Kim Jongin had never fallen in love.

He didn’t know if it was because he didn’t have time to look for someone or because he just didn’t want to. All he could think about was how to help Junmyeon paying the bills. Everyday, he woke up with the determination that he needed to be better than yesterday. He had to study harder, he had to work harder, he had to survive harder.

Jongin grew up with no parents.

He was told that his parents were in heaven and that they would be very sad if they misbehave. Jongin recalled asking his brother if heaven was that far away that they couldn’t even drop by and see them at the weekend. He was barely four when the question popped out of his mouth.

Junmyeon taking care of him was the only thing he remembered. The male took care of him and Sehun ever since they were in diapers, and not even once Jongin ever heard him complaining, no matter how annoying his brothers were. Junmyeon was always full of soothing, kind smile which was plastered on his face most of the times. The male was never bored to remind and encourage his younger brothers to keep on studying because even though they were poor, education was important. And if their parents were still alive, they would surely want nothing else but that.

Jongin wished he could be as strong as Junmyeon.

Because it was hard for kids their age to grow up without money.

There were times when Jongin wanted new shoes because all of his friends got a new pair from their parents, but it was impossible for him to ask because with the amount of money they had, it was only enough for their daily meals. And filling their stomachs were much more important than a new pair of shoes.

Sometimes Jongin caught Junmyeon crying all by himself in the middle of the night. He saw the older male clutching their parents’ photo frame tightly to his chest, sobbing as quiet as he could so he wouldn’t wake him and Sehun up. Junmyeon would always be there whenever Jongin and Sehun needed him, but when he needed someone, who would be there for him?

Jongin felt a terrible pang at the sight but did nothing to stop it. Because he knew if he ever stepped forward and hugged the crying male, Junmyeon would put on his usual fake smile and act like everything was alright. Jongin didn’t want that. So he only stood by the doorway, silently hoping that there was something he could do to lighten the burden in Junmyeon’s shoulders.

It was then that Jongin was determined to help in any way he could.

When he turned fifteen, Jongin started taking part time jobs after school without Junmyeon knowing. Because the male would definitely scold him and started a lecture about even if they weren’t rich, he was still able to pay for the tuition fee. It irritated Jongin to no end because he knew Junmyeon himself had almost collapsed due to the exhaustion between college and work. Stubbornly, he kept on doing his part time jobs without telling anyone. Besides, it was nice to earn extra money if he ever wanted a new sweater when winter was near, and that he had enough money to buy Christmas presents for his brothers.

Jongin was in his senior year, so it was pretty hard for him to manage the time between studying and working, but he somehow survived. His eyes were starting to have bags and whenever Junmyeon asked what was wrong, he reasoned it was because he had been studying in the library. His brother’s gaze was full of doubts, but he bought the story anyway and Jongin felt thankful for it (because Sehun was already a pain, and Jongin didn’t want to add more burden to Junmyeon’s life).

That was probably why the thought of dating someone had never ran across his mind.

When Jongin finally got home that night, he was greeted by the usual view—Sehun hugging Junmyeon too tightly as they both sat on the couch. Sehun had already fallen asleep with his head lolled on the older male’s shoulder, but his arms stayed possessively around Junmyeon’s waist.

Jongin wasn’t sure if Junmyeon was going to be able to have a date—not if Sehun was being all clingy and obsessed with him.

The sound of the door being closed got Junmyeon to lift his head carefully. “Jongin-ah?”

“Yeah, hyung,” Jongin mumbled tiredly in response as he pried off of his shoes and walked to the couch. “I’m home. I’m sorry I’m late.”

Junmyeon stiffened for a second because Sehun shifted slightly beside him but the latter showed obvious signs that he was still in deep slumber. “Were you studying?”

“Yeah,” Jongin lied.

“Have you eaten? I can reheat the food for you.”

“I have,” Jongin glanced at the ticking clock on the wall with a frown. “Why are you still up? You should just go to sleep, hyung. You don’t have to wait for me next time.”

“I tried to call you, but your phone’s dead and I’m just worried...”

Jongin’s hand flew to his pocket and he sighed. “It’s off, the battery was low. I’m sorry for making you worried. But—but please, promise me, don’t stay up too late anymore. Your health is more important.”

Junmyeon bloomed into a smile and Jongin thought he hated it. The older of the two had been flashing his trademark smile too often that he didn’t know if it was the real one or the fake one anymore. “Thank you, Jongin-ah. I will.” He turned to the sleeping figure beside him and affectionately caressed Sehun’s hair to wake him up. “Sehun-ah, Jongin’s home. Wake up and go to sleep in your room. You’ll catch a cold sleeping here.”

He only received a grunt as a reply. Junmyeon sighed patiently as he continued to talk sweetly to his younger brother.

Jongin went blank at the view.

If he didn’t have the time to think about relationship because he was busy studying and working, then it must have been hell for Junmyeon. The male had to attend the university in the morning and then off to work after classes. He still had to make dinner after he got home because Sehun couldn’t cook and he was too lazy to learn and he was too ing spoiled because he was Junmyeon-complex and because Junmyeon would give in to Sehun’s request no matter how tired he was.

“Hyung,” Jongin suddenly said.

“Hm?”

“Go find someone.”

Junmyeon blinked at his statement. “Someone...?”

“I’m—we’re old enough to understand. And I can work to earn more money so you can—“

“Jongin-ah, if you need money, you can just always ask me.”

But that’s not what I want.

“I mean, go find, date, marry a rich woman.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened in disbelief and Jongin gritted his teeth.

Or man. Whoever makes you happy.

The male seemed a bit taken back before looking down to Sehun, who was still comfortably sleeping beside him. “I—I can’t.”

Jongin snorted in disbelief. “You can.”

“Not—not yet.”

Jongin felt like smacking Sehun awake and telling him to stop being so clingy to Junmyeon. Seriously, Junmyeon needed to get a rest from all of this. He had been taking care of them since he was still in junior high school...how long had it been? Jongin had lost count of years. It had been too damn long.

“Did someone confess to you, Jongin-ah?”

“No one confessed to me, hyung. I just thought—“

“Well, if someone did confess, maybe you should give it a try?”

Jongin narrowed his eyes in dislike. It’s not about me, hyung.

“It would be nice to have someone...”, Junmyeon trailed off, his eyes getting distant as he spoke. He snapped out quickly from his reverie and smiled to his younger brother. “Whoever it is, I hope she’ll treat you right, Jongin-ah.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

If he could choose, Jongin wanted to date someone like Junmyeon.

Even though his brother complex syndrome wasn’t terrible like Sehun, but everytime the word ‘date’ was mentioned, his mind would immediately go to the figure of his older brother. Someone with a kind heart. Someone with a soothing smile. Someone who would do anything for their family. Someone who would understand and listen without even judging.

He didn’t even know where he would find one, because he didn’t have the time to find someone. And even if he did, he still didn’t have the time to decide if it was the right one.

Maybe someday.

But fate was weird.

Jongin was in the middle of stacking the cartons of milk when Zitao, the other part timers asked if he could spare him a minute. He stopped working to follow Zitao to the food aisle and the next thing he knew, a random guy was confessing to him. The Chinese male disappeared to God knew where and Jongin mentally told himself he would kick him when he appeared later. It happened too fast that Jongin needed a minute to process the said words.

“What?” Jongin frowned.

The male looked terribly embarassed. It was embarassing enough for him to say it, and it sure didn’t make it any less when he had to repeat it. “I, um...I like you...”

Jongin went blank.

“I...I know it’s too sudden...”

Very.

“Are you—are you seeing anyone right now?”

No.

The male shyly looked up with a glint of hope swimming in his eyes.

Jongin’s heart skipped a beat but at that moment, he barely noticed it. He didn’t see the face earlier so he didn’t know, but it turned out that the person in front of him was beautiful. He wasn’t as beautiful as Junmyeon (blame his brother complex), but the male looked soft and kind hearted. There was something in the way he stared at Jongin that just made him weak.

“I know that we don’t know each other, but if it’s alright with you...can we at least try?”

Jongin hadn’t even properly answered except for ‘what’ and the male kept on asking him questions. He wasn’t sure of what to do but to stare back. No one had ever asked him that many questions except for Junmyeon and the teachers, when they were in the middle of a test. Should he answer? Or should he counter with another question?

The other male waited patiently for his answers, but after a moment that seemed like eternity—especially with Jongin’s expressionless face—Jongin noticed the light in his eyes dimmed. The male was the first one to break their eye contact and looked down.

Whoever it is, I hope she’ll treat you right.

Junmyeon’s voice suddenly echoed in his mind and Jongin absently thought that he should probably correct it later.

It was a he.

Silence had hung too long between them and the other male came to conclusion that it was probably a rejection. He hesitantly brought a fist to his mouth, his eyes were still lingering between Jongin’s jeans and shoes. “Um...”

“What’s your name?”

The male looked surprised by the sudden question. “K—Kyungsoo...”

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin repeated slowly. “Let’s give it a try.”

Kyungsoo sighed in defeat. “It’s okay, I know it must be strange—what?”

Jongin gave him a firm nod. “I said, let’s give it a try.”

He never thought seeing someone’s expression would cause this much sensation to his chest.

Kyungsoo’s face brightened as he broke into a estatic smile with his fingers hooked together in front of his chest, and visible blush was starting to form in his cheeks. “R—really? It’s okay?”

Again, his heart skipped a beat, but this time Jongin noticed it.

“Yes.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin had never really understood the art of dating.

It was new to him. He wasn’t even sure what ‘dating’ even meant, because after he accepted Kyungsoo’s confession, the male went home happily and they only exchanged phone numbers. So when his inbox was flooded by Kyungsoo’s texts later that day, Jongin felt a bit strange. Due to his work, he replied once in a while when he wasn’t busy (but most of the times, it was because he forgot that he had to reply and by the time he checked his phone, it was full of Kyungsoo’s worried texts).

Without him realizing it, more than a week had passed.

It was a rainy Saturday. Jongin didn’t have to go to school so he opted for a morning shift instead. He briefly wondered why his phone wasn’t vibrating like it used to in his pocket but shrugged it off. When he was finally done, it was then that he realized his phone had died. His battery had been easily drained even without him texting and calling, and now with the amount of texts Kyungsoo sent him, it definitely drained faster. Jongin exhaled through his nose as browsed through his bag and mentally smacked himself for not bringing any charger.

“See you, Jongin-ah,” Zitao said too cheerily as he waved a hand to him.

Jongin lazily waved a hand back and stepped out of the place. He was still zipping his jacket halfway up when he noticed Kyungsoo was standing in front of the convenience store. Jongin raised his eyebrows questioningly as he walked to his direction. Kyungsoo straightened up awkwardly when their eyes met and apologized.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo stammered.

Jongin frowned. “What for?”

“I—I know I’m annoying... I mean, I’ve been sending you meaningless texts and I’m probably bothering you and—“

“Whoa,” Jongin held up his hands to make him stop talking and it managed to shut Kyungsoo up. “Slow down. I don’t get it.”

Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip hesitantly. “You—you turned off your phone. And I’m just...worried. That’s why, I—“

Junmyeon.

Jongin’s mind flew to his older brother as he took a step closer to Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry.”

“N—no, it’s me who’s supposed to be sorry—“

“And you’re not annoying. I’m sorry for making you worried.”

Kyungsoo turned several shades of red at the casual remark. “It’s—it’s alright...”

Jongin adjusted the strap of the bag on his shoulder. “What did you text me?”

“I—“ Kyungsoo looked totally embarassed as he scratched his head. “It’s not important, actually... I was just wondering if you would want to grab something to eat...”

“Ah,” Jongin pursed his lips thoughtfully and looked down at his watch. Judging from the time, Junmyeon was probably cooking with Sehun right now, waiting for him to come home. He knew Junmyeon wouldn’t mind if he didn’t eat at home, but it was probably best to inform him—wait, his phone was off.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to,” Kyungsoo quickly said. “Maybe you have another appointment?”

Jongin turned to Kyungsoo blankly. The latter was smiling, but it somehow reminded him of Junmyeon’s. Jongin couldn’t read if it was sincere or if it was hopeful.

He wanted to know this male more.

“No,” he finally said. “Let’s go, Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo looked very happy and flashed him a perfect row of teeth as he smiled.

Jongin noticed his heart skipped another beat.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

They ended up eating at a family restaurant nearby.

Jongin checked the price first before agreeing, because even though he had enough money, he still needed to calculate the rest for subway fares and stuffs until the end of the month. It was their first date afterall (if it could be considered one), and Jongin felt like he should be the one who pay (plus he needed to make up because he had Kyungsoo worrying about him).

“This place will be memorable,” Kyungsoo looked around in awe because apparently, it was his first time too at the place.

Jongin took a look at the menu. “Why?”

“Because it’s our first date...?” Kyungsoo shyly replied.

It was their first date, alright.

They finally ordered their food and waited. It was awkward and Kyungsoo busied himself by playing with his phone. Jongin leaned his back against his chair and crossed his arms on his chest, his eyes were fixed on the surface of the table. After a few moments, Kyungsoo finally tucked his phone back into his pocket and looked up shyly at Jongin.

Jongin thought he liked those shy eyes.

“So,” Kyungsoo started hesitantly. “Um...tell me more about yourself?”

Jongin blinked. Right. “I...uh, have two siblings?”

“You do?” Kyungsoo beamed and leaned forward to rest his chin on his palm. “A sister? A brother?”

“Two brothers.”

“Wow.”

“...I’m the second child.”

“You are? I always you’re the first child,” Kyungsoo chuckled heartily. “It sounds great. I mean, I’m the only child so...it’s...a bit lonely.”

“Oh.”

“It must be great to have an older brother...it must be nice to have someone taking care of you.”

Jongin wanted to retort that yes, Junmyeon was all he ever wanted as a brother and that he couldn’t ask for more. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted Kyungsoo to know. There was always a possibility that their date ended at the first without even continuing to the second. Who knew, maybe Kyungsoo would lose his feeling when he knew that Jongin wasn’t rich.

Speaking of rich, Jongin caught the sight of Kyungsoo’s phone and it seemed expensive. Thankfully his had died so he didn’t really have to show it to the world.

The waitress came to their table with their drinks and Kyungsoo thanked her politely.

He thought their first date went fine.

Kyungsoo asked a lot of questions, eager to want to know about him more that Jongin answered. Usually, he wouldn’t talk this much, but there was something in Kyungsoo’s tone that made him felt he didn’t want to hurt the other male. They came across the topic of age and surprisingly, Kyungsoo was a year older than Jongin. He contemplated of calling him ‘hyung’ but the older male glared at him and threatened he would call him ‘Kkamjjong’ if he ever called him that.

Their dinner ended with Jongin paying and Kyungsoo glared at him in protest.

The walk back to the subway was filled with silence but it was comfortable. Jongin had a habit of walking in a speed light, but after a few steps, he noticed Kyungsoo’s breathless as the latter attemped to have the same pace as him. He slowered his steps so that he was the one who adjusted Kyungsoo’s and not the other way around.

Kyungsoo was definitely a new color in his life.

“Jongin-ah? I—I guess I’ll see you soon?”

Jongin snapped back to reality when he felt Kyungsoo touching his arm. His eyes went down at the hand that comfortably stayed in his arm, giving it a blank stare before nodding. “I’ll see you soon.”

There was going to be a second date, afterall.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say something but look hesitant. “Can I...can I call you tomorrow?”

“...sure.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo’s face brightened.

“Yeah,” Jongin replied and he couldn’t help but feeling something churned at the bottom of his stomach everytime he saw Kyungsoo’s cheerful expression. “You can.”

“Alright,” Kyungsoo grinned happily and automatically leaned forward to hug Jongin.

Jongin stiffened like a stone because it was weird to feel Kyungsoo burying his face on Jongin’s chest with his arms wrapped loosely around the latter’s waist (but it somehow felt nice because of their height difference). It was weird to feel Jongin’s heartbeat quickened at the gesture and he wondered if Kyungsoo could feel it beating against his face. It was weird because Jongin didn’t have the urge to push him away and he wished the hug would last a bit longer.

Jongin slowly raised his hand to pat Kyungsoo’s hair. He felt like caressing silk because his hands glided smoothly on them.

Kyungsoo finally pulled away with a shy smile. “Be careful, Jongin-ah.”

Jongin noticed his heart missed another beat—it was probably damaged—and he thought, no, he definitely loved those shy smiles.

“I will.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin wasn’t sure that they were official, but he definitely changed his mind when their third date happened.

He had gotten used of Kyungsoo’s texts. Sometimes the texts were so short that Jongin felt Kyungsoo was wasting his credit and it was probably not that important to be sent (because it only consisted of a ‘good morning’ with a smiley face or a ‘goodnight’ with a heart emoticon). It took Jongin a few days to realize that Kyungsoo was perfect that way, and somehow Jongin felt special.

When they made it to their fifth date, it was then that Jongin realized they had been in a relationship for more than a month.

They hadn’t done anything more other than a brief hug before separating (sometimes Kyungsoo refused to let go and Jongin almost thought the male fell asleep in his arms), not even holding hands, but Jongin thought it was nice. It was nice to feel Kyungsoo’s warmth lingered in his hands. It was nice to have Kyungsoo.

Sometimes the doe eyed male accompanied Jongin to study in the library (but Jongin wished he hadn’t, because it only distracted him from the textbooks). Sometimes he showed up at his work with a lunchbox (which turned out to be really, really delicious and Zitao joked by saying that Kyungsoo made it with all of his heart. But maybe he did, Jongin thought). Sometimes he reminded Jongin to not forget to inform him and his family if his phone was getting low and he forgot to bring his charger (“And never ever forget to inform me whenever you reach home, alright?”)

There were times when Kyungsoo’s hand stayed a bit too long on Jongin’s arm and he just let it. There were also times when Kyungsoo stood so close to Jongin for protection and he gave him. There were times when Jongin caught Kyungsoo’s longing stare at him and he fondly stared back.

Jongin thought maybe, just maybe, he was in love.

Another month had passed in the blink of an eye.

Jongin had been very busy with countless mock exams and his part time job, but he always managed to spare some time for Kyungsoo. It was like all of his exhaustion was erased at the sight of the older male. He didn’t know how Kyungsoo did it, but whenever he showed up looking terrible, Kyungsoo’s eyes would soon be filled with genuine worry and he would pull Jongin closer into his arms and whispered him soothing words. It worked like a magic.

Slowly, but surely, Kyungsoo became an important part in his life.

And maybe Kyungsoo deserved more. He deserved more to know the bad side of Jongin.

The conversation popped up randomly when they were waiting for the train to come. They were sitting on the bench with Kyungsoo leaning his head on Jongin’s shoulder and his hand absently played with the fabric of the taller male’s sleeve.

“Jongin-ah?”

“Hm?”

“I wonder...if your brothers approve of our relationship?”

Jongin deadpanned for a moment. He had never told Junmyeon or Sehun about his job, moreover his relationship with Kyungsoo. He cleared his throat. “Why do you ask?”

Kyungsoo shyly smiled as he looked up. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t. It’s just that I think I want—I want to meet them. Maybe—maybe someday?” He patted Jongin’s shoulder lightly to drop the subject and looked away.

Jongin thought he wanted Kyungsoo to meet his brothers—his family.

He asked Junmyeon if it was alright for him to cook for four the next morning. His brother looked confused at his request and his jaw slightly dropped. Jongin instinctively reached out for a few bills from his wallet because he knew, to add another person meant more money. Junmyeon shook his head disapprovingly, ignoring his money and granted his wish to cook for four persons tonight. Jongin quickly hugged him in excitement and got a scold from Sehun right away (“Don’t touch my hyung, dammit!”)

It was probably the first time for Jongin to leave early from work. The male was used of having extra shifts that Zitao didn’t mind at all when he told him he was going home earlier than usual. It was also probably the first time for Jongin to text Kyungsoo, to ask where he was because he was coming to get him (and that Kyungsoo took an awful lot of time to reply, he was probably shocked or he was just busy because apparently, the male was in his class). It was definitely the first time Jongin went to the university to pick Kyungsoo up.

Jongin recalled his teacher telling him once about the scholarship from Kyungsoo’s university. He wondered if he should take the offer or choose another university. Jongin hadn’t discussed it with Junmyeon. The male waited patiently until Kyungsoo was done. It was the first time for him to be willing to wait for someone—his boyfriend—this long.

But it wasn’t the first time for Kyungsoo to be successful in making Jongin’s heart skipped a beat.

Jongin didn’t waste any time as he walked to the opposite direction and Kyungsoo followed closely behind him.

“Where are we going, Jongin-ah?”

The taller male didn’t answer but to press his lips into a thin line. Kyungsoo looked puzzled but didn’t force any further. He willingly followed Jongin like a puppy following its mother. They took the train and got off at a different station. Kyungsoo looked around frantically and grabbed Jongin’s arm by instinct. He had never been to the environment before and he didn’t want to get lost.

“Jongin-ah...where are you taking me?”

Jongin slowly turned to Kyungsoo. His face was full of doubts and Kyungsoo noticed it. “I’m not rich, Kyungsoo-yah.”

“Eh?” Kyungsoo blinked.

“My apartment... is not that big.”

“Wh—what?”

“I have no parents anymore,” Jongin ignored the genuine confusion laced underneath Kyungsoo’s tone and continued talking. “I live together with my brothers. They are the only family I have left and my older brother works very hard to support us financially and my younger brother, he’s living everything like he has no problem because he only needs—“

“J—Jongin-ah!” Kyungsoo panickly said and Jongin halted his movement.

“What?”

Kyungsoo was speechless at the flat tone his boyfriend was using. “You’re...you’re bringing me to meet your brothers?”

Jongin felt a surge of fear rushing to his head. “You don’t want to?”

“N—no, that’s not what I mean. But—but Jongin-ah, you could’ve said something—“

“If I said something about it, you might change your mind.”

“No! I...” Kyungsoo ran a hand through his hair in frustration and gazed at the ground. He gulped nervously before speaking. “I’m... I’m scared...what if, what if they...”

“They’ll love you, Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes softened at his tone, but the anxiety in his orbs didn’t go away. “Really? You—you think so?”

“Yeah.”

Jongin waited for a moment until Kyungsoo calmed down before continuing walking. They went a bit further until they finally reached a building.

It wasn’t fancy but it wasn’t that bad, Kyungsoo absentmindedly thought to himself. But right now, it wasn’t the important. He was going to meet his brothers (in law) soon and he regretted not wearing the shirt he just bought. Had he known, he could probably dressed a bit mature... Kyungsoo looked down at his clothes. He hoped it was alright.

They went up to the second floor and Jongin knocked on the wooden door.

Jongin was probably the more nervous between the two. Kyungsoo went panicked because he was scared if his brothers wouldn’t like him, but what if it was the other way around? What if Kyungsoo didn’t like his brothers? What if Kyungsoo didn’t like his apartment because it was filthy and small (well, small alright, but not filthy because Junmyeon cleaned it up everyday)? What if Kyungsoo stopped wanting to be in a relationship with him after knowing his pathetic life?

He didn’t want to think about it right now.

Slowly, Jongin found himself reaching for Kyungsoo’s hand and intertwining their fingers tightly. He could feel Kyungsoo craned his neck to his direction, but Jongin ignored it. He ignored the dancing butterflies in his stomach because Kyungsoo’s small digits fit perfectly between his large ones and that he didn’t want to let go. They heard footsteps approaching and Kyungsoo his breath rather harshly. A moment later, the door swung open.

“Welcome home...”, Junmyeon trailed off and stared at Kyungsoo in surprise.

“Hyung,” Jongin breathed. “This is my boyfriend.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin would never forget the shock expression that was plastered on Junmyeon’s face.

It was probably wrong of him to just bring his boyfriend home without even asking, but fortunately, Kyungsoo got along just fine with Junmyeon—it turned out that both of them had the same passion for food so they were quickly engaged in cooking-related conversation. Sehun didn’t talk much—but he never talked much anyway—but his eyes radiated agreement and it was more than enough for Jongin.

The dinner went more than alright.

It was already late by the time they were done—time sure flew by when they were having fun. Junmyeon offered him to stay but Kyungsoo declined him politely because tomorrow morning he needed to get to the university early. Jongin ended up booking a cab for him just to be safe. Junmyeon looked a bit sad when Kyungsoo bade him goodbye. It was weird because there was something different about the way he treated Kyungsoo even though he already had two brothers (maybe because they had something in common—cooking). Whatever it was, Jongin felt extremely relieved because at least his brothers accepted his boyfriend.

Jongin walked his boyfriend downstairs when the cab had arrived and Kyungsoo cleared his throat before speaking.

“Jongin-ah?”

“Yeah.”

“It...it was nice. Thank you very much for tonight.”

“Told you they would love you,” Jongin rubbed his boyfriend’s hand gently and smiled a little. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in response and he blinked. “What’s wrong?”

“You—you smiled,” Kyungsoo whispered.

 “Huh?”

“You...never smiled before.”

Not even to me.

Jongin wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Yeah...smiling is something I rarely do. You can see it’s probably the opposite from Junmyeon-hyung. He’s all about smiling just so everyone would not panic.”

“He seems like the type...”, Kyungsoo chuckled and threw a glance to the taxi driver. “I should probably go.” He shyly extended his arms as a sign to Jongin that he wanted the usual hug before separating and the taller male nodded. Kyungsoo smiled as he threw himself into Jongin’s arms, inhaling the latter’s scent deeply because that way, he would be able to savor Jongin more even when they weren’t together.

Usually it would be Kyungsoo who break the embrace first, but this time it was Jongin. Kyungsoo let out a small gasp as Jongin pulled away from him, wondering what he had done wrong.

Jongin sent him a gaze for a moment before leaning down to kiss Kyungsoo’s cheek. He pressed his lips lightly but at the same time, firmly against the milky skin. Jongin felt Kyungsoo flinching slightly and he could feel the corner of the older male’s lips on his. He slowly detached his lips from Kyungsoo’s cheek and wondered if it was disappointment chiseled on the latter’s face.

Nonetheless, Kyungsoo smiled.

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

“Goodnight.” Jongin waited until Kyungsoo got into the cab and motioned the male to call him with his fingers. “When you’re home.”

Kyungsoo beamed at him before nodding.

The cab drove away and Jongin stayed still on his track until the vehicle was out of his peripheral vision. When he got back into the apartment and locked the door, he heard Sehun calling for him.

“Your boyfriend left his watch, hyung.”

Jongin frowned as he followed Sehun’s finger pointing at the table. He remembered Kyungsoo taking it off before washing his hands and nodded. “Ah. I’ll give it back to him tomorrow.”

“Is he rich?”

“Excuse me?”

Sehun shrugged. “Everything about him screams money. He seems rich. His watch even screams so.”

Jongin looked down to Kyungsoo’s watch. Sehun was right. The watch looked extremely expensive. But now that he thought about it, Kyungsoo was always decent when it came to looks...unlike him. “...I don’t know,” he said honestly.

“You don’t know?” Sehun raised his eyebrows.

“Goodnight, Sehun,” Jongin gave him a silencing look and snatched Kyungsoo’s watch as he went back to his room.

It was then that he realized he knew nothing about Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t meet Kyungsoo until a few days later.

Jongin’s final exam was coming in less than two months so he had been focusing on school first. He almost wanted to resign from his current job, but he needed the money just in case he didn’t get the scholarship (and university was definitely expensive, he didn’t want Junmyeon to kill himself just because he had to earn more money for him). Jongin had texted Kyungsoo earlier that he wanted to give him back the forgotten watch and his boyfriend replied that they could meet later after class this afternoon.

So Jongin went to Kyungsoo’s university and waited. He knew Kyungsoo said after class, but Jongin thought he would be able to go home sooner and study if he dropped by earlier because tomorrow he was going to have another mock exam if. Jongin was about to text Kyungsoo that he had already arrived when a very expensive car pulled over in front of him.

What he saw before his eyes completely stunned him.

Kyungsoo stumbled out of the car and ran inside to the university without even looking elsewhere. His boyfriend was probably late for the class and he didn’t seem to notice Jongin’s presence.

Sehun was right.

Jongin held out the breath that he had been holding and facepalmed. Kyungsoo was freaking rich, how could he not notice it?

Kyungsoo never showed off, Jongin. He was always taking the train back home. He was always clad in casual—dammit, expensive—clothes.

Jongin tossed the watch back into his bag and went home.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t fair to say that it was Kyungsoo’s fault, but Jongin had been completely avoiding Kyungsoo ever since.

He didn’t feel like meeting him. Jongin didn’t know what he felt anymore. He felt guilty. He felt he wasn’t worth it.He felt inadequate after knowing that he and Kyungsoo weren’t on the same level. Jongin didn’t reply his texts. He ignored the several missed calls on his phone even when he wasn’t busy. He managed to avoid Kyungsoo by exchanging his shifts with Zitao and slipping out of the back door whenever he spotted Kyungsoo waiting for him in front of the store.

The hide and seek ended when Kyungsoo finally had the courage to face Jongin. By the time it happened, Jongin didn’t feel like running away anymore. He knew he had to face it sooner or later.

“J—Jongin-ah?”

“Hm,” Jongin replied nonchalantly even though his heart ached so much at the longing tone. He didn’t even bother to look up to the owner of the voice.

“Oh my God,” Kyungsoo said in horror. “You—you look awful—“ He tried to reach for his boyfriend but stopped because Jongin gave him a warning look. “Have you...been eating well?”

“I’m alright,” Jongin retorted coldly. “You don’t have to worry.”

“But...”

“Oh yeah, your watch. I’ll get it for you,” Jongin quickly got up and was about to walk away when he heard his boyfriend’s voice again.

“Wait,” Kyungsoo said desperately and it got Jongin to pause on his track. “Wait. Please, just wait... Did I...did I do something wrong?”

Jongin still had his back on Kyungsoo. He didn’t reply anything.

“I’m not here for my watch,” Kyungsoo said sadly. “I—I miss you. What happened, Jongin-ah?”

Jongin visibly sunk his teeth between his lips.

Kyungsoo feared what he thought was coming true. Maybe Jongin found him boring. Maybe Jongin didn’t like to be in a relationship with him—which was why he always avoided physical contact with him. The worst possibility was that Jongin had found someone else...someone much more attractive.

“Jongin-ah,” he whispered because he didn’t have the strength to say it loudly. “Do you...do you like me?”

Jongin slowly turned to face Kyungsoo blankly. He pondered before opening his mouth. Maybe it was for the best. Before things got out of hand, maybe it should be ended. Maybe.

“Maybe I’m not the one for you, Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo gasped. “Wh—what?”

“You know my condition,” Jongin bitterly spoke. “I’m not rich, unlike you. I don’t have a fancy car, I don’t have a big house, I don’t have money to buy you anything expensive—“

“Jongin-ah—“

“You know I’m poor, Kyungsoo-yah, yet you continue to be with me. Am I some kind of a joke to you?”

Kyungsoo looked hurt by those words. “Jongin-ah, please—“

“Why didn’t you just tell me in the first place that you and I had different social status—“

“You never asked!” Kyungsoo finally hissed in frustration and stared at Jongin in disbelief which soon turned to sadness. “You never asked anything about me, Jongin-ah, did you even realize that? It was me, it was always me who initiated everything. And what did you expect me to say about my status? ‘Hi, I have everything you don’t but it doesn’t stop me from loving you?’”

Jongin groaned. “What about your parents? You asked me if my brothers would approve of our relationship but what about yours? What if they—“

“Because siblings’ opinion are much more important to me,” Kyungsoo replied in exasperation. “My parents had always taught me to listen to my heart, that money isn’t everything, and my mother—my mother was adopted from an orphanage. You see, she wasn’t born rich, Jongin-ah. But you—“

Kyungsoo sniffled.

“—you just wouldn’t know that, because you would never ask...”

Jongin sighed and pressed a hand against his forehead. He didn’t know how to handle all of this.

“But do I ever complained...?”

Jongin snapped his head to Kyungsoo in surprise. Their gazes met and Kyungsoo felt his tears were threatening to fall.

“You...”, Kyungsoo said with his lips trembling. “You never asked me what color is my favorite. What kind of books do I like...what is my favorite food...do I have a cousin...do I have a pet... You never asked me anything, but I never complained, Jongin-ah. I never complained, because I knew you were like that.” He blinked his eyes and a tear fell to his cheek. “And now—now you’re angry at me for not telling you that I—“

“Stop,” Jongin shook his head. “Stop.”

“Jongin-ah, please...” Kyungsoo pleaded. “Please, don’t let this small thing ruin what we have... Please, I... I like you so much that—“

“I don’t need any of this right now,” Jongin swept a strand of hair from his forehead with his eyes closed. “I just... My final exam is coming in a month and I need to focus on it first.”

“Please,” Kyungsoo almost sobbed. “Your heart’s not made of wood, please don’t do this...”

“I’m sorry,” was the last thing Jongin said as he continued his work like nothing else mattered.

Jongin ignored how Kyungsoo finally broke into tears before walking away from him. He ignored his heart clenching caused by it was shattering inside as he listened faintly to Kyungsoo’s cry. He ignored the feeling to run after Kyungsoo and told him that he loved him too. He ignored the tears that were also stinging in his eyes and the aching pain in his chest.

Because maybe, maybe it was just for the best.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin finally quit his work because he almost couldn’t take the burden anymore.

He had been spending his days on his room between studying, going to school, eating, studying, sleeping, studying. The male looked like a zombie everytime he walked out of his room to grab something and it scared the hell out of Junmyeon. Something was definitely wrong and the older male could feel it. It was like Jongin was forcing himself to keep on studying to distract him from something else. As much as he wanted his brother to graduate, he didn’t want him to die from depression.

It had been going on for a few days when Junmyeon decided that he would have a talk.

“Jongin-ah?”

“Yeah, hyung?”

“Help me do the dishes?”

Sehun shot Junmyeon a hurtful look which the latter didn’t seem to notice. It was rare for Junmyeon to ask a favor, which would only mean that he wanted to have some privacy to talk. Sehun did his best to not protest out of jealousy and walked out of the kitchen to the living room after giving both of his brothers a look.

Junmyeon took a good look at Jongin before sighing. Jongin immediately rinsed the plates without a word. Junmyeon knew that if he asked him what was wrong, he would get an immediate ‘nothing’ as an answer. Deep down, he wondered if it was his fault because Jongin probably copied it from him. He decided to just ask straightly.

“How’s Kyungsoo-yah?”

Jongin’s shoulders flinched slightly at the name and Junmyeon noticed him stiffening.

“...we broke up.”

Junmyeon had a feeling it had something to do with Kyungsoo, but he thought it was just a fight and definitely not a break up. “What? What happened? Was it Kyungsoo-yah?”

Jongin his lips as he grabbed a dirty glass. “I was the one who ended it.”

“But—but why? You two looked good together and...”

“He deserves someone better than me.”

Junmyeon deadpanned. “What...? Who told you that...?”

“No one. But I know my position, hyung. He’s rich and I’m not. And I don’t deserve him.”

Jongin didn’t see it coming. A hard slap landed on his cheek and sent his thoughts flying. The tanned skin male moaned in pain as he took a step back, trying to grasp what was happening. He stared at Junmyeon in disbelief. “Hyung??”

Junmyeon glared at him. “Jongin-ah,” he was so angry that his voice quivered. “I didn’t teach you for this. I taught you to be independent, I taught you to maintain your pride, but I certainly didn’t teach you to be a coward.”

Jongin put a hand on his stinging cheek. “But...”

“What did you do so that you didn’t deserve him? Did you cheat? Did you hit him?”

“N—no.”

“About this rich problem—did his parents tell you to stay away from him? Did he ever tell you that he wanted a few expensive things and you couldn’t buy him what he wanted? Did he ever tell you that your social status would be a problem?”

“..no.”

“Did you even fight for him, Jongin-ah?”

Jongin thought he really deserved the slap as he heaved in regret. His brother was right. He decided everything one sided without even thinking of Kyungsoo’s feelings. Kyungsoo had never asked him anything but his attention. The beautiful, doe eyed male had never complained about splitting the bills in half on their dates. He never protested that Jongin never bought him anything fancy, he looked happy whenever Jongin brought him his favorite chocolate.

Do I ever complained?

“,” Jongin whispered to himself. He was really an . “How do I make it up to Kyungsoo, hyung?”

Junmyeon caressed the spot that he had slapped in regret. “Win him back.”

Jongin nodded with determination.

“And never hurt him again for the rest of your life.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin didn’t even wait until tomorrow.

He wanted to text Kyungsoo, but he thought it would be better for him to just call. So he did, but it was on the fourth attempt that Kyungsoo finally picked up. Jongin wasn’t even able to say hello because of the awfully loud sound through the speaker. The younger of the two winced in surprise.

“Jongin-ah?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m—I’m at the club. My friend’s birthday is—“

“Text me the address, I’m coming to get you,” Jongin said sternly. “Now.”

The tanned skin male didn’t even bother to hear for another reply and hung up. Jongin hastily grabbed his jacket before dashing out of their apartment. Sehun was already on his way back to claim his beloved Junmyeon and waved a hand dismissively toward his direction. Jongin felt a vibration on his pocket and quickly took the phone out. He got the name of the club as he reached the subway and headed to the said place immediately.

It didn’t take him long enough to arrive and took notice of Kyungsoo in the sea of people. It was funny because he had a feeling he was always going to be able to spot Kyungsoo wherever he was. Jongin made his way through the crowd easily, ignoring the weird look he was earning from the people and grabbed Kyungsoo’s small hand firmly.

The hand of the person that he wanted the most.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in shock as he turned around. He didn’t expect Jongin to really show up. “J—Jongin-ah? You—you really came for me...”

“Of course I will,” Jongin sighed and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Let’s go home, Kyungsoo-yah.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo looked up to Jongin. The latter had been apologizing for the umpteenth time and Kyungsoo also had been replying just as much. The taller male walked protectively beside him as if he was scared Kyungsoo was going to trip any minute (he failed to convince Jongin that no, he didn’t drink that much and he wasn’t drunk...yet). Jongin never let go of his hand ever since he picked him up in the club and Kyungsoo felt like crying of the small affection he showed.

He felt so loved.

“It’s alright, Jongin-ah.”

“No, it’s not,” Jongin paused to let a cat strolled in front of them before taking another step. “I mean, I hurt you...”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to reply, but then the cold wind got him shivering slightly. He didn’t expect he would still be outside at this time of night. Had he known, Kyungsoo probably would have brought something to keep him warm. Jongin realized this and he quickly took off of his jacket before wrapping it around the smaller male’s petite frame. Kyungsoo could feel the blush creeping up to his cheeks and shyly thanked him.

“I give you up without even trying,” Jongin grimaced darkly. “That’s...the worst. What kind of boyfriend I am? And I feel utterly ashamed of myself. I know that we don’t have a bright future at the moment,” he shook his head when Kyungsoo blanched in fear. “I mean, we’re still young and it’s not like we’re gonna get married in a few weeks. I still have enough time.”

“Enough time...?”

“Yeah. I still have enough time to prove that I’m the one for you. That I deserve you.”

Kyungsoo almost whimpered. He tightened his grip on Jongin’s fingers. “Then promise me, don’t ever say such mean thing again.”

“I promise,” Jongin said and frowned at Kyungsoo’s pale face. “Are you still strong enough to walk? Maybe we should hail a cab.”

“Um, maybe we should,” Kyungsoo nodded sheepishly because his eyes were starting to get heavy. He made a mental note not to believe Chanyeol anymore (“This is just water, Kyungsoo-yah”).

Jongin immediately went to the street to see if there was a taxi passing by. Kyungsoo plopped himself on the nearest bench and his eyes drifted slowly to Jongin’s broad shoulders. He broke into a fond smile and grabbed his boyfriend’s jacket tightly. Warm. He missed the scent. He missed hugging the tanned skin male. He missed everything about Kim Jongin.

“You need to eat a lot,” Kyungsoo commented softly and Jongin looked over his shoulder. “I know your final exam is important, but your health is just as important.”

“I will.”

“You know,” Kyungsoo continued as he rubbed his eyes. “These past few days, I feel like...a broken doll.”

Jongin waved a hand to a taxi and waited until it stopped. He offered his hand to Kyungsoo who gingerly took it before slowly guiding him into the vehicle. “I’m sorry. But there’s no reason for you to feel like that anymore.”

“I feel like a broken doll that was thrown away by the owner who didn’t want it anymore,” Kyungsoo mumbled sadly as he got into the taxi. Jongin settled down beside him before closing the door. “That feeling . Please, please don’t ever let go of me anymore, Jongin-ah...”

“I won’t,” Jongin whispered against his ear and mentioned an address to the driver.

“Hm,” Kyungsoo snuggled closer to Jongin like a child missing his toy. “I miss you.”

Jongin wrapped an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder before shifting it to pat the brown haired male’s head affectionately. I miss you too. “Kyungsoo-yah.”

“Hm?”

“For your information, my heart’s not made of wood. I can actually hear it beat.”

Kyungsoo snorted into giggles. “Really?”

“Yeah. It beats for you, Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened for a moment before they went back to the normal size. Kyungsoo smiled kindly, so kind that it was probably one of the moments where Jongin found him truly endearing.

I’m suffering without you.

“Really?”

Jongin nodded before smiling back. Kyungsoo’s heartbeat increased dramatically because Jongin was, once again, smiling.

He smiles only for me.

“Really.”

And then their lips met in the sweetest kiss.

It was their first, but definitely, it would never be the last.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few months had passed and their relationship was going great.

Having Kyungsoo back had a good effect in Jongin’s life. He passed the exam easily and graduated with good scores (Junmyeon sobbed happily as he stuttered that all of his hard work was worth it).

Jongin was no longer hesitant about touching his boyfriend. He was starting to talk a lot whenever they were together. He still didn’t smile, but whenever he did, it would only be directed at Kyungsoo (sometimes for Junmyeon and Sehun too, but if it were for them, he didn’t mind at all). Their relationship was perfect and Kyungsoo couldn’t ask for anything more (especially now that he had gotten closer with his soon-brother-in-law).

Kyungsoo planned to go home and just sleep for the rest of the day. It was the last day of his exam and he could definitely use a good sleep after the endless night of studying. The doe eyed male was about to go home when he spotted Jongin standing in front of the gate. He blinked because his boyfriend didn’t tell him that he was picking him up today. “Jongin-ah?”

Jongin jolted out of his thought and gave him a serious look. He started talking without preamble. “Kyungsoo-yah. If I become possessive of you, do you mind?”

It was definitely new to Kyungsoo. Lately Jongin had been asking a few (or an awfully lot of) strange questions and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but liking the significant change of his boyfriend. He tilted his head to a side questioningly before pouting. “I guess...?”

“Good,” Jongin smiled and handed him the paper he had been holding.

Kyungsoo squinted his eyes to get a good look at the written words and his eyes widened in realization. It was an acceptance letter from his university. Kyungsoo hid his gasp behind his palm as he glanced at Jongin.

“The scholarship.”

Jongin grinned before unabashedly pulling Kyungsoo in for a kiss.

“I got in, baby. I got in.”