The whole purpose of the title is to draw the readers in. Making them wanting to click on that link to see what the story is about. You want to grab their attention and not let them slack off. The title is part of this process. Your title didn’t really interest me but it did match with your story therefore two points are awarded.

P.S. I’m not telling you to change your title because you already got a lot of readers that seen it. x]

Foreword / Description: 7/10

Your foreword amazing. That drew me! There isn’t any other word to describe your foreword than ‘perfect’. The colours were nice. You put the poster in the foreword and not the description, good idea lol. Everything was just neat, which I loved lol.

YeoJaGaSu: Sorry, but I deducted two points here because of your character profiles. No one really reads them and they are quite annoying. Your profiles in particular give off way too much of the story. Another mark was deducted because you could seriously do so much more with your foreword.

Characters: 8/15

Kai is portrayed in the same way he is always portrayed ‘the bad guy’! The ‘annoying jerk’! The ‘arrogant’ freak! (Shaking my head)! I’ve read so many fictions where Kai is portrayed that way. I only found one that is going to give Kai a different image than what he usually gets!

I’m so glad the girl is not a Mary Sue. The other characters are portrayed okayish.

Plot / Originality: 9/15

I’ve seen a lot of people with the same plot or something along the lines of yours. I don’t know if you’ve looked at those before writing or not but your plot line was quiet cliché. Imagine all the people who have read this story line again and again. They would like fall asleep or something. I advise you to give your stories a lot of twists so it gives readers a reason to subscribe, comment and up vote. When I say, a lot of twists, I mean enough twists to keep them interested. Get what I mean? Still confused? PM me lol x]

YeoJaGaSu: Hehe, I would just like to add that not only do we need twists and turns, we need it to not be cliche in the first place. That way, you get readers and you will continue to get readers.

Grammar: 14.5/15

I didn’t find anything wrong with the grammar. It was perfect. I recently learned that grammar in America is different to grammar in London.

YeoJaGaSu: Is Australian grammar different too? I did find mistakes in terms of capitalising and speech, but that probably could have been found with thorough editing. Also, maybe it's just the Aussies. But, yeah. I removed half a mark. I'm really picky...

Flow: 10/10

Great! The flow was awesome!

Writing Style: 6/10

I don’t like the way you write. You used second person which I hated. I don’t understand why people use that. Is it because you want the reader to imagine themselves as the person? If it is then you should be writing in first term, with ‘I’ not ‘you’. Try reading that to yourself, that is how the reader would read it. Are you imagining yourself as the girl? I couldn’t do that because I was using the term ‘you’. Which sounds better? ‘You did this’, ‘you did that’. Or ‘I did this’, ‘I did that’.

I know you want Kai’s point of view into this as well. You should’ve used third person then, because second person; no one really uses it :/. I haven’t read any books that used second person.

YeoJaGaSu: I added a point here because I could see that even though it was in second person, it flowed well and was written beautifully. That's something that hard to achieve. I agree, though, with Thenuja. Pick a more suitable way of writing, but that doesn't necessarily mean do not use second person. By the way, there are heaps of books with second person... But this isn't a book, is it? It's a fanfic. 

General Enjoyment: 13/15

I enjoyed your fic a lot! I’m going to subscribe, lol!

Overall Score: 69.5/95

That’s good x]! I should say, this is totally my opinion so don’t get hurt or offended in any way! Good luck x]! Keep writing, updating and making your readers happy, hehe!

YeoJaGaSu: I should totally say the same. Muhahaha. I'm a mean person, I know.

Remember to credit the shop and chiimii!