“Park Chanyeol is having a party, and I’m invited?” Joonmyun repeated in surprise, looking up at the messenger, one of Chanyeol’s many friends. He put down his book, trying to surmise as to what must have been going on.

“Yes, sunbae, Chanyeol would have invited you personally since he specifically put you first on the list of invitees, but he’s tied up with some planning procedures today and asked me to invite you in his place.”

“And why would he invite me? His parties rarely follow the school rules, and, as the student body president, I find it highly irregular for him to invite me when, in the past, exceptional efforts have been made so that I wouldn’t find out about his parties. Does he expect me to attend and then turn the other way when he gets in trouble? What’s the special occasion that he would actually request my presence?” Joonmyun wasn’t that easily susceptible to a drivel-coated invitation, but with his curiosity piqued over years of hearing rumors as to the epic nature of Chanyeol’s parties, he did want to attend. To this day, he still says that he was coerced into going, but none of us believe him.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about rule breaking since the party will be off-campus at Chanyeol’s house in Gangnam. All you need is a pass to leave campus, and you won’t be breaking a single school rule.”

“Hmm. In that case, you can tell Chanyeol that I’ll think about it, but I’m not sure,” Joonmyun said. A glance at his watch said it was almost time for quiet time when they would all head back to their dormitories before lights out. “You should probably head back to your class. Study hall is almost over. I won’t hesitate to report your skipping if you don’t leave in” – he glanced at his watch – “ the next thirty seconds.” He smiled pleasantly at Chanyeol’s lackey and turned back to his book, listening to the satisfying sound of footsteps receding.

Joonmyun was not a bully. He didn’t like to be seen that way and made sure to maintain a good image among the students, but he was the student body president and took that position seriously. Of course, he had to be rather strict when it came to the school rules, and he was also aware of who the troublemakers of the academy were. While his position did not come with any exceptional power, such as to hand out demerits or detentions, he still kept tabs on the misfits and rule breakers through friends that worked in the discipline office. He knew from whom to stay away and whom to blame when trouble arose.

It was for this reason that he was headed to the freshman dormitory instead of his own during quiet time. As he waved a good night to his friends, he claimed a request to meet from one of the dorm masters regarding a student. The truth was he was headed of his own accord, but he had a very good reason for lying.

He knocked on the door at the end of the hallway in the far corner of the dormitory.

“Who is it?” called a sleepy voice.

“Joonmyun.”

There was a squeak followed by the sound of scrambled movements. The door opened a moment later. Sehun bowed. “Sunbae, what are you doing here at this time?” he asked.

Joonmyun glanced around the hall. There was little sound in the halls as everyone was in their rooms for the most part. With classes in full swing, few students had the time to break rules, particularly not freshmen. “May I come in?”

Sehun nodded and let him pass. “My room is sort of a mess.” He closed the door behind him.

“Sort of? And how many times have I told you that you can call me hyung?” Joonmyun said, lifting a pair of boxers off his desk chair before sitting down. He crossed his legs and looked at Sehun expectantly, not saying a word.

Sehun gulped. “Um, did I do something wrong for you to come out here at this time?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck, his nervous tick.

“Where were you during break?” he asked.

“Oh, you heard that I had detention,” he said.

Joonmyun nodded. “You know, your family and my family go back pretty far, and I could easily tell your father how you’re doing. I’m sure he wouldn’t be too pleased to hear that his youngest son is scraping by with below average grades and a detention-filled record, especially with the precedent that his other children set.”

Sehun paled.

“But I don’t do that because I trust that you’ll get your act together,” he said. “Should I keep on trusting you though?”

Silence.

“Oh Sehun, if you’re going to call me sunbae, the least you could do is treat me like one and say something,” Joonmyun said with a sigh. “What’s wrong? Why can’t you seem to do anything right?”

“Wow, Joonmyun hyung, you sound more like my dad than someone who actually cares,” Sehun snapped. He paused and heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean it. I’m just really tired.”

“I know they keep you freshmen busy so I understand how that is.”

“That’s not really what I meant, but, yeah, classes are insane. I have so much work all the time, which is partially the reason why my grades are . I don’t even get a moment to sit down and relax and – I don’t know – enjoy my youth. It’s crazy that I can’t read the latest issue of my favorite manhwa because I’m two months behind because of all of the work I have to do,” Sehun said, arms crossed.

“So what did you mean? And what’s the other reason your grades aren’t the best they could be?” Joonmyun asked, leaning forward on his knees.

Sehun sighed. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Joonmyun nodded. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me, but I am worried about you,” he said, standing up. “I’m going to head out then, okay? Just know that you can always talk to me whenever you need someone to listen.” He mussed Sehun’s hair and smiled. “Good night, Sehun,” he said.

“Good night, hyung,” Sehun said, closing the door behind him. He sank to the floor with a sigh. His heart hadn’t stopped pounding since Joonmyun had mentioned his father, even though he could tell that it wasn’t a threat, just a fact. But the thought of his father hearing about all of this struck fear in him. Sehun liked to tell himself that he didn’t care about anything, but he did care. A lot. The truth was he wished he didn’t care and hoped that acting like it would make him feel it one day.

He rubbed the back of his neck, frustrated, when a thought struck him. Who better to talk to about wanting to not care than someone who didn’t care? He threw on his jacket and hurried down the hall to the back door of the dormitory. Technically no one was allowed to use this entrance except for maintenance and dorm masters, but they never used it either so it wasn’t like they knew anyway.

Sehun pushed the heavy door open and was greeted by the best sight: Jongin smoking a cigarette. Sehun pulled his jacket tight around his shoulders. Even though it wasn’t winter yet, the cold had already begun to creep into the air, coming in with the darkness and disappearing with the light. He walked silently toward the low-hanging branch where Jongin perched. “Hey,” he greeted, getting his attention.

Jongin turned his head, not at all caught off-guard. He never seemed scared or surprised by anything. “Smoke?” He offered a cigarette.

Sehun nodded and took it.

“Light?”

“Thanks.”

Sehun inhaled slowly, enjoying the lost feeling of smoke filling his lungs. It had been some time since he’d last had a cigarette. It warmed him a little. He said nothing for a time, just watched as the ringlets of smoke he exhaled looped and twisted in the air before disappearing into the stars. There was something relaxing about smoking, and it wasn’t the tobacco. It was the simple act of it that calmed Sehun. He liked the ease and fluidity of it.

“How do you do it?” Sehun asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Do what?” Jongin’s deep voice reverberated.

“Not care.”

“It’s not intentional.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t try to stop caring. It just happened one day.”

“How?”

“ happens.”

“What kind of ?”

“ I would never wish on anyone.”