Chapter 14

Ricky followed C.A.P into the kitchen, blood boiling.

“Hyung, did you really say that?” Ricky demanded, hands balled into fists at his side.

C.A.P didn’t seem bothered by Ricky’s obvious rage and instead picked up a plate and began to pile some chicken onto it.

“Hyung, I’m talking to you,” Ricky said, coming to C.A.P’s side and closing the bucket of chicken.

C.A.P looked annoyed at Ricky’s hand blocking the food and stepped back, “What?”

“Did you really say it?”

“Say what?”

“Don’t play dumb. He said you called him a ,” Ricky hissed.

“So what if I did?” C.A.P asked.

Ricky’s mouth dropped open at the audacity and his hand as well fell to his side. C.A.P took that opportunity to get another piece of chicken from the bucket.

“Are you ing kidding me? That is the last thing Daniel needs right now, is for someone he loves and trust to call him a .”

“Well what do you want me to say when it’s true,” C.A.P shrugged.

“It is not true!” Ricky said. “Those guys took advantage of him!”

“Is that what he told you?” C.A.P asked taking a bite of his chicken.

Ricky’s jaw set in anger.

“You don’t mean that,” Ricky said.

His mind couldn’t process it. He couldn’t reconcile the image of his leader that he respected with the person standing in front of him at that moment. He couldn’t see that kind lethargic leader saying such horrible things about their members. He couldn’t see the boyfriend of Daniel being so careless about the other’s feelings.

C.A.P was standing right in front of him, that pillar of masculine strength. Sure Changjo surpassed him now but C.A.P would always have that image. He couldn’t eat. He had only taken one bite of the chicken before roughly tossing the plate into the sink, food and all.

He leaned against the counter, eyes trying to repress some kind of emotion.

“You don’t mean it,” Ricky said, voice soft, trying to convince himself. “Hyung… you love him.”

“If they ed him over why’d he agree to go back to them today, huh? He’s asking for it so therefore he’s a .”

“He isn’t a !” Ricky protested.

“There is so much you don’t even know. So stop pretending you do!” C.A.P retorted.

Ricky had heard it before. C.A.P had used the same line to defend himself when he was accused of hitting Niel before.

“Well if there’s so much I don’t understand, why don’t you tell me, huh?”

C.A.P hesitated, turning to look at Ricky. The younger member was caught off guard by the worn and tired look in the other’s eyes, but even more so by the hurt. C.A.P was hurt.

“You do everything you can to help someone but time and again it’s like they throw it in your face. At some point it’s inevitable you just think, why isn’t it working? Not then and not now. I told him not to go. I told him so many times.”

“So many times today?” Ricky asked.

C.A.P shook his head, looking back down at the sing and the food he had spilled into it.

“Not just today… just… in general.”

There was a defeated slump in C.A.P’s shoulders and Ricky didn’t know if he should press any further.

“Even so… you shouldn’t call him that.”

“I know…” C.A.P’s grip on the counter tightened and Ricky could see the way his muscle tensed with the movement.

“So… you should apologize. He’s really upset,” Ricky said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.

The visual maknae couldn’t help but feel like he was in the middle of taming a lion and one wrong word could cost him his head.

“Yeah… I should.”

----

C.A.P and Niel made up but Ricky couldn’t be content with it. Manager didn’t ask for details as he helped the two fix C.A.P’s toppled bookshelf and the other members eventually all of the members went their own way in the night ready to go to bed.

As Ricky lay in his bed he could hear the soft muffle of Changjo, L.Joe and Niel’s voices through the wall as they chatted and laughed in the room. It was so strange. Why was Niel able to bounce back and laugh when Ricky just felt so hollow.

It would be his first night sleeping with the weight of Niel’s burden on his shoulders. Was it because Niel was so used to it all? The very thought made Ricky sick to his core.

Ricky turned in his bed trying to get comfortable as Chunji entered the room.

“Mind if I turn off the lights?” Chunji asked, but he didn’t even weight before flipping the switch off and dousing the room in darkness.

Ricky could hear Chunji as he crawled into bed and the rustling of his sheets as he got comfortable. Niel’s laugh rang through the wall and then all was quiet. The little slither of light from the hall went out from under the door and the place was still.

Minutes passed as Ricky lay in bed. His mind still swirled with unrest and he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep in his state.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” came Chunji’s sleepy reply.

“You sleep?”

“No.”

“Can I come over there?”

Chunji chuckled, “Sure.”

Ricky wasted no time making his way across the room and into Chunji’s bed. The other moved over closer to the wall to allow room for the younger member and pulled the blanket over them both.

Chunji couldn’t help but smile to himself when he felt Ricky’s arm over his stomach in a hug. Ricky closed his eyes taking in the familiar warmth of his hyung’s body. Just like earlier with L.Joe, Ricky could feel himself relax.

He clung to Chunji and he must have been clinging harder than he thought because Chunji suddenly said, “I’m not going anywhere, you know.”

Embarrassed Ricky loosened his hold, “I’m sorry.”

Chunji chuckled, “It’s ok. You had a long day. Did you want to talk about it?”

“Well, I already kind of talking about it with Byunghun hyung,” Ricky said.

“Yeah… but a lot has happened even since then,” Chunji pointed out.

Ricky groaned and buried his head in Chunji’s chest.

“He said you two knew,” Ricky accused.

“Knew what?”

“About Daniel and the men. He said you knew about MNET and the men!”

“Ricky…”

“Look. I’m not going to get mad about that… at least not right now. I was mad about that but now I’m just confused.”

“Why?”

Ricky didn’t know if he should say. He was confused because what with everything that he knew C.A.P the person who should understand Niel the most and be the closest to him didn’t seem to support him. But C.A.P was also right. There was a lot that Ricky didn’t know. There was only so much he could find out in one day. But as far as Ricky was concerned there was nothing in the world that could justify the way C.A.P reacted. He could only be thankful that he was able to calm him down and have him apologize.

But really, a relationship as unstable as all of that, how could one know if it was worth it?

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever been in love?”

There was a long silence as Ricky waited. The seconds ticked by before a slight snore issued from the body beside him indicating that the other had fallen asleep. Ricky sighed.

He just wanted to know, was it worth it? All of the pain that he saw between the two, what was it that made them hold on so tightly to each other.

Ricky didn’t want to wish it failure. He didn’t want to see Niel or C.A.P heartbroken should it crumble beneath them, but what was holding it together even now?

Ricky wanted their love to be beautiful. He was a bit skeptical when he learned that his two hyungs were becoming an official couple, but he really wanted to root for them. Even at this point in time he still did. He wanted them to make it, but somehow he felt like it was doomed to failure.

Likewise, Ricky wanted his own love to be beautiful. He knew that it would be hard but he wanted to build a relationship up with a strong foundation. He wanted to trust that person and have them trust him. He wanted to smile through the good times and the bad. He wanted a friend and a lover who would be willing to go through it all with him no matter where their paths would take him.

And now he feared, did he hope for too much?

-to be continued-

AN - i still can't believe people are actually reading this! thanks so much! OMG! I love you all you have no idea~!

AN2 - *cries* guys! this story really is NAP! ;~; don't get mad please!