She kissed her hard, like there was no tomorrow. She didn’t care about the people looking at them. She wanted her, badly.

How she wish things were different.  How she wish things could be different. How she wish she has the power to alter the way things are and ran away with this girl in her arms. No matter how bitter it sounded, they had no tomorrow. There could never be tomorrow for the both of them. Taeyeon kissed with all her might, somehow hoping the latter could feel the emotions she had been forced to hide all through this time. How selfish of her, she thought. She loved this person so much, but she couldn’t make her happy. Even on the end, she’d just hurt her.

I wanted to make you happy, Jessica. Maybe that’s why I decided to just end it here, because I can’t make you happy. I don’t deserve you, anyway. So now, I’m letting you go. Sorry for all the hurt you’ve been through because of me. Please remember, though that I really loved you, and forever I will love you. You’re the most important person in my life. I’m sorry, though. Sometimes “I love you is not enough”.

On that, she ended the kiss. She hadn’t notice the tears running down her cheeks. She continued to show a straight face, though. Not caring about the tears or how ugly she must’ve been look like at the moment. Taeyeon stared sincerely at Jessica. While the latter kept quiet, deep down she already knew what Taeyeon would to say. She’d been preparing for this day. She knew. It was ironic, though, because there’s no such thing as “Us”. They were never together right from the start. She always said to herself that it’s okay, she’s fine, nothing’s wrong; when in fact, it hurt so much. Her heart is hurt. Everything hurt.

Silently, she had been wishing things to be different.  She just wanted to be happy, is that so wrong? It just so happens she fell in love at the wrong time. She fell in love with her best friend, Jessica was so sure that Taeyeon felt the same. The feeling was mutual. But the problem is, Taeyeon already belonged to someone else. She was already engaged with Tiffany. And somehow she felt guilty for betraying her friend. But even more, selfish as it is, Jessica wanted Taeyeon to pick her instead of the latter. She’d do anything for her, that’s how much she loves this girl standing inches away from her. But then again, it would be impossible. She felt a sting in her heart, although it was expected. She didn’t know it would be this painful. She indeed hated good byes.  

“I love you.” Taeyeon broke the silence, she said with voice shaking. She tried her best to stop crying. She began to wipe the tears.

“But I’m sorry. This. Us. I can’t” she couldn’t finish her sentence.

“She needs me more.” This was the only explanation Taeyeon could think of.

The pain from Jessica’s eyes was clearly visible, almost transparent. But she tried her best not to show it although Taeyeon was aware of all of it.

Jessica held Taeyeon’s hands and tried her best to smile, even though it hurt her so much. “I just wanna let you know that our days were my happiest.” She gulped, fighting the urge of crying. Seeing one person cry is enough for her. She didn’t want Taeyeon to have any doubts about this. Let’s just end it here; I don’t want her to suffer anymore because of me. I’ll be fine. I’ll get over this, she tried to reassure herself. However, she’s already dying inside. A life without this dork? She never ever thought about the idea.

She kissed the back of Taeyeon’s hand for one last time, stood up and offered her hand to shake hands. “It was nice to meet you, Taeyeon-sshi. Good bye.” She walked away without looking back to the latter. She ran as fast as she can. Tears pouring down like rain to her face. Now that she’s alone, she can now stop pretending. It indeed hurt so much, so much.

Taeyeon was left alone sitting at the coffee shop; somehow the feeling of being alone already sinking now to her core. She just stared down at the empty space before her, though, quietly sipping the last remains of her coffee.