Narrator's POV
Panic surged through his bloodstream in dangerous amounts, threatening to paralyze him on the porch. Before the worst could happen, Donghae tried opening the door through the door knob. As his luck would have it, it was locked. He jumped off the porch and tried the windows, circling the entire apartment for one possible entrance.
The man nearly broke down after realizing there were only two windows which were heartbreakingly locked and no back door. Looking around his surroundings, he made sure no one was around to see him kick the door forcefully open. When it didn't work, he resorted to banging his shoulder against the wood. But only more water came pouring out from under the door as a result.
"MINA!" he shouted frantically, his fist pounding mercilessly on the door. Once his skin was stretched taut over his knuckles and the pain from repeatedly knocking was growing more and more unbearable, Donghae delivered one last punch with a groan to the door, his hand breaking through the wood.
He didn't take a second to breathe. No, there was no time for that. The man pushed his entire arm through the hole he had punched himself up the farthest it could go. Reaching for the door knob from the inside, he twisted and unlocked the door. It swung open with a swoosh, creating a small tidal wave on the porch steps.
With each step, he only created more damage, soaking even his own jeans. The water was cold and the water was rising and the water reflected the whitewashed ceiling. With each step, Donghae created ripples on the surface, each circle getting smaller and smaller until it disappears completely.
"MINA!" he shouted, hoping she would wake up and peep through her bedroom door and regret that she had left the faucet open and apologize that she made him worry.
But after kicking the second door open that day and seeing how the bed was messy and undone, Donghae doubted if he was already too late. He couldn't find the woman, and so he opted for the second choice: to stop the water from rising. He checked the kitchen sink, double-checked, triple-checked even under the sink to see if there was a leak though he was no plumber.
He slammed his fist against the wall when he could find nothing wrong. The place was spotlessly neat, except for the continuous flooding. But he couldn't find what he was looking for. There was no blood — and he muttered a quick thanks for it. There was no sign that Mina had been home for the night. But he nearly smacked his head after realizing he still hasn't been in a bathroom.
Retracing his steps up until Mina's bedroom, he let the door swing open the widest it could go before entering. He advanced slowly, now face to face with another door he hasn't noticed moments ago. Taking a deep breath and bracing himself, Donghae opened the door to the bathroom. Hysteria got the better of him as he stood frozen by the doorway.
The black silk floated like wilted water lilies around her. It was like she knew what was fated to happen and so she prepared for her own funeral. Her hair decorated the surface of the water, which kissed her cheeks in small waves as the water overflowed from the tub. There was the woman he loved, unconscious and curled up in a ball on one corner of the tub.
There was the woman he loved being held down on the water by her insecurities and the dreams that haunt her. Dreams do come true, but some people forget that nightmares are dreams too. She didn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this. And he knows so. She might be ready to die, but Donghae isn't ready to be left behind.
Before she could adapt to breathing underwater, Donghae snapped out of his trance and turned the faucet off, calming the unstable waters of the tub. The waves crested, and the man didn't want to breathe another breath. The surface of the water didn't reflect anything, nor did it even break out into ripples.
He stared at her face, not daring to touch her. Her eyelids fluttered but did not open. Her lips moved but Donghae couldn't understand what she was saying. In the end, he concluded that the heavens were being kind to him that day, as they had given him the chance to breathe again. Sighing in relief, he bent down and took her in his arms, not caring in the slightest bit that she was as cold as a corpse.
"No, let me go," Mina shakily fought, struggling from Donghae's grasp. She clawed on his shirt, and the man wasn't sure if she wanted to be left alone or to be held closely. In the end, his grip on her grew tighter as she clung to him. "I have to scrub myself..." she muttered, still with her eyes closed.”I'm dirty. I'm ugly. Su Ah has pretty skin and she's pretty and I want to be like her..."
As she spoke, she rubbed at her own skin, scratching her arms until Donghae saw how it had left red, angry marks across her skin. "Stop it, Mina," he said, prying her hands away from herself as he walked out the door. Not even bothering to lock it, he opened the passenger door and laid her gently on the seat.
Once he had strapped her securely, Donghae ran to the driver seat and drove like a madman, speeding past roads and streets and turning swiftly into blind curves and intersections. Upon reaching his own house, the man parked a little too sharply, nearly sending the woman out of her seat if not for the seatbelt.
He left his seat and carried her out of the vehicle and into his house. Still, she lay cold and lifeless in his arms. When they had successfully reached his room, Donghae laid her on the bed, quickly burying her under the blankets. He didn't see any reason why he should bring her to the hospital, so he rummaged through his closet and looked for any garment of his that might suit her.
Yes, he did know what embarrassment was and how it felt like, but Donghae didn't bother tidying his room up a bit. He didn't bother — or maybe he just forgot — to cover up the board in the middle of the wall, even though it would surely be a shock to Mina once she sees it. The man didn't seem to care about this matter, and only ended up sitting by the bed.
His embarrassment kicked in after realizing what he was about to do, and so Donghae looked away after he threw the blankets somewhere else. Closing his eyes tightly shut, he let his hands roam around and search for the hems of the dress to take it off of her. But as he couldn't see, he only ended up running his hands down her bare thighs.
"Ah, I'm so sorry," he exclaimed before standing up and storming out of his room. With the shirt and sweatpants in his hand, Donghae exited his own house and walked up to his neighbor's front door. "Excuse me," he greeted with a shy smile as soon as a woman in her mid-thirties opened the door. "Can you please help me?"
Mina's POV
I didn't remember this. I don't recall having my walls painted green, nor do I recall my room being this wide and spacious. I don't even remember changing my clothes. Sitting up, I knew now why everything felt so unfamiliar. It was because I don't even know where I am. I pushed myself to the edge of the bed and opened the door.
Peeking slightly, I seemed to have seen it all before — the piano, the couch I had never even sat on, and the endless shelves of books. Donghae. How did he even find me? Closing the door before Donghae could even appear out of nowhere, I stumbled back in his room and started a little field trip of my own.
Somehow a bit dizzy, I staggered and held onto the wall for support. I didn't even drink last night, let alone for the last 21 years of my life. Looking down, I realize what the problem was. I was wearing his clothes. And whether he does his own laundry or not, he wants me to want him, alright. It was overwhelming to the senses just wearing his clothes.
"Wait, how did he even—" I was about to curse out loud until I came face to face with a board he had up his wall. I saw my own handkerchief pinned on two ends with a tack together with a small piece of paper. Today, Mina held my hand as she helped me with a cut. She still has no idea. My eyes widened at the handwriting.
There were others, too, like a picture of an ultrasound. Mrs. Kim visited me today and told me she was pregnant again. I'm glad she finally got over her depression after her previous miscarriage. And on the near center was a colorful drawing. From little Sohee from the pediatrician's ward before she was finally allowed to go back home. You got well really quickly, Sohee ^^
But my eyes kept drifting to those with my name on it, like Today, Mina helped me look after the newborn children. She still thinks it's the Jaesoong guy who gives her the flowers. Ah~ I can't tell her yet. And on the farthest left was a torn Band-Aid wrapper. The first day of trying to make Young Mina happy. I forgot to tell the florists to remove the thorns T_T
Beside it, I saw my own handwriting, the one I scribbled carelessly on the back of a receipt. Near it was Mina agreed to meeting up on Saturday!!!!!! And the exclamation points went on until the end of the board. She wrote on a receipt and now I know she likes strawberries ^^ Ah~ can't wait for Saturday to come~
A brown paperbag was the next one that caught my eye. Is it considered eating together if we both ate strawberries? But today didn't end well T_T Stepping back, I shook my head. This is not it. This isn't true. I pinched my arms just to make sure I wasn't just hallucinating. All over the board were smaller notes like I pinched her cheek today and her skin felt soft, or I saw her smile for the first time ^^, or Today, she told me the story about the sun and the moon.
Perhaps I had stepped overly far back because I nearly knocked his study table down. Turning around, I quickly grabbed the first thing I saw, which was a flower vase. In it was six roses with cards attached to them with strings. Realization struck me hard, and I held onto the side of my face to prevent my head from bursting because of the information overload.
Near the vase was my phone. Or was it mine? I remember a week ago how I hesitantly handed my phone to that saleslady in exchange for a dress I didn't even look pretty in. But I held it anyway. Seeing the blank wallpaper and the limited applications, I knew for sure it was mine. But how did it end up here?
Scrolling through my contacts, I quickly pressed for Donghae's number and called him. I chewed on the insides of my cheeks and wondered my purpose of calling him. To my surprise, the ringing came from behind me. I turned around and saw him standing by the door. His expression looked stern and serious, almost angry.
By the look on his face, he knew that I now knew. Without wasting a second, he walked up to the board and began removing the notes one by one. "I'm sorry. This isn't right, I know," he mumbled all at once.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked softly, watching him freeze in the middle of his steps.
Without turning to look at me, "Tell you what? That I really care for you? That I was the one who leaves flowers by your door for the past two weeks?" he asked. "It wouldn't change anything, Mina. But you changed a lot when you assumed the Jaesoong guy—"
"It's Jaejoong," I corrected.
"...the Jaejoong guy to be giving you all of those." Donghae gestured to the vase of roses behind me. "You were happy. He made you happier than the antidepressants I give you ever did. I wouldn't ruin that," he said and continued disassembling the board. "If you're feeling so terrified and creeped out right now, you can go."
"It might take a few days, a whole week maybe, for the floor to dry off. But it shouldn't be much of a problem. I used towels from your closet to dry the place up, if you don't mind," he added with a soft sigh. I advanced to where he was but he didn't notice. "Be careful on the porch, though. It's still slippery. And sorry about your door. I'd be the one to have it fixed, so..."
Donghae scratched his head. "And I see you found your phone. You can call Jaejoong and tell him you're fine and you're alive or..." he stated. "And don't worry. I wasn't the one who changed your clothes. I mean, I tried to, but I couldn't look, so I asked the noona living next door to change your clothes."
"Stop it," I muttered closely behind him, to which he froze. "Stop it. Stop everything. Stop being so kind to me. Stop worrying about me. Stop caring about me. Just stop everything! I don't even have any idea as to how I got here or how you found me or how you got this phone back—"
"I..." he cut me off. "I called you and a...a woman answered...and then I asked her to kindly give your phone back. So she gave it to me."
Judging by the look on his eyes, it was obvious he was lying. "You paid for this," I stated, slowly beginning to tear up for unknown reasons. "I don't want you to be involved with me because there's something wrong with me and you won't understand. But I'll pay you back, I swear..." I didn't finish my statement because Donghae had already pulled me into his arms.
"I'm not asking for anything in return," he said.
What was so comforting about being held so tight or more exhilarating than getting kissed on every inch of my face? His lips burned my skin and left marks that no soap could really erase. What was I, really? And what did I do to deserve this? He was alone, obviously, and lonely, I could tell. Or else, why would I be attracted to someone who was a lightyear away?
.
Maybe that was what drew him to me. Halfway through the twenty reasons, I realized I had clung to the wrong person and thought I fell in love with who I imagined him to be and not with who he actually is. Maybe I won't even get to know the rest of the reasons, not because I was already more than convinced, but because it didn't matter anymore.
In front of me stood a man — in all his greatness and his perfection — who accepted me at my worst and brought out my best and didn't mind if I was one of his best decisions or one of his worst. What was so special about me? I didn't know either. But I put my arms around him and whispered in the voice — that I had always hated but which I knew I had to live with — the words I never even said to my brother.
Not even after he received the hits and slaps and spanks which were supposed to be for me. Not even after he lied to the ticket taker about my age. Not even as I waited for the police to come while he hung there. Not even as the priest closed the casket. Not even as the fires consumed the only person I had ever considered important. Not once.
But before the words came tumbling out of my mouth, I hesitated halfway. It was a risk to love. No mathematical equation could guarantee that it would work out. But what if it does? And with that doubt came the courage. "I love you," I whispered. I didn't need Donghae to help me. I didn't need him to take care of me. In fact, he might not even need me. But all I needed was for him to be there. And maybe he was the one who is going to save me from the darkest corners of myself.
Holding onto the sides of my face, Donghae looked at me, his gaze nearly burning a hole right through me. He leaned down to kiss me, and everything felt like bursting into a thousand sparks. It was similar to when he first kissed me, but to me, it was entirely different. The insecurities were still there, and I don't know when they will ever be gone. But the difference was that I was sure.
I was sure that I'm just me, that I was different for some reasons. I was sure that I just am. And Donghae just is. And right now, we just are. And that was all I needed to be sure of.
Pulling away, he still had his eyes closed. But when he opened them, his entire face broke out into a wide grin. "For the record, though, when I tried changing your clothes, I didn't see anything. But I touched something," Donghae informed before laughing at my infuriated expression.
"YOU WHAT?!" I tried freeing myself from his grasp before hitting his arm. "What else did you to me while I was asleep?!" Angry, I was about to blabber on about so and so but his expression quickly became serious. His mood swings were really something. "Can I tell you something?" Donghae asked, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.
When I nodded, he looked down at his hands. "Last week, when you came to the hospital and laid down on the couch, you fell asleep," he started. I could remember that incident, but anticipated, anyway. "You muttered 'I love you' in your sleep, and I don't know whom that was for. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that as soon as you woke up. But whether it was for me or for Jaejoong, I just didn't tell you because I wanted to be the one to tell you 'I love you' first," he said.
Before I could possibly say something, he already pressed his lips softly against mine for the third time. And I wanted the sky and the sea to collide in their jealousy of a love so deep, it stole its blue.
Donghae stood upright and his chin thoughtfully. "And how did that make you feel?" he asked, his tone serious.
"Oh, I feel ecstatic, doctor," I replied, playing along.
He laughed. "Come on, let's eat lunch," he invited and held his hand out, which I took. Donghae led me out of his room and into the kitchen, but his wide open windows caused the bright sunlight to dance along the floor.
"Lunch? It's still morning," I pondered out loud.
"I know." Turning around, Donghae had a knowing smile across his face. "Let's be weird together."
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