Chanyeol heart-wrenchingly sobs into his pillow why can’t he love me? and Wu Fan is trying to comfort him, hand rubbing on his best friend’s back, his own heart aching with scars throbbing across it. The scars are opening up again and bleeding. All he thinks (even though he tries so hard not to, not to be so incredibly selfish) is why can’t you love me instead? But he swallows that all down because Chanyeol doesn’t want him like that. And if Chanyeol needs his best friend right now, that’s all that Wu Fan will be for him. He will be whoever Chanyeol wants him to be.

                Wu Fan never told him, about his daydreams of holding Chanyeol so close that there was no space left in between them, about the wanting. About holding his hand and having it actually mean something. About stupid romantic dates in the middle of a snowstorm. He knows it would break Chanyeol, fill him with such guilt that he’s unknowingly ripping his best friend’s heart much like someone else is doing to his own. No, instead Wufan just holds Chanyeol’s hand tightly (his thumb brushing Chanyeol’s knuckles, the core of his soul gasping for more) and pretends that he’s not also hurting. And you know what? He really hates Junmyeon, for not seeing what he sees. For not seeing the affectionate, bubbly exterior of Chanyeol’s personality as well as the broody layer underneath. For not noticing the way he is always conscious of other people’s pain (everyone’s, that is, except for Wu Fan’s). People assume Chanyeol is happy because he’s smiling all the time.

                Wu Fan knows that isn’t true.

                And he starts asking himself the same question that Chanyeol is repeating, because why can’t Junmyeon love him? There is nothing (in his eyes) not to love in Chanyeol. And all he wants right now is to see Chanyeol genuinely smile, even if it’s not him who causes it.