waiting
Let go of his hand (break it off with him)
When you’re sad, I feel like I’m dying

That XX, what does he have that I don’t
Why can’t I have you
That XX doesn’t love you
How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

When you speak of him, you look so happy (you look happy)
It’s good that you can be this happy (I’m happy)
You say you really love him, want to be with him forever
You trust him completely (I don’t know what to say no more)
Your friends all know that guy (yup they know)
It’s so obvious, why can’t you see (it’s you)
They say love is blind, Oh baby, you’re so blind
Please, I beg you, break it off

Oh I hate that you don’t understand me
I hate all this waiting
Let go of his hand (break it off with him)
When you’re sad, I feel like I’m dying

That XX, what does he have that I don’t
Why can’t I have you
That XX doesn’t love you
How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

Rap)
Expensive cars, beautiful clothes, high-class restaurants, they all suit you well
But that XX beside you, he doesn’t suit you, he really doesn’t
He smiles like a hypocrite with you, brushing your face and hair
But he’s thinking of another woman for sure, how dare he
The amount of tears you’ve cried, I want to make you happy by the same amount, baby
Rather than going through the pain alone, share some with me, baby
Please look at me, why can’t you ealize that I am your love
Why are you the only one who doesn’t know

That XX, what does he have that I don’t
Why can’t I have you
That XX doesn’t love you
How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

That XX, what does he have that I don’t
Why can’t I have you
That XX doesn’t love you
How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

(CREDIT TO: WWW,KPOPLYRICS.NET)

Yes, I am talking about myself in that song. The bastard in that song is no other than me.  It’s been months now ever since I broke up with her. Although I haven’t forgiven myself fully, little by little I am trying to move on. Writing songs is one of my therapies. Through these songs, I am pouring all my emotions that I wasn’t able to share to anyone. Through these songs, I am hoping that Dara will be able to hear it one day and will be able to listen to the yearnings of my heart.

“Do I still love her?” Yes, I still love her. I never stop loving her and I will continue to love her.

“Do you miss her?” Always! I open my eyes in the morning with the thought of her and close my eyes in the evening with her still on my mind.

“What if Dara has a boyfriend now?”  I’m not sure if I will be able to answer that. I haven’t fully forgiven myself for being a jerk to her thus leading to our break up. Can you ask me another question?

“What are you willing to sacrifice to make her happy?” Everything I have right now, I am willing to give up if that is all it takes to make her happy again. And oh, can I answer your previous question now? If Dara already have a boyfriend, then even if it hurts me, I will be happy for her. If her boyfriend is the one who can make her happy, who am I to take away her happiness? Her happiness is also my happiness.

“What will you do if you will see Dara now?” I will apologize for my mistakes even if it’s too late now. I will give our relationship a proper closure because I owe that to both of us. And if it is not asking too much I will hug her tight. I will hug her to at least ease the longing that I’ve felt for her for the past couple of months.

“Do you believe in second chance?” Yes I do believe. We may fail on our first try but usually it is on our second try where we give our best and try not to do the same mistakes again. Isn’t it that love is lovelier the second time around they say? So yes, I do believe in second chance.

I neatly place the music sheet inside my drawer and cleaned my working place. I glance at the desk calendar and a smile slowly appeared on my lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note: Bad Karma is fast approaching and how unlucky are those who have wronged the others. Remember you reap what you sow.

Short update for y’all. I don’t know how I came up with this update…lols ^_^

Thank you for still reading this story.  Thank you also for leaving your comments, they actually help me and inspire me to think of a better plot every time I read them.

Have a great day everyone linlin_10 ^_^