You are the perfect example of every beautiful thing ever created. No, I’m not exaggerating- or maybe I am. No, I’m not saying this because I’m a proud dongsaeng- or maybe I am. No, I’m not saying this cause I’m in love- but then again, I’m never sure of most of the things I say.

Maybe it’s always been you Lim Hyusik.

You’re that certain friend I’d drink hot cups of coffee with during lazy Monday mornings. You sit beside me and I find myself staring a second too long, smiling a little tad bit bigger and falling a little bit faster. Maybe I should stop myself. But you make it so hard. Cause maybe your eyes are the most beautiful ones I’ve ever looked into. The brown orbs that see right through the wall I’ve built around myself. Then you talk to me and my heart loses its balance for a while. I could kiss you right there and then but I think, maybe, not yet.

The figure I see dancing a few hours after dance rehearsals. I find myself amazed as your body moves with the music so well. The polo shirt wrapped around your hips fall and I watch as you pick it up almost as flawlessly as you dance. Almost as flawlessly as you steal my heart. Have I ever told you how amazing you look under dimmed dance studio lights? Amazing would be an understatement.

I see you as the big brother I’ve always longed to have. The first person I’d run to when things are way too much for my vulnerable heart to handle. The first person I’d talk to when rumours break me into pieces smaller than imaginable. The last person I think of before I sleep and the first person I think of when I wake up every day. The brother I’d never, in a hundred years, dream of losing. Maybe more than just a brother.

And I drag you with me in the quiet sidewalks of Seoul during random lazy midnights. Maybe Ice cream was just my excuse to be with you. Then I think that I want to be with you, that I want to keep you and I want to let myself fall. If I tell you, what would happen?  But I say that I want chocolate ice cream instead. Cause maybe when I reach for your cap I want to know how it feels to be closer. “Keep it, Il. It looks great on you.” You smile that smile again and my heart skips a beat.

No more questions.

No more ifs. No more buts. No more maybes.

When you wrap your arms around me during cold winter mornings, my head rested on your chest as your hand runs up my back. Your fingers running through my hair as I trace your defined collar bones. My heart beating out of my chest as you kiss me. I find the answers. And I’m sure.

I’m sure that you’re the only thing that’s ever mattered to me this much. Cause when all others fail, I know I’ll still have Lim Hyunsik.

You’re not just the brother I run to, or the friend that keeps me sane, nor the hyung that I look up to for so many reasons, or my angel that catches me as I try to stop myself from falling too deep. You’re the sureness in all my maybes, the because of all my whys.

And I love you for everything that you do. I love you for being Hyunsik. My Hyunsik.