Jonghyun tried to smile but it was difficult when those sad eyes were weighting him down. She was the person he loved most in the world, and the person who brought him the most pain. Wasn’t that just how it was? Only the people we loved had the power to hurt so deeply. She wasn’t cruel; she never raised her voice at him, never looked at him in disappointment. But her gentle smile that didn’t reach her eyes, her hollow cheeks, the smudges beneath her eyes – all those things stabbed at him. He knew his sister felt the same way from the way her eyes scanned their mom’s profile.

 

“Umma,” He said, picking up more of the shrimp to place in her rice bowl. “You’re getting too skinny. Are you on a diet?”

 

She glared at him, “Yah! Kim Jonghyun. You want to die?”

 

“Being too skinny isn’t pretty, either.”

 

Next to him, Song Dam giggled into her rice, which earned her a glare from their umma, too.

 

“I’m not too skinny!” Their mom protested.

 

“I think you are,” Jonghyun teased. “Look, I can see your ribs. Right noona?”

 

His noona nodded, “Yeah, umma. I see them, too.”

 

“I’m not skinny,” Their mom said again, stuffing full of rice. “See!  I eat!”

 

It went on the whole meal until Jonghyun saw her eat to his satisfaction. She leaned back with a glazed look of someone who was stuffed to their limit. He saw his sister gave him an appreciative smile as she cleared the table.

 

“Jjong, help me wash these.”

 

“I don’t wanna~”

 

“You can rinse while I soap,” Song Dam narrowed her eyes at him. “Come on, little brother.”

 

It was their code for “I need to talk to you,” so he sighed and followed her from the dining room into the kitchen. On the way, Jonghyun pointed out that they have a dish washer for a reason.

 

“And last time, you scolded at me for dropping those plates!” He continued until they were out of their mom’s earshot. “What’s wrong? Why does she look like a zombie?”

 

“He called her last week.”

 

Jonghyun clenched his fist. “Why? I gave him his monthly payments!”

 

“Jjong,” Song Dam lowered her voice. “Look, I don’t know what he wants. I think the money isn’t enough for him anymore.”

 

“What?” He had to take deep breaths to steady himself.

 

“Noona, I’m already working two jobs and I can barely the pay rent. I have nothing more to give him.”

 

“I know,” She looked at him, her sad eyes reminded him too much of their mom’s. “Look, I’m going to talk to mom about moving back in here. That way I don’t have to pay my rent. I can help you with that money.”

 

“But you work in the city. That’ll be too far for you to commute!”

 

“Look, it’ll okay. I’m a gossip columnist, remember? I can ask to work from home so I only have to go in on certain days.”

 

Jonghyun tightened his grip on the bowl he was holding, “How long are we going to do this? We should just go to the cops.”

 

“Jonghyun! He’s still our dad.”

 

“Really noona? You still think of him as our dad?”

 

She sighed, “Look. Before he got into debts he was a decent dad. I know you grew up knowing him as he is now, but I grew up with a good father and I can’t…I just can’t turn my back on him.”

 

“We paid him so he’d stay away from umma. But if he is coming back around, we have to call the cops!”

 

“I know. That’s why I want to move back in, too. Just in case.”

 

“You don’t think he’ll try anything, do you?” Jonghyun felt his blood run cold. What was their father capable of? Certainly not of anything

fatherly as his sister claimed, he knew that for sure. The man who would strike his wife and kids wasn’t capable of the love his sister was talking about.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Silence fell upon the kitchen as they worked, Jonghyun didn’t feel like talking about their father anymore. All of his memories associated with that man weren’t good; there was no trickle of warmth that he had ever felt from the man who was his father. There were only hatred and bitterness when he thought back to his childhood.

 

“Oh, I forgot to ask, how’s your boss?” Song Dam asked, handing him another plate with a slightly grin. It was costing her to act normal.

 

Jonghyun tried for annoyed, but he smiled instead. “Your crush on Kibum is sort of getting creepy now, noona.”

 

“Kibum! Are you guys on a first name basis now?” She gasped audibly, perhaps even slightly exaggerated. “Are you friends with him now?”

 

“No. It’s…complicated.”

 

“Complicated? Hm.”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“What?” He asked again.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Jonghyun splashed water at her and chuckled when she turned to glare daggers at him through her eyes. “Tell me~”

 

“Kim Jonghyun! YOU’RE SO DEAD! That’s a brand new blouse!”

 

 

 

He didn't know what drove him to jump on the first train to Incheon, but there he was, sitting next to a spitting baby, and pondering over his state of mind. For someone to do something like this, something so impulsive, that person must surely be crazy. He was crazy. Incheon wasn’t conveniently located on his way home, and it wasn’t like he knew a single soul in this city. He had never been impulsive, never been crazy. His life was planned down to the last minute, he made lists, and he kept electronic calendars, anything that would make his life easier. Well, Kibum thought darkly, this would definitely throw off his whole schedule. There was nothing he could do about it now; the train would be arriving soon.

 

Kibum exited the train, grumbled a quick good bye to the baby who sat next to him, and took a deep breath. The air smelled different. He found his way out of the station with no problem. A man smiled at him and told him to enjoy his trip. Another person tried to make conversation with him, but when his short answers frustrated her, she walked away. Kibum sighed into his cup of coffee. He was still at the train station thirty minutes later, torn between stay and going back home. Because really, why was he even here?

 

He felt compelled to leave Seoul. He was roughly forty minutes from home, Kibum looked down at his watch and calculated

the time, why was he forty minutes from home?

 

“Kibum?”

 

He blinked, “Jonghyun! What are you doing here?”

 

“I could ask you the same question,” Jonghyun’s brows came together in confusion. “Aren’t you a bit far from your apartment?”

 

“You, too…” Kibum countered, then realized he didn’t really know where Jonghyun lived. “Aren’t you?”

 

“I’m visiting my mom.”

 

“Oh. I’m…having a cup of coffee.”

 

Jonghyun pulled out the chair across from Kibum and sat down, “Obviously. Why?”

 

“Because Mrs. Chun slipped in her kitchen and was brought to the hospital.” Kibum sighed; fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. “And her children are threatening to sue. Reporters are calling me nonstop, and camping outside of my building.”

 

“Who?”

 

“One of my tenants.”

 

“So why don’t you just go to your family’s estate?”

 

Kibum laughed dryly, “Because I don’t want to see my grandma.”

 

Jonghyun nodded understandingly. An idea struck him but he wasn’t sure how to properly voice it out. He cleared his throat several times and squirmed when Kibum’s gaze fixated on him.

 

“What?” Kibum asked.

 

“You can crash at my place,” Jonghyun offered, “You know. If you want.”

 

“That’s really kind of you to offer,” Kibum started to say but Jonghyun broke him off.

 

“Look, I have to go to your place early tomorrow anyways. This way you can make sure I won’t be late.”

 

“You’re not going to make employee of the month this way.”

 

“I’m your only employee.” Jonghyun pointed out, “I’m always going to be employee of the month.”

 

Kibum couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. He couldn’t explain the feelings that were flooding him at the moment, but he suddenly thought about Jin Ae and felt guilty. There really was no reason why he should feel guilty, Kibum frowned. He shrugged away the thought and followed Jonghyun to catch the next train back to Seoul.

 

 

 

 

Jonghyun didn’t live that far from him; Kibum took in the outside with curiosity. The building definitely looked old, but it was well maintained. There was definitely pride and love given to the old five story brick apartment complex. He noted several friendly faces that called out to Jonghyun or each other. He couldn’t even remember the names of the people living the floor above or below him.

 

“Do you know everyone here?”

 

“Sure,” Jonghyun pointed to a middle aged lady who was chasing around a little boy, “That’s Mrs. Shim. She has three boys, all little monsters.”

 

“I wonder if my tenants are like this,” Kibum said aloud. “I’d like to think they live in places where they knew their neighbors.”

 

“Do you ever visit the complexes?”

 

“No. They are just figures and charts on pieces of paper.”

 

“Hm,” Jonghyun took two stairs at a time, occasionally glancing back, “Then you just own places, right?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Apartments are homes, and a home can’t really be a home without people. So since you’ve never met the people, you are just taking incomes from empty places. Sounds like bad business. How do you know you’re not harboring some criminal in those places?”

 

Kibum’s lips twitched, “I’m sure I’d have gotten a report on it.”

 

“Words and paper really can’t capture a place.”

 

“I can’t just visit all 300 apartment complexes.”

 

“Why not?” Jonghyun asked. He pushed the door of his apartment opened and gestured for Kibum to go in ahead of him. “Maybe not all at once, but if you were to divide your time.”

 

It took awhile for Kibum to adjust to the dim light of Jonghyun’s apartment. He was used to the bright light from his place. It should have made the place look drably, but the soft light blended well with the worn out couch tucked away against the far wall, and the things that were scattered throughout the room. There was a kitchen off to his right, a small place that didn’t even look big enough for one person. To his left was a door that he assumed led to the bathroom, Kibum turned to look at Jonghyun.

 

“Where do you sleep?”

 

Jonghyun smiled, “The couch turns to a bed.”

 

“What?”

 

“You can take that for tonight, I’ve got clean sheets.”

 

Kibum frowned, “And where are you going to sleep?”

 

“On the floor.”

 

“On your floor?” Kibum looked down at the carpet and tried to not shudder. He hoped the carpet came with that color, no matter how ugly of a shade that beige was. At least that meant it wasn’t dirty. “This floor?”

 

“It’s not so bad. I have a sleeping bag.”

 

“You’re going to get sick.”

 

“From one night on the floor?” Jonghyun laughed, “I’m not that delicate. I’ll be fine.”

 

Kibum knew it was pointless to argue with Jonghyun by now. He simply nodded and sat on the couch. The lag in the conversation made things awkward between them. It was his first time spending the night at someone else’s place, Kibum thought, this should be good. He wanted a change, and today he did two things he had never done before: he impulsively went to Incheon and stayed the night at someone else’s apartment. What was he doing? 

----------------------------

 

//huggles you guys// THANK YOU FOR READING!