I’ve told my parents early this morning of my decision. I’ve transferred all my savings to their account and I’ve told them I called the hospital too to schedule the operation. My parents, they were so supportive. I know they’re sad. Their tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I told them I love them and I’ll be fine. I lied of course. I don’t know if I’ll be fine.

Next is Sica. I told her too. She was angry at me for deciding things on my own. I know. I forced her to promise me that she’ll live well if anything happens to me. I know I got no rights to request something so selfish from her. My heart breaks when I see her cry because of me and the thought of not seeing her anymore scares me too.

Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing years ago confessing to her. Should I have pushed her away when I know I got this sickness? Maybe she wouldn’t be this sad now. Maybe she would have leaded a normal life by now. Wasn’t I just being selfish again by keeping her all to myself all these years even... Even though I know that I myself could live to the very last moment and still have her while she would live a big part of her life without me. I still held onto her. I’m so selfish. I hate myself for being so cruel.

She is sleeping soundly now. Tear stains still visible. I guess it was too much for her to take. I understand. She forced me to make love to her and I couldn’t say no. I cuddled her to sleep earlier. How I already miss the feeling. Will I be able to feel that again tomorrow night?

Help me with one thing Diary-nim.

Keep these letters for me.

If anything happens to me…

Make sure someone finds it.

Thank you.

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As ya'll would have noticed. I'm updating in a bunch. It's all Yuri's diary.

Also, I wanted to end this ASAP as I'm going to be super busy in the coming months that I wouldn't be able to write any fanfics. So I just wanna update it all ASAP to not leave ya'll hanging.

We'll see how things go alright? Love ya'll!