There was once a time when I was always in your appartment, listening to movies while snuggling against you, or pushing you towards the bedroom with a lust filled mind. Or both, only it would be on your unconfortable couch. How many times did I ask you to get rid of it and buy another one with me? I don't remember, but I do remember your smirk when you would tell it wouldn't be as fun, since your old couch was making so much noise in those heated nights.

There was once a time when the whole world didn't mean as much as being together. Holding hands in public wasn't a shame with you. You even screamed in the middle of the street once that you loved me just because you wanted to prouve how much you cared. I always enjoyed holding hands with you, even more when no one was watching. Not that I was ashamed, of course not, it only felt like we were in our own world, seperated from the others, only us in our bubble. Your smile when you would pull me gently towards you, your slender fingers against my cheek to guide me towards your tasteful lips, all of this...I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I was the elder, yet sometimes, you treated me like you were years older than me. You had so much experience in love while you were my first. I remember being told that your first love would always stay with you, forever. I don't regret it to be with you. You got all my first while I was always afraid to not be good enough for you. The first time your lips touched mine was as if you set fire to my whole being, taking my heart and my love and leaving me with your own heart. You told me trusted me, but I was always afraid to do something wrong. You never gave me the impression of making you sad, I had no reasons to be afraid. It was probably when your friends would start to talk about all those people you went out with.

Our first time was at your appartment, on that couch I never really liked much. I remember every second of it, how your fingers on my skin sent sparks of electricity down my spine, how your lips on me were driving me insane, how your moans and groans were erasing the fact that your couch was incredibly cheap. How did you find all my weaknesses so quickly, I don't know. I like to think that we were meant to be together. You were my first there too, I trusted you so much, I would have bear anything just to be with you. You cared about me as much, you took your time to make sure I would only feel the pleasure. It worked heavenly.

Even if a lot of people were saying you wanted me just for my body, because of that reputation you created without wanting it, you stayed. I remember waking up with your arm around me, holding me against you tightly when I tried to get up. I remember you whispering my name before rubbing your nose against my neck. I knew I was right not to believe everything I was told. You explained everything to me, why people were saying such harsh things about you. You begged me to believe you, and I did. I never regretted believing you, because even now, I know you didn't lie.

You knew I was insecure. You knew I though I wasn't good enough for you. You knew, but you never grew tired of me. We were together for six years, we lived together for two years and an half. That couch still followed.

Yet today, I'm here alone, without you near me, on that stupid old couch. Your warmth is gone. Your deep, soothing voice too. I can't hear you say you love me, I can't hear you say you missed me even if I was gone for two hours, I can't hear you say you love when I complain about that damn couch. Today, I will see you for the last time. It's sunny outside. The sky is clear blue, not single cloud in sight. Just to mess with me, because today, I'll have to say goodbye.

I loved you, Kui Xian. No...I love you, Kui Xian, and I don't know if I can love someone else as much as I still love you now. Why did you have to go?

Why were you the one who had to die?

I miss you. I miss you so much. I can't get rid of that stupid couch now, it reminds me of you too much to even dare do so. I know you always loved it, you were teasing me with it knowing I would not make you sad by throwing it away. I know you liked it because you had so many memories connected to it. Was it because of me, or was it because of someone else? I don't know, and sincerely, I don't care.

I love you.

I hope we meet again in another life