Dear Diary,

Strange. It’s as if nothing happened. The next morning, I woke up and saw him listening to his iPod like he usually does in the morning. When he saw me, he smiled and said good morning and then he made fun of my morning hair.

We ate breakfast, and he began telling me about a dream he had last night involving JR’s dog. He then began scolding me when he saw that my bed was not made.

I swear, it’s as if nothing happened. I feel like he really did forget it, or that he thought it was all a dream.

Was he really that good of a pretender?

Or did it even happen?  I feel like maybe it was all a hallucination on my part. I wanted to ask him, just to make sure that I didn’t imagine it, but then I held back realizing that it would defeat the purpose.

I wish I were as good as pretending it never happened. I felt shy around him all the sudden. Usually I would hug him and ruffle his hair and talk to him about anything and everything, but I was very held back now that I know he knows I love him. Minhyun even said, “hyung, what’s wrong with you today? You seem tired. You’re not your usual self.”

He’s trying his best to return our relationship to the way it was normally, I think. He wants to skip all the awkwardness…

I love him for doing this. I love him for pretending so well. It means I don’t have to suffer a change in our relationship.

I love him so much.

I should stop loving him, shouldn’t I?