A/N: This is the longest oneshot I've ever written and it's probably jam-packed full of stupid, silly mistakes. Please ignore those if you love me. 

On with the fanfiction, my pretties ~  

When SHINee disbanded people decided to view it as a one-sided thing; either you go on solo or you completely erase your footprints from the edge the earth. It wasn’t all that simple, though. For Jonghyun, he wanted to go with the latter but instead everything became miscellaneous. He never really cut that tether that permanently bound him to SM. He went incognito and became a song writer and occasionally managed groups. But after a few years SHINee, though still remembered and commemorated by many, merely faded and turned to dust being nothing but a broken memory. Eventually the group as a composition was forgotten but not the individual names.

There were those occasional moments where someone would recognise Jonghyun and make a slightly big deal about it but that was it.

Key became a designer, of some sort, and became something bigger than what SHINee was because the moment he made his first million he left the country and never came back.

Onew decided that he’d become a chef. This wasn’t particularly peculiar or unprecedented. Onew always liked food and often surprised people with his extensive knowledge that he offered on the subject at social events. Onew wasn’t much of a figure in the music industry as he was back in the day but you do get to see his face all over the food network.

Minho decided to open up a gym. His exercise videos were condescending and made Jongyun laugh until his stomach ached but Minho quickly became a success and got to promote his career and whatnot on variety shows. It was all very amusing to Jonghyun but Minho was the only one he still frequently contacted only because he was easier to gain access to.

Taemin, on the other hand, is the only one who inadvertently keeps the boy-band flame ignited since he’s the only one with enough ambition and will to continue pursuing a career in music. Jonghyun admired Taemin once. He was devoted, ambitious, assertive, compassionate, talented and was a pure ambassador of the ‘only hard work will get you where you want to go’ trend. Soon after his solo career launched he became, well, a huge, self-involved . But Jonghyun got to see him a lot again for some time when he was appointed as his song writer but ultimately got sacked from the job when Taemin decided Jonghyun’s lyrics were too mellow and unsuitable for his style. Taemin was still a part of SM, but his narcissism and -ism distances him from everyone else—or Jonghyun at least.  

Jonghyun never thought that he’d see the day where the five reunited as one again. He wouldn’t be so bitter and nonplussed about the disbandment if it wasn’t for the way things had abruptly ended. It was almost like when an author finishes a book on a cliff-hanger—except Jonghyun’s sure he’ll never be able to witness another chapter of the SHINee story.

Things were already broken before it was announced that they were officially anyway. Taemin at the time was already taking into consideration breaking apart from the group to go solo—indefinitely. This made Onew mad and for those entire few, fleeting weeks Onew went into cooking mode. It was something he did whenever things went sour; he always thought that the miracle of food would rectify a situation—if not completely then temporarily. That was just one of those times when large meals and desserts didn’t solve a thing.

If anyone was more unfazed by the whole fiasco it was Minho who mostly stayed in their shared bedroom—effectively locking everyone out—as Taemin and Onew fought over the reputation and state of the group day in and day out.

At the time, Jonghyun and Key were unaware of the almost-certain termination of their contracts as a boy band—mostly because they spent most of their time in a secluded part of the building, Jonghyun ing Key senseless.

The only moments Jonghyun ever missed deeply were the moments with Key. Prior to the disbandment, Key had promised Jonghyun that they’d stay together. Jonghyun still wonders where that promise went—probably wasted and forgotten like the entire legacy they had built together.

He had never been fond of the suits and ties that the label had always forced him into. They were much too iridescent and flashy for Jonghyun’s taste; for he was pretty big on casual jeans and a t-shirt.

He wasn’t even aware that he was going to see the other four that night until he someone at work had told him if he was going to make it to the reunion party to which he responded, ‘who’s being reunited?’

The entire thing was scripted, typically. SM wouldn’t inform Jonghyun beforehand about his own reunion because preparation was a thing to be ignored. Jonghyun heard that one of them (Onew he’d think) would have to touch people’s hearts with a sentimental speech about how much the other members of SHINee mean to them and how thrilled they are to see all five of them together in one venue after ions apart from each other.

Jonghyun’s not overjoyed by the prospect of this, nor is he even interested how it’s going to play out. He’s eighty-nine per cent certain that if God were able to merge all five of the ex-SHINee members into one room together it woud just resume from where they paused it; Onew and Taemin amidst fight, Minho absent while himself and Key tend to their own personal issues.

He doesn’t think Key will be there. Since Key disappeared he seemed to have left his dignity and self-respect behind. He’s convinced himself that he’s bigger than what he actually is so maybe he’s too important to even show up to their staged reunion?

But still, he can’t help but think about Key despite some of those thoughts being generally negative and abolishing whatever new found sense of righteousness he may have found designing handbags or whatever-the-. What if he does show up looking more fantastic than he did when they were together years ago? He’s certainly more beautiful in person than how they perceive him in the magazines. But even if he is beautiful there’s probably no sincerity left in how he portrays himself. Same goes for Taemin.

Jonghyun had made his own arrangements to get picked up by Minho when Songji, a work friend, called Jonghyun while he was in the shower to inform that Soo Man was making travel arrangements for him; a black conspicuous van with the tinted windows and everything. Jonghyun was just being cautious by declining the offer knowing that Soo Man is a man with ulterior motives.

Jonghyun and Minho agreed to arrive fashionably late to miss out on as much socialising as possible. They both hypothesised that Onew would possibly make it but Taemin and Key most likely wouldn’t; Taemin because Onew would be present and Key for various reasons. Minho is the only one who was ever aware of Jonghyun and Key’s relationship and agreed to feign obliviousness as long as they kept the and grunting to a minimum and the stories safely hidden in the confinements of their memories.

When Minho picks up Jonghyun, he ends up in one of those vans with tinted windows. It wasn’t so much the vehicle that Jonghyun was anxious about. It was because he could trust Minho and not Soo Man to make sure that there aren’t any sudden plot twists in the night’s plan.

On the event schedule there’s supposed to be a performance by the boys themselves. It was too easy to assume that the only reason why this is happening—and so spontaneously—is because SM needs money and Soo Man plans on leeching off of the profits made from this event. It was a classic SM money-making scheme.

“We’re probably not going to perform anyway,” Minho says. “I can barely even remember the lyrics to more than half of our songs. Besides, how could we perform if not all five of us are in attendance? I’m telling you: this plan has already failed before it’s even started.”

“Soo Man wouldn’t be mad,” Jonghyun says. “He’s still going to get the money. They’ve got trainee performances planned from six to seven.”

“Yeah but everyone’s going to be expecting us. The fantastic five. The “shining boys of SHINee”. They may be temporarily distracted by everything else Soo Man has got planned out but all everyone really wants to get out of tonight is seeing all five of us smiling and dancing next to each other—let alone being in the same room as one another.”

“Oh please. We’re self-destructive. The moment you get Onew and Taemin in the same room all hell will break loose and Taemin’s gonna start throwing vases.”

“What if Key shows up? Ah, that’s a stupid question. You’ll probably him.”

Jonghyun knows Minho is kidding but the idea of Key actually showing up makes him want to throw up.

“He won’t,” Jonghyun says. “He’s probably just as clever as us. He knows this is a horrible, insane and stupid-beyond-belief idea and he’ll just not show up.”

“Yeah,” Minho says. “That or he’s just an .”

“That’s coming from the guy who makes money by emphasising the importance of having a great body. That’s just prideful, man.”

“At least I’m making money. How much does SM pay you again? Five cents an hour? Five cents a day?”

Jonghyun rolls his eyes.

They get caught in traffic and profusely thank the gods for such an obstruction. Despite how certain they are about the others not showing up, there’s still the possibility that they do and Soo Man gets what he wants; publicity for the company and also a joy out of watching the destruction unravel before him once again.

The car drops them off in front of the venue. They step out and immediately there’s an abundance of blinding flashes and questions being darted from various sections of the crowd. There’s also an area set up for the fans to watch Minho and Jonghyun walk by. The fans are crying—all of them—but neither Jonghyun nor Minho can bring themselves to be empathetic for them.

When they enter the building and escape the pandemonium of flashes and indistinct screaming and wailing Minho sighs.

“My balls can’t fit in these tight- ing jeans. Be thankful you have a small ,” Minho says.

Jonghyun chuckles. He’s never realised how much he actually valued his friendship with Minho before. They’re mostly screaming vulgarities at each other and complaining about all aspects of their everyday life but he guesses the lack of seriousness is what Jonghyun likes about their relationship. They don’t have much of an emotional investment in each other and Jonghyun wouldn’t be crushingly disheartened if they were to ever have a fall out but he still values their relationship as one of the most important relationships he’s ever had.

It’s a long and quiet elevator ride up to the top floor. The sounds of their steady breaths inundate the tight area. Jonghyun occupies himself with looking around everywhere and always checking on Minho who seems completely calm and collected, but he knows they both share the same premonition that something is going to go wrong.

When the doors slide open Jonghyun holds his breath, anticipating some sort of large gathering and a loud reaction. It’s only a foyer with an entryway at the end of the end where Jonghyun can see figures moving about and groups of people chattering.

“Jesus,” Jonghyun sighs breathlessly. He’s about to step out but just lingers with Minho by the doors making sure they don’t close.

“I know,” Minho says and he’s sweating. He can see the droplets slide down his neck making his skin glisten.

Jonghyun turns to Minho sharply. “We should bail.”

Minho nods enthusiastically. “Yes, mhm, I second that motion.”

Jonghyun turns to that entryway at the end of the foyer and watches as people move about in their extravagant outfits and perfectly styled hairdos.

“What do you think is gonna happen when we walk in?” he asks, still staring in awe and swallowing down the urge to jump out the window.

“I don’t know. I don’t really want to know. I kind of…do you need to throw up? I think I need to throw up. My lungs are so heavy I can barely breathe. I have to force myself to breathe, man. . This was such a bad idea. We should bail before anyone realises we actually made an effort to get here.” Minho shakes his head. “Nah, wait, we can’t. The photographers down stairs. People probably already know we’re here.”

They finally step out of the elevator and the sound of the doors shutting gently behind them is like hearing an alert that shouts that their lives are going to end and they’ll began a descent into disparity.

“We should totally bail,” Minho says desperately.

Jonghyun clutches onto his arm. “No,” he says and stands in front of Minho. “We…We can do this. We can totally do this. We just…We stick together, alright?”

“Weren’t you the one who suggested we bail?”

“Yes…but…Alright, look. I realised—just two seconds ago—that we have to do this. No matter what happens. For closure—or something. I don’t know. I just feel like we have to do this. I mean…these people were our family. And I guess…I kind of want to see them. We’ve been ignoring our history together for a long time instead of trying to remedy our mistakes. We need to do this.”

Minho scoffs. “Yes that’s all nice and beautiful. Someone get you an award for that brilliant speech.” Jonghyun rolls his eyes. Minho runs his hand through his hair which he seems to have made an effort to keep short all these years. “No one’s gonna show up. This is all pointless. Everything about this is meaningless. Remedying mistakes, seeking closure, seeing everyone after leaving everything in shambles—what is that all gonna benefit? This is all so pointless, Jonghyun.”

There’s a ledge by the window and Minho collapses onto it, heavily leaning his back against the window. Jonghyun wants to tell him not to do that as if his weight would break the glass and he’ll fall but he doesn’t. Instead he joins him by the ledge and stares down at the floor, loosening his tie a bit.

“I guess I just wanted to know if Key showed up,” Jonghyun admits and it’s painful for him.

Minho leans forward and looks at Jonghyun. “And what would you do?” he asks. “What would you do if everyone showed up? You want to fix things, right? How do you plan on doing that Jonghyun, huh?”

Minho’s getting worked up and Jonghyun knows why. It’s all frustrating and the nerves are weighing them down like anchors. But that’s the thing. Jonghyun thinks they’re stuck. They’re stuck because all five of them aren’t together. They’re stuck because they departed on a bad note. The anchors are baggage and Jonghyun just wants to get rid of it. He thinks he can do that with one glimpse at Key.

“Do you remember what it was like when Onew and Taemin kept arguing?”

Jonghyun nods timidly. “Yeah, what about it?”

“I just…I remember how much it hurt me. When that started happening it dawned on me that we wouldn’t have much time left together. I always pictured it that way. We had an expiry date. It was like they knew this would happen to us. They wanted it to happen.”

“Not that you cared,” Jonghyun mutters cynically.

“Of course I cared,” Minho says like it hurts him to admit it. It probably just hurts to remember it. It hurts to remember that it all happened and they couldn’t prevent it. They had an expiry date and there was no way to extend it. “You guys were my family. You were the biggest thing that ever happened to me. I just…I don’t know. I ignored it so I could stop it from hurting when we actually departed, I guess.”

“Key said that when it finally happened,” Jonghyun recalls longingly. “He said he didn’t want it to hurt. He wanted us to be sempiternal.”

“Then he just left without a word,” Minho says and it sends the hurt crashing down on Jonghyun once again.

Jonghyun, to this day, still likes to believe that Key meant what he said about wanting them to be sempiternal. Jonghyun wanted it too—maybe more than anyone else. He didn’t want to see an end to the five of them. Even when they signed those papers and they were officially emancipated from SM’s death-grip, Jonghyun still felt like nothing was officially over. It was a little flutter in his heart like a last shred of hope. Even as the years kept going and they became longer and just a little more painful, that last shred of hope never disappeared.

There’s a roar of laughter that originates from inside and echoes through the foyer. Jonghyun takes one last look at the night sky outside before turning to Minho and saying, “You ready to go inside?”

Minho nods his head.

As they approach the entryway Jonghyun’s heart becomes heavier and his throat constricts. He feels the need to throw up but he can’t because they’ve finally made their presence known and everyone has stopped conversing just to watch them walk in together. They don’t look presentable. Minho is drenched in sweat and Jonghyun’s tie is undone and he messed up his hair when they were in the car. Everyone starts clapping softly. The soft clapping culminated into a full-blown round of applause with a bunch of hooting here and there when the two of them finally make their way into a large spotlight in the centre of the room. Jonghyun and Minho look at each other before smiling at everyone in order to please the crowd.

They’re directed to the snack table and people have already helped themselves. They delayed their arrival much too long. As they fill their plates with food, they both thoroughly scan the room for Onew, Taemin or Key. Jonghyun goes through the crowd four times and doesn’t spot either of the three but he had made it his main focus to find Key.

“I don’t know what this is,” Minho says as he picks up something with a tong. “But it’s square shaped.” With that, Minho drops it onto his plate. “Seriously, though, what the was that round of applause?”

“We’re pretty important,” Jonghyun says.

“Whatever. It was weird. It’s like when people clap when the plane lands.”

Jonghyun’s only been in there for a few minutes but he’s already feeling claustrophobic. Nobody has even tried talking to him yet—and that genuinely surprises him. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the socialising part of this event but now that no socialising is being initiated it’s making him feel nervous. Out of the crowd he can see all the trainee groups crowding together in their own little self-designated space amongst the crowd. Neither of them have debuted yet and all of them Jonghyun had the pleasure of working with at some point. A lot of them expressed their gratitude and respect towards Jonghyun and almost all of them asked about his opinions of SHINee’s spontaneous and controversial disbandment. He never got into detail and reached deep down into his personal feelings when he answered but he always told them that some things were never meant to last. He does truly believe in that sentiment but in the case of SHINee’s disbandment, it’s completely invalid. He always thought—and still thinks—SHINee was supposed to be forever.

“So great that you guys could make it,” someone says and it turns out to be Yunho. Yunho is smiling despite the crutch. He limps his way over to Jonghyun and Minho. They cower behind a large ice sculpture that distorts their reflections. “Oh come out from there,” Yunho says.

They step forward a little bit and Yunho leans his crutch against the table. He puts an arm around Jonghyun and then tentatively wraps the other around Minho’s shoulders.

Yunho and Changmin were still good friends but haven’t performed together in years. Their separate careers are sporadic, dysfunctional and always abrupt. People say that the two don’t get along well anymore but Jonghyun begs to differ.

“I always knew that you two stayed good friends,” Yunho says and beams at them.

“Are you okay just standing like this?” Jonghyun asks, concerned.

“I’m perfectly fine balancing my weight on you both but thanks,” Yunho replies and even reaches around further over Jonghyun for a spring roll.

“What even happened?” Minho asks.

Yunho laughs and some bits of the spring roll fall from his lips. “Oh. I sprained an ankle. But it’s all good. I’ll be dancing by my next comeback.”

Even though he’s got one more comeback left before his contract expires, Jonghyun thinks it’s best for him to retire now. He’s knows Yunho has a long medical history record that includes seven times he’s broken a leg, four times he’s broken an arm and many times he’s fainted from exhaustion. Soo Man doesn’t have any plans on renewing his contract nor does he even plan on letting Yunho go with any kind of compensation or fair share of the profit.

“So, Minho…”

The two engage into a detailed discussion about Minho’s career and recommended rach other certain exercises and diets. Jonghyun has no interest in either of the topics and decides to do some roaming about. When he finally immerses himself in the crowd a lot more people begin paying attention to him. With a lot of the conversations, Jonghyun barely puts in any effort.

“Hey guys, can I borrow him for a little while?” a voice asks in the distance and the crowd that had formed around Jonghyun immediately part for the mystery person.

Jessica is wearing a short, light pink cocktail dress and he hair is let down, curled perfectly at the ends. She has decided to go blonde again, apparently, and wedges herself in between Songji and a fellow SM trainee.

Jonghyun is overjoyed to see her and she winks at him. She diverts their attention from Jonghyun with a nice segue and in a matter of seconds they’re all completely invested in her. It’s been years since he’s seen her and she’s barely aged. Her hair does seem a little dry, though, maybe from dying it too much but other than that she’s still flawless.

She manages to lead the crowd elsewhere and the moment they’re gone, Jessica latches onto Jonghyun. Jonghyun has his hands on her waist and he breathes in her scent. She smells like strawberry lotion.

“Hey Jonghyun,” she says casually despite the emotional hug.

They tear apart from each other. “Jess,” Jonghyun says.

“How have you been spending your time?” she asks.

Jonghyun sighs deeply. “Missing you,” he says with a smirk.

She hits him playfully and they laugh together. People had over misconceived their relationship to be that of a romantic one but really they were just extremely close. When Jonghyun didn’t have Key then he had Jessica.

When Girls’ Generation disbanded, Jessica and Tiffany went back to America but not necessarily together. He didn’t bother making efforts to contact either of the members of Girls’ Generation since, but through one of the emails Jessica had sent them she had mentioned that ‘the girls’ were still close and were frequently contacting each other.

Girls’ Generation hadn’t ended controversially but many mourned the loss of a legendary group. They were treated like a staple for modern girl groups that came up nowadays.

“Taeyeon’s here,” Jonghyun says doubtfully. He had spotted a girl in the crowd earlier that looked like Taeyeon but he wasn’t so sure.

“Oh, yeah, I know. We talked.”

“Did you just show up?” Jonghyun asks.

“Oh, yeah,” she says, swiping her fingers through her hair. “So Minho’s here. Did anyone else…?”

“No. Minho and I reckon Onew is going to make an appearance but as for Taemin and Key…”

Jessica rolls her eyes. “Oh that Taemin,” she says as if the phrase itself and saying Taemin’s name is exasperating. “Jesus…You know he emailed me asking if we could do a song together and I was like, , I’m retired.”

“I haven’t spoken in like…ages,” Jonghyun says remorsefully.

“Yeah, well, he’s still an . My god, do you remember when he was, like, a kid. I can’t believe he managed to transform himself into an .”

“I think he’s still the same,” Jonghyun says hopefully. “Maybe it just turns out that he doesn’t like a solo career as much as he thought he would.”

Jessica rolls her eyes and flicks her hair in a disparaging manner. “Whatever. Listen. I know that this is just a publicity stunt by Soo Man—typically—but I’m still really happy for you.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

“I know how hard it is for you to be here. But I’m going to leave you to it. I can’t stay here and baby you throughout the entire night.”

“It says on the schedule that you’re performing,” Jonghyun informs her.

She scoffs. “Like hell I am. In this shoes? Dream on, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun’s about to say that he had stopped dreaming a long time ago but decides it’s far too much of a miserable thing to say. He watches Jessica strut away, wobbling on her heels occasionally and swinging her glass around. Since retiring, Jessica had taken up drinking more frequently. She’s drunk most of the time when Jonghyun gets a chance to see her. It’s becoming a problem.

In the distance Jonghyun can see Yunho and Minho’s heads poking above the crowd. They’re laughing together and leaning in close as if discussing private issues.

Jonghyun can’t stand being here. It’s either because being as far away from the spotlight for much too long has made him frightened of it or because his heart keeps wailing over Key’s absence. To his surprise, no one has gone up to speak to him and maybe that’s because Jonghyun’s just one fifth of why everyone’s here. Nothing matters until all five of them together. But that’s just the way Jonghyun thinks of it. He reckons he’d be more inclined to look interested and emotional over everything that’s happening if the other three were actually present.

He exits into the foyer with ease and heads into the elevator, punching the button for the seventeenth floor. This isn’t the first time Jonghyun has been here. He knows that on the sixteenth floor there is a smoking area where he used to accompany Taemin when Taemin felt like damaging his lungs with cigarettes. He remembered how disheartened he was when Onew had discovered a pack of cigarettes in one of Taemin’s coat pockets. That was just the first of many arguments the two had.

There’s a brisk coldness when Jonghyun steps outside onto the balcony. It’s dense and it surges through Jonghyun’s body. The railings are waist-high. Jonghyun was never fond of heights, so it always made him apprehensive. That’s not really the case tonight. He leans over the railing and stares down at the city beneath him. He admires it—the city—sometimes, but most times he dreams about running away from it.

He hears quiet voices from around the corner where the balcony takes a turn and continues along the entire right side of the building. Jonghyun follows the voices, intrigued, and when he turns the corner he sees two very well dressed men with one dangling a cigarette between his fingers. It’s difficult to determine the identities of the two people due to the various places his mind it at, but he soon recognises the one with the cigarette to be Taemin.

Taemin’s wearing a thick leather jacket with pointed studs on the collar. He’s got the whole smoky-eyed look going on with his eye make-up. That look has progressively become his trademark. The fans love it and Jonghyun could see why but considering how well Jonghyun has known him prior to this sudden change in personality, Jonghyun reckons he looks like a . But it’s a concept assigned by someone else and the fact that it’s so contrived and insincere makes the perception a whole lot worse.

Jonghyun stays hidden behind the corner eavesdropping on the conversation. He doesn’t know who Taemin’s talking to. Taemin’s been the only one talking for a while. When he drops the cigarette and reaches into his pocket for another and lights it, that’s when he notices Jonghyun.

“Kim Jonghyun?” he says incredulously.

He lets the newly lit cigarette slip from his fingers accidentally. His mouth is still hanging open when he quickly steps his foot on it to put it out. The mystery person finally turns around. It’s Key.

Taemin is stuttering and trying to get the perfect thing to say out of his mouth. Jonghyun’s much too focused on Key to admire his efforts or to even acknowledge the fact that he’s in his presence.

Key’s hair is blonde but the fringe is a vibrant blue. His eyes are outlined with black and his lips are just the faintest shade of red. He looks spectacular. Jonghyun knew he would. He just can’t bring himself to say anything. He’s vacillating between bowing at Key’s feet and kissing the back of his hand and yelling at Taemin for causing all that distress oh so many years ago.

“The have you been?” Jonghyun ends up asking the both of them, combining eager curiosity and blinding rage.

“Me?” Taemin immediately responds. “Oh, I’ve been in the country—mostly. I’ve been in China and Japan a lot over the years. Thanks for asking. Hey do you smoke yet?”

Taemin offers Jonghyun a cigarette. Jonghyun grimaces and shakes his head.

“Whatever,” Taemin says.

Jonghyun looks at Key who seems to be doing his best to distance himself from Jonghyun as much as possible as if her were contagious. He thinks about whether or not Key has the same urge to kiss him as he does. He wants to kiss Key. Hold him. Caress him.

Taemin pries him out of his thoughts.

“Hey, hey,” he’s annoyingly repeating as he snaps his fingers in front of his face. “Did Onew show up?”

“Why do you want to know?” Jonghyun asks defensively but also hesitantly. Taemin is suddenly scaring him like a daunting authority figure. He’s not sure why. He reckons it’s because Taemin is the one who changed the most out of all of them.

Taemin shrugs as he’s lighting another cigarette. Jonghyun swats it away from his lips, catching both himself and Taemin off guard.

“I was just about to do that myself,” a voice speaks from behind. Minho joins them and makes it a foursome. He’s smug and casual, not resembling the sweating trembling mess he was back in the foyer just moments ago. “Smoking kills.”

“Well if it isn’t mister fitness man,” Key says.

Jonghyun is startled by his voice. It’s just the same as before. He doesn’t know why that would’ve changed. He is suddenly very alarmed by the fact that the four of them are together.

“Ah, the beautiful Key; how I did not miss you so,” Minho says with a smirk.

Key pushes him and they both laugh like old times. Jonghyun had always admired Minho for being the kind of guy everyone feels comfortable and happy to converse with. He doesn’t like that fact that Minho has suddenly arrived—or the fact that Taemin has allegedly been here the entire time—because he wants to be with Key. Alone. Together.

“You’re still a bastard. A really tall bastard,” Key says. He turns to Jonghyun. “Aren’t you going to give me a kiss, big boy?”

Jonghyun’s eyes widen. “Ah…”

“Oh look at him!” Minho is saying but laughing at the same time. He squeezes Jonghyun’s cheeks together with one hand, making him look like a fish, and laughing hysterically. “He’s completely dumbfounded.”

Everyone is laughing suddenly but Jonghyun is, in fact, dumbfounded. This isn’t how he pictured how everything would go down. He pictured mortal combat, vases being thrown at one another and then an ending in which the entire facility burns to ashes.

The laughing ceases much too quickly and a silence dawns on them. From below they can hear the stress of the traffic. It’s loud yet so far away and Jonghyun is stuck here in a situation that he can neither fix nor comprehend.

Despite the fact that no one is talking and that no one seems to have the desire to spark a conversation, Jonghyun feels almost complete. Just almost. He wants Onew here. He feels like Onew would solve everything—or if not, break everything apart and then put it back together.

He’s still daydreaming about alone time with Key. He pictures them in different sceneries; here, his bed, in a forest, in a garden, in an interrogation room. He pictures them everywhere and in every sequence they’re alone but never touching. The fact that they haven’t touched each other or tackled a discussion about the past, the present or future makes even the little Jonghyun in his mind wary of touching Key.

Taemin backs away from the incomplete circle to smoke and rests a hand over the railing. He still wants to yell at him about causing their disbandment even if he is sure it’s not entirely or even slightly his fault. He wants to yell at him for being a , becoming a , for not doing the laundry that one time, for never washing the dishes and also for allowing himself to become so distant with the people who he used to call family.

Jonghyun and Onew had alternated with roll of being the father. Key had been a mother of some sort. Minho was the mature older brother and Taemin was the child that everyone felt like they needed to take care of. It wasn’t a practiced or even known role play that they were acutely aware of, but Jonghyun knew that that’s how they all saw it as. They were a family. They each had their own roles and duties to uphold. But then they lost that connectedness along the way.

“When did you two even arrive anyway,” Minho asks.

Taemin is alone by the railing. His ears twitch at the question but he continues smoking like it’s something he’d much rather be doing. Key’s blatantly hesitant to answer the question. Jonghyun wonders if Key would’ve prefer it if he had never seen his face.

“Oh, um, we arrived together—Taemin and I.”

“Oh,” Minho and Jonghyun says together, tilting their chins up and then lowering in a long nod.

“So you two have been keeping contact with each other all this time?”

“Yeah,” Key admits this guiltily.

“I’m a charity case to him,” Taemin says.

“Oh you’re no charity case,” Key says, turning back to him.

Taemin blows smoke. “Maybe not anymore. But when I came to you in need of food and shelter and clothes you thought I was a charity case.”

“Well yeah because you were wet and freezing your off…”

“So you admit it!” Taemin shouts like he’s won the argument but then he’s slumping like he’s lost a war. “You admit it,” he reiterates more quietly. “I was a charity case. You pitied me.”

“I did not pity you—look. I’m not going to have this argument with you for the thousandth ing time.”

“Whatever. I’m surprised none of you have tried punching me in the balls yet.”

“Why would we punch you in the balls?” Minho asks.

Taemin turns, blowing smoke again. “Oh, I don’t ing know? Maybe because it’s obvious you all blame me for what happened to us.”

“No one blames you,” Jonghyun says and the sincerity is so contrived that he feels like he’s actually saying that everyone blames him.

“Bull-ing-,” Taemin curses bitterly.  “That is bull especially coming from you, Jonghyun. You said to me the day we got our contracts terminated that it was my fault. I still have dreams where it’s just that scene replaying over and over in my head.”

Jonghyun tries his hardest to retrieve the memory from somewhere in his mind but he can never seem to recall it. He remembers thinking that everything was Taemin’s fault but those thoughts only started manifesting after they had actually broken up.

It suddenly clicks in Jonghyun’s mind that maybe the person who has been putting so much blame on Taemin for their disbandment wasn’t him or Onew or Key but Taemin.

No one says anything for a long time. Jonghyun wonders what the atmosphere would be like if they were to have this argument downstairs where everyone is still waiting for the five of them to come together.

“Hey, does anyone want to check if Onew has made it?” Key asks.

“I’m not going back down there,” Jonghyun responds.  

“I’m not going down there,” Taemin then says.

Key sighs then leans against the railing beside Taemin. “I’m sorry,” Jonghyun hears him whisper. Key is leaning in close to Taemin’s ear. They’re whispering close to each other, seeming remorseful.

Minho leads Jonghyun away from them behind the corner. He can’t see Taemin nor Key anymore but he can still hear their hushed, indecipherable whispers.

“I knew you were up here but I was not expecting you to be in the company of those two,” Minho whispers. Jonghyun notices that Minho’s actually sweating more than before. Jonghyun offers him the tissue that had been resting neatly in his pocket. “I actually came up here for a reason.”

“Oh? And what would that reason be?”

“Onew’s actually here.”

Jonghyun’s not as alarmed by this as he should be. The news actually makes him feel complete. They’re all here. They all made an effort to be here which means that they all still care about each other in some way.

“Should we bring him up?” Jonghyun asks.

Minho shrugs. “I’m not sure.”

“Does he seem, um, hostile?”

Minho scoffs. “Onew being hostile? Are you kidding? Hell no. Can you imagine that? Onew’s a ing butterfly.”

“A butterfly who really likes to cook,” Jonghyun asks.

“But seriously do you think we should bring him up?”

“I don’t know. It seems like a risky move.”

“Why are we talking like we’re devising a plan to annihilate another army in a war?”

“I don’t know,” Jonghyun answers even though he knows the question is mostly intended to be rhetorical. “I like that Onew made it but I feel like making his presence known by those two—especially Taemin—could make or break things. I don’t know. Putting us all together in one room would cause a bad reaction and then we’d all explode.”

“You were the one who said we needed to be reunited for closure or some . What is with you? You’re happy about this then unhappy the next,” Minho says exasperatedly.

Jonghyun sighs like he’s given up. “You can’t expect me—or any of us—to be so…coherent about everything. It feels so surreal to be here. But surreal in the bad way. The kind of surreal that makes me want to slit my own throat.”

The more he talks the more he sounds confused about what he’s saying. He’s quite humbled but also excited with a hint of extreme anxiety and fright.

“Jonghyun,” Minho says softly. “Breathe. In. Out. In—okay good.”

“My breathing is fine,” Jonghyun snaps. “It’s just that my mind is all jumbled and .”

“Oh, alright, fine. How about a little recap? Talk me through your emotions.”

“Oh ing hell Minho. Not this . Please not this .” Jonghyun rubs his forehead. The jumbled mess that is his thoughts is aggravating him.

“Just tell me what you wanted to get out of this when you found out this was happening.”

“Why are you doing this? How—when did you become a ing therapist?”

Minho shrugs. “I’ve been getting more acquainted with my emotional, therapeutic side over the years. Just answer the question.”

“Neither of us wanted to be here!”

“Yeah but don’t tell me you didn’t have expectations.”

Jonghyun had many expectations and most of them repelled each other. At first he was thinking this was a scam for money—which he still thinks it is. He thought it was a bad idea overall, idiotic and insane. Then he thinks about that thing he said about closure. When he said it he felt so clearheaded and sure. He remembered thinking for a little while that he craved to be in the presence of the other four together. Then there was that brief moment where all he wanted was Key. After that he felt apprehensive and relief upon finding out that Onew had managed to make it. Finally the thought of all five of them together ultimately scared him.

Jonghyun slides down with his back against the wall and lands on his with a depressing thud. Minho goes down with him. Taemin and Key had stopped talking a while ago but he can still feel their preoccupation with each other.

Then just one thing becomes clear to Jonghyun. “I’m scared…” he concludes.

“Of…?”

“I’m scared of us being together whether or not it’s a good or bad circumstance and then having to part from you guys again. I’m scared of getting emotionally attached and then being broken again. It’s like one of life’s teasing moments where it gives you a good thing and then takes it away from you just so you can have a taste of something you can’t have.”

“So…” Minho says distantly like he’s trying to deduce what he has just heard. “You really missed us didn’t you?”

“Apparently so. I’m just…I’m so tragic without you guys, you know? It just knowing that once I had this really good thing and then it just ended. I don’t even care how it ended. It did. And that ing hurts.” He turns to Minho who puts his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders comfortingly. “I missed Key. He’s here. He’s so close to me. But yet he’s so far. And that hurts too. Also I can’t stop thinking about what he said about this—us—being sempiternal. I pray for that so hard to be true—at least I used to.” Jonghyun feels his mind crumble again and exhales slowly. “But I’m still really confused.”

“You know, maybe you should spend some time with Key. Maybe that will clear your head.”

Minho claps his hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder then stands up. “I’m going to get Onew, alright? Someone’s gotta get this party started.”

Key comes around without Taemin just after the door shuts behind Minho. He plops down beside Jonghyun who’s got his shoulders arching forehead and his head down looking dejected like a man who has just been left at the altar.

“Where’s the tall bastard gone?” Key asks.

“Downstairs to, uh, piss,” Jonghyun replies. He doesn’t want to tell Key that he’s gone to fetch Onew. He’s scared of riling him up or making him feel anxious. He especially wouldn’t want him to warn Taemin about it either considering their turbulent past.

“So what’s your story?” Jonghyun asks.

“Hm?”

“Well, I mean, we all have a story—after the disbandment. I stayed in SM, Onew became a cook, Minho became a full time fitness guy or whatever and Taemin stayed in the same career path but became a .” Jonghyun hadn’t meant to say that last thing about Taemin. It just slipped from his thoughts.

Key laughs, though, not taking any offence on Taemin’s behalf. “Oh, well, I sort of became a too, I guess. But only temporarily. And don’t deny it. I know what you think of me now.”

Jonghyun can’t deny it but he can also claim that he still thinks all the same things he had thought about him before.

“I tried to do the designer thing and no; I did not leave once I hit a million. Hell, I didn’t even hit a million. I realised I didn’t even like it. Then I became a stylist and styled girl groups. But then I got tired. It reminded me too much of—the older days—and so I just helped Taemin out. I don’t know where all those rumours about me becoming a dickhead came from.”

Jonghyun feels bad about his prejudice. He didn’t know why he would think bad things of Key—of all people. He just missed him that’s all and the pain of being away from him had turned him into something bitter.

“Hey,” Jonghyun starts awkwardly. “What was—I mean not that it’s any of my business or anything—what was going on back there with Taemin? That, um, charity case discussion?”

“No, he hasn’t told me anything in years.”

“Oh…” Key fiddles with the hem of his shirt nervously. “Well, you see, he hit rock bottom his career. Lord, are you sure he didn’t say anything to you? I mean, I thought you were writing songs with him at one point?”

“Yeah but then he fired me.”

“Oh,” Key says, the one syllable now uttered less confusedly. “Okay, so I guess this story will explain why he did that. You two were the only ones who decided to stay with SM, correct? Yeah. Well, do you remember that whole thing in the media about how Taemin supposedly, like, threw a spaz at Soo Man?” Key waits for a confirming nod from Jonghyun then continues, “It wasn’t some big act of defiance or anything. He got kicked out before being able to do that. You see, he wanted to go against Soo Man and do a whole different style or whatever—something less douchebaggy looking than what he’s doing now—but then Soo Man got tired of him and kicked him out of the company. So then he went and found me looking all poor and helpless and I helped him out—not because he was poor and helpless like how he thinks—but because, well…he’s Taemin.”

Key takes a breath when he finishes then looks at Jonghyun. He looks as if he’s expecting some kind of judgemental response but Jonghyun instead responds with something completely inconsequential.

“What were you expecting when you decided to come here?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Can I be honest with you?”

Jonghyun nods profusely, acting like what is about to be said is going to be the answer of the century.

“I was really…excited. You, Taemin and Minho all seemed so bummed, I guess, about being here. When I saw you and you looked so dazed and unfocused and generally disinterested I was so disheartened because all I wanted to do…”

Jonghyun kisses him before he can finish his sentence. His hands are resting limply on the concrete in the gap left between his spread knees. Key’s lips taste the same as they had all those years ago with a tint of something berry like—his lip balm maybe. The kiss sends a rush through him and to his brain that makes him more alert and clearheaded. Maybe the thing that he wanted to do all night was just this. He just wanted to kiss Key. To hold him. To caress him.

They pull away and stare at each other both relieved and in disbelief because of what Jonghyun had spontaneously initiated.

“All I wanted to do was that,” Key finishes.

They kiss again and they’re still kissing when the door bursts open and Minho and Onew walk onto the balcony. Taemin has entered the scene and they’re still kissing when someone starts yelling.

“What is he doing here?”

“Taemin just…”

“Why is he mad?”

“Can we all just calm down?”

Something that could go down badly is unravelling before the two on the ground. Jonghyun and Key stand up to play their part in whatever it is that may be. Jonghyun doesn’t want to part from him, not yet and not even for one second, but the five of them are forming a circle and Key isn’t standing beside him where Jonghyun can easily grab his hand and hold it until eternity.

Onew looks especially calm yet also suave in an expensive suit and his hair done nicely like all those people downstairs. He remembers that Onew is still on TV so he probably still has a stylist and all those people that do things for him. Taemin seems to be the only one mad about the fact that Onew has arrived and seems to be repeating quite a few times that Onew is just as unhappy to see him.

Minho looks nervous just as he did when it was just the three of them and just as he did back in the foyer.

“Taemin, I never blamed any of this on you!” Onew yells but he’s not even the slightest bit angry. He’s doing what Jonghyun always thought he would do; fix things.

“Yes you did! All those times when we were still together and we were arguing you said that I’d be the ing downfall of this group. Then we were finished and you blamed it on me!”

“I was harsh back then, yes. Did I blame the downfall of this group on you? Yes—multiple times I believe. I was harsh then. I was always harsh on you. You were just growing up and I was just so caught up in making sure you had a good reputation,” Onew explains calmly, though, Taemin looks as if he’s ready to start throwing punches.

“Listen,” Onew continues. “If we were under any other circumstance that didn’t involve us being on TV, in front of a camera and having people look up to us and rely on us all the time then I wouldn’t have cared all that much—except the smoking habit. It’s just…we were idols, you know? I couldn’t have you parading all these behaviours around like no one was going to pick up on it and then start a huge dispute. I was just trying to shelter you, I guess, from the consequences.”

Onew has never sounded so much like a parent before and Jonghyun wants to pounce on him and kiss him.

“And Taemin, the only one here still blaming you for the break-up is you,” Key finishes. He says it like it’s something he’s suppressed for so long.  

Even though Jonghyun had been under much distress from apprehension and vacillation, this feels right. He feels like this is exactly how he needed it to go down despite the fact it wasn’t something he expected much. It would’ve ended beautifully if Minho hadn’t ended up straying away from the group to throw up in a nearby pot plant.

“Sorry!” Minho calls from afar.

Key makes a face then turns to Jonghyun to kiss him. Onew and Taemin go over to each other for an embrace.

“Well, this is not what I was expecting,” Taemin says when he pulls apart from Onew only to latch onto him again. He’s muttering how much he missed him into his shoulder and Onew only laughs.

Jonghyun and Key watch as they hold hands. Minho returns from throwing up.

“My mouth tastes like vomit,” he informs.

“You smell like it,” Key says.

“Your face looks like it,” Jonghyun says.

Minho weakly punches him in the arm then grins at Onew and Taemin who tear away from each other once again.

“That’s a wrap kids,” Onew says.

Taemin pulls out another cigarette but Onew takes it from him and tosses it over the railing.

“Since we’re going to be a nice, big happy family again that would need to stop.”

Taemin’s about to protest but succumbs to the joy of the five of them being together again.

“Should we go back down?” Minho asks, still wiping vomit from the corner of his lips.

“Nah,” Jonghyun says after kissing Key on the temple.

“We should do it,” Taemin says animatedly. “Just for the hell of it, you know? Come on guys, no one is taking this seriously.”

“True,” Onew concurs. “We should go down. But if we’re going to do the whole socialising and interviewing stuff, Minho you’ll have to wash up.”

“Whatever,” Minho mutters, some colour rushing back to his cheeks.

Jonghyun and Key lag behind while the others file out the door.

“Sempiternal,” Key says then kisses Jonghyun on the cheek.

“Yeah,” Jonghyun agrees.

They join the group but still linger behind. Jonghyun feels that closure that he had been in dire need of since the beginning. He feels at peace. He feels like the world has just been flipped the right side up after years of being upside down. Things had dropped back into their natural order. Those things may have temporarily changed, but the thing that had been kept constant was the people. They had left but they always came back. They were bound to each other at fate’s request and those people will never leave him. Coming back to them will always feel like coming back home.

A/N: 

(THIS IS SEMPITERNAL!)

This was supposed to be uploaded some time around February 5th(?). Idk but it was supposed to posted around the time Fall Out Boy got back together and I was like aldkl;ksalkdas;lksda okay I have to write something in celebration of such a legendary, revolutionary point in my lifetime. So yeah. This is it. 

Oh and this is probably not an accurate depiction of group disbandments at all lol

But thank you so much for reading. I don't show enough appreciation to people who read and subscribe. I especially want to show my gratification to those who actually take the time to comment. So many of you have given me the best feedback I could ever imagine. Thank you so much to all of you who read, comment and subscribe. As an aspiring writer it means the world to me so thank you and I'll see you beautiful cupcakes in the next fic <3