“I’m sorry.”

Why has it become something almost daily hearing those words come from ?

“Tae, I’m sorry.” I know she is, again. “Please forgive me.” Of course I will, again.

“Don’t you hate her?” my best friend, Sunny, asked me after minutes of silence. Hate her? How could I? “Do you still love her that much?” – “I wish I didn’t.” – “But Taeyeon, she doesn’t love you anymore.” I know. I know it, but her words persist in my mind.

“Tell me the truth, Stephanie. Do you still love me?” – “I love you the same way I always have. I love you, Taeyeon.” I let a small smile out after hearing her words and I hold her in my embrace. I know she doesn’t. She knows exactly what I want to hear.

I wish I could go back, back then when we were happily in love, when we could feel that slow death while we were apart, those moments when she told me she loved me and I could see in her eyes that it was real… and I was happy, we were happy.

“I will always love you. It will be me and you forever.”

And I held onto those words, and I held onto the look in her eyes. She really felt it.

I can’t feel that happiness now. Even though I have her, I feel empty. That kind of emptiness only she could fill. What could fill it now? I still only want her.

Now I look into her eyes and I can’t feel the same. The words, they are the same, but they don’t feel the same.

“Together  forever.” I whispered in her ear.

Say it, say it to me, say that you will only love me, say that It’s forever.

“Forever.” …. Why? Why doesn’t it feel the same?

Because she doesn’t mean it.

“I’m sorry.”

Why has it become something almost daily hearing those words come from ?

“Tae, I’m sorry.” I know she is, again. “Please forgive me.” Of course I will, again.

She took me for granted. And it was my mistake, I can’t blame anyone but myself. For letting her know that I love her crazily, for letting her know that she means everything to me, for letting her know that I would truly love her forever. Now she is the one who holds onto that.

She hurts me, she treats me like trash, she breaks me, she hurts me… because she knows I won’t leave her. She tells me she is sorry, I know she is, every time; because she knows I love her.  She knows she will never feel alone, she knows that even if the world turns their back on her, I will love her. She knows that even if the world hates her, I will love her. She is certain she will never have the chance to fall into that unbearable feeling that today overwhelms me… Loneliness. Because she knows I will love her.

I don’t know how it became something so natural, spending entire nights crying silently for her, because she broke my heart one more time. And then I see her, with her radiant smile; and I hear her, with her sweet voice and her smart words. How could I not love her? She is still flawless to me. I love everything about her.

 “I love you, Taeyeon.” - I nod and smile. - “I love you so much, Stephanie.” I reply and hug her. Because even though inside I know it’s just another of her cruel lies, I don’t want her to go away. I don’t want to lose her.

 My tears keep falling no-ending while I silently pray to hear her say those words again.

Say it, Stephanie, say it.

“Do you still love me?”

“No.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, letting more tears fall to the ground.

“Taeyeon… I’m sorry.” And once again, I know she is. Because she knows I will love her.

I shook my head, trying to gain some strength to emit a few words. “Don’t be, Stephanie.”

 And I could regret it, I could hate myself for having believed her back in those first times when she told me it was forever. But I can’t. I believed her because she wasn’t lying, it was what she felt in that time and neither me or her thought that it wasn’t actually going to be like that, It wasn’t going to be forever.

 I turned around and walked away from her. I left.

I didn’t realize that was going to be the last time I would ever speak to her. Her, Tiffany, the only person I have ever loved.

~ 

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A/N: So how was it? It's based on my real-life experiences.

Sorry for any grammar mistakes.