​Note: This chapter isn't important for the Heungsoon story. So if you aren't interested in Jungho's life, you don't need to read it :) 


Jungho's POV

Hate. The feeling I got to know when I was young. My father is an alcoholic and my mother couldn't take it anymore and left when I was 6 years old. Since then I was living alone with him. He beat me up, he threw empty bottles at me, he blamed me for my mother abandoning us and I thought that was the day when he started to hate me. And he let me feel that every day. Of course, I cried, begged, tried my best to please him, but I failed. He didn't care. After I almost starved to death, I didn't care anymore either. I decided to quietly live my life without him as much as possible. However, I couldn't just leave and I had no money, I wasn't old enough to work either. And as if all the mess wasn't enough already, some kids in school started to bully me because I had no money to eat, nor for manhwa's, games or anything. They thought it was fun to bully me. Somehow, on the one hand i just wanted to die, on the other hand I just wanted to beat everyone up, and kill them instead. No longer would I accept to be treated like that, no longer would I stay quiet. So I started to fight, beat them up and became a cold, distant person. From then on I was in hell.

Years passed. I joined a gang. All of them were older than me and they didn't really treat me well, but it was a second family. When I needed them to fight with me, they did and they didn't let me starve either. It wasn't the best, but it was alright. Because I had no one else.. However, I wasn't really living. Just because I still breathed didn't mean I was living. All the days were the same, no meaning, no reason to live, randomly fighting with other guys, eating so I won't die. My father didn't really care if I was home or not as long as I didn't ask for money and no police or teacher were annoying him. Once my teacher came home to talk to my dad since I wasn't attending school properly. Guess what he did? He beat me up, so hard, that I had to go to the hospital. But who cared? No one of course. 

It was just another day when I randomly walked through the streets, skipping classes once again. I had a fight the other day and was still injured, it hurt, but I didn't care. Suddenly I saw a guy approaching me. He wore our school uniform and I somehow felt like I had seen him before. His eyes were dark brown and strangely felt warm when I looked in them. His hair was just as brown and his skin was a little darker than other's, too. 

"Oh Jungho?" the boy suddenly asked.

I just stared at him rather coldly.

"Ah, I guess you don't remember me..." he smiled awkwardly. "I'm Lee Jihoon, your classmate. We actually sit next to each other, but since you don't really attend classes I guess you don't know."

Ah, I knew I had seen him before.."So, what is it?" I asked.

"Our homeroom teacher is worried and I told him I was going to talk to you."

"No need."

"Yah...I came all the way here, let's at least talk a little."

"Saekki-yah, I don't want to spend my time with you."

Jihoon hissed and just grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside the small manhwa store. I shoved him off and raised my voice. "I told you I don't want to!"

"Calm down. I'm not going to bother you to go back to school. Honestly, I just needed a reason to skip and used it as an excuse. Weird enough that I really found you. I just thought I could pretend to be a good student, but there is no need. You don't care for things like that anyway, and neither do I. So, just choose a manhwa you like, my treat. I need a new one, too" Jihoon talked calmly and began to search for a manhwa he heard about. I only stared at him in disbelief, but was actually a little relieved that he didn't want to bother me. However, I didn't need anyone's pity.

"Bastard." I mumbled before leaving the store. After a few minutes Jihoon suddenly grabbed my wrist again, making me turn around to him. "What?!"

He looked so innocent that I somehow calmed down a little. 

"I bought to manhwas I wanted to read." He started and gave me one of them. "Let's read one of them and exchange them afterwards."

"Why are you annoying me with your ?"

"Well, it's boring to hang out alone all the time. C'mon. Let's just do it."

This guy was surely not going to give up, so I just nodded and hoped time would pass fast. However, he made me smile slightly after all these years...

That was how I met Jihoon, the guy who changed my life, turning it into a bigger mess than before. Instead of going to school he came searching for me and I got used to him after a while. We were usually just reading manhwas or eating ramyeon, but it was a good feeling to be with someone who actually seemed to want to be with me. After a while, he introduced me to his good friend Yikyung, who began to hang out with us from then on. While I was usually rather quiet Yikyung and Jihoon fooled around all the time, making fun of each other, telling jokes or random things that were on their minds. Because I wasn't like that myself it was amusing and fun to watch them. Slowly, I began to l live again.

A year had passed. More or less we began to attend school again or hang out with the gang, though we usually wouldn't go there that much because we were fine on our own. However, when I needed money I went there and borrowed from them, knowing that it wasn't a good idea, but I didn't care. Jihoon's birthday was coming soon and I wanted to buy him a give. I'd never even told them I was glad that they were my friends, I was still rude and distant, but they were always by my side no matter what. So I decided to try my best to do at least small things for them. I bought a gift and went to Jihoon's house late at night. Somehow, I didn't know how to give him the gift or what to say. "Here, saekki-yah, a gift for you......" ...the hell?! no..."Jihoon-ah..I bought you a gift! Happy birthday!!" ...disgusting!...aish, I shouldn't have bought him the gift in the first place!!.... It was difficult for me, who had never congratulated anyone, to think of a proper way to hand him the gift. I was nervous when I arrived and froze in front of his house. I glanced through the window and saw that the lights were off. Maybe they are already sleeping.. Honestly, I was a little relieved and lay the gift in front of the door. That way he would find it the next morning. A good solution. However, when I turned around to leave the door suddenly swung open.

"Oh, Jungho-yah! What are you doing here this late?" Jihoon asked, obviously surprise. I hesitantly turned around to look at him, he was smiling brightly, holding a trash bag in his hand. 

"Ehm..I just .." I mumbled, not really answering his question at all.

Anyway, Jihoon's eyes darted down and he saw the gift I put there. His eyes widened and he looked at me again. "You rememebred my birthday and even bought me a gift?"

Because my mouth didn't let me speak properly I just quietly nodded and looked the other way. All of a sudden I heard the trash bag dropping on the floor. When I looked up again there were two arms pulling me into a soft embrace. I gulped and froze. Jihoon just ran to me and hugged me. 

"Thank you a lot, Jungho-yah. It means a lot to me.." he whispered.

That was the first time my heart began to race...

Well, I had to admit, I had fallen for him. Of course, I didn't want to believe it, I refused to feel this way. However, my body betrayed me every time we were close, he laughed or touched me. After a few more weeks I gave in and admitted that I had fallen for a guy. I hated it, but because it was Jihoon, it was alright. Thanks to him I was able to feel happy again - though I couldn't show it, I wasn't alone anymore, I didn't feel as useless as before anymore. It was alright as long as it was him. But because it was my life, the situation just had to change, and it did. A new student transferred to our school and was no in our class. Go Namsoon. First I just ignored him since I didn't really care about my classmates, but as Jihoon began to observe this guy more and more every week, I got annoyed. So I started to observe him, too, tried to figure out why he seemed to be interesting. Honestly, he was pretty much nothing special. He never spoke when he wasn't asked, he was sleeping during class, he never smiled, he wasn't that good-looking nor was he good at anything. Namsoon was nothing special at all, however, Jihoon seemed to have a different opinion and I hated it. I simply hated it. I have to chase him away... Again, I began to fell into hell again.

"Jungho-yah, please stop! ......I like him." Jihoon said anxiously, holding onto my wrist so I wouldn't leave. 

"Mwo?"

"I like Namsoon...so please stop hurting him..."

My heart skipped a beat. Still...I knew it. I think I knew it before he knew himself. That was the reason why I started to bully him in the first place. However, hearing these words was horrible. I didn't want to know. As long as I didn't know for sure there was a chance for me, right? I really didn't want to know. Jihoon and I were drifting apart. I could feel it. More and more every second. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. Why him? Why? He mustn't do that! He just mustn't! ..Yikyung and Jihoon were the only people in my life who would stay by my side no matter what...but now..Jihoon...Jihoon was leaving me just like that...

I swore myself to make Namsoon and his master Heungsoo suffer. I went so far to even steal things from the gang, pretending that it was Heungsoo, knowing that Namsoon would come to rescue and take the blame. And he did. He was so uneasy and even begged me...suddenly confessed his love to Heungsoo. I hated it.  Why did he tell me that again? I didn't want to hear it. Knowing that he suffered due to the same pain as me..I didn't want to feel sorry for him. I refused to pity him. However, I failed again. Though I hated him, he knew how it feels to love someone who wouldn't return your love. And he knew pain, that was something I found out while observing him. I still hated him, but if Jihoon really loved that guy, I shouldn't treat him like that anymore, right? At least I could try to be a good friend, right? .....I still hated it.

new update~ and i'm teasing you here :P no heungsoon~ xD haha but don't worry, i will update again this weekend. 

but i felt like writing this chapter so, i hope you don't mind !