I feel like you think about me every day, in fact I know you do -how can you not? I know I think about you, all the time. You can’t tell me you don’t miss me. come back, back to being together. So now, let me tell you something you already know that I am a good person polite, jolly...and I love you, even if I live in those memories and reminiscences I can still please you again so let me be yours once more.

Where did we go? Unknown to each other like algebraic terms on two different sides yet equivalent, henceforth let us solve our hearts. We must unravel the answers to our hope. Please don’t let go of us, surely you still remember the days and nights we were on the same side. We are one. Like sweet creamy cheesecake, soft and hard, smooth and crumbly were you and I. I knew you. The way you’d wolf down your favourite foods from chicken to cheesecake. I love you as much as you loved food so just remember me when you taste the flesh of the orange as you feel your teeth pierce into its firm fibrous skin, let your lips draw the juice and your tongue lap up the igneous flavours – reminisce of our past. I would pick the freshest of fruits for you because you were my pollen the very detonation of my spirit as it is for the fruits, the divinity of my actions was solely based on you, and you couldn’t ask for anything more from me, I will always give you my all. Everything I did was with you in mind, all for you. I never once wavered in the least when you were with me so please just do this one thing for me. I ask. I beg. Come back.

I still hear you call out my name through the streets of Busan. What can I say to a remnant of my past in my head as I feel my soul slowly dwindling? A light! Protecting my time with you: your smile, it still beams on my heart like a ray of sunshine, warm like in the womb, I’m the happiest when I’m with you...why can’t you see that, don’t you feel the same?

We were!? No we are meant to be.

 I know you didn’t mean to harm me, likewise. I can be a bit of an explosion sometimes but what couple don’t row. I know thing were hard for us, I had no choice.

When you threatened to leave for Gangnam my outbreak was rational, you were being unreasonable. We should’ve moved on to the next level in our relationship, love is move. The faster and sooner the move the stronger things between us could’ve gotten the better our relationship would have been. It hurts now, what can I do, without you I’m left in the obscurity of my loneliness. I pleaded so why am I like this? Because of you, instead a constant poignant solitude lingers when I go into the coffee shop, I stare into the blank space between no.6 and no.8 on the menu yet everyone else is able to order it...just the way we did on Saturday afternoons.

Our love was flawless and eternal so when I told you to marry me why did you leave? Why did you say goodbye? I left you so many voicemail’s ‘please don’t go’; just know I still love you, your bright spirit still lives on within me. It’s been a long time since we fell in love; well it has for me at least. I used to watch you from afar and admire your godlike beauty in all its glory as your perfectly aesthetic features would leave me in awe, however equally as powerfully I felt the same strength of awe at the sight of you with someone else but I saw you looking, you would glance at me now and again back then when I was mercilessly in love with you, you just hadn’t united with my mysticism: us being together...yet.

 The raging forces in your eyes penetrated deep into me those eyes unveiled a sensation, as if you were ready to strike, the dominance of your glare would take over my soul. I just wish I knew what you were thinking, I wish I could’ve gotten you to talk to me to get people off my back and make you mine. Everyone said something was wrong with me that I was changing. They said I was crazy. I was in love!

 Everyone said I had a problem, I started to get in trouble but I didn’t mind, you were worth the trouble: skipping school, work, getting home late... so it broke my heart to see you with someone else, days became months and before I knew it I had given up my life’s schedule to be with you. You are my responsibility, my life demands you.

You were with someone else; I couldn’t accept it anymore, why didn’t you feel the same way about me? Confronting you was the best life decisions I had ever made for myself, for us. It brought you and I together, it got rid of the other person, inevitably it was an improvement because you were happy so, so was I. It wasn’t right anyway- you being someone else- we belong together, so when you accepted my confession and became my boyfriend, I couldn’t lose you it was a precious opportunity so how could I let my love go like that so let’s go back to the way we were and never have to say goodbye again.

The beginning of us completed my life, I never did look back, and you were the only one that mattered. I had changed but it was for the better, because it was for you. Nothing else mattered, I could breathe every breath without feeling burdened by my longing for your presence by my side and with you finally by my side the intense feelings of love no longer built up in side, I could live freely, let the love spew and swathe our troubles away. I would be on the brink of tears every day from the absolute sheer bliss you supplied me, I became limitless.

Time was flying away I knew I had to do something to support what we had, us before anything could spoil this feeling, I tried to sustain your happiness for what were 3 years of our beautiful relationship and make you glad you became my boyfriend so I didn’t understand why you were so opposed to the idea of our marriage. You started to act strange as if something was trying to reach out from within you, escape. What had you kept locked up for so long, what had happened to you, why the sudden change? Was it me? I promise I tried, no one can deny the trouble I went through for you, and I would’ve waited till the end of the universe for you. I will slave on until the end of the world for you to give you what you want and whatever you need, to make you mine once again.

 You had an unhealthy obsession with cheesecake, regardless I made sure you never became unfit so I personally trained you and made sure to feed you fruit and veg and give you what you desired most because I wouldn’t be able to bare anything damaging you, my life source.

I hope your still eating well, I hope you don’t miss me and you’re able to keep living without me.

Let’s carry on living in serenity as we did together. Take the joyous experience we created and shared from the past, and channel those times I will cherish forever as a way to help you live wherever you are and go. But you don’t want to see my face, you wouldn’t look back now. Will you come back, return to my reality?

Its okay, it’s natural but you were more than just a person to me or a human, you were a vision beyond a dream, a divine being set upon earth so I’m content with life knowing I’ve had the honour of physically laying my mind and matter upon you and immersing myself in your shrouding presence. My being in your utmost bewitching vitality and letting it engulf me into a state of ecstasy all else becomes a futile distant life and you make my existence fantastical. It’s uncanny the way I become with your love; it’s a supernatural source of energy night and day, my heart reaches its infinite limit with your love.  

How?! Living without life, without you. My mind diverts away without limit from sanity, my madness becomes maximised, unstoppable, and no barrier stands in the way of what you’ve unleashed in my mind, my soul. You are my Frankenstein; I am your monster, born to a destined doom. It’s no joke what you’ve created, what will become of me as you live on. I want you to adore me and care for me by binding our hearts together in an eternal twine; I want you to clasp my spirit in a capsule of love and relish it till the end of time. Hold onto me and let me haunt you like a phantom so even after life in the afterlife we will be happy together, we will live in our paradise. You will yearn for the sweet perfection of the fire I ignite in your heart and when it’s time for the stars to glisten upon us I’d glare into the dazzling glow in your eyes. Let it burn. Cherishing every sparkle escaping from the pits of your psyche when you look at me, the raging intense numbness, and your affection will come spewing out; I can tell you love me. This can be us. If you let it, it will be us. Only time can tell where we are to go from now, remember I will wait, decades.

When are you coming back, why couldn’t you just stay? What happened is in the past, we need to learn to move on and change for the better. To change for each other is the answer, become my lover and learn to love the right way, you should’ve never left for who you were with before. I am the only thing that should matter to you. I am the best, you are mine. We belong together. I’m sorry for the way you are, the mistakes you’ve made nevertheless it’s never too late to start to live correctly, erase the error in your decision. Rewind back to the choice you had to make, to the time of baked goods and blissful foods that I indulged you in for your delight. You and I used to delve into the fruits of the gardens in heaven. Who will it be him or me?

 As I take this breath I seal my eyes and wish upon each plum we picked for each other that the legacy we became will live on forever through the creation of true love before and after you went astray when you were with him and he took you away from me... but you were never mine, those eyes you looked at me with were never because of what I thought was bloom of love at the sight of me, I was just a stalker to you and him. You looked at me with the eyes of a warrior ready to attack me to protect his lover instead of admiration for me, I had read you wrong thus my obsession was never fulfilled because your love was not what I required; you were incapable of providing such a love because I wasn’t him I was her, a girl.

Unlovable.

To my dismay my addiction for the phenomena that is you, had accumulated till it could no longer be restrained. I was always an unrequited love, you felt pity, I eventually became a burden and you couldn’t live with me anymore. I feel restricted when I thank you as your gesture was so selfless, to try and love me for even a moment in the most unattainable way, to consider giving up being you for me. I am unforgivable. I feel pity for me as yet I still refuse to give up achieving the unachievable: your love. He was already the winner before the day my eyes had captured you so I was foolish to think you could be mine.

I love you.   

We had a good experience; the warmth I received melts my lips into a smile every time I think about us. Just us. Your love will live on as my cheesecake just a comfort maybe, but my true love. Knowing this I inhale my concluding breathe and end the aching I been enduring in this love life of mine. It’s wrong for me to live this way, unhealthy, I’ve become sick. The terminal illness is decaying away my existence soon I will be nothing without you. You’ve got a boy so it’s okay. You can’t be with me and I will never have you. The heaviness of my heart is turning it to stone and before long it will become too cold to love anyone anymore.

This is my breakdown. Everything is now thrown into a cruel perspective as my insignificant life as a result must ultimately end in the only line of attack against the accumulation of my ruthless dark feelings of love too immense for me to continue living functionally, with them escalating away within me you’ve left me demented, deranged and with child- a son- but it’s too late. I want you to live happily, I’m just sorry it couldn’t be with me. I can’t stand the sickeningly sweet taste of your love anymore; I couldn’t resist the loving killer of the ‘loving’ pain you give me.  The end enters my mouth and stuffs it with the last thought of anguish I will ever have again. I surrender my aching soul to the sweet toxic cheesecake that is my freedom: the end of us.

Live your life in peace with the one you truly love the way nature intended it to be, without what we could’ve had disturbing you. Stay by him, the one’s love you can return, share a mutual love with. Have the impossible love I desired. Please forget me. I don’t want to live on anymore even as a memory as our happiness can never be; we are always incomplete so it brings agitation to think of us, you, and me. I will end the misery here for me hence here it ends for you. Now let the regretfully restrained love I had once prevented bloom once more, henceforth for you and your true love I end us absolutely.