'This isn't enough for me Jinx. You know how I am and what I need right? So why can't you understand that this...you...will never be enough for me. Why are you pretending that everything's fine and normal when nothing is? Let's just stop okay? Let's stop pretending and not do this. It's becoming a burden to me.'

Jinki knew about everything Key told him that day. Heck, he had known since the beginning of their little game. But Jinki being the lovesick puppy that he was, had been content with just being able to be close to his 'lover', being able to hold his hands, let their breathes mingle and just laying there next to his Kibum every night. He was in love and for a few minutes' closeness he gladly turned dumb, deaf and blind.

Key came home late every night, strongly smelling of tequila and other alcoholic beverages and of strong cologne, different every night that neither belonged to him or Jinki. Sometimes there would be lipstick stains in places hard to miss or dark red bruises around his neck and collarbone but Jinki would still turn a blind eye and just catch the slumped figure of a drunk Key every time and put him to bed, smiling down lovingly and kissing his 'lover's' forehead ever so softly, murmuring low, 'Pabo-yah'.

Sometimes Key would call him saying he would be late because of work, laughter and the noise of loud music, well, loud and clear in the background and though Jinki knew exactly where he was and what sort of work he was doing he would say.
'Yeobo hwaiting!'
He would than disconnect the call and cry.

Jinki often cried. He cried when he was doing Key's laundry and everything smelled so foreign, so...cheap, or when he would find love bites all over Key when he changes his clothes because Key was too lost in the land of alcohol. He would cry every time Key said he had extra shifts, every time he had work trips and every time Key wasn't there next to him. He cried and cried and cried until there were barely any tears left.

Jinki had fallen in love at first sight. He fell in love with the sweet little country bumpkin that everybody seemed to make fun of. He fell in love with Kim Kibum.
Back then if anyone had told him that one day that Kim Kibum will turn into the almighty diva Key, he would have scoffed or rolled his eyes. If someone had told him that Kim Kibum who got tongue tied whenever he spoke will one day be the greatest flirt and playboy around, he would have laughed. If anyone told him that Kim Kibum will turn into Key, maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have fallen in love with him and wouldn't go through all the heartaches every day and every night ever since.

Jinki was shy, so he just observed Kibum from as far away as possible. He would always watch and secretly help the petite feminine guy out with almost everything, from school duties to homework. He still remembers how he crept around their dark and old school after 7 to clean the place up properly because it was Kibum's turn to clean their class the next day. Also the time when he used to secretly slip notes into Kibum's lockers before his exams. He still remembers how happy he felt inside every time Kibum would find all these little things and smile, those perfect bow lips spreading to reveal the gleaming pearls. Jinki's heart would do a little flip-flop inside and he too used to end up with a wide grin.

Jinki was kind of dumbstruck when Kibum asked him out a year later, already changed to Key but not totally. He still had the same bright smile, twinkly eyes and perfect bow lips and he still had the sole reign to Jinki's heart. Though Jinki was dumbstruck and could not say anything, Key seemed to understand his feelings because moments later, soft, plumpness landed on his lips and took his breath away and before he knew it, he was panting and writhing against the bookshelves and Key was doing all sorts of sinful things to him. That was the beginning of Jinki's downfall. If only he knew exactly to what extent...

Key was sweet and loving at the beginning, always staying by Jinki's side, claiming the older as his own, whenever he could and just being Jinki's boyfriend. Jinki was happy, more than happy, really and utterly happy. Every time Key would publicly show affection towards him, he would feel as if he was in cloud nine, what more could a lover want than to be wanted by their other half, whenever, wherever. He would give his all in those kisses and touches, never caring who saw them or what they thought. Jinki gave his everything to the relationship. He gave himself up completely. He fell so far that when Key started to change, he would completely pull a blind eye on it. His love-addled mind just could not accept the fact that his Key was changing, their relationship was changing, it was crumbling down. He ignored it.

For years he ignored it. They moved in together; Jinki hoping that they would get closer but all it did was break his heart even more. Before, Jinki didn't have to witness Key's nightly activities or the evidences of him cheating, but now that they lived together, he could not ignore them even if he wanted to. True he never showed any signs of knowing and only let himself crumble when he only had his ripped, smashed and bleeding heart as his company.

To be honest he was getting suffocated slowly, night after night by bottling it all in. It went to a point where Jinki almost felt nothing at all when he found Key's slight figure slumped on the wall next to their door or even flinch when he saw countless love marks marring his lover's skin, he didn't care that they weren't from him. He simply forgot how to care. Jinki was nothing but a carcass left without its soul, emotions was a foreign word to him.

When Key said those words, Jinki felt nothing. He just sat there staring at the wall click at the far end of the room and shook his right leg along with the, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock rhythm of it. Without him even realising a soft sigh left him.

'Hyung we are over.'

It sounded absolute, so final. Jinki merely nodded and got up from his position, slowly walking out if the room, eyes still trained on the clock. He didn't even spare a single glance towards his lover, just walked out of the room, out of his life, his heart that was still writhing inside Key's palm. Just as Kibum was gone, Jinki was gone too.

Just like that Jinki was discarded off Key's life. Just like that, all they had was gone, just vanished into thin air. Jinki having no fight left in him, just left without a single word of goodbye. The very night Key dropped the bomb of an announcement, he packed his bag and left, he only took what was his and left everything of Key's and 'theirs' behind. They meant nothing to him anymore.

--//--

Key watched Jinki's back walking away from their apartment building, away from his through the slight opening if his curtain. A shaky breath left him and just as if on cue, trails of tears rolled down his cheek. He furiously wiped his eyes; he did not want to miss out on the last glances of his lover just because of some stupid tears. As Jinki's figure got smaller and smaller, Key's tears started to fall faster and faster until everything was a blur of black and white. Still clutching onto the coarse material of the curtain he slid down on the floor and wept for the first time in years. He finally did the right thing. He had finally set his love free.
But why didn't it feel good? Why didn't he feel relieved if it was the right thing to do? Why did his heart tried to reach out, break free of the Walls of ice surrounding it? Why?

His tears still slid down, pooling on his lap as he clutched his chest, trying to stop the alien feeling of his heart beating again.

Kim Kibum was not Key; Key could never be Kim Kibum. Kibum was the naive, young boy who came to Seoul with a big dream but a bigger smile on his face. His love of dancing had pulled him the city because it would give him more opportunities than Daegu could have offered. His country bumpkin self expected life to get better for as he started his new school, so trusting of everyone and everything around him. Only if he knew what was to come, only if he knew how he would be broken like so that love would be impossible for him, he would have stayed at Daegu. He wouldn't have dreamed so big.

From the very beginning, he noticed Jinki and his lingering gazes. Kibum being the country bumpkin that he was; would always blush whenever he caught Jinki peeking from behind his books and his eyes following Kibum's every single move. To Kibum, Jinki sort of turned into an absolute constant in his life and he didn't mind so much. True that they never spoke in real life, but Kibum could not deny the things Jinki always did for him, in secret. They say, actions are louder than words, and it was true. Jinki won Kibum's love with all the little gestures of love he worked so hard for.
Maybe if Kibum stayed as Kibum, Jinki and him would still be shy and never have talked to each other, for Jinki's sake Key actually wished that they hadn't.

Kibum wasn't just changed into Key overnight; it was a long process of betrayal and heart breaking. Kibum trusted one too many people, he made friends with one too many wrong people, which landed him into trouble. His dream if being a dancer and popular made him fall prey to his school's biggest player and the richest guy around, Minho. In exchange of an internship at the biggest dancing school, he asked for Kibum's favours. When Kibum declined, he forced him anyway.
As Kibum lay on the posh hotel bed afterwards, the tears washed away a bit of him as well, leaving behind a cold Key.

He did get that internship though, Minho wasn't as heartless it seemed! But the thing with Minho kept going on too, until he got bored of Kibum completely. By then, Kibum turned completely into Key, alcohol being his best friend; it helped him forget being used like a toy for hours or so.
Everything in his life changed, except one, Jinki, the sweet guy who always stalked him with his eyes and secretly looked after him, helping him out.

Then suddenly, on a whim, he confronted Jinki and asked him out, forcing a kiss before the other could say no.
If anyone asked Key about his first kiss, he would have died to say that Jinki was his first kiss, though it started aggressive from his part, Jinki's plush lips on his slowed it down, the way their lips moved against each other was just pure harmony. The kiss resurfaced bits of the old Kibum. He could feel his wounds being healed slowly as their relationship progressed. Key didn't need alcohol anymore to forget those hellish days with Minho. With Jinki, he was free, he was whole again, he was happy. If he died then, he would have had no complains. But like every other happiness in life, it couldn't be long lived. Minho was back in his life once again and no matter how much Key tried, he just could not untangle himself from the guy. Minho threatened him that he'd tell Jinki everything that was between them if Key didn't satisfy him. Too scared of losing Jinki, Key did everything he was asked to do.
Minho did leave, to London, for good this time but Key was too broken by then, his relationship with Jinki already dead.

Key knew that Jinki still held onto the last straws that were still barely holding their relationship together but he could not bear to see the lifeless eyes of Jinki anymore. All those nights with Minho, they didn't go unnoticed by his sweet lover. He knew that Jinki knew of his unfaithfulness and he could see that it was killing the soft-hearted guy even though Jinki tried to hide it with fake smiles and obliviousness. Key knew it all but was still too afraid to let go, he loved Jinki too much. He was scared to let him go, to let them go. Jinki was his last chance, his last hope. But it didn't work, Kibum was long gone and Key did not deserve someone like Jinki, so finally he decided to do the right thing. He let his love go.

It was the right thing to do, he knew it. He knew what he was doing when he said those hurtful words and their outcome; he knew it all too well. So why did it feel like a stab to his already battered heart when Jinki just nodded with an emotionless face and left without a word? Why did it hurt to see his figure vanishing off to oblivion? He knew that it was going to happen right? What did he hope for? That Jinki would somehow fight for their love that was long dead? That Jinki would stay with him even after everything. Wistful thinking. He didn't deserve Jinki; he didn't deserve to be together with anyone. He was broken and dirty. He was key, not Kibum.

Maybe in another life, another Kibum and Jinki can be together. Another life, where Kibum won't be Key, their love would finally get its happy ending. At least, Key hoped so. He really, really hoped so.

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

T.T sad ending is sad T.T