"I woke up with the felling of falling down, down in a dark, black, endless pit of nothing. That awful feeling, like you have a hole in your heart like something’s missing. It was a long time since I had had that feeling. I remember rolling over to the side facing my boyfriend, Sunggyu, and how the feeling of emptiness, sorrow and loneliness faded away instantly.

  I walked out of bed, I remember being hungry. I grabbed some of my Sunggyus favorite yoghurt. Hoping that he wouldn't mind once he woke up. I think I looked at the clock or maybe I just didn't feel tied anymore. Anyways, I stayed up. It must have been early because, I remember the morning sun shining through the half opened curtains. Sunggyu coming up behind me as I looked out. His arms sliding around my waist as he whispered 'beautiful'. I smiled at him turning around and kissing him. He responded, we stayed like that for a while, kissing, holding each other, like we would never see the other again.  Dongwoo, who was staying with us for a while, wasn’t up yet. It was a perfect Sunday morning.

  I think Dongwoo woke up around half past nine. We had already showered. I made him some scrambled eggs. That was what he asked for. I never eat it now or yoghurt for the matter. We ate it at the little round table, or he did. Sunggyu was sitting in his office, trying to catch up on the work he missed Friday. That Friday had been our anniversary, we had been together for 6 years now. On this same day was the anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him. I had asked him out and he had left early, even though he knew he would have to work over time another day. Dongwoo had been at Hoya’s place and had been there till Sunday morning. He and Hoya were best friends, but hoya’s place was too small for two people. That’s why he was staying with us, he and sunggyu was school buddies. And with them always hanging around we all became friends. I remember when Hoya came to pick him up, Dongwoo is always like a child or puppy, but just how happy he was then, was rare. That was one of the best days of my life.

  We had been out to the mall, later that Sunday, we had ice cream. Hoya and I a vanilla and Sunggyu and dongwoo a strawberry. I remember Dongwoo got some on his nose, and Sunggyu, had whipped it off with a tissue. We laughed together at his clumsiness. Later that Sunday, Sunggyu had an appointment to the hairdresser. Dongwoo drove him there, being the only one, except me, with a license. One of my other friends, Myungsoo, had invited me to come see a football match, so I couldn't take him. I dropped Hoya off at his place, he lived a few blocks away from Myungsoo. When I arrived, myungsoo had already lined up for the match, chips and drinks on the table and all.   

  At around six-seven o'clock I drove home. I remember I ate something, a wrap of some sort. I spilled it. I must have looked down, because I didn't pay attention to the road. I crashed the car. I drove right into another car, full speed. I saw the other car upside down. But it was blurry so I can’t say that I’m hundred percent sure. Then I heard a scream, it sounded somewhat familiar. And then I fainted. At that time, I dreamt, about Sunggyu. Him and I during all our happy times, the day we met, when he confessed to me, our first date, our first kiss, me meeting his friends and parents, when he popposed to me, and when I said yes. The doctors told me that I had cried during my sleep. I don’t know if it was happy tears or my unawareness knowing that he had left me for good. When I work up, I was in a hospital bed. I was told my left side was completely broken. I was told that the two other people in the other car had died. I was utterly sad, even though I wasn't people I had met, I had killed them.

  Things turned out worse when I found out who it was. My one and only, Sunggyu and my dear friend, Dongwoo. They had driven home the exact same time as me. Now they are dead. All because of me! The dream, the dream I dream every night now. From being one of the best dreams I’ve ever had, to a nightmare. It always ends with Sunggyu asking me ‘why’. And then I ask him ‘what? Why, what?’, but he keeps asking, and then he starts crying. And when he screams I wake up. And since then, that's when I started to be nothing. I couldn't eat. I couldn't speak. I didn't care what was going on around me. My head had started to do weird twists. It still does. I can hear his scream every time I’m in silence. I couldn’t handle silence, but I couldn’t handle his screams either. I pulled my hair out, and because of that they cut of my hair. The day they did it, I can’t remember a day that I have ever reacted like that. I hit the nurses, scracted my now bald head till it bled, screaming and shouting for hours. Sunggyu loved my hair. He wanted something to grab on to. And they had cut it all off. Now it still makes me mad, I even told them not to! Therefore I stayed in hospital longer than I should have. They had moved me to a closed department. I was in trauma. I was in sane.  

  Now I'm over it. Not the depressing phase. I am still in trauma. But my sanity has returned. Somethings still hunt me. I can't touch cars. I can’t eat yoghurt or scrambled eggs. And NOBODY touches my hair. And now I am here. In this half empty bar. Not even drunk. It's a quarter past three. And I am telling a stranger about my depressing life. I am pathetic and I don't even know why I am telling you this. I don't even feel better now. Excuse me, but I don't want to be here anymore. I'm going back to my apartment." Tears running down my cheeks as I finish my story. I can’t even look at the stranger. I reach for my half empty glass of martini and drowns the last bit of it.

  Before I stand up the stranger reach out for my hand. All I could do was stare at it. “don’t leave” I let out a chuckle, and takes my hand away. “And what? Drown myself in alcohol? Go party? Cry my heart out? Trust me! I’ve been there! I thought that, maybe, just maybe, telling someone I didn’t know about my situation would help! But right now I think I’m more broken than when I entered this bar! Why are you even here!? It’s a ing work day tomorrow!” I stood up, my heels, and went out of the bar. Leaving behind a confused, and somewhat hurt stranger. “all I wanted to do was help…” 

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that was the first chapter!! 
i still don't know if i should continue or not. though i have a few ideas~ ^^ 
tell me what you think! feedback is allways welcome!