“L-oppa… I want that doll! Get me that doll!” Hyerin screamed as loud as she could. The little girl was clinging on to L’s leg like a koala that was deprived with its favorite food and screaming like a little banshee for the doll that she wanted. L, being in his Jiu mode, tried to shake the girl off his legs vigorously not minding that he was hurting the little girl on the process at the same time ignoring the shocked and weird looks that the passersby were giving them.

“Yah… get off my leg you spoiled brat! I can’t get it for you, not now, not ever!”  L shook his leg harder, totally agitated with the situation he was trap in. Hyerin, on the other hand, cried louder and let go, throwing a tantrum on the ground, instead.

“L-OPPA…WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN! YOU’RE ALWAYS MEAN TO ME! I WANT THAT DOLL! YOU HAVE TO GET ME THAT DOLL!” Hyerin voice went up to the highest decibel that was possible for her tiny voice. L growled with rage and glared down at the kicking girl on the floor. He tried picking her up but immediately let her go when the kid screamed directly at his ear.

“ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!...BRAT!  I’LL GET IT FOR YOU IF YOU STOP SCREAMING. I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU LET ANOTHER SOUND OUT!” L yelled louder than the kid and looked up to see the adorable doe-eyes of Sean staring confusedly at him.

Hyerin stopped and got up with an angelic smile. She smiled cutely at Sean causing the other kid’s face to flush bright red. “Hi, Sean.” She said through a tearful face. “My L-oppa said he’ll get me the doll…isn’t he an awesome person?”

Sean smiled and walked up to L.

 “Hello Mr. L…hello Hyerin.” Sean shyly drawled out at the same time giving a small bow. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to that toy store… you wanna come?” However, before Sean could answer, Hyerin caught hold of his arm dragging him inside the store. This little action of Hyerin caused L to snarl. He slowly followed the kids inside the toy store silently observing his surroundings.  Memories of him and his ex-lover fooling around inside the store flashed in his mind. Memories that he hardly buried deep down the crevices of his brain began to resurface with the image of Sean and the stuffed bears surrounding him.

Shaking his head, L tried to forget all those things and silently walked towards Hyerin who was holding two dolls that looked exactly the same but with different clothes and asking Sean which doll should she make her L-oppa buy. L could see the annoyance that etched on Sean’s face. Hyerin might be a beautiful and adorable little girl but she could be annoying as a devil’s incarnate if she wanted too.

“Are you here alone?” L gently pulled Sean away from Hyerin, leaving the little girl with her own predicament.  Sean shook his head, giving L a sweet smile, just like the smile that Sungjong usually gave him before. “No, Mr. L, Uncle Yeollie’s with me. We both saw you yelling…it was funny.” The little boy giggled. “You face was all red.”

A frown etched L’s perfectly sculptured face, he didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. It seemed that Sean and Sungyeol were already comfortable with each other given that the little boy called his hyung as “uncle” while he was stuck with a “mister” attached to his nickname. L wondered how his ex-lover nurtured his son making him polite and respectful at the same time as being lovable and cute. The WooGyu couple should really learn from their maknae on the proper way in nurturing a child.

Knowing that Sungyeol was the one together with Sean, he turned around and saw the Choding waiting at the store’s entrance. He was half-expecting that his hyung would march towards them and grab the boy away from him. L gave his hyung a questioning look, wondering why he wasn’t coming to take Sean away from them. Sungyeol slowly sauntered towards him.

"L...uhm…can you do me a little favor and watch Sean for five minutes, I heed to make a call, I’ll be right outside.” Sungyeol walked out, not bothering to wait for L’s answer. The latter scowled; now he was stuck with two kids; one that acted too mature for his age and another that acted like a devil’s incarnate. Someone must really hate him up there.

“Mr. L, why are you always frowning?” Sean asked with pure innocence in his eyes. L blinked. “Do you know how to smile? Father said that you used to smile sometimes. well, at least you smile… but it’s only sometimes… I’ve only seen you smile at the party.”

I don’t like to smile…no…I don’t know how to smile since your dad left. My smile left with your dad. When he left us…When he left me. That was the words that he wanted to give the kid, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want Sean to know the past between him and Sungjong. But inside, he was happy to know that Sungjong has told his son about him.

“I don’t like smiling, Sean. I don’t know how to smile. It’s troublesome.” L looked away from the kid; the lad asked too many unnerving questions. “What would you like?” L tried to divert Sean’s attention.

“Nothing, Mr. L, but thank you.” Sean answered, trying to be polite, but at the corner of L’s eyes he could see the kid eyeing a huge stuffed bear- a bear that looked exactly like bear that his ex used to harass when he was frustrated over something. It was bigger that Sean. L picked it up and showed it to the little guy. Inside, he smiled when he saw the gleam in the kid’s eyes.

“I think you will like this?” he looked at Sean who hesitantly nodded on the other hand. Sean liked the bear but he remembered his manners that his grandfather taught him. Seeing the hesitant look on the kid’s face, he unknowingly ruffled the kid’s hair. “Okay Sean, then this bear is yours if you can get your Uncle Yeollie to carry it for you… I doubt you can carry it for yourself.”

Sean shook his head, "It’s really bigger than me. Maybe it can accompany me while father is busy working.” L turned and smiled a little at the boy who gave him a toothy grin. “Hmmm…I wonder what I should name this bear.”

“Sunggyu,” L muttered under his breath.

“Sunggyu… I like that, I will name this bear as Sunggyu.” Sean smiled at L again. Thankfully, Hyerin was not listening to their conversation or else the little girl would throw another tantrum if she found out that they name the bear after his beloved daddy. The thought of naming the bear as ‘Sunggyu” turned L’s small smile into a full one.

“You smiled! My father says you should smile always, 'cause it makes other people happy when you smile. I like you when you smile. Even my father will like you more when you smile, and maybe if you smile at Hyerin, she wouldn’t be so scared of you. May I ask for your number, Mr. L?” Sean concluded.

L’s smile slipped with Sean’s statement, but he valiantly kept it in place. Sean’s statement reminded him of the words that Sungjong told him when they first started going out as a couple. I like you when you smile…no not just when you smile… I like and love everything about you Myungsoo-hyung. I like you when you smile. Those words will forever haunt L. If only their relationship started and ended the right way, maybe they were still madly in love with each other right now, maybe Sungjong would not leave him, maybe he could smile genuinely right now. There were never-ending maybes if only he was not a fool that played with the name of love.

“I don’t have any reason to smile, Sean, and Hyerin isn’t scared of anyone. She’s worst than her parent combined. You shouldn’t believe what she says so much.” L paid for the toys and walked the kids out.

Sungyeol turned to see a white stuffed bear being shoved at him. “That’s the boy’s. You can carry it for him,” he turned to see L frown at him. Then to his utmost amazement and shocked, L turned to Sean and tried a smile, it was a pretty good one - a smile that could make his fans drool and swoon over him, though Sungyeol noticed that his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Since their maknae left, L’s smiles were always like that scripted, hauntingly beautiful and perfect but would not reach the window of his soul.

“Nice seeing you kid, have fun with Sunggyu. Here’s my number, you can call me. And call me L instead of Mr. L, it is annoying.”

Sungyeol snickered at the name of the bear. Who knew that L would still name the bear as ‘Sunggyu’? Of course, it was L that named it since Sean didn't know what or to be exact who was Sunggyu. Maybe L was still bitter of their leader because of what happened in the past. ‘’Sunggyu’ would always be the forever bullied member.’  Sungyeol thought to himself.

--

"Kim Myungsoo, I mean, L bought you that bear?" Sungjong stared at his son in disbelief. When had L ever liked kids enough to buy them presents? His son nodded, clinging on the bear as if his life depended on it.

“I like him, Father. He smiled two times today!” Sean responded while raising two of fingers. ‘Hyerin was crying for a doll today and he bought it for her." The kid continued but Sungyeol interrupted him with a smile.

“You mean Hyerin was throwing a tantrum in the street and L bought it to keep her quiet! That kid is so spoilt Sungjong-ah. She was going on screaming and kicking and holding on to L’s leg. She even activated L’s Jiu mode, it was funny. I even wonder if that scene would affect Almighty L’s career.”

Sean grinned. "I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU LET ANOTHER SOUND OUT," he imitated L. "He called her a spoiled…br…br…I don't remember."

"Brat." Sungjong finished for him. He wondered whether he was supposed to thank L for this. It was the polite thing to do, but…

-------------------------------------------

Sungjong lay awake in his bed. Sean had just fallen asleep, still clinging to the bear that was given to him by L, so he was sitting alone in his own room. L was being pretty nice to his son, too nice for his own liking. He didn’t mean to isolate his son from his hyungs but there are still worries and insecurities that were lurking in his brain that he can’t even point out. But going back to L, he wondered why, why was L being nice to his son. Then another thought struck him, what kind of a wreck was Sungyeol referring about? L wouldn’t be in a wreck because he was the one who broke up with Sungjong- especially during the time in which Sungjong needed him the most. He was the one that decided to end their relationship when Sungjong needed someone as a pillar of support. He was the one that cut off everything they have and the one that told him to bury everything in the past. L was the one to let go so why was he the one in wreck. Sungjong was supposed to be the victim here.

Sungjong felt a pang as he recalled some of the cruel things L had said that day. The very day in which he was lying helplessly in the hospital and needed L the most. “I want to end everything between us, Sungjong!” Sungjong… not Sungjongie…or Jongie-ah… just the plain Sungjong. “Love? I was in for the publicity stint maknae and all I had to do was to be in a relationship with you to boost up my career. Maybe, there was Sungyeollie-hyung since he was the one I truly love, but I can’t afford to hurt him. So you were my next option, you were the easiest target maknae, since I know that you were secretly crushing on me. You were gullible enough to believe my empty promises. And of course, was a given.”

Sungjong winced at that. He clenched his left chest, easing the pain he was experiencing there. He had left after that, when his doctor allowed him to be discharge. He had left for good. He suddenly realize he didn’t know why L had behaved like that. Tomorrow he would have to face his past again. He would face L again. He’d better be prepared.

---------------------------------------------

“Love? I was in for the publicity stint maknae and all I had to do was to be in a relationship with you to boost up my career. Maybe, there was Sungyeollie-hyung since he was the one I truly love, but I can’t afford to hurt him. So you were my next option. You were the easiest target maknae, since I know that you were secretly crushing on me. You were gullible enough to believe my empty promises. And of course, was a given.”  L’s eyes snapped open. It was already nine thirty in the morning. He cursed softly, getting up to get a drink of water - not minding the other person that was sharing the heat of his bed. He wished he’d never said that for the millionth time in his life. It had been a crazy day, his career, the pressure of being a main actor for a new movie, the expectations of the staffs and the crews, the hate mails that he was receiving from his and Sungjong’s anti-fans, and to top it all - the nags that the other members were giving him so that he would end everything he have with their maknae or else both of them would suffer the consequence. All the words that came out of his mouth were the complete opposite of the words that he wanted to tell their maknae - to his maknae. L loved Sungjong so much and he would do everything to protect him, even if it cost two broken hearts.

L leaned against the cold tiles fighting the pain in his heart and another idea. Maybe it was better that he spent the night at WooGyu’s apartment but he needed the time to be alone and to think. Technically, he was not alone since he brought home a woman with him but for him he was lonely and only Sungjong could compensate the loneliness he was experiencing. Giving in to the idea that was playing in his mind, like those moments that he had given in before, L pulled out a blade from his drawer. He sat on his couch and concentrated as he made a long deep cut down the length of his forearm. It was deep enough to hurt a lot and draw lots of blood, but not deep enough to kill him. Nevertheless blood began to seep out from his cut, slowly dripping onto the white marble floor, like a small waterfall that was delivering its content to its basin- but this time it was not water that was flowing but it was blood - the life essence of Kim Myungsoo. L grimaced as he fought the pain, the pain which took his mind from his mental pain. Physical pain was so much easier to handle.

A/N: Hello there... It has been a long time since I've updated this story.

I have been busy for the past months and was experiencing some problems that's why i lost my inspiration to write. But I'm slowly coping up with all the problems that I have.

I hope that you like this chapter.

Please feel free to comment and subscribe.  

PS: There might be some grammatical and typos here. So please bare with me.

PSS: Thank you for my dongsaeng and co-author for being supportive despite of my unannounce hiatus. InfiniteMaknaes, I love you....<3

-RHAY