Lost in Love

Description

 

“I know you like me; nobody can resist my charm!”  

 

 “Shut up and stop your nonsense will you?”

 

You could hear him take a deep breath over the receiver before talking. “SungYoung ah, I think I really like you. Your straightforwardness and bubbliness allows you to stand out from the other girls. Plus, you’re really nice and I like talking to you.”

 

“That makes you sound so desperate ah DooBongie. Did your girlfriend and you quarrel or did she decide to leave you hanging during your hot make-out session? Come on, get a grip and don’t let your get to you alright? Go find your girlfriend if you’re really that needy.” 

Foreword

First attempt in writing 2nd person pov for the entire story so no hate please? Do comment and tell me wher i can improve though and do subscribe if you enjoyed it! Thank you! :)

 

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Comments

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moonlightsunrise #1
Chapter 1: Sequel please <333
LenaLuvU #2
Chapter 1: Aww~ Poor Doojoonie T.T It's ok. There's me lol Good story by the way <3
chaos-ies #3
Aaaa so regretful..
Too late dooj.
Its great storyline authornim :)
jaexotique #4
Chapter 1: wow I expected the ending to be a happy ever after thing, oops! hehe nice CUTE read m'dear!<3
GimieMy_Candies #5
Chapter 1: :(( awww.. i pity doojoon :(
MiChan #6
Chapter 1: loved it!
the ending was the best.
Park_HyeSun #7
Chapter 1: Hello there! I have to say that this is a rather decent read. c: Actually this is written under second-person narrative, since you are writing with the words of (you) and (your). First-person narrative uses the words (I) and (we). ^^

Would you allow someone like me to offer a few suggestions? If so, do continue reading my comment.

It's a minor thing, but you seem to be confused with the usage of the words (had) and (have). In the sentence (You had been my best friend since young, how could you not notice my charms?!) the word (had) is supposed to be replaced with the word (have) instead. c:

As for your last paragraph, you were including the famous proverb "Time waits for no man." right? In your sentence, the word (wait) should have the alphabet (s) at the end, therefore forming the word (waits). I like how your story isn't predictable. However, in my opinion - which means you can ignore it if you want, don't feel sorry or guilty if you decide to do so - I think you ended it a little abruptly. A few more sentences would make it more smooth and wrap things up neater.

All in all, I would just like to remind you that I am just writing out my honest opinion and anything synonymous to that. I would like to apologize if I have offended you in some way with this long comment, OTL. It is truly a pleasant read in my eyes.

Have a nice day! ^^/
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