I do sincerely apologize for this piece of crap. I blame sugar.
This is not who I am, I can write better than this, I promise.
Scouts honor!

”Donghae!!! What the hell!?”

Hyukjae yelled at his brown-haired counterpart before furiously stomping after said man who had scurried away after snatching Hyukjae’s banana from his hand.
He was tired after the hours of non-stop dancing that they had gone through and every stomp of his feet sent pain shooting through his already aching muscles.
All he wanted to do was sit down in a quiet corner, eat his banana, because he was ing hungry, drink his power-drink and then sleep for an ungodly amount of hours.

Instead here he was chasing after his childlike boyfriend who was always finding new ways to annoy him.

The members who were sprawled out on the floor and chairs around the studio eyed them both with curiosity. But everyone was too tired to move to see what all the fuss was about.

Before Hyukjae caught up to the freakishly energetic manboy, Donghae had skipped across the room to half hide himself between a chair and the wall. 

He was cradling the banana in his arms, protecting it boldly like a mother wolf protecting her cubs. When Hyukjae drew closer, Donghae’s eyes flashed towards him for a second before he let out a feral growl to warn the man to back off. He smirked with satisfaction as he saw that the dancer shy away in fear.

Honestly it was more from shock over what a nutjob his boyfriend turned out to be, then from any real fear. Hyukjae did not mind Donghae growling, on the contrary. He loved it!

Obviously first and foremost in bed, but still...

Deciding against intervening with mother nature, Hyukjae just stood there, a safe distance away from the spectacle and watched his bedmate crooning, what he swore was the “three bears” song, to the yellow fruit.

After about five minutes of watching Donghae cooing and being overly cute towards the shaped food, Hyukjae decided that no matter how hot Hae looked while planting small pecks all over the thing, he was still very much hungry and wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Therefore he squatted down next to the other, carefully extending a hand to brush away the brown locks that were covering Donghae’s face.

“Um, Hae sweetie. Can I ask what you are doing to my banana? I was going to eat that you know.”

He knew he shouldn’t have asked when a hand shot out and pushed him hard enough to make him fall flat on his nonexistent .

 “SSHHHHHH! Hyukjae it can hear you!” Donghae glared at him before putting both his hand around the banana, softly it to sooth some made up hurt.
 

Hyukjae tilted his head to the side and the pain in his backside soon forgotten as he watched one of Donghae’s hands move in an all together too familiar motion. 

Gulping down the saliva that was making him drool, Hyukjae scrambled to his feet again.

So the banana could hear him… ok. By now he was pretty sure that Donghae had suffered a mental breakdown.

“Hae you need to tell me what you are talking about.” His voice was soft and he talked slowly like he would to a five year old. He used this tone on his boyfriend a lot.

“Right now, you are sounding like a crazy person. And I really don’t know how to explain to the fans that you turned into a whackadoodle.”

Donghae was still lurking behind the chair, but he seemed to have calmed down slightly and he peeked his head up to look at his boyfriend. His eyes where very serious and his tone was grave as he spoke.

“You are not allowed to eat this banana! Or any banana…ever again!”

 If Hyukjae wasn’t so by the stern tone of voice that his boyfriend usually reserved for the bedroom, he might have protested and said something like I will eat whatever I want when damn well I want it, and preserved some of his manliness. 

Instead he just asked Donghae, “Why?”

Donghae had moved the chair a little to the side and had sat down properly, leaning against the wall.

“Kyuhyun told me that he just found out that humans and bananas share 50% of the same DNA. How could we not have known Hyukjae!? 50%!”

Hyukjae was watching as the man he loved waved his arms around while talking, completely forgetting about the banana in his hand. He looked like a stoner and Hyukjae was pretty sure that soon enough Hae would start calling him “man” in a Jamaican accent.

“We…” Hae lent forward for dramatic effect boring his huge doe eyes into Hyukjaes “…are relatives!”

For a full minute all Hyukjae could do was stare at him as Donghae explained why it was from now on wrong to eat bananas, their long lost cousins. Hyukjaes mind had gone completely void of anything worth saying for that particular moment. 

Then he suddenly realized who was to blame for all this.

“KYUHYUN! Get your over here!” he screeched across the room.

He could feel his anger rising as the younger casually strolled over to stand next to him.

“What’s up hyung’s?”

Hyukjae wanted to bang his fist into the annoying smirk that Kyuhyun was sporting.

“Did you or did you not tell my very impressionable boyfriend that humans and bananas share the same DNA?”

The smirk grew bigger.

“Of course I did. I found out yesterday. Cool right?”

“NO, not cool.” Hyukjae was trying his best to keep from snapping.

“Donghae here, seems to think that we can never eat bananas again, since it would be wrong because they are related to us.”

“Weeeell…” Kyuhyun looked like he was trying hard to refrain from laughing. “He kind of has a point you know.”

“Told you.” Quipped Donghae from the floor.

“You can not possibly side with him in this matter Kyuhyun. It’s a ing fruit!” Ignoring Donghaes squeal in protest, he turned to fully face the younger. “It’s not in anyway shape or form remotely close to being human!”
 

Kyuhyun had his head tilted to the side, lips pressed together as if he was truly reflecting over what Hyukjae had said. But then that idiotic smirk took over again.

“Nop! Sorry. I’m feeling inclined to agree with him in this Hyukjae.”

He knew it! Kyuhyun was freaking enjoying this.

“How! How do you feel inclined to agree with him. It’s bull!”

“Ya!” came a small voice from the floor

“Well” Kyuhyun said while pushing his nerdy glasses up on his nose. “Take the fact that humans share 95% of the same DNA as chimpanzees…”

“I would round that off to 99% in Hyuks case”... Shindong mumbled under his breath as he walked by. Hyukjae took one of his shoes off and threw it at him. It hit the man squarely on the head. 

“You wouldn’t eat a chimpanzee now would you?” Kyuhyun continued as if nothing had happened.

“Kyuhyun I swear to GOD that if you don’t stop putting ideas into Donghaes head I will tell on you.”

“Pfff!” Kyuhyun let out a snort. “You’ll tell on me? Hyung I really don’t think my parents are going to be upset for telling Donghae scientifical facts.”

“I won’t tell your parents”…his eyes narrowed and his voice fell menacingly but Kyuhyun was too wrapped up in being himself to notice.

“Damn right you won’t, because they won’t even…”

“I’ll tell Leeteuk.”

Kyuhyuns entire body went rigid at the words and his terrified eyes shot up to stare into Hyukjaes.

The younger turned towards his brown haired Hyung, who had been to preoccupied with polishing his banana too keep listening to their boring conversation.
 

“I might have spoken to hastily hyung. Even though we share a lot of the same DNA it doesn’t mean that the banana is alive.”

“I mean, we also share like 70% of the same DNA as slugs and I think it’s safe to say they are not even close to being human.” Kyuhyun was waving his hands casually trying to smooth over his previous statement.

“Slugs!?” Donghae was looking up at Kyuhyun from his kneeling position on the floor. His eyes wide and full of unshed tears. He scrambled to his knees and reached forward to grasp hold of Kyuhyun’s sweatpants.

“Dammit Kyu what did you do.” Hyukjae hissed at him.

Donghaes lower lip had started to quiver. “I accidentally stepped on a slug ones.” He was sniffing now. “It got all… squished… underneath… my shoe.” Tears had started to run down his cheeks.
 

The men standing before him started to shift in panic. Hyukjae knew that Donghae was close to breaking down.  He could see it in the lovely snot-bubble that was currently forming in his lovers’ right nostril. He took hold of kyuhyun’s arm in a deadly grip that made the man gasp in pain.  

“ Kyuhyun! Undo it, undo it!”

Kyuhyun didn’t have time to undo anything before all hell broke loose.

Donghae threw himself on the floor with all the drama and pazazz of a dragqueen who just broke a nail, howling as he hit the ground at a speed that would have knocked anyone else out cold.

“I..I……I….. I KILLED HIM!” he wailed into his arms.

The banana lay forgotten on the cold floor while Hyukjae tried desperately to comfort his weeping man.

The last thing Kyuhyun heard before fleeing the scene and running out the door was Shindong loudly complaining about some awful smell that lingered around him, and Hyukjae was whining into his cellphone.

“Jungsu Hyung! Kyuhyun broke my boyfriend!”


 

And Donghae, in case you would read this. I do not see you as an idiot... and I blame this entire thing on cocacola!