Today she painted her nails black and white—that is left nails with two blacks then three whites and the right one with two whites then three blacks, both hands and feet.

She imitated the thing from Song Ji Hyo whose fingernails were painted in such a way which she saw while watching the first ten episodes of Running Man. Song Ji Hyo, Song Joong Ki, Yu Jae Suk, and members of the show were the ones making her laugh every night these days. She ended up indulging in them in her quest to divert her mind from them.

For an hour (and 20 minutes, because she’s streaming the video online) she experienced victory. The games played, the interactions of the players, the landmarks featured, it amazed and amused her. By the eighth episode she has already declared herself a Yu Jae Suk, the National MC, fan and vowed to make sure she’ll meet him when she gets to be in Korea. Add to that, she imagined herself to be a staff member in that show. However, the spell lasted only until midnight, or until 3am that is, for her.

Her phone resounding Proud signaled her time to sleep. Tired from all the effort to contain her laughters, as to not wake up her housemates, she immediately fell into slumber. But she made a quick mental note to change her alarm tone first thing in the morning—which she would probably fail to do so again, for the 42^nd time.

In her sleep she dreamt of them. They were seated outside a coffee shop, on a round table complete with an umbrella towering and shading them at the same time. Their backs were on her while she approached them. She stopped a meter away from them and took time to listen to their seemingly cheerful conversation. She paused at every shake their shoulders did and at every hi five their hands share in the late afternoon air—as if her eyes were a camera trying to freeze such moments. She felt content, and maybe even selfish, to be the only one to see them like this.

The laughters faded a bit as one of them waved at her and made her presence known to the other four. Though she couldn’t see her face in the dream she felt herself smile back at them. She moved her right foot to walk towards them, but it fell on nothing. Soon she was falling. For a moment she thought she heard their footsteps running. But none of them called out to her. She let herself fall.

The song that signaled her sleep happened to be the same song that woke her up in the morning. Her eyes fluttered open and she stared at her off-white ceiling. She allowed the song to play for a full minute and for another minute and another minute as it snoozed off.

She was trying to withdraw from them. She thought the burden to care about them wasn’t really hers to bear. News of them for the past months since their fall-out, as those who don’t personally knew them would call it, never failed to give a bittersweet taste in .

But still, she can’t find the courage to erase every trace of them in her life. They have been her music. They have been her muse—not muses for they are one.

As she remained lying on her back, she raised her left hand, noticing and then pondering on the black and white painted nails. She wondered if she did this for them.

Then, like an unstoppable avalanche, thoughts about them came to her—heavy and un-warm.

Seeing Song Joong Ki, back from his drama taping, in Running Man last night reminds me if Yoochun is also on a break from taping that time.

Yunho and Changmin were in Happy Together with Jae Suk last time. At a recent Running Man episode they were guests. I bet they run fast.

Jaejoong has always been good in variety shows since during Mirotic. His 4D personality would probably come out well in Running Man.

Junsu should appear more in variety shows alone. That way no one would probably bully him. But I think he would be dragged by Jong Kook to be one of his children along with Haha and Gary. That would be hilarious.

She had held up her hand too long, it ached. She sat up. Now two hands with black and white nails were resting on her lap. She looked down at them.

Jae would probably not like that my nails are polished this way.