-***-

Yunho opened his eyes to the blackness of his apartment’s bedroom. What time is it? He groaned as his right hand reached for a tiny clock on the bedside table. 7:25 pm. Yunho remembered it was 3 in the afternoon last time he checked. Their schedule could never be more hectic. Series of world tours, reality shows, dozens of photo shoots and interviews in a row. Their monstrous fiend of management was really trying to strike while the iron was hot, bleed them white as their slave-like contract was nearing its end. However, Yunho was so thankful they got two days break on weekend just before they head to Japan in the upcoming week. Changmin soon drove to his parents’ house, while Yunho himself had nothing in mind but his fluffy comfy bed.

The leader let out a languid groan as he stretched his limbs, his right arm felt partially numb as if someone or something had been laying on top it for hours. Yunho adjusted his position on the mattress, just when he was about to get up and take the white blanket off his body, his eyes widened in the size of saucers.

He was .

He was so ing that he couldn’t feel anything beneath the coverlet.

“Jaejoong!” Yunho exclaimed in shock, nearly sending the latter’s body to land thud on the floor. Jaejoong sent him a sulky face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be happy to see your boyfriend here?” he commented, deliberately removed the blanket of his body for Yunho to know that he was equally .

“Do I look that unhappy?”Yunho finally smiled, deciding to put aside his question of how on earth Jaejoong could get in Dong Bang Shin Ki’s old apartment.

“You look un-handsome to be exact. Come here, leader-sshi. I’ll make you handsome again like my old U-Know Yunho.” Jaejoong extended his hand to reach for Yunho, the younger playfully kept away from the touch.

“I’m still your old U-Know Yunho.” He responded with a goofy grin.

“No, you aren’t. You are just un-handsome, older, and meanie U-Know Yunho. I said come here you!” Jaejoong was now crawling, Yunho managed to get up from the bed just in time, grabbing the white coverlet with him as he stood up.

“It’s almost 8. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Yah!” Jaejoong protested, pouting, throwing a pillow straight to Yunho’s small face. “Is it even relevant to take a shower when you have your y boyfriend on your bed? I can’t believe you.”

“Just teasing.”

“Come down the bed and show me the real teasing.”

The leader only chuckled hearing his lover’s naughty remark. He’d never thought he would be able to see this version of Jaejoong very soon. The older singer, despite his cheerful appearance and him bragging on twitter that he had gained some weight could not deceive Yunho about Jaejoong’s actual state of being. Yunho knew Jaejoong had been insecure of something for the past few months. He could tell from Jaejoong’s ambiguous messages and random ‘silence’ calls in the middle of the night. The man was anxious, but Jaejoong always refused to talk. Their tight agenda of concerts and fan meetings just worsened everything.

“Couldn’t help it. You just look the cutest when you’re pouting.” Yunho sat on the side of the bed, waiving his worry and trying to please his lover instead. The oblivious Jaejoong wasted no time to jump on to his lap and kissed the leader everywhere on his face.

“I’ve always been cute, admit it.” Jaejoong’s kiss landed on Yunho’s jaw but never his lips. “I missed you so much.”

“You have no idea.” Yunho buried his face on the crook of Jaejoong’s neck; leaning down, inhaling the sweet scent that had never failed to intoxicate him. “I’ve been Jae-deprived and worried to death.”

At the mention of ‘worried’ Jaejoong immediately sensed his boyfriend’s concern. He was a bit tensed. His fingers and lips were now fiddling and playing with Yunho’s ears.

“I appreciated the ‘Jae-deprived’ part, but I don’t allow you to be worried of me. You see, I’m perfectly fine and flawless.” Jaejoong said with a rather painful voice, the leader cupped his face and forced that pair of misty doe eyes to stare straight back at him.

“Why? Why are you always trying to look okay in front of me, Jaejoongie?”

”I hate to see your worried, gloomy face. It’s ugly.” Yunho still didn’t let go off his face after hearing that. Jaejoong heaved a sigh, biting his bottom lip uneasily. “I can handle everything when you’re around, but when we are separated, my air is lacking.”

“I am such a bad lover, am I?”

“Don’t say such things, you pabo. You’re the best thing has ever existed in my life.”

With that said, Yunho hugged him so tight their bare chests met, their heartbeats mingled. Jaejoong’s arms latched on his bare neck and shoulder in a firm grip, pulling him down the bed, hauling leader’s lips closer to his own. They kissed tenderly, deeply. So slowly that Jaejoong felt he wanted to cry to be kissed by Yunho in such a way. Yunho was treating him as if he was something precious and fragile. He felt so loved. He felt something warm was filling his dull heart to its extent, the overflowing feeling dominated his soul and Jaejoong thought he was practically melting.

“M—mmake...make....” Jaejoong couldn’t hold himself anymore, tears were everywhere on his eyes and cheeks. The transparent liquid also flew down from his nose that only made him look even more pitiable. Yunho found the sight heartbreaking yet amusing in some way.

“Mm—yunhoyah... make—“the lead singer was still trying to verbalize his thought between his rapid hiccups, Yunho initiated to wipe Jaejoong’s tears with his palm.

“Make—“

“Make babies?” Yunho asked,

“Noooo!” Jaejoong punched the younger man’s chest lightly; Yunho’s laughter got all the more blustering.

“Yah Jaejoongie~ Stop harassing me or else this yeobo of yours won’t be able to make babies.”

“Can’t you be any more annoying, Jung Yunho?! You and your stupid unromantic side! I was going to say—“

“’Make love to me’, right?” Yunho grinned, enjoying too much seeing Jaejoong bewildered, flushed face.

“We never had . We always make love every time we do it, don’t we?”Jaejoong didn’t say anything, Yunho’s words usually worked to impair his speech. “Now it’s time to make babies.” The leader adjusted their position that he was definitely on top of the smaller man.
Yunho leaned down and gently kissed those cherry lips again. For the two who had spent the majority of their life falling for each other, making love was as natural as breathing. Tender and passionate. For a moment both Yunho and Jaejoong seemed to lose within their own world, yet it could not really brush off their prior apprehension.

For how long do they have to stay like this?

-***-

His bedroom was relatively quiet as Yunho came out from the shower. Jaejoong refused to clean up although the younger man had offered to carry him to bathtub. At first Yunho assumed Jaejoong had fallen asleep like he used to do. But Jaejoong was snuggling up under the cover like a rain-drenched kid. His eyes unfocused and Yunho felt his heart broke,

“Baby...”

“I want to shout it out to the whole world.” The lead singer finally confessed, hands gripping Yunho’s bathrobe, squeezing him in a tight hug.

“I want to scream your name on top of my lungs that they know you are mine.”

Yunho shut his eyes. He had expected this would be coming. He remembered Jaejoong ever blurted out something about coming out some months ago, but the older man himself had then told him to shrug it off. Jaejoong had million fans and admirers, hundred male and female idols would likely line up to be able to date him. Jung Yunho of all the people wanted to claim him as his, to hang a paper on Jaejoong’s neck saying ‘Jung Yunho’s Lover’, to mark him all over but he just couldn’t. They just couldn’t recklessly do it and destroy the careers they had built. Yunho had Changmin in TVXQ, and Jaejoong had to consider Yoochun and Junsu’s positions in JYJ. Besides that, they still had to think about their fans.

“We cannot always be selfish.” Said Yunho, caressing Jaejoong’s back, hoping him to understand

“But I’m tired of being selfless.” An exasperated sigh for the umpteenth time that night, “I’m tired hearing stuffs about you dating certain actresses and seeing myself getting paired up with girls or boys I don’t even remember the faces.”

“It’s gotten even worse lately. They assumed I am dating Seok Cheon-hyung.” Jaejoong’s tone of voice could never be more infuriated. Yunho kept holding him not saying anything. The lead singer then disentangled his arms from the leader, making them face to face so close that Yunho could clearly see tiny beads of tear on Jaejoong’s eyelashes.

“When will we be able to hold hands and kiss in public as lovers?” Yunho’s heart clenched at the question. Jaejoong bit his swollen bottom lip. A single tear fell.

“Soon.” Yunho assured, intertwining the latter’s fingers on his own. “We just need to hold it out a little bit longer.”

“I’ve never doubted you—I would never doubt you.” Jaejoong shook his head,

“But how soon is soon?” He looked down at their interlocked hands, “How long is a little bit longer, Yunhoyah?”

The leader brought Jaejoong’s hand to his beating chest, leaning down to capture his full lips and to seal a promise.

“Not as soon as tomorrow or next year, but my love for you will not waver.”

-***-

It was still dark, 5 in the morning. Despite of the out of season cold weather, fans had been flocking the entrance of Gimpo airport to steal a glimpse of their beloved Dong Bang Shin Ki duo leaving for Japan. Set of bodyguards shielding them as Yunho and Changmin passed by. In the midst of deafening shouting and blitz lights, Yunho saw it. A pink handmade banner with ‘윤재 영원히’ written so neatly on it. And he smiled, feeling warm all of a sudden.

Out there, some people are still waiting.

As if telepathic, Yunho’s cell phone inside his jeans’ pocket suddenly vibrated. A text message with a photo attachment from Jaejoong;

“We might not hold hands or kiss in public. But we can still do this.”



Immediately the leader pressed the call button on his screen. A slightly breathy reply of ‘Yunhoyah?’, a pair of teary almond eyes, a newborn faith, a stronger love, and a promise of forever;

“Wait there, for us.”

-***-
END
-***-