Song you'll need during the reading : Jason Mraz - I won't give up.

+ Onew's (beautiful) version Here !

WARNING : This is the translation of my original one-shot which was in my first language : french. Soo ... I think there are a lot of mistakes. Of course, I have a better level in french than in english, so I'm not really sure of some kind of sentences ... I hope it will be alright. I'm really sorry for the mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me about it, so I can correct them :3 

But first : Thank you a lot for reading this ~

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« Let go of me, you idiot ! »

 

Nobody knows how life decide tricks it plays. Nobody knows if all of this is the will of some god, a fate's parody or what blind people calls the hazard. Nobody knows at his birth what this spark reserves. Nobody knows when this spark will die … This glow of life, what makes us breath, laugh, cry … What maintains us up, this hope of a new tomorrow, this heart that beats in each of us … At this moment … This heart belongs to you Kibummie. At the tip of my fingers, your life flashes, at the tip of my fingers, your breath is short, at the tip of my fingers … You can die.

 

For pity, don't ask me to let you go. It would be like losing myself, stabbing me right in the chest, opening my veins and slowly emptying myself of my blood till the last drop would deign leaving my body that wouldn't even want to live anymore … As much jumping together.

 

Kibum. I must have listened to you. Don't clowning around, don't disturb you on such a dangerous road, don't tease you and don't make you want to kiss me … I must have resisted your temptation, I must have seen this freak coming and I must have told you, I must have protected us … Kibum. I know that you don't believe in any god but … Do you think I have been punished ? Have we been punished, hit by the damned's thunder that the sky deny ? This love that will never pass church's doors … This love … Help me saving it.

 

« I won't give up .. on .. us .. »

 

I know you love life, Kibummie. I also know that your heart is made with gold, so don't even think about sacrifice yourself for me, don't forget that there's no me without you, don't forget all those moments spent together, us, your friends, your family, your passions, your dreams … all this life that you built so hardly … Don't give up on it. Don't give up on me. Don't forget what you see in my eyes. This sweetness, this tenderness, this smile … It's only for you. What you see in my eyes Bummie … That's all the love that I bear thee. This smile that I give you is only an echo of yours. This laugh that you know so well how to awake is just the fruit of our idyll's happiness. Those eyes that scrutinize you know you by heart ; it didn't leave you since the first time … You can't lie. Especially not to me.

 

« Jjong ... »

 

« Even if the sky gets rough ... »

 

The veins of my arm's muscles are so visible that they seem to be about to burst while I mobilize all the energy that I still have to bring you up, tightening my teeth while sweat pearls my forehead and I feel my hand getting moist. I curse this vain attempt, cursing this blood that runs down my arm, this same blood that also run down your temple as life seems to move a little bit more away from us second after second …

 

«  ... »

« Jjong … You won't hold on any much longer, let go of me ... » You whimper.

 

How could I leave you to the vacuum and a certain death whereas your pale face is about to be flooded by tears ? How could I leave those shaking lips, this sad look and this sweet face ? Who could be cruel enough … ?

 

« I'm giving you all my love ... »

 

« I prefer jump with you instead of .. »

« Idiot ! Do you really think that it's not en- ?! »

« You are the idiot ! I ing love you, do you understand that ?! »

 

« I'm still looking up ... »

 

Don't look at me with those wide eyes in surprise … Don't make me feel like hugging you when you are hanging at the edge of a precipice …

 

We were on our way to rejoin our friends for your birthday. We were happily talking, all excited to finally be able to see again Onew, Minho and Taemin. We imagined what they had become within this two years of separation, to what they aspired right now, if they were happy, if they had rebuilt themselves since SHINee's dissolution, three years ago …

After one year of trial with SM Entertainment, you and me had decided to leave overseas in order to heal our wounds, in this England that you cherished so much, leaving our three friends the care to rebuild their universe without our presence to remind them of bad memories … You frequently wondered if they had forgiven us … But, my angel, there's nothing to forgive …

 

« Cause even the stars .. they .. burn .. »

 

What we had done four years ago … I regret nothing. Nothing, not even a minute, not even one single second I had regretted that we had exposed ourselves, despite prohibitions, that we had declared to the whole world our reciprocal feelings … I knew that we had reached the breaking point, at the end of what we were able to bear. You were about to start We Got Married with this woman that I learnt to hate, and we were seeing each other less and less oftenly because of this promotion that they sent me do all around the world … SHINee was only the shadow of ourselves, we were only crossing each other, and this was hurting all of us, losing our smile yet so innocent … So …

 

« If I kidnapped you on September 23, 2015, it's not to give up on you now, Kim Kibum. »

 

I'm out of breath. I try to wedge my feet somewhere, behind a rock, a root, something, in order to use both of my hands to pull you back up, but the ground seems as slick as an ice rink, making me swear between my teeth, cursing this powerlessness so unfamiliar. My eyes never leave yours, diving in these black pupils in which I had drowned so frequently, praying for this emotional exchange not to be the last, praying for having the strength to save this angel with who I've been through everything …

 

Despite the sweat's drops mixed with blood at the level of your temple, your face still looks so sweet, a smile floating on your lips as you give me a look that I only know too well ; it's the one you have after love … This kind of gaze that makes me melt, that makes me smile like an idiot, making you laugh, with this so precious laugh … My angel …

 

« Some even fall to the Earth .. »

 

Please … Don't fly away … Or take me with you …

 

« Jonghyun ... »

 

I know you're hurt and that you fight for properly breathing. I know you're scared ; dizziness doesn't help. I also know that you believe in me while wishing only the best for me, but please Kibum, think about yourself too … Your life is precious …

 

« .. I love you .. »

 

I blink for a few seconds before realizing that it's not a joke, neither a dream. You're not the kind of people who is saying this really often … I was about to smile and answer but I freeze when I see your second hand trying to loosen my grip on your first one. Immediatly, I shout for you to stop, but you don't listen to me … This pale hand that I held so many times seems to persist despite my prayers.

 

« Don't do that to me Kibum, I'm begging you, you can't- »

« I don't want you to die ! »

 

Your scream came from the deepest of your soul and I feel my heart break at the sound of your shaky, hoarse voice. This imploring and so shaken look that you give me … I had never seen it before. Not even in the worst moments where the world seemed to target us, where our whole life was exposed even in the smallest details, where trust had become an understatement, something coming from another world … from our world … At no time I had seen you lay down your arms, waver, collapse …

 

I feel the tears blurring my vision and I shake my head, trying to get rid of this wet sail that hide your face from me. I feel your hand slips and I whimper while grabbing a little more tightly your hand with both of mine, breaking instinctively the rampart that was my right hand, the one which was firmly stuck in the ground a few seconds ago in order not to be driven by your fall a few minutes ago, or maybe some hours …

 

You scream as you feel us being caught in the vacuum, and I feel like resigning to our sad fate while feeling my body slipping forward, attracted like a magnet to this tragic destiny, telling myself that it doesn't matter to die, if it's in your arms …

 

In extremis, my feet get stuck in something that I'm not able to identify, too busy to stretch every muscle of my body in order not to drop you because of the sudden shock which stopped our falling. Instinctively, I had closed my eyes. I open them again, diving once more in your gaze just as shocked as mine, both of your hands tightly linked to mine now. My chest is now in the vacuum.

 

« We've got a lot to learn .. »

 

Instinct is probably one of the asset of our story. Instinct doesn't lie, instinct doesn't deceive. It doesn't doubt and avoid nothing, it doesn't need words or pretense to exist. Instinct instigate sincerity, purity, freedom … Kibum. I still want to know every single thing about you. Everything I don't know yet, your first love, the school where you went, why you began water ski, the moment where you realized that you loved me … I want to know everything, so let's live Bummie, let's survive somehow, and let's fulfill our dreams together … I saw you laughing and crying, you protected me and I comforted you, even when you persisted in saying that you were alright. I listened to you, you saw through me, I replied, you touched me … right in the heart.

 

« God knows we worth it ... »

 

« Jjong … I hear an ambulance. »

 

I can't help but smile, relief overwhelming, hope shining as ever, mes eyes lost in the contemplation of your reciprocal happiness, briefly, to be short, I was all excited.

 

« Really ?! »

 

You have always had a sense of hearing more developped than mine ; a true kitty. My kitty. When I see you weakly nodding, without really daring to believe in it, your eyes sparkling, my heart miss a beat as I sweetly laugh, trying to restrain myself.

 

« See, what I've just told you ! »

« And when ?! You idiot ! » you reply, laughing in the cutest way ever.

 

I savor this moment where suspended in the air, we are laughing like children, feeling the strength running back through our veins, feeling the waiting shorten and finally … Finally the liberation when I feel hands grabbing me, voices bustle around us whereas a few seconds later, we are right on the land, placed in an ambulance, a blanket on our shoulders while a nurse summarily heal us as she ask us about various things. Medical care doesn't last too long ; just time to clean our wounds and to stick some dressing here and there : following will be made at the hospital. Our hands never leave each other, holding tighter when the other suffers under disinfectants or provisional stitches.

 

After the end of the checking, the woman goes to report on the news with policemen and paramedics. I slowly rest my head on your shoulder and feel your head leaning against mine. I straighten a little bit, planting a kiss on your cheek, so pride of myself like a child who has just had a taste of the most delicious candy. You smile then crash your lips with mine, finding again this sweetness that I love so much, this sweetness that I had nearly lost … Soon, the kiss intensify, eager, desperately eager, as drug addicts in need, returning to the most beautiful drug I was given to taste ; your lips. We end by detaching from each other after a few seconds, hot breath, almost panting, but never breaking for nothing in the world the eye-contact, before finally leaning head against head, side by side, hand in hand, pressed against each other, defeated by the accumulated tiredness.

 

As we are cheerfully enjoying this delicious human warmth finally regained, I gently hum in the hollow of your ear …

 

« No, I won't give up on us .. »

 

And your smile Kibummie … Your smile is priceless.

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Author's Note : Thank you so much for reading this :3 I hope you loved it ~