Author's Note: This is...long and boring... T___T I'm so sorry...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kim Sehun had never fallen in love.

He worshiped Junmyeon too much that he had no time to think about other people anymore. He loved his older brother too much that he didn’t have any space in his heart for anyone else. Sehun cared about Junmyeon too much that he couldn’t think of anyone else everytime he needed someone.

Sehun grew up without parents and Junmyeon was the one who raised him. Junmyeon was the one who hugged him when he fell down on the ground and grazed his knee. Junmyeon was the one who was willing to stay up late when Sehun had to study for his exams. Junmyeon was also the one who worked very hard to earn money for both him and Jongin.

Junmyeon was all he had and Sehun felt content with it. He thought he was going to grow up forever with Junmyeon—Jongin too, but the tanned skin male could do whatever he wanted with his life—just like this, forever.

It never occurred to him that Junmyeon would fall in love with anyone else. It never occurred to him that Junmyeon would dedicate his life to any other person than his younger brothers.

Sehun hated that.

He hated the fact that no matter what he did, his bond with Junmyeon would forever be inseparable and it would be unforgivable if they were together. Because they were related by blood. They were brothers. They were siblings.

After finding out about Junmyeon and Yifan’s relationship, Sehun regretted hitting his brother’s boyfriend. He regretted hitting him only once. If he knew things would turn out this way, Sehun would send him a few more punches and it would probably make him satisfied.

Junmyeon never seemed to be happy because his time was spent on studying and working, but when he broke up with Yifan, he was even worse than that. It got Sehun to agree with their relationship simply because Junmyeon was miserable and lost without the Chinese male by his side, and it was the first time Sehun had ever witnessed that. All this time, Junmyeon looked strong with everything that happened. Their condition was way worse even before he met Yifan, but maybe...the Chinese male was the only one Junmyeon needed.

Sehun tried to shrug it off, but it was a bit impossible because Yifan came by to their apartment a lot and he had never seen Junmyeon smiling sincerely like that before. It pained him to know that the smile wasn’t caused by him. It pained him to see his brother had his eyes fixed on Yifan and Yifan only. It pained him so much, maybe because Sehun wasn’t ready. Maybe he needed more time to think. Maybe...

...maybe he wasn’t ready to see Junmyeon happy.

Sehun felt utterly broken and he wasn’t sure anything could even fix him.

Kim Sehun had never fallen in love.

Except for Kim Junmyeon, that was.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Despite the fact that he actually never really approved his brother’s relationship, he never said it out loud.

But his mask was starting to crumble when when Junmyeon told them that Yifan had proposed.

Sehun’s grip on his glass was so tight that he almost didn’t care if he would break it. His expression hardened and he had a strong feeling to vomit.

“...marriage?”

His tone was so cold that Junmyeon almost couldn’t bring himself to look at his own brother.

“Y—yeah,” Junmyeon stammered nervously and he almost dropped his chopsticks.

“That’s wonderful, hyung,” Jongin sincerely replied and Junmyeon beamed at him. “That’s really a great news. I’m happy for you.”

Junmyeon’s eyes were wrinkling as his cheeks pulling into a smile, but it soon dissipated when he realized Sehun’s expression. The oldest male of the three felt his heart sinking and lowered his head. “It’s...it’s still a plan, though... I—I haven’t said yes...”

“You haven’t?”

“N—no,” Junmyeon shook his head. “I...I told Yifan I would think about it...”

“Hyung, it’s your marriage, not ours,” Jongin said almost desperately as he placed a hand on Junmyeon’s. “You do not have to think about our—“

“I’m going,” Sehun stated in a flat tone as he rose abruptly from his seat.

“But—but your meal isn’t finished yet—“

“I lost my appetite.”

Sehun hastily headed toward the front door and felt the need to run away as soon as possible. He put on his shoes and didn’t even bother to look over his shoulder. Or even to say goodbye.

Junmyeon felt a bit hurt but then he said what he always said.

“Be careful, Sehunie...”

Sehun only slammed the apartment door in reply.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

A few months had passed since Junmyeon and Yifan’s first breakup, and Sehun was now an university student.

He had graduated with such flying colors that he was offered a scholarship from one of the famous universities in Seoul, but it didn’t require him to stay at the dorm. It once crossed his mind to just stay at the university, away from home, but he didn’t want to leave Junmyeon...at least not yet. Now that the marriage news broke out, he wondered if he should’ve taken the dorm instead. And if Junmyeon said yes...

God, my brother isn’t going to be mine anymore.

It affected Sehun so much that the male had started smoking and drinking. He was never drunk, but sometimes when he got home, Sehun couldn’t hide the fact that he had been drinking. And Junmyeon wasn’t a fool. The older of the two would smell the liquor and heavy smoke on him but he never said anything. Or maybe he wanted to, but Sehun never gave him the chance. He would just walk past him and went to his bedroom like nothing was wrong.

The usual Junmyeon would scold and nag at him in a brotherly way, but not lately. Sehun despised it because Junmyeon always, always gave in to his requests. Even though he acted childish and selfish, he was still just a kid who wanted his brother’s attention just like it used to. He wanted Junmyeon to approach him and ask him what was wrong. But even Junmyeon seemed lost and scared at his behavior.

Maybe it was because of Yifan.

Wu Yifan and his life.

As if it wasn’t enough, Sehun also started to go home late. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even go home simply because he didn’t want to face Junmyeon. He would have a sleepover in his classmate’s dorm or anywhere else that he could sleep in. And whenever Junmyeon asked him, Sehun would casually answer that he had been studying in a friend’s place and fell asleep. His brother didn’t seem to buy it all the time, but at least Sehun still got home and he said nothing after that. He became even more and more rebellious, and wanted to do even more when Junmyeon still commented nothing in return. The older male was even more speechless when Sehun came home with rainbow haircolor.

Sehun seemed to be the only one who was against the plan of Junmyeon marrying Yifan, because Jongin was the opposite. They had always been the opposite of each other. Sehun snorted at the thought because of course, it was alright for the tanned skin male to approve because he had Kyungsoo. It was easy for him to agree to the proposal because he wasn’t the one who fall in love with his own brother ever since he was little.

Ever since the proposal slipped out of Junmyeon’s mouth, the situation in the dining room had never been delightful. Most of the times it would be Junmyeon who tried to start a conversation with his younger brothers and Sehun would eat his breakfast like he was alone in the room. Jongin was the only person who would reply while Sehun didn’t give a damn about what they were talking about.

It was the same situation every morning. Breakfast seemed to be the only occasion where the three of them met face to face lately. Because other than that, Sehun wouldn’t be home. He swallowed the last piece of his bacon before standing up.

“I’m going.”

Junmyeon stopped talking with Jongin and called out his name. “S—Sehunie...?”

Sehun glanced at Junmyeon in dismay. “What?”

Junmyeon flinched slightly at his gaze but nevertheless, he still went on. “Can you...come home earlier this evening? Yifan and Kyungsoo are coming over for dinner...”

Yifan.

How Sehun loathed both the name and the person. He didn’t say a word and unwillingly shifted his glance to Jongin. The tanned skin male stared firmly at him. Sehun pursed his lips in dislike and shrugged.

“Sure.”

Junmyeon beamed gratefully at him and he sent his brother a small smile. “Thank you. Be careful, Sehunie... See you later.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Whenever Sehun wasn’t doing the rebellious things—smoking, drinking, hair coloring and all that jazz, he would spend most of his days in the library.

His class was done for the day, but he didn’t want to go home just yet. Eventually his time on the library was up and the librarian had to clear and politely ask him to go home. Sehun glanced at his watch and pouted, because it was almost dinner time and dinner time meant he had to go home and meet Yifan and—

Sehun pressed his lips into a thin line.

He disliked Yifan because he knew, deep down inside, the Chinese male was perfect for his brother. That if he ever had to let go, it would be to someone like Yifan. Junmyeon did a great job of not showing his relationship to his younger brothers. He would pick up Yifan’s calls in his room or spoke in a low tone so it wouldn’t bother anyone else, but Sehun could tell that he was actually very happy to date the taller male.

And the way Junmyeon smiled whenever it was Yifan related... God, his brother was so ing beautiful when he smiled that Sehun wasn’t willing to share it with anyone else.

Especially not to Wu Yifan.

Sehun had no idea where to go so he aimlessly walked around. The blowing wind and the rumbling thunder were obvious enough to tell that it was going to rain soon. Sehun absently kicked an empty can of soda on the street and zipped his jacket up to his chest. His stomach was grumbling and the image of Junmyeon’s cooking made his mouth watered. But no, he wouldn’t go home just yet.

He had been spacing out that when Sehun snapped out of his thoughts, he was somewhere in an unfamiliar environment. The street was almost empty and it was dark. Just as Sehun glanced over his shoulder to observe the place, it started raining. He cursed to himself and was about to turn around and run for the nearest shelter, but then he halted.

Someone was screaming.

Sehun held his breath to listen, but it was a bit hard with the sound of the heavy rain. He shrugged it off because it could be just his imagination. Sehun was about to step away again when he heard another voice.

Someone was definitely screaming.

Sehun looked around as he narrowed his eyes and tried to find the source of the voice. He waited for a moment before widening his eyes because someone had just appeared from the dark alley across the street. A red haired girl was running and she screamed in fear when someone managed to grab her backpack. She struggled for a second before finally able to yank herself away from her attacker.

“HEY!!!”

Sehun’s voice must have been terribly loud that the attacker looked over his shoulder and he let go of the girl’s backpack. The man then ran to the opposite direction, disappearing into the darkness of the alley and left the girl. Sehun ran across the street to approach the girl and he threw a look around, making sure that it was safe before helping the girl to get up.

“Are you alright?”

The girl was trembling badly and she was hugging her body.

Sehun knelt down beside her and cupped her chin with both of his hands. “Hey, are you alright?”

The girl slowly looked up at him and Sehun’s heart ground to a halt.

She was definitely a he.

And he, was definitely pretty.

“I—“ He whispered weakly.

“We don’t have time to chat here,” Sehun said firmly. “Whoever attacked you—he could come back. Can you get up? Let’s get you to a safer place.”

The male feebly nodded before letting himself be pulled up by Sehun. Instinctively, Sehun placed a hand on the male’s shoulder and they started running. He let the red haired male ran first and they kept on running until they reached a familiar street—which was fortunately quite crowded—and stopped at the nearest bus stop.

There were a few other people who also took shelter at the said place and Sehun motioned the other male to sit at one of the empty spots available. He obeyed as he took a seat and Sehun stood in front of him. He noticed the male was still trembling slightly and his palms were pressed onto his mouth.

“Are you alright?”

Sehun put a hand on his shoulder and the male flinched at the gesture. He immediately pulled his hand away.

“Sorry.”

The male looked down as he shook his head apologetically. “No... You...you saved my life. I’m sorry. I’m still...”

Sehun frowned as he heard the broken accent and knelt before him. “Was he about to rob you?”

“I—I don’t think so...” His voice was so small and he looked like he was about to cry.

“Hey, you’re safe now,” Sehun sternly said. “You’re safe now, alright? That’s all that matters.”

The male hesitantly nodded and Sehun stood back up. He fished his hands into his pockets and stared at the street. He did nothing but to stand close to the male, waiting for him to stop trembling. A few people got into the bus as it came. Sehun took a look at his wristwatch and realized it was already past dinner time.

They probably have started without me.

Sehun absentmindedly grabbed his phone, only to find that it was already off. He frowned to himself. Maybe the battery was low. Maybe he turned it off on purpose and he didn’t remember. Sehun tucked his phone back into his pocket and sighed.

What is Junmyeon-hyung cooking for dinner?

Maybe it’s something special.

Because Yifan is coming.

Sehun puffed his cheeks in annoyance and turned to the red haired male. He needed something to distract his mind. “Do you live around here?”

The male blinked blankly at Sehun. “Y—yeah...a few blocks from here...”

“Do you bring any jacket?”

Sehun got a headshake as an answer and he searched for a spare jacket from his bag. It was Junmyeon who advised him to always bring a spare jacket—and he felt kind of grateful for that because it was useful. When he finally found one, he handed it casually to the other male. Sehun got a confused stare in return.

“Use it. I’m gonna walk you home.”

“I...”

“I’m not coming home for dinner,” Sehun said. “Might as well just be responsible and walk you home.”

The male looked hesitant.

“You can hit me if I do anything suspicious.”

It got the other male to smile slightly as he looked down to the jacket. He looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding shyly.

“I’m Sehun, by the way.”

The male tilted his head to a side cutely and gave Sehun a warm smile.

“I’m Luhan...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon couldn’t stop glancing and sighing at the clock.

Dinner was ready and served, but Sehun hadn’t gotten home yet. He tried to call his younger brother, but his phone was turned off and it got him to feel a bit worried. Junmyeon brought his nail to his mouth, but before he got to even chew it, Yifan’s hand prevented him from doing so.

“Is Sehun not answering?”

Junmyeon shook his head sadly. “His—his phone is turned off...”

“Oh.” Junmyeon’s expression saddened him and Yifan gave his boyfriend a calming squeeze on his hand before pulling the younger male closer into his arms. “It’s alright. Sehun’s a strong man. He’s a grown up. I’m sure he’ll be home soon.”

Junmyeon’s lips curved upward into a small smile at his boyfriend’s attempt, but still it didn’t ease his mind. He took a deep sigh before burying his head on the taller male’s chest.

Jongin was about to enter the room with Kyungsoo when Yifan spoke.

“What did he say about...us?”

The tanned skin male immediately halted and Kyungsoo bumped right onto his back. Before his boyfriend even got the time to protest, Jongin immediately turned around and pressed his lips against Kyungsoo’s so that the latter wouldn’t cry or anything.

“Us...? Oh. That, you mean,” Jongin heard Junmyeon chuckling nervously. “I... I haven’t told Jongin and Sehun yet. They...especially Sehun, have been very busy lately and...it’s not the best time...”

Jongin slowly broke the kiss but he didn’t pull away. Dammit. It pained him to hear the white lie from Junmyeon and he wished there was something he could do.

“Jongin-ah?” Kyungsoo whispered softly.

Jongin smiled apologetically at Kyungsoo before pecking him once again. “I’m sorry. Come on, it’s time to eat.” He led Kyungsoo into the dining room like he didn’t hear anything and flashed the older men a smile. “Let’s eat, shall we?”

Junmyeon looked puzzled. “B—but Sehun...”

“He’s stuck because of the rain,” Jongin explained as he motioned Kyungsoo to sit by the table. “He told us to go ahead because apparently, he already ate too while waiting for the rain to stop.”

“I...I see,” Junmyeon said reluctantly. “But...but his phone is off.”

The atmosphere became awkward and Jongin did his best to act normal.

“He sent me a text earlier, hyung.”

“Oh.”

“Come on, let’s eat. I’m starving.”

Junmyeon was still not moving even when Kyungsoo and Jongin had occupied their seats. He still seemed unconvinced, but when Yifan extended a hand to him, it was when Junmyeon slowly bloomed into a smile and accepted his boyfriend’s offer.

“Let’s eat, then...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun got home past midnight.

He assumed his brothers had gone to bed, judging from the quietness. Sehun tried to be extra careful and managed to close the door with the smallest sound. He tiptoed lightly across the living room. It must have been his bad luck when suddenly Jongin appeared from nowhere with a judging face and Sehun almost yelped in surprise.

“You scared me,” Sehun grunted quietly.

Jongin only narrowed his eyes at his younger brother before walking over to the couch. Sehun frowned at his behavior as he silently pried his socks off. If you don’t want to talk to me, fine. When the younger of the two was done, he headed straight to his room—

—only to stop halfway when he saw Jongin carefully pulled Junmyeon into his arms.

Sehun literally paralyzed at the view. It was as if his feet were transfixed onto the ground when he saw Junmyeon stirring slightly in Jongin’s arms but he was still in deep slumber. Sehun’s line of sight went to the couch and caught the view of a pillow and a blanket.

Did he wait...for me?

Jongin finally walked past by Sehun. Their shoulders almost bumped and Sehun was sure Jongin would’ve done so if Junmyeon wasn’t in his arms.

“Hyung,” Sehun whispered, feeling a bit unsure.

Jongin adjusted Junmyeon carefully in his arms before reaching for the door knob. He gave Sehun a blank stare before disappearing into the room and shut the door.

It was probably the first time Sehun ever felt guilty.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Junmyeon seemed terribly relieved at his presence.

“Good morning, Sehunie...”

Sehun only hummed in reply as he settled on his chair. Jongin still said nothing to him and he didn’t really care. It wasn’t like they talked a lot.

Despite everything that happened, Junmyeon still took care of him. The older male had never stopped cooking for him and Junmyeon still even did his laundry. Sehun hastily shoved the omelette into his mouth, clearly showing no intention for chitchatting. He didn’t have any class for the day, but as usual, he didn’t want to stay home. His genius mind actually didn’t require him to study that hard, but he felt a bit peaceful at the library and he planned to spend the whole day there.

“What did you have for dinner last night, Sehunie?”

Sehun looked up from his breakfast questioningly because he actually had nothing for dinner. He only walked Luhan home and after knowing that Luhan was safe and sound at his apartment, he walked around some more to clear his mind. Sehun was about to answer that he didn’t have any, but Jongin interrupted before he was even able to start.

“You ate ramen, right?”

Sehun stopped chewing as he stared at Jongin. They exchanged unreadable glances for a while before Sehun decided to play along. “...yeah.”

“Ramen?” Junmyeon frowned. “Do you have the money, Sehunie?”

Sehun only nodded at that before swallowing the last piece of his food and stood up.

“I’m going.”

Sehun then grabbed his bag and nonchalantly waved his hand as a sign of goodbye before heading to the door. He faintly heard Junmyeon wishing him to be careful and he left.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun stretched out his hands as he yawned and nodded knowingly at the librarian. It was late and he needed to go home—yeah, he got it. She grinned in response and walked back to the counter to finish her job. Sehun closed his textbooks and gathered his things as he wondered where should he go after this.

It was funny because a few months ago, at the exact time, Sehun would be already at home and wait for Junmyeon. He wouldn’t eat anything because he wanted Junmyeon to cook something for him. Heck, he would eat anything Junmyeon cooked for him. Sometimes Sehun ignored the tiredness radiated from Junmyeon’s face because he was selfish that way, but it was his right, because Junmyeon was his.

But soon Junmyeon wouldn’t be his anymore.

Junmyeon would probably leave if he ever got married with Yifan. And then what, left the two of them alone? Jongin would be fine because he had Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo could cook and everything—he was a lovely boyfriend material. But what about Sehun? He wouldn’t be fine. Fine was an overstatement.

Sehun was standing in front of the station’s electronic map with his eyes observing every colorful dots. Lately, he had been wondering around until midnight that he felt a bit tired at that and it would be nice to sleep in his bed, but... Sehun groaned to himself when his stomach growled. He should probably get some food first and think later.

“Sehun-ah?”

Sehun lazily turned around and blinked when he was greeted with bright colored locks. The pretty male’s smile widened when his guess was right and instinctively leaned forward to hug him. Sehun froze on his track when he received the unprepared hug.

“It is you!”

“...Luhan.”

Luhan quickly pulled away and blushed in embarrassment. “I’m—I’m sorry...”

Sehun’s expression darkened for a split second because it reminded him of Junmyeon’s hug. Dammit, did everything have to remind him of Junmyeon?

“It’s okay.”

“Are you—are you going home?”

Home.

Sehun looked away before shaking his head. “Not yet.”

“Well then...how about having dinner with me?” Luhan tilted his head to a side cutely and frowned at the empty expression Sehun gave him. “I’m hungry and I owe you for saving my life...” He trailed off when Sehun kept his poker face on and scratched his head sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so rude—“

“Okay.”

Luhan blinked. “Okay?”

Sehun nodded. “Okay. I’ll have dinner with you.”

Luhan’s expression brightened as he broke into a wide smile and Sehun felt his heart aching slightly at that. “Great!”

The smile somehow reminded him of Junmyeon.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan turned out to be a great cook.

Sehun felt his mouth watering at the sight of the Chinese food served for him and dug in the moment Luhan said ‘have a nice meal’. He could feel the other male stared at him in amusement. Sehun swallowed down all of the food in a record time and Luhan blinked at how clean his plate was.

“More, Sehun-ah?”

Luhan was a bit hesitant to offer because Sehun already had quite a lot but the latter nodded vigorously and he couldn’t help but smiled. The red haired male placed another portion on Sehun’s place and the latter munched like there was no tomorrow.

“Hey, be careful,” Luhan warned him. “Slow down...”

Sehun abruptly stopped as he stared at Luhan.

Be careful.

Just like the one Junmyeon had always said.

They had a different tone and different expression, but it was used for the same purpose. Sehun continued to chew for another moment before gulping and directed his gaze somewhere else, away from Luhan.

The male somehow reminded him of Junmyeon.

Sehun almost hated it.

“Is this Chinese?” Sehun mumbled quietly as he put the half empty bowl down on the dining table. “Are you Chinese?”

Luhan nodded questioningly. “...yeah.”

“I hate Chinese.”

Luhan seemed a bit taken aback by his statement and his expression dimmed at that. Nonetheless, his smile was still chiseled on his beautiful face—but it was clear that he was feeling otherwise.

Just like Junmyeon.

“Does it mean you hate me, then...?”

Sehun didn’t answer.

“You certainly didn’t care about race when you saved me...right?”

The younger of the two cradled his glass of water in his hand as he continued to chew slowly. His eyes were fixed at the pattern of the glass before directing them back to Luhan.

“Maybe if you start cooking something else...”

Luhan raised his eyebrows before chuckling.

“Deal, I’ll try to make something Korean next time.”

Next time.

“In the meantime,” Luhan leaned forward to catch Sehun’s gaze. “Don’t hate me just yet, okay?”

Sehun felt his heart skipping a beat.

He didn’t understand why.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun had never expected it, but Luhan made him feel calm.

Lately, he had been spending more time in Luhan’s apartment than in the library. Sehun found out that Luhan was four years older—which meant he was a year older than Junmyeon, too, but had the same age with Yifan—and he had already working. The Chinese male was a nurse at one of the hospitals in town. And yet he didn’t call him hyung, but Luhan didn’t seem to mind.

Luhan was also smart.

Sehun accidentally caught Luhan solving the rubik cube in less than a minute when the latter was waiting for him to be done with his assignments. It amazed him because it meant Luhan had a high IQ and he wondered why he chose to be nurse rather than a doctor. With a brain that awesome, it should be easy for him to get a scholarship. When Luhan realized Sehun had been staring, he hid the rubik cube behind his back and gave him a shy smile.

Sehun held his breath because Luhan was extremely pretty when he smiled.

They were spending more and more time together than it had become a routine for them to meet. At first it was once every two or three days, but without him realizing, it had become daily. Sehun would always wait for Luhan’s shift to be over and they would meet somewhere along the way. Whenever Luhan had morning shifts, he would wait for Sehun at the library or the university and they would enjoy each other’s presence wordlessly.

Luhan had a nice laugh. He also had a nice personality. Luhan got him curious. His milky skin made Sehun wonder of what would it feel like if he ran his fingers on it. What would it feel like if he held those slender digits. What would it feel like if he tasted those pink, thin lips... Sehun shook his head roughly in attempt to stop those thoughts.

Are you thinking about these too, when you stare at my brother, Yifan?

Sehun snorted.

Luhan was definitely pretty.

But not as pretty as Junmyeon.

Sehun grimaced darkly to himself as he plopped down on an empty bench. They promised to meet and Luhan was late—which was something he rarely did. Maybe he had an extra shift and he didn’t have the time to tell Sehun. Maybe he was still on his way and found something interesting and dropped by to shop. Sehun pressed his lips together as he took another glance at his wristwatch. It was taking a bit longer than usual and he was starting to get worried.

“Sehun-ah!”

Sehun lifted up his face and almost stumbled backward because Luhan crashed into his arms. He managed to hold himself so that he—they wouldn’t fall back and almost couldn’t breathe because Luhan wrapped his arms tightly around his neck.

“Sehun-ah—“

It was then that Sehun realized Luhan was crying. His heartbeat quickened as he observed Luhan’s shirt—just in case he was hurt. “Luhan?”

“I’m—I’m so scared—“ Luhan’s sob was muffled against his neck. “I—I thought I would never make it—“

Sehun frowned. “What are you talking about? Did someone hurt you?”

Luhan finally pulled away and bashfully wiped his eyes. “I...I was late, so I took the shortcut...” He didn’t finish his sentence and looked down. It almost took a minute for Sehun to register what he meant to say.

“,” Sehun cursed. “You took that alley. , Luhan. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I—I didn’t want to make you wait—“

“You will never go there again, you hear me??” Sehun snapped indignantly and Luhan fell silent with teary eyes. “I don’t care if I have to wait a bit longer—as long as you are safe, you got that??”

Luhan dumbly nodded and he realized a few pairs of eyes were staring at them. Either it was because of their argument, or it was because of their position. Luhan had his hands on Sehun’s shoulders and Sehun had his hands on Luhan’s hip. Their eyes met, and Luhan felt suffocated because all of a sudden, he couldn’t breathe normally. Sehun sighed deeply before pressing his forehead lightly against Luhan’s stomach.

“I’ll pick you up after work. Starting tomorrow.”

“E—eh?”

“Only when you have the night shifts,” Sehun said sternly. “Alright? You’re not going home alone anymore. You’re not going home without me. That’s not an argument.”

Luhan was very much taken aback at the statement that he couldn’t say anything to reply. A foreign sensation seeped into his chest and the Chinese male didn’t understand what he felt, but Sehun’s hands on his hip were starting to burn. They were warm and somehow protective, like it was alright for Sehun to position his hands there. As if to tell the world that he wasn’t allowing anyone to touch Luhan.

It felt alright.

“Okay...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan had more night shifts than the morning shifts that month.

Sehun had been going home late—sometimes very late that he slept in Luhan’s apartment. All of this happened without him saying anything to Junmyeon, of course. His communication with his brothers had worsened and Jongin clearly showed Sehun that he loathed his attitude and refused to talk to him at all. If Junmyeon was still trying to speak a word or two with him (and failed miserably because Sehun ignored him), but not Jongin.

Sehun had been spending a lot of times with Luhan that he didn’t notice Junmyeon’s thinner figure. He didn’t notice Jongin had been waking up in the middle of the night and went to the living room, only to carry Junmyeon back into his room. Sehun didn’t notice Junmyeon’s miserable state because his brother was torn apart between his love for Yifan or his brotherly love for Sehun.

He didn’t notice all that.

What he noticed was that Luhan had a kind smile.

Luhan had the nicest laugh. Luhan had the prettiest fingers. Luhan had a comforting warmth whenever they were pressed against each other on the couch, watching the television. Luhan was this, Luhan was that. Sehun never knew since when Luhan had been occupying his mind. Slowly, but surely, the pretty male had taken over Junmyeon’s position in his life, but he was still unsure to decide and yet too stubborn to admit.

He was about to leave for university that morning when Junmyeon abruptly grabbed his hand. He stopped walking and stared coldly at his brother’s hand on his arm and Junmyeon flinched away in fear, but his hand stayed.

“What?”

“I...” Junmyeon trailed off desperately. “I...just want to ask your opinion... Do you think it would be better if Yifan moves in after we...we got...married?”

Sehun narrowed his eyes in great dislike as he roughly yanked his hand away. Junmyeon gasped and took a step backward.

“Why don’t you just leave??” Sehun seethed scathingly. “Leave, hyung! Isn’t that what is always on your mind?? That we’re—I’m just a ing burden to you?? Don’t worry. Go ahead, get married! Either you leave or your boyfriend moves in here, I will still leave!”

“Sehun—“

“You’re that afraid to lose him, huh?? You’re not afraid of losing me, right?? Well don’t worry because I don’t give a about you and your goddamn boyfriend—“

“Sehunie, why are you like this?” Junmyeon cried.

“Because I’m your ing brother!!”

The words hurt so much like a hard slap that Junmyeon wasn’t able to say anything in return. The older male’s eyes widened in a mixture of disbelief and sadness.

Sehun was breathless from all the anger and facepalmed. Why did I snap...? How did it come to this...? He groaned in frustration and quickened his steps to to the entrance. Sehun was about to step outside, but before he did, he paused and heaved.

“Don’t sleep on the couch tonight, hyung. I won’t go home.”

With that, he slammed the door.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you mind if I smoke?”

Luhan fixed him an inquisitive stare as he turned to the younger male. They just had dinner and both of them were feeling so full as they sat on the couch. “Do you smoke?”

“Sometimes. When I’m depressed.”

“...are you depressed right now?”

Sehun wanted to snort and answered that he had always been depressed ever since Junmyeon got together with Yifan. He reached for his bag and snatched a pack of cigarette.

“Smoking isn’t good, you know,” Luhan murmured disapprovingly.

“If you’re bothered, I can go for a smoke outside.”

“That’s not it...” Luhan leaned closer and stole the cigarette just as Sehun tried to lit it. “You’re running from something.”

“So what if I am?” Sehun retorted and tried to grab it back, but Luhan shook his head.

“There are better ways than this.”

“There isn’t.”

“Does it make your head clearer?”

Sehun clicked his tongue in dismay and sighed in defeat. He leaned his back against the cushion and threw his head backward. Sehun looked at the ceiling momentarily before closing his eyes.

“Are you thinking of someone...?”

Sehun stayed silent.

“Did you start smoking because of her...”

“Him.”

Sehun exhaled through his nose as he cracked his eyes open.

“I wish I could forget.”

Luhan drew his knees close to his chest as he pondered. “You can. You just need a distraction...”

“A distraction?”

“Hm. Something that can take your mind off of him...but something healthier...like, like a sport...?”

“...sport.”

Luhan giggled. “Or finding out about your favorite group’s Billboard chart. It helps, you know.”

Sehun rolled his eyes as Luhan continued to chuckle. Unconsciously, the older male leaned closer and nudged Sehun playfully on his rib. Sehun winced at the gesture, but it wasn’t the pain. He was a bit—no, too captivated at Luhan’s beautiful smile and extended a hand to grab the latter’s hand.

Luhan’s smile faltered.

A distraction.

Sehun stared at Luhan’s thin lips.

Is it a distraction...when you’re all I think about...?

Luhan held his breath as he noticed Sehun was closing the gap between them. He shut his eyes in uncertainty but didn’t pull away when he felt their lips met in the sweetest touch. Luhan felt his entire body trembling because it was his first kiss and Sehun was being extremely gentle and he somehow felt protected.

He felt secure.

Luhan felt his face flaming as Sehun slowly broke the kiss but their lips were still touching against each other’s. He fluttered his eyes open and everything was blurry because Sehun was too close. Luhan’s lips were quivering slightly as he whispered.

“What’s...what’s on your mind?”

Sehun ran a hand through Luhan’s hair before pecking him again. “You.”

“What...do you think about?”

“Your lips,” Sehun whispered softly.

Luhan held back a sob. “Am I...a good distraction...?”

“You’re not a distraction,” Sehun tugged Luhan closer into his arms and the Chinese male let out a weak yelp as he landed on Sehun’s lap. “Right now, you’re all I think about.”

Luhan’s heart swelled at that and he let Sehun took over completely.

Sehun could tell that Luhan was inexperienced, but not that he was great at it either. His body was starting to burn from the heat. His hands traveled from Luhan’s clothed back and they later slipped underneath the shirt. Sehun was loss for words at how smooth the other male’s skin was. He felt like caressing silk and Luhan shyly moaned when Sehun’s digits caressed a few sensitive spots.

Their mouths covered each other perfectly and they only got separated when Sehun took Luhan’s shirt off. His throat went dry at the flawless skin displayed before him and without thinking, Sehun pressed his lips on the bare chest, wanting to taste the perfection. Luhan whimpered weakly when the younger male one of his s before trailing down to his flat stomach. Sehun almost couldn’t stop because Luhan was addicting.

Luhan filled his mind, leaving no gap for anything else.

“Sehun-ah—“

It made Sehun became greedy of the pretty male.

“Sehun-ah, stop—“

Sehun wanted to own him.

“I’m scared, Sehun-ah—“

Luhan’s soft sob pulled Sehun out of his thoughts and he stopped moving. Sehun looked up at the pretty male, only to find him a bit shaking and his eyes were teary.

“I’m—I’m sorry, I’m not ready—“

Luhan cried shamefully as Sehun did nothing but to hug him in his arms. The former’s shoulders were shaking everytime he gasped for air and Sehun tried to shush him by his hair caringly.

“I’m sorry, too,” Sehun whispered. “I’m sorry, Luhan...”

Luhan continued to sniffle that it was alright and that he was also sorry and everything and Sehun shut him up with a kiss. Even though Luhan was a few years older, but he didn’t want to call him hyung.

Because Luhan was different.

Luhan was special.

Luhan wasn’t Junmyeon.

“I’m a lousy distraction,” Luhan muttered against his shoulder with a soft sob.

“You’re not,” Sehun said firmly. “You’re...”

You’re all I think about right now.

Sehun didn’t finish his sentence.

It was getting late and Sehun decided that he wouldn’t go home for real. The night ended with Luhan sleeping peacefully in Sehun’s arms, still shirtless from the what they had earlier, but Sehun wrapped his arms around him. Sehun almost didn’t sleep, because he could stay awake all night long just to stare at Luhan and endlessly think of how beautiful he was. They didn’t make it to the next level, but Sehun was felt more than complete to be able to kiss the older male’s shoulders, feeling Luhan stirred slightly everytime he did, and he would tighten his grip around him if it was even possible.

It was a few hours before midnight when Sehun heard his phone ringing.

The male snapped awake and waited for a moment to make sure. Luhan was still sleeping peacefully in his arms, his chest moved up and down in a steady pace. The room was awfully quiet and Sehun heard his phone ringing for sure this time. He carefully let go of Luhan before glancing at the clock. Who the hell would call in such an ungodly hour? And damn, he must have forgotten to turn the phone off...

Sehun squinted his eyes as he frowned at the screen. He wasn’t sure if he would want to pick up, but then Sehun finally did up after the umpteenth ringtone.

“Yeah.”

“Where the hell are you?”

Jongin’s voice floated out from the phone even though it wasn’t on speaker. Sehun pursed his lips as he spoke.

“None of your business.”

“Look, brat. I decided not to interfere with you and your childish attitude. You want to be a rebel? Doesn’t matter with me. You don’t want to come home for dinner because there would be Yifan-hyung? Fine, be my guest. But stop hurting our ing brother, Sehun.”

Sehun gritted his teeth.

“If he wasn’t around, we wouldn’t be like this. We would probably be dead, deserted in the streets because no one wanted to ing take care of us. He never gave up for us, Sehun, not even once. He was so busy thinking about us that he didn’t even have the time to think about himself. So when he finally found someone that truly loves him, you’re supposed to ing support him, dammit!”

Jongin sounded terribly hurt at his own words. It hurt Sehun too, because it was Jongin, his brother who was never the type to talk much. Jongin, who had always acted like he didn’t notice the tension between them two. Jongin, who didn’t want his family to break apart because of this. Sehun clutched his chest painfully.

“...you have a reason to go home now, Sehun.”

Sehun frowned in confusion. “What...?”

“Junmyeon-hyung had called it off with Yifan. He said, he couldn’t marry him because he wasn’t sure. He told Yifan-hyung, that he couldn’t bring himself to ask his brothers about the marriage because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to leave us. You see, Sehun. Junmyeon-hyung chose you over Yifan-hyung and you should be grateful, dammit, because isn’t that what you want??”

Jongin seemed to be at the limit of his anger because then he disconnected the call.

Sehun breathed deeply and lowered his head in frustration. Everything was just too shocking that he wasn’t sure of what he felt right now. To know that Junmyeon had break it up with Yifan was...

Dammit.

A few weeks ago, he wanted exactly what Jongin had said. A few weeks ago, he wanted Junmyeon to know that he wasn’t supportive and he showed him how rebellious he could be. A few weeks ago, he did everything he could to let Junmyeon knew he didn’t approve.

A few weeks ago.

When there wasn’t Luhan.

Luhan.

“Sehun-ah...?”

Sehun heard the faint voice from the general direction of the bedroom and walked back in silence. He leaned against the doorway momentarily before shuffling closer to Luhan, who gave him a confused yet knowing stare. Their eyes met in a solemn gaze and Sehun knew, that Luhan understood what he was going through.

Sehun pulled him into a hug and pressed his lips against the slender collarbone.

“I... I need to go home.”

 I don’t want to lose him.

Luhan seemed to have expected what he was about to say because he placed a hand on the back of Sehun’s neck.

I don’t want to lose my brother.

“Then go home, Sehun-ah...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

By the time Sehun got to their apartment, it was already past midnight.

Sehun stepped into the living room and noticed that his brother was lying on the couch.

It brought a pang to his chest. How long had it been since Junmyeon started waiting for him in the living room? How long had it been since Jongin woke up in the middle of the night only to find out that his older brother wasn’t in his room? How long had it been since he hurt Junmyeon?

The male pranced quietly to the sleeping figure on the couch.

Sehun observed his brother for a moment. Even in his sleep, Junmyeon looked mentally exhausted. Sehun brought his hand to caress his brother’s hair affectionately. He carefully pulled the older male into his arms—just like Jongin had been doing for the past few weeks—and was a bit shocked because his brother was surprisingly light. Sehun carried Junmyeon into his room and laid him down on the bed.

“Sehun...?”

Sehun stiffened a bit when Junmyeon blinked his eyes sleepily. He wanted to run and hopefully his brother would think that it was all a dream, but no. He had to stay. Because it was all his fault. “Yeah, hyung.”

“You’re home,” Junmyeon whispered in disbelief as if it was some kind of dream. He touched Sehun’s cheek and sighed in relief. “Thank goodness, Sehunie...”

“I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon almost cried. “It’s okay...as long as you’re home...”

Sehun visibly bit his bottom lip at his brother’s condition. Junmyeon was always skinny, but it seemed that he had gotten skinnier. Sehun inwardly cringed at how smaller his arms had become.

Are you like this because you’re depressed about me...

“Just go to sleep,” Sehun muttered as he kissed Junmyeon’s forehead lightly. The latter tensed at the gesture but Sehun did nothing more than that. “Go to sleep, hyung.”

Or is it because you’re helplessly in love with Yifan-hyung?

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin looked a bit surprised at Sehun’s presence the next morning, but he still didn’t say a word to him.

Ever since Sehun came home, Junmyeon was starting to smile again, but his smile was strained. This time, it was strained so badly that he wasn’t able to fool both of his younger brothers.

It took time, it took a whole lot of process, but Sehun and Junmyeon were starting to drift back to normal. Seeing the constant smile on Junmyeon’s face made Jongin to breathe in relief because at least, he got his brother back. However, it was crystal clear that Junmyeon was more hurting more from losing Yifan than losing Sehun.

A few weeks had passed and Sehun hadn’t met Luhan.

It was funny, because even though they hadn’t met for exactly twenty four days, Sehun found himself that he couldn’t stop thinking about the pretty male.

Everytime he stared at Junmyeon, Luhan would be the one who he think about. Everytime Junmyeon smiled at him, Luhan’s thin lips would be the first thing that came to mind. Everytime Junmyeon hugged him, it would remind him of Luhan’s smooth, flawless skin, and how the skin felt burning against Sehun’s lips.

Sehun wasn’t sure of what he felt anymore.

He was helping Junmyeon in the kitchen when the latter’s phone vibrated. Junmyeon paused to take a look at his phone and his expression immediately changed. He seemed shaken at whatever it was that he was reading and excused himself to the bathroom with a cracked voice. Junmyeon left in such a hurry that he forgot to bring his phone with him.

Sehun frowned at his brother’s behavior and after making sure that Junmyeon was out of his eyesight, he took the liberty to peek at his brother’s inbox.

It was full with texts from Yifan.

Sehun clicked on the latest one, the one that obviously had made Junmyeon trembling.

Marry me, Junmyeon. It’s all I ever need...

Sehun grimly pressed his lips together.

He had never felt so guilty before.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun waited outside the cafe Yifan frequented with his friends.

By the time he wanted to save Yifan’s number, Junmyeon had already walked back into the kitchen and he pretended like nothing happened. Honestly, Sehun wasn’t sure if he would find the Chinese male there, but it was worth a shot. It was the same place where he confronted Yifan a few months ago, after he found out that he was dating his brother.

Yifan showed up almost forty five minutes later with his friends.

Sehun pursed his lips and if it wasn’t for Yifan’s tall friend, the Chinese male would probably never notice him. He stared blankly at the three of them and the only thing they did for a while was looked at each other. Yifan’s friends also exchanged glances back and forth. They weren’t sure if they should leave the two of them or stayed—just in case a fight happened.

The second option won because they weren’t moving.

“Are you here to punch me again?” Yifan started lazily.

Sehun faked a thought as he pressed a finger against his lips. “I might.”

Yifan snorted into a chuckle and nodded in resignation. “Go ahead.”

“Uh...Yixing, maybe we should go inside—“

“I want to stay, Chanyeol.”

“...okay.”

Sehun ignored the small conversation between Yifan’s friend and gave him a judging gaze. “Are you serious with him?”

Yifan’s eyebrows formed a deep frown because it was a rhetorical answer. “That’s... I can’t even describe how much, Sehun.”

“Then you need to know he lied to you.”

Yifan gaped in disbelief. “What...?”

“He lied to you. Did he tell you that he wasn’t ready to marry you? Did he tell you that he had no time to inform us the news? He did, hyung. It was me. I was the one who said nothing. I didn’t tell him yes. I didn’t tell him no.”

Yifan watched him unblinkingly.

Sehun sighed. “Do you wanna know why I hate you so much?”

“...why?”

“Because you’re perfect for him. Because...you’re exactly the kind of person I would give my blessing to for being in a relationship with him. Because he’s helplessly in love with you, and he can’t function without you.”

Chanyeol formed a small ‘oh’ while Yixing only batted his eyelashes in confusion.

“Please don’t stop loving him,” Sehun said, but it was more like pleading. “Please don’t stop convincing him, please don’t stop reminding him that you love him, because it’s what he needs everyday. Because if you do, even just for a day, I would find you and beat you to death.”

Yifan searched for a hint of insincerity beneath Sehun’s tone, but there was none. It was different than the last time where Sehun was more likely threatening him. This time, Sehun truly meant his words.

“...I swear to you, Sehun-ah.”

Sehun felt a huge wave of relief washed over his entire body and he broke into a kind smile. It was probably his first smile to Yifan. “Thank you. ...hyung.” He noticed the one named Chanyeol also smiled widely behind Yifan. “It’s probably new to you, but...I’m glad if you’re the person he marry.”

Yixing narrowed his eyes at Sehun before clicking his tongue in acknowledgement. “Ah! I’ve been wondering where I saw you—he’s your brother in law, right Yifan?”

Yifan snapped his head to Yixing in horror and gave him a silencing look.

“Yeah.”

Unexpectedly, Sehun smiled at Yifan.

“Yeah, I am.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun couldn’t forget Junmyeon’s disbelief expression when he got home with Yifan.

It almost scarred him for life because he couldn’t forget the way Yifan kissed his brother right before his very eyes, but he was alright (because Junmyeon wasn’t his and yeah, he was Yifan’s). Both of the older men looked so relieved at the blessing they got and Junmyeon couldn’t stop crying. For the first time in a long time, Sehun felt good, because he realized that it was a mistake to separate them and he was glad that everything was going back to normal.

Yifan asked Junmyeon to marry him in front of Sehun and the latter looked at him fearfully.

Sehun nodded encouragingly at him to accept it.

Because they were meant to be.

They were suddenly busy with preparations and arrangements. Junmyeon looked a bit tired, but it wasn’t from depression. It was bliss.

His relationship with Junmyeon had gotten better, including the one with Jongin. They still didn’t talk much, but Jongin’s gaze showed that they were cool (and he commented that his rainbow hair wasn’t so bad). Sehun never blamed Jongin for snapping out on him, because he knew it was the rightest thing to do. Because family should remind each other when they made a mistake. Because family was supposed to be there for each other.

And Jongin was right.

Junmyeon did everything for them. It was time for him to do the same thing.

Sehun was about to leave for his class that morning when Junmyeon hesitantly called out his name. “Yeah, hyung?”

“Are you...are you sure...?”

Sehun blinked before sighing softly. It had been question of the week and Sehun wondered when would his brother start believing that it was real. That his marriage indeed would happen. He ruffled the older male’s hair affectionately like they were the same age.

“You’re gonna be the most beautiful bride, hyung.”

Junmyeon beamed at him and he bloomed into a smile.

But somehow, the smile wasn’t beautiful enough for Sehun.

“Sehunie...are you free for tomorrow? Yifan...um, he’s coming over for dinner tomorrow and Kyungsoo, too...can you...can you make it?”

Sehun nodded. “Sure.”

There was just one last thing he needed to do to make things right.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan was walking out of the hospital when he spotted Sehun standing in front of the entrance. The view made his mouth went dry and he felt like running. But it was too late. Sehun was already walking toward him that he braved himself to speak.

“Sehun-ah?”

Sehun couldn’t help but smiled at the fact that Luhan was wearing his jacket. “Are you done? I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t have to, you know,” Luhan muttered sheepishly. “I’ve been walking myself home for the past month...”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Sehun pressed a hand against Luhan’s back so that the older male walked first. They were quiet for a few moments. Sehun was the first one to fracture it between them. “I’m sorry.”

Luhan shook his head. “It’s okay. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah...yeah, it is.”

“I’m glad,” Luhan sincerely smiled at him and Sehun almost couldn’t stop staring. The male was so pretty that he kept on stealing Sehun’s breath away. “I keep on praying that you’re going to be alright...”

You’re the prettiest, Luhan.

“Luhan,” Sehun offhandedly said. “What do you think about dating someone who’s four years younger?”

Luhan’s eyes widened at that and his cheeks turned several shades of red. Even so, he looked unsure when he replied. “...a good distraction?”

“How can you be a distraction when you’re all I think about?” Sehun desperately leaned closer and pinned Luhan against the wall. Luhan weakly moaned as he let Sehun pressing dangerously close against him. Their lips almost touching and he could feel his heart increased dramatically. “There’s nothing, nothing that can take my mind off of you.”

Luhan felt like crying as he kissed Sehun first. Sehun seemed distracted for a second and he felt scared at the blank reaction.

“What...what’s on your mind, Sehun-ah...?”

Sehun looked very sure before catching the pretty male’s lips in response.

Luhan choked back a sob. “What...do you think about, Sehun-ah...?”

“You, and how happy you make me.”

The older of the two finally cried in disbelief as Sehun kissed him again.

“You’re all I think about...”

Because Luhan made him felt completed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon glanced at the hanging clock on the wall for the umpteenth time.

He knew things were different this time, but he couldn’t help but feeling scared. What if Sehun stood them up like last time? He was really afraid that Sehun wouldn’t show up and was about to bite his nail, if Yifan hadn’t grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.

“He’s going to come, I’m sure.”

Junmyeon smiled even though he himself wasn’t sure. Yifan then held him close in his arms and Junmyeon closed his eyes in distress.

Jongin directed his gaze to the clock and wondered if he should lie like last time because he was hungry. The stern gaze from Kyungsoo made him hesitant.

The four of them automatically held their breath at the sound of the door closing.

“You tricked me, Sehun-ah—“

“What did I do? I just told you I needed you to come with me.”

“B—but—“

“Don’t worry. You’re stunning. I love you. They will love you too.”

“B—but I’m—honestly, I’m not ready—wa—wait—“

Sehun finally entered the dining room with someone following closely behind him, albeit it looked a bit forced because their hands were linked.

Yifan looked half amused while Junmyeon’s jaw involuntarily dropped.

Sehun ignored the way Luhan whimpered weakly behind him and cleared his throat. “Everyone.”

Jongin and Kyungsoo looked curious.

“This is my boyfriend...”