- - Summer, 2003 - -

Youngbae was angry with him when Jiyong showed up to practice the next day. In fact, he was so angry that he refused to even talk for the first half hour after he arrived. When he finally did he turned toward him and gave him a sharp look, his fist full of the newspaper they used to wipe the mirrors. "Hey," he muttered, catching Jiyong's attention, "where were you yesterday?" 

Jiyong looked up at him, hesitating for a moment as he thought about what kind of an answer he should give. If he told him the truth then Youngbae might tell the CEO, and Jiyong feared that he'd be kicked out of his training if he thought he was taking on extracurricular activities. "Umm," came his breathy response, "I was... hanging out with my friends... and I lost track of time." Sounded convincing enough. He resumed scrubbing, turning away to escape the burning stare of his friend.

"How could you forget? I had to clean the whole place by myself. I got scolded because the room wasn't ready when it was time for it to be used," Youngbae started into him, his voice rising. "If you really want to do this, then you have to be here and earn it first. If you want to be lazy or forgetful, then you can forget about being a rapper. You can't be a rapper like that."

Jiyong turned away a little more, feeling all of a sudden like maybe he should curl up into himself and slide away like a slug. Youngbae's words had hit a sensitive nerve, that was for sure; they made him feel like he was lower than dirt. "Sorry..." he mumbled shamefully, ducking his head into a deep bow. "I won't forget again. I'm sorry."

Youngbae appeared to be satisfied with his apology, and they quickly made up afterward. However, as he walked to the train station he felt tears as white hot as the sun falling down his cheeks, the things that Youngbae had said circling around in his head.

You can forget about being a rapper. You can't be a rapper like that.

Jiyong hung his head to wipe the wetness from his cheeks, feet dragging beneath him. He could see someone waiting at the station up ahead, and he didn't want to be caught crying by anyone. He was especially glad that he'd wiped his face off once he got close enough to see who was waiting.

"Hi," Seunghyun greeted him quietly from where he sat on the bench. His expression changed a little bit as he stared at Jiyong; Jiyong turned his cheek to him, thinking that maybe his face was still red from crying, and casually stepped over to sit on the other end of the bench. "What's wrong?" the other probed, while Jiyong cringed on the inside. Apparently his face was still red after all.

"You got me into a lot of trouble..." he muttered, looking down at his feet as he kicked at the pavement.

Seunghyun gave him a confused look as he tucked his headphones into his pocket. He clearly didn't understand what he was talking about.

"I missed practice yesterday. We came home really late, too. So my parents yelled at me when I got home, and then Youngbae yelled at me today. The CEO is mad at me, too." Jiyong glared over at the other from the corner of his eye, kicking just a little harder.

"Who's Youngbae?" Seunghyun asked him absentmindedly, unphased by his attitude.

"He's my best friend. You're not going to apologize?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "You could have said no when I asked you to come, but you didn't. You said yes." When Jiyong opened his mouth to protest, he looked over at him and sighed. "Decisions like that have consequences sometimes. I'm not going to apologize on account of your friends and family caring about you."

The words Jiyong wanted to say suddenly wouldn't come out, blocked by the hard lump that had formed in his throat. He sat in silence for a moment instead, staring at his shoes as he absorbed the perspective the other had just given him, and slowly he felt his ruffled feathers begin to relax. Seunghyun was right--he had made a decision all by himself. Why he'd picked Seunghyun over his best friend, though... he wasn't sure. He thought about his mother staying up late worrying about him, too. The lump in his throat became a stone in the pit of his belly.

Seunghyun stood up and began to walk away. Jiyong sprung to his feet, following him before he even realized what he was doing. Realizing he'd left his bag he quickly walked back to get it, then ran to catch up with him again. "Where are you going?" he asked incredulously, swinging the strap of his bag over his shoulder.

"I'm hungry," the other answered, monotone.

Jiyong shook his head, struggling to understand. "But you're going to miss the train. That's the last one for the night. Can't you just eat at home?" When Seunghyun shook his head he grew more exasperated, reaching out to grab the other's sweatshirt to tug him to a stop. "Hey! You want to walk home?" he pressed, studying Seunghyun's face.

The taller boy just shrugged, turning and giving him a look that seemed to question why Jiyong cared so much. He then said, simply, "I don't want to go home."

Jiyong paused, puzzled by his answer. "You don't want to go home? What? You have to go home, otherwise... where will you sleep?"

Seunghyun simply stared back at him without answering, waiting for Jiyong to put two and two together for himself. And when he did finally get it, Jiyong's heart fell to the floor. He slowly let go of Seunghyun's sleeve, his face softening out from the irritated expression it carried before and his gaze falling.

Was something wrong at home, or wrong with his family? Was that why Seunghyun never showed up to school? Was that why he'd never seen him around the neighborhood before? He didn't seem very concerned with getting home the night before.

He suddenly thought of all the bad things he had thought about Seunghyun before, all the mean things he'd said about him to his friends, and all the jokes he'd made. Jiyong swallowed hard, struggling to carry the weight of the realization of just how wrong he'd been.

When he looked back up Seunghyun had already begun to walk away once again, nearing the end of the street as he untangled his headphones from his pocket. Watching him walk away, Jiyong suddenly felt a pang inside of himself. I have to make things right, said a quiet voice from deep down inside.

"Wait! Seunghyun!" he called out. In the distance he heard the train horn signaling its arrival; knowing that they only had a moment to get to the train he took off running after the other, who did not hear him with his headphones pulled on. When he got to him he grabbed his sleeve, not even stopping to explain as he turned and dragged him back to the train station, holding onto Seunghyun's wrist with one hand and his bag with the other. Seunghyun resisted him at first but soon ended up running ahead of him, reaching the train station before him and narrowly managing to yank Jiyong and his gigantic stupid bag into the train before the doors could close on them.

They slumped into a couple of seats and panted for a moment, both of them trying to catch their breath.

Seunghyun was the first one to speak, shooting Jiyong an annoyed look as he began to untangle himself from the cords of his headphones, which had fallen around his neck while they were running. "What the hell was that?" he asked accusingly, clearly not very happy. "I guess I'm going home now. Are you happy--"

"Come home with me," Jiyong interrupted, still panting. "You can eat with my family. You can sleep there, too."

Seunghyun was taken aback. He stared at Jiyong for a long moment, waiting until his breathing had calmed before he spoke. "Why do you care so much where I eat or sleep?" he asked with an air of caution to his voice, not having expected an offer like that at all. Beside him, Jiyong became a little awkward and looked out the window.

"Look... I've been a real jerk to you," Jiyong replied quietly, biting his lips as he watched houses and fields whiz by. "You didn't deserve any of it, so let me make it up to you. Besides, how could I sleep if I left you here, knowing you weren't going to have a place to sleep?" The older boy looked down into his lap, fidgeting with his walkman. When Jiyong looked over at him it appeared that he was lost in thought. "Just say 'yes'," he prompted.

"Yes," Seunghyun repeated. It sounded sheepish but it was enough to satisfy Jiyong, and he gave a content sigh as he settled deeper into his seat, pulling his bag over his lap and leaning his head against the window to try to doze off for the rest of the train ride. For a while he listened to Seunghyun fidgeting beside him and the muffled sound of the music from his walkman, until his eyelids became too heavy and he finally slipped away, feeling completely at peace.

Seunghyun nudged him awake when they arrived. "We're here," he announced gently, reaching over and grabbing Jiyong's bag to carry it for him before the other had woken up enough to protest. They walked from the train station to Jiyong's house in silence, as Seunghyun had nothing to talk about and Jiyong was too sleepy to feel the urge to talk about anything. Jiyong's mother was surprised to see their guest, but she welcomed him warmly; he didn't catch the way that she pulled Jiyong aside and pinched him, she with her scolding him under her breath about 'what did I say about warning me when you're having friends over so that I know I have to make more food?'-ing, he with his 'aw mom'-ing.

Dinner was warm. Good. Homemade. Realer than anything he'd eaten in a while. Seunghyun felt a bit out of place as he ate with Jiyong's parents and sister, but at the same time, he also felt a bit happy deep down in his stomach. They were kind and engaged him in the conversation even though he didn't have a whole lot to say, and it was amusing to see the way Jiyong went down on his food like a starved animal next to him.

It wasn't like the meals at his house, anyways--nothing like the ones that left him feeling sad every time they ate another one without his father there.

"I don't have any sleeping clothes that will fit you, so I stole some from my dad's closet," Jiyong explained in his room after dinner, laying the clothes at the foot of the bed for him before going to his own closet to get changed. He paused and looked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't watching before he got undressed; Seunghyun was too busy looking at all the pictures he had pinned up on the walls to even notice.

"Who is that?" he asked, pointing to a person with cornrows in one of the pictures.

Jiyong pulled a clean shirt over his head and then glanced over, squinting to see which person Seunghyun was pointing to. "That's Youngbae, my best friend." Seunghyun just hummed, turning away to change into the clothes that had been brought for him. He didn't seem concerned with being watched, but Jiyong shyly looked away anyway. It dawned on him that none of his friends had ever stayed over before, with the exception of Youngbae.

"Where should I sleep?" he asked, pulling the shirt over his head.

Jiyong kept his eyes down a moment longer, chewing a nail absentmindedly. "Um... Youngbae and I usually just share my bed. I don't kick or talk in my sleep." Seunghyun shot him a quick look, but he didn't catch it. "You can have the wall if you want," he added. He didn't give the wall to just anybody, either, but he didn't tell Seunghyun that.

"Okay," Seunghyun replied with a shrug, wasting no time in piling into Jiyong's bed. "Goodnight."

Jiyong was surprised by how quickly he had accepted the idea. "Goodnight..." he echoed, awkwardly shuffling over to turn the light off. He told himself that he was just going to stand there by the switch until his eyes adjusted to the darkness, but in all actuality he was probably just stalling, suddenly feeling nervous. "Do you... need water or anything?"

"No."

"Oh... maybe I should open the window? Is it too warm?"

"It's fine. What are you doing?"

Jiyong gave up, shuffling across the room in the dark to the bed where he hesitated yet again, pausing for a few seconds before he lifted the sheets and climbed in as well. Seunghyun had already made himself at home, mussing the pillows and sheets so that there was some sort of a nest built around him. Jiyong filed in next to him as carefully as he could, making sure not to lay too closely or move too much. It seemed that maybe he was trying not to breathe too loudly either.

In no time at all Seunghyun was fast asleep next to him. Jiyong spent a long time listening to him sleep, still feeling a little out of sorts. Usually Youngbae would toss and turn for a while; they'd usually lay in bed and talk about things for a long time before one of them fell asleep, too. Seunghyun hadn't even budged. He was awfully quiet compared to Youngbae, too. They even sounded different in the ways they breathed when they slept...

It took him a while but eventually Jiyong became tired enough to get over the newness of the friend sleeping next to him. In fact, he wiggled his back up against Seunghyun's and, when he realized how warm and soft he felt, he quickly drifted off to sleep as well.